Monday, 31 October 2016

This is Halloween

So October 31st is upon us once again. That means that it's time for Halloween. As a Brit I've oft heard people comment that they are tired of the Americanisation of the UK and that Halloween represents a prime example of this. Apparently Halloween is a relatively new thing to the UK. I always found that kind of reasoning odd because I'm in my mid-20s and I remember trick or treating and dressing up as a kid. So I know that, at the very least, Halloween has been a thing in the UK for 20 years now. So it's probably about time that people got over it and accepted that it's become a thing here now.
Still no Thanksgiving though.
As much as I enjoy some aspects of Halloween I fully accept I'm too lazy and antisocial to actually hand out candy. So I don't mind too much that there aren't that many kids around here trick or treating. So I guess there is a case to the idea that it isn't that popular here. Everyone in this house lives upstairs anyway so the house sometimes looks empty from the outside. Maybe kids just walk past our house thinking that no one is inside?

All I know for sure is that I'll be ignoring the doorbell all day. Well, a little more than usual.

Friday, 28 October 2016

Two Days of Live Posts

That's two days in a row I've gone without setting up something beforehand. I'm slipping. 
Solid parenting advice

A way to get revenge on said parents perhaps?

Just in time for Halloween! 

Technically I am the boss of my own company but I have no one I'm in charge of

I'd buy this. I'd buy the fuck out of this. 

I'd also totally hire this guy

I mean, they aren't wrong

Barney sure has changed since I was a kid

Forget the American Election; Windows 10 is a true case of "illusion of choice"

I kind of want a kid called Cain but, you know, the implications
I'll actually be spending tomorrow with my nieces at a farm park, which should be pretty cool. Last time I went there I got to hold an owl, which was fucking awesome. 
It was so soft and barely weighed anything....unlike me.

Thursday, 27 October 2016

Live Post About My Problems

It's a live post today folks because by the time I realised I didn't have anything to go it was 3AM and it was much too late. At least I did have something in mind to talk about so I can talk about it live instead on a slight delay.

I don't know if I've mentioned this yet but I went back to the doctors for help losing weight. They've put me on this thing where I meet what I assume is a nutritionist once every few weeks and a lady who is a psychologist once every two or three months. So far I've had two meetings with the guy nutritionist and one with the lady psychologist. I met with the guy yesterday and he said something that really hit me. It depressed the hell out of me but it hit me pretty damn hard in a good way.

I got to talking to him about how I had made a few fuck ups over the past few weeks. I opened up about how my major problem wasn't emotional eating, but rather lack-of-emotional eating. See; when I get depressed, hurt, or upset, I just stop feeling. I have these periods of being extremely down where nothing bad or good gets in. THAT'S when I make all my eating mistakes. I actually only gained a pound which means that if I didn't mess up and eat pizza I would have actually lost a few pounds. I told him that even though I've never been suicidal (I even gave my own psychologist the great line of "It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem"; apparently she'd never heard it and said she was going to use it now) I'm still a fairly self-destructive person and was aware that I was eating myself to death.

That's when he told me the thing that really opened my eyes. He said that, in a way, my self-destructive eating is a form of self-harm. I got to thinking and I realised that he was absolutely right. It really was a form of self-harm. That was...depressing. Like I said though it opened my eyes.

I need to think of a better way to distract myself during those really low periods. I need to find a better, healthier way to get it out of my system. I got problems and I got a list of issues a mile long but recognising them is the first step towards moving past them.

Monday, 24 October 2016

I've Already Completed My Christmas Shopping

I know it's not even November yet but as of last night I really have finished all of my Christmas shopping. I only have one or two things left to buy but I know exactly what I'm going to get. I'm just waiting until I have a little more disposable income. I am supposed to be saving for a new laptop after all. I found a pretty good one that matches my needs for £600, so I think I'm going to get that, assuming there isn't a better one for cheaper by the time Black Friday rolls around.

These presents look a lot better wrapped than they are
I decided this year I would attempt to wrap the presents again. I don't know what compelled me to do that given how much I suck at it. I'm getting slightly better but I find I either do a really good job wrapping a present or a really, really bad one. I'm not finished with wrapping or anything though. I'm getting several packages over the next week or two that will complete my pile. After that they shall be divided up into four piles and placed in three "sacks"; one unsacked pile for my dad and brother's stuff, and a sack each for my mother/sister/niece, sister 1 and her family, and sister 2 and her family.

All in all I've bought about 20 presents and I've learned two very valuable lessons from all of this;

1. Christmas is expensive as fuck. Like, I'm not looking forward to having kids and feeling the need to shower them with gifts. I've easily spent a few hundred quid.
2. I've definitely had a lot more success this year than last in terms of making money. Last year I got away with getting only a few small things. This year I've spent about 3-5 times more than last year.

With a kid I can expect to spend about twice that. Or more. Per kid.


Gonna have a busy week this week too. Doctor's appointment and a driving lesson. Thursday is practically just entirely written off.

Friday, 21 October 2016

Something Something Friday

Is it Friday already? Weekends don't really mean much to me. They haven't done since I left school actually. 
Further evidence cats are dicks

This is why I use public bathrooms. Also why I don't. 


To be fair chips and fries are the same thing, but potatoes do give us hash browns and other goodies

Sometimes you really need to ask yourself "Why?"

I'd vote Randy Marsh. He thought this was America. 

Don't let the door hit you on the way out because it'll probably break something due to your severe lack of protein

Don't try to have sex with alligators kids

Dammit Netflix what are you doing? 
Have a good weekend folks. I'll see you Monday. 

Thursday, 20 October 2016

Don't Panic

I was recently reminded of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams. It's a pretty great story and it contains the most important piece of advice one could ever receive, summed up succinctly into two words; don't panic.

Unfortunately I kind of have the tendency to panic. A lot. It's just in my blood. I panic about a lot of things but work is probably the most common one. Not to mention my problems in my driving last driving lesson all had one thing in common; I panicked. Panicking is pretty much one of the worst things you can ever do. I actually learned yesterday that panicking is one of the main causes of insomnia. See; what happens is that you have trouble sleeping one night and then you panic and get frustrated about it, and it leads to you having trouble again the next night. The cycle continues and before you know it you've driven yourself insane with panicking.

If you feel that you're panicking then it's time to take a step back and take a few deep breaths. Bring the oxygen in and flush out the stress. It sounds like new-age hippy bullshit but hey, it works. Can't argue with results. Keep calm and carry on and all that jazz. If you're going into hell then just keep going. Really we Brits don't mince words when it comes to not being a pussy. We know how to get shit done. Well, most of us.

I started panicking about work because I was running out of jobs I needed to get done. Then I went to bed and woke up as overbooked as ever. At least this time I have a bit longer to get everything done.

So don't panic, eh?

Monday, 17 October 2016

Giving Myself More Time

This is going to be one of those "Can I really stretch this out?" posts. After too many late nights work I decided that enough was enough and it's time for a change. So I decided to change the basic delivery time for my orders. My old delivery time was two days. This did help me drum up a lot of business and for a long time it was pretty reasonable. I would often be able to deliver in 24 hours. Then things kinda exploded and I had trouble keeping up with that demand. Which led to a lot of stress and staying up until 2AM to get my work done.

I was a little worried that my demand would go down with the increased delivery time. That's the main reason I didn't do it sooner. I initially planned for the change to be a bit of a test run to be honest. I thought I would give it about a week and see what happened. Turns out that I didn't need to worry because my demand was just as high as ever. Actually I'm almost always fully booked still, but it's easier on me because I'm not stressing out as much. Now it's less of an issue if I don't have as much time to work as usual.

Having said that I was still up until two in the morning working last night but that's not so much of an issue. I do about 10 hours work or so on Sundays, 6 of which is voluntary. It's only natural that I would find myself working so late. For the most part though I've finished working by about 10 or 11 and I've still got all the demand I once had. So it's looking good from here on out.

My demand is actually still steadily climbing. At least my upcoming income is. I'm earning about twice as much as I was a few months ago.

Geez listen to me; I almost sound positive.

Friday, 14 October 2016

Friday Funtimes

I bought an external hard drive and finally have a proper backup for my computer. I considered getting a wireless one for convenience but they're more expensive and, when you think about it, probably unsecure.
Sometimes my cats are kind of a mixture of both of these

I bet she's getting deported now

This is still true

Captain Kirk knows no restraint! 

...I'd drink it

" bed"

I'd dearly love to poop here


I genuinely fucking love the Platypus. IT MAKES NO SENSE!

Have a good weekend folks!

Thursday, 13 October 2016

My Second Driving Lesson

So I'm back from my second driving lesson, which means I obviously survived it. This lesson was a little dicier than my first lesson, so sit back and let me tell you a story.

We actually started the lesson on a terrible patch of road next to me. It turns out that pretty much my entire town is a nightmare for driving. I knew some of it was but nah, apparently everything is. After doing some explaining and doing a little reversing to get into a better position it was mostly driving around again. This time we also practiced stopping and starting.

With this lesson my nerves played a major role. The good news is that no one died, which is fucking incredible considering that I went through not one, not two, but three busy school zones. I actually uttered the words "This is a freaking nightmare is what this is." I also stalled on a hill. On a junction. And it took me five minutes to recover because my brain practically exploded and I had no idea what the fuck I was doing with hill starts. That was not the time or the place to learn that. It really wasn't.

But after all of that it was smooth sailing for the most part. I was much better at steering this time. I only crossed my arms twice and I only did it when I was nervous. I'm a good driver when I'm cool and calm but, once my nerves go, other things start to go. I messed up gear changes a few times, went a little too slow, was a little brake happy, and steered a little too close to the kerb but, again, no one died; I didn't crash the car; and I didn't get busted for speeding after going past three speed cameras. So that's good.

I guess I just need to practice more breathing techniques and practice being more decisive. When things go wrong my brain just shuts down and that's the worst possible thing that can happen when driving. Even when shit goes wrong you need to stay in control. Just slow down a little. Stop if you need to, and breathe it all out.

In other good news I did pass a mock theory test. I should stress that was a mock test. I'll keep practicing on that side of things too and think about booking myself in for the actual theory test. My next lesson isn't for two weeks, which is a bit of a shame. My instructor is going to Cyprus for the week.

My instructor also admitted that, despite what I think. I'm further along than his other students who have been driving for longer than I have and that he's also pushed me a little harder than he has other students.

I am a good driver. I just need to remember that when things start to go a little wrong.

Monday, 10 October 2016

I Did an Audiobook. Kinda. Sorta.

Most of you guys are aware that I do writing work by now. I'm actually writing this post at the end of a 12-hour work day. That's three hours volunteering, a two hour podcast (which I count as work), and 7 hours writing articles. Not seven hours solid though. I took two food breaks. All in all I would say I worked about 10-11 hours today and only about five or six of it was paid work. Oh well.

Anyway, I'm also a voice over artist. I just don't get many chances to do voice over work. I know you all love my voice (and who wouldn't?) but unfortunately there's just something about it that turns off potential clients. Personally I think it's because I'm too quiet. I need to be more animated. Still; every so often a voice over job comes by and there was one really nice one I did recently that I wanted to share with you all. I was supposed to post this on Thursday last week but then I just kinda...vented.

I was hired by someone to record the first chapter of their book. They also came back and hired me to voice the second chapter, but I haven't heard from them since then. Perhaps they read my post on Thursday :/ Either way they did something that very few clients have ever done for me before. They provided me with a link to the finished product because they posted it on their Youtube channel. I'm told the second chapter is also on there, so click through and find it if you want. I've not looked because I don't like the sound of my own voice much. It's enough to hear it in editing.

Anyway, enjoy the first chapter of the book I kinda sorta maybe sorta did an audiobook for. If you like it then go leave a comment telling her to hire me for chapter three!
P.S If you'd like to hire me for a voiceover project then check out my Fiverr page.

P.P.S Happy Columbus Day!

Friday, 7 October 2016

Friday Funtimes

Bizarrely enough I actually finished all my work yesterday. I finished the day with no work left to do. It's really strange when that happens. I don't like not having work.

This is one of my favourite pictures ever

I think pulling out saves you a lot more than that. Not sure if it's smart advertising for a toy company though

It's probably a shitty fetch quest

Hang in there bee. You have awesome knees. 

Don't even take the truck because she's probably tracking it

I'm just saying it might help

This genuinely did happen to me in the game

I want a squirrel knight to come save me

I think it's just that the dementia has made her blind

Shit man I want to live there and have a bridge that connects between countries. 
Have a good weekend folks!

Thursday, 6 October 2016

I Work Too Hard

I'm not going to lie to you folks this is written in advance. It is still written on the 6th but it's currently quarter past midnight and I just finished up working. That's right folks; for the second day in a row I was working until past midnight. Actually yesterday I was working until about 1 or 2 in the morning. I had nothing better to do so I decided to finish up a job I had left over.

I don't mind all the work. I feel I need to get that out of the way; I'm not complaining about having a lot of work. Freelancers like myself need a lot of work. I'm pretty pleased with the fact that I've earned around $250 in the past three days. That's fucking GREAT (like America will be under Trump #MAGA...sorry couldn't resist.)

What's not so great (like America under Hilary...okay I'll stop now. Personally I think both candidates suck and there is no lesser evil this time) is that my work ethic is actually a little too insane. There was a time when people used to think I was lazy. I can't say I blame them. I mean; I wake up at 11AM. I eat junk food. I barely ever leave my house. I only volunteer one afternoon a week. I don't blame people for thinking I'm lazy.

But do you know what else I do? I go to bed at 3AM. I eat junk food because I work too hard to take care of myself. I only have time to volunteer one afternoon a week and doing so just means I have to work even harder when I get home. I work so fucking hard that I don't know what's going to kill me first; my diet or exhaustion. Will I die of a heart attack or will I just fall asleep one day and not wake up? I suppose time will tell.

I need to take better care of myself. I need to take more breaks. I need to start cooking for myself again. I need to have better control of my diet.

I'm working myself to death.

I'm working too hard.

I need to pace myself better.

I need to take care of myself.

I'd just like to end with a giant "Fuck you" to anyone who thinks I'm lazy. Just fuck you. Fuck you right in the ass with a rake.

You tell em Haunter
I don't mean to swear so much but damn I'm fucking tired.

On the plus side I am planning on buying a new laptop on Black Friday so I'm certainly not going to complain about the extra money!


I'm gonna go listen to heavy metal now. That always perks me up.

Monday, 3 October 2016

My First Driving Lesson

So last Thursday I had my first driving lesson in a while, and I said I'd tell you about it if I survived. I survived so now I'm going to tell you about my first driving lesson. Funny how that works.

We got started out by heading to the industrial estate I used to have driving lessons in where my instructor, Martin, laid down some of the basic stuff for me. During this time we were accosted by three stray cats. I'm not kidding three random ass cats came up to the car and started meowing at us. They even went away and then came back later at one point.

After talking for around forty minutes (proving that a two hour lesson was a good thing) I fired up the car and started driving. Martin said that the industrial area was actually a terrible place to drive. So it's kind of impressive that I was driving around there so well. He said that we would be driving in area nearby which is where the test centre is. See, during a driving test they don't get too far away from the test centre so it's good to drive around that area. That way I get used to the area and I'll be driving around there smoothly by the time I do the test.

I drove from the industrial estate to the McDonalds near me about 3 miles away. I didn't think the drive went as smoothly as it could (I stalled three times) but it was the first time I'd been driving in a while. So that was understandable. When we pulled up Martin told me that I'd actually driven much better than I thought and that the road we were driving on was pretty bad for a learner driver. "Excellent" was his exact word. Which is always nice.

One problem I have right now is steering. When you steer a car you aren't supposed to cross your hands. You're supposed to move the wheel by passing it through your hands if that makes sense. Martin suggested that I practised with a dinner plate, which is roughly the size of a steering wheel. But I'm a millenial who plays video games. That's not how we do shit.

I picked up a steering wheel for my Xbox.

I actually spent days trying to find one in the stores near me, before I found one in Barnardos. Another plus of volunteering! I was trying to find one for my 360 because I have about 10 racing/driving games for that thing, but one for the regular Xbox will be fine. I just didn't want to buy one online so it was a case of beggars can't be choosers.

Unfortunately I wasn't able to get a lesson booked this week because Martin is just that bloody busy but I do have a dentists appointment on Thursday, which is going to cost about as much as a lesson. So it's not such a bad thing I couldn't get a driving lesson booked. My next one is scheduled for next Tuesday, so I'll tell you how it goes.


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