Friday, 30 September 2016

I Survived My Driving Lesson

Well I obviously survived my driving lesson. I'll tell you all about it on Monday.
Not really funny, but very sweet. Try and find someone who can do this to you. 

It makes me sad this never happened in the show. At least; I don't remember it.

Long live the Queen!

Reason #584 I love Canadia

Me as a ghost

Me as a human

They aren't wrong

I hope I get the chance to say this to my kids.

It's a terrible joke but I love it

More terrible but awesome jokes
Have a great weekend folks!

Thursday, 29 September 2016

Back Behind The Wheel

It's been a long time coming but today I find myself back behind the wheel of a car. After having no success attempting to get involved with a private driving instructor I decided to just give up and go with a proper driving school. It's more expensive but I'm guaranteed to have a quality instructor who I can actually stay in touch with. I've had two driving instructors in the past two years; both of whom only gave me one lesson because they just disappeared on me. I've also had three or four prospective instructors who didn't even stay in contact long enough for me to even set up that first lesson.
I decided to go with RED, who taught my boss. 
The downside is that this extra expense is really expensive. One thing about RED is that they only offer two hour lessons. Which means that my lessons will cost me about twice as much as I thought they would. I suppose the upside is that I'll be passing my test faster. I'm just going to be pretty poor for the next three to four months. There is an upside to that too though.

See, it takes around 66 days for something to become a habit. If I can get out of the habit of buying food because I need to save up for my driving lessons instead, and I can get used to setting aside the £200-ish a month these lessons will cost me, I'll come out of this with a driving license and I'll be in the habit of saving a shit load of money. That would be nice.

Assuming I survive I'll tell y'all about how the lesson went some time.

Monday, 26 September 2016

I Think I Injured My Arm

While I did have some things I wanted to write about for once my arm just cramped up badly yesterday and then it went pretty weak. So I'm going to try and avoid writing too much for a day or two and see if it gets better.

I think I need to lift more.

Not enough apparently

Friday, 23 September 2016

I Feel Sick

I think the worst part about feeling sick now is that I still have to do all my work. No Days Noyce; that's what they'll call me. If I ever get famous. Maybe they'll just put it on my headstone when I work my way into an early grave. 

Who am I kidding? I'll eat my way into an early grave and I know it. 
Dear Big Bang Theory; this is a smart joke 

Me as a ghost

If I succeed at failing am I still a failure?

Damn straight!

Yeah probably. At least they used literally right.

It's a potato seal.

Don't cut yourself on that edge kid


If this doesn't get you laid nothing will.
Have a good weekend folks. Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow. 

Thursday, 22 September 2016

Going Back to the Gym

Since the release of Pokémon Go I've been going out on a walk every day but the downside was that I stopped going to the gym. Obviously I'm getting plenty of exercise and still burning around the same amount of calories but there's one big problem here; I'm not doing any strength training. While I have dumbbells at home there are some things they aren't good for. Not to mention that, if you know anything about keeping fit and losing weight through exercise, then you know how important lifting weights can be. While my piss poor diet has obviously contributed to me gaining weight another part of that, particularly in the tummy area, was a lack of exercise. So, this past Tuesday, I went and hit the gym for the first time in quite some time.
A sight I haven't seen in a long time
Part of the problem was that I felt I didn't have enough time. I spend between 90 and 120 minutes out on my walks, which is also around how long a trip to the gym would be. My old gym sessions would last around an hour and a half with a half hour walk there and back. That's how you lose a lot of weight folks.

I guess I felt that there was no point in going to the gym unless I stuck around for a long time and did my typical workout, which I just don't have the time to do anymore. Even if I wasn't playing the Pokémon games I'd have trouble justifying spending two and a half hours out of the house like that.

Still, I got the bright idea that I could just go to the gym and do a strength workout, have a shower, and then head home. This would actually save me time because I wouldn't need to have a bath which takes an hour because my bath is broken. To be honest a lot of things in this house are broken. It's a matter of choosing what to fix and finding the time and money to fix it. My dad chose to fix the kitchen over the bathroom.

There are people who do just go to the gym and do a strength workout and go back home. At least; I think there are. So there's no harm in me doing that too. All it means is that, once or twice a week, my walk is a little shorter than usual. Let's see what happens.

Monday, 19 September 2016

What to Do if Your Twitter Gets Hacked

I don't go on Twitter as much as I probably should. So imagine my surprise when I logged on and found that I had a lot more followers than I remembered. I'd gone from a few hundred to over a thousand. It was pretty obvious that my Twitter had been hacked. The strangest thing is that they didn't tweet anything or even send any messages. They just followed a lot of followers. I guess I was part of a botnet for a while? Anyway, here's what I learned about what to do when your Twitter account gets hacked because their support team was utterly shite.

The first thing you want to do, obviously, is change your password. For whatever reason changing my password actually caused my account to be locked. Looking through my emails showed me that Twitter detected suspicious activity about a month ago but didn't actually lock my account or anything. It took me changing my password to protect my account for them to be like "Hey, we think your account was hacked so we need to change your password again." I changed my password, unfollowed all the new accounts, and hoped that would be the end of it.

Of course it wasn't.

The next day I was back to 1000 followers. See; Twitter doesn't log you out of apps when you change your password. Other services will typically log you out of all instances of your account when you change your password but Twitter won't. This was when I emailed the support team and told them someone was accessing my account from an app and if they could log me out of all instances of my account. Instead I got an email telling me *how to log on*. What a fucking waste of time.

That was when I got the bright idea to just search online for the answers. I should have done that right from the start really. That's when I learned that you aren't logged out of apps and services by changing your password. You have to go through your account settings to the "Apps" setting. From there revoke the access for everything that you aren't using and all the apps on there. That logs you out of everything. All you need to do is re-verify your actual app when you log back in. Or just leave it if you aren't using the app.

At that point I changed my password one more time. I went through three Twitter passwords in 24 hours. Bloody hell.

Well there you have it. If you notice that your Twitter has been hacked revoke access for all the apps in your settings, change your password, and grant permission to your own apps once more.

Friday, 16 September 2016

The Infographic is In!

You might remember a while ago I teamed up with a lovely woman called Kate and hosted Freelancing Week. I mentioned that some of the things I said would be going into an infographic. Well that infographic is finally finished and Kate emailed it to me a few days ago. I normally post pictures on Friday so I thought I'd show that off instead. It's still a picture, aye?
I'm a little sad I wasn't quoted directly but I am listed as a contributor down there at the bottom. You can see my name at least! So that's good. Plus I did it to have fun, not so much to get infographic famous.

Remember that if you are a freelancer and you've had trouble putting invoices together there are a lot of tools out there you can use such as this Invoice Generator/Template. Get your invoices made and get yourself paid! In the meantime; I hope you all have a good weekend. I'm going back to Skegness for *one last trip*. This time we're taking my younger sister. I haven't been on a day trip with her in years.

Thursday, 15 September 2016

If You Don't Like It Then Don't Buy It

So this is the post I was going to make on Monday before realising what the day was. The iPhone 7 was announced recently and one of the rumours that turned out to be true was that it wasn't going to have a headphone slot. I suppose it kind of does in that lightning port thingamadoohicky but the main actual headphone jack is gone. 

Now the internet lampooned and laughed at the decision and there are plenty of memes about how ridiculous it is. Because it is a silly decision. I don't plan on buying one myself so it doesn't really affect me much. The problem I have isn't really the idea that they've gotten rid of the headphone jack. My problem is with the people who have made fun of Apple for it and then gone on to say that they would still buy them. I actually read one webcomic where the joke was comparing the iPhone 7 to a woman without a vagina but in the description the artist lamented that they were going to miss their precious headphone collection.

If you don't like a product then don't purchase it folks. It's as simple as that. You can vote with your wallet. If you don't like that Apple took away the headphone jack (and made their iPhone 7 compatible headphones $200) then don't purchase their products. Don't reward them for fucking you over like that.

If you don't like it then don't buy it. No one is going to force you to buy it and buying it means that they will never learn. The best case scenario is that the iPhone 7 tanks. Like, really fucking tanks. Then the iPhone 7S (which will definitely happen) has an earbud jack and an apology. What's more likely to happen now is that the trend is set and most new phones lack a headphone jack. 

When you treat consumers like shit and they still buy your crap you're giving them permission to treat you like shit.

I suppose that's the general message of this post; if you disagree with something that a company does then you can just not do business with that company. 

Monday, 12 September 2016

It's Been 7 Years

There was something else I wanted to post about today but something happened yesterday that I had to post about. The other post can wait until Thursday. I was volunteering, as I always do on a Sunday, when the subject of staff records came up. I'd been meaning to ask Paul about my staff records for ages because I was curious about how long I'd been working there. It turns out they recently stuck a list of all the volunteers on the wall along with how long they had been working there.

I knew I started working there in September but I was never sure of the exact date or the year that I started. I wasn't sure if it was '09 or '10. Taking a look on the wall showed me that I had been working there since 2009 and my start date was a little later than I thought. I was under the impression that it was in the first week of September but it's actually today. Today marks the seventh year that I have been working with Barnardo's.

Paul was a little surprised it's been that long but it's not too hard to see why. These days I can only volunteer on Sunday afternoons. When a guy only works one day a week it's easy to understand how you could feel he's not been there that long. For the first few years I was volunteering practically every day. I have a lot of memories of that place. Some good and some bad. I've even had my heart broken there. There were also times I went so stir crazy that I had to stop volunteering for a while. Eventually though I would always come back. I've made friends, I've cleaned myself up, and I am happier as a result of working there. Actually before I started volunteering there it had been three or four years since my last haircut. Paul made me get one because my hair was just that much of a mess. I also started dressing well when I started working there. I used to barely ever leave the house so never cared much for my appearance.

I'm still a mess of course, but I'm a slightly smaller mess. I don't regret the time I've spent there and I consider it a shame that I don't to spend more time there. Unfortunately my schedule just doesn't allow it really. I can barely find a few hours for myself these days, never mind a few hours for someone else.

I would say though, that if you get the chance, you should consider volunteering. I've seen too many people come and go in my time there. The current generation is a selfish one. They preach about charity but they are not really willing to participate themselves. If you get the chance then please do donate something to your local charity shop; whether it be your clothes, your shoes, your unwanted books and games, or just your time.

Friday, 9 September 2016

I'm Not Doing Anything This Weekend

It feels like it's been a while since I had a weekend where I didn't have to get up early and rush out of the house. Not that I ever sleep in anyway. I wake up one hour later during the weekend but that's it. I don't like changes to my sleeping pattern. Well, anyway, I'll shut up now.
Rock on Spoon. Rock on.

Google has all the answers

I've actually asked my parents if I'm adopted.

Same here bro.

"America missed World War 1, were late to World War 2, and seem determined to start World War 3"

Funny because it's true 
I hope this is real

I wonder if they realise what they said

Man I hope this doesn't happen to me
I'd play it

Well that's fucking dark
Have a good weekend folks! I'd say I shall be enjoying my rest but I still have work to do. Not that I'm complaining. It's always good to have work to do.

Thursday, 8 September 2016

Four Word Happy Stories

To be honest I wasn't really all that sure what to write about today. It's not like a lot has gone down. At least nothing that would make for an interesting blog post. As I pondered what to write about I continued to peruse the internet, hoping that a good idea would come my way. That is when I stumbled upon something that made me think "hey, I could exploit that!".

Some of the four word stories that people actually posted in response to the above image were pretty cool. It was on those weird corners of the internet so there were a surprisingly high number about Hitler but hey, who am I to judge? I just won't post those kind of ones. Instead I'll just post a couple of them that I thought were actually pretty good and had nothing to do with Hitler, sex, or any combination thereof.

"I finally found you"

"She loved me back."

"Someone, somehow, finally cares"

"It was a dream"

Okay so in the end there weren't that many SFW ones but I thought it was still an interesting concept. I took the concept and turned it into "They were finally free." A story that, much like "Baby shoes. For sale. Never worn", has some hidden things included. It could refer to someone being free from prison, being free from an abusive relationship, or even being free from a painful life. I suppose it depends on what you think of when you hear the words "finally free". Just as there are some people who don't get the hidden suggestion that the baby died before it could wear the shoes (some people think it just means that they got the wrong shoes), there are multiple sides to stories and everyone sees stories differently. What some people would class as a happy story other people would say is a sad story.

It all depends on your interpretation I guess.

I have no clue where I'm going with this and will now just shut up.

Monday, 5 September 2016

Looks Like I'm Going Back to Therapy

I don't know if I really went into this before but the weight loss thing I was doing was a total bomb. It was this 12-week course where I, along with some other people, learned how to eat properly. But I was already able to do that. I'm an effective dieter. I'm just having trouble sticking to a diet at the minute. That didn't address the root cause. At least, not the real one.

So about a month or so ago I went back to my doctor and asked him if there was anything else we could do. He presented me with two options; the first was a different, more intense weight management course. This one would address the root cause and was liable to involve therapy to do such a thing. The other option was to have my stomach stapled. I didn't like the sound of being operated on and I don't think I want to go through with something like that anyway. My GP told me that it's basically irreversable. The fuck would I want to deliberately do that to my stomach for? My GP agreed and told me that kind of thing was a last resort. Something to consider if the first option failed me.

When you ask for therapy in the UK, or you're doing something that will contain therapy, you're presented with a questionnaire to fill out. It's a pretty simple affair; there's a list of statements and you have to mark how much you agree each one applies to you. There was also a separate one on eating and weight loss.

Without going into too much detail I'm pretty sure I'll be back in therapy as part of this thing. The higher your score on the survey the more messed up you are, to put it simply. I scored kinda high. Much higher than the last time I took this kind of thing, which was when I went into Cognitive Behavioural Therapy a year or two ago.

At least if there is some kind of mental barrier to my weight loss we can work past it. It does seem like no matter what I tell myself, no matter how much I tell myself I can't eat something, I just don't listen.

This thing is so intense that it's one-to-one sessions and there's also a waiting list. My first appointment isn't until the start of October. I'll let y'all know what happens. Coincedentally October is also when I plan to start driving lessons. I was going to start them this month but I overspent a little while on holiday. So I'm going to save up along September to pay for lessons in October.

Provided I can stop fucking eating.

Friday, 2 September 2016

I'm Going Back Already

Even though I only just got back from a week-long holiday in Skegness last Saturday I'll actually be heading back there tomorrow. It's just for the day this time at least. One of the niecebeasts couldn't come on holiday with us for various reasons so my dad is taking her up for a day trip and I'm going to tag along. She's pregnant so we won't be able to get up to too much, but it should still be fun.

I've actually had this conversation about three times in the past two months.

Hopefully I don't "commit suicide" while I'm away

Good luck America! You're gonna need it.

I think this is one product that should be tested on animals. Just sayin.

Needs more Dr Who. Then it would be the most British picture ever.

No one likes decaf. Just like no one likes...well, I won't finish that thought.

I don't want to live in a country where I can't use a flamethrower to clear snow

That statue wasn't the only thing that was erected...

He didn't say "please" so it's totally cool to rob him

I mean, it's kinda the right answer.
Have a good weekend folks.

Thursday, 1 September 2016

My Cats Are On Steroids. Again.

So I mentioned on Monday that I was taking one of my cats to the vets because she had a nasty cut on her side. Because it was the day after the day after the bank holiday things were pretty busy there. The cat waiting area was actually full, including a cute little kitten. When it meowed our Moo Moo meowed back and it was super cute.
Although as always I felt guilty about putting her in her cat carrier. Until she scratched up my arm.
Annoyingly we showed up around half an hour early and were seen a quarter of an hour late. I didn't mind too much but I did feel bad for poor Moo Moo who was in her carrier for over an hour. As per usual it was hard to get her out and she was quick to jump back in once we were actually at the vet. The vet gave her a look over and told us that she was likely allergic to fleas. Kadie also has a bit of a flea allergy but apparently Mooms's is worse. Which is why she was bleeding over it but Kadie never got that bad. She gave us some cat steroids and some fancy pants flea tablets for her. I was able to give her the steroid but I've had no luck giving either of them the flea tablets yet. It's easy to pill a cat. But you can only do it when they're actually around. Because the weather is still warm Moo Moo and Kadie spend most of their days outside sunning themselves.

If you're curious about how to give a cat a pill here's a quick lesson; there are three ways to go around it. Four if you use a pill syringe. I have one but I'm no good with it. So I prefer the manual method. The easiest way is to bring in a second person. One person sits with the cat on their lap facing forward. This is to prevent the cat from backing away and getting out of reach. The other person approaches from the front and massages the cats cheeks, right where the "ends" of their mouth is. I can't think of a better word for it. If you massage and press down at that point it causes the cat to open it's mouth. Simple reflexology. At that point you drop the pill in and massage the cat's throat until they swallow the pill. They'll likely spit it out a few times but eventually they'll give up and swallow it.

The middle difficulty method is to basically do that with one person. Sit down, face the cat forward, hold their head in place. Massage the cheeks, pop the pill, massage the neck. It's more difficult because you have to hold on tighter, which means you can't massage the cheeks or hold the pill as easily.

Hard mode is to just try and grab them and make them open their mouth. This is what I had to resort to yesterday. When I fed her I held her in place using my feet, leaned down, and managed to get the pill in her mouth. I felt bad about interrupting her feeding time but hey, I did try putting it in her food. She just ate around it. So it's partly her fault.

I suppose that's one of the advantages of dogs. They're dumb enough to eat anything you give them. A cat is smart enough (and annoying enough) to just eat around medicine.


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