Monday, 18 July 2016

How Winning an Award Ruined My Life

Okay the title of the post is a little melodramatic. I doubt winning the award actually ruined my life but the day I won that award definitely sucked and was an awful day overall. Our good Captain. Well, the Captain recently wrote a post about how his daughter Rags won an award at her school and it reminded me of tie thime I won one at mine. By the end of this post you'll come to understand why I repressed the memory.

The cat is my memories
I can't even remember what year it was, or what I won the award for, I just remember that the school held an annual awards ceremony where the pupils who did best in subjects were given awards. I believe I won an award for my IT performance. It was either IT, science, or maths. I was always smart but never had the motivation so I was only an average student who squandered their potential. So the day came when I had to go to the awards ceremony and it fucking sucked.

First of all I bruised my toe bone. See, I was bullied a lot in school and I would respond to this bullying by lashing out at doors and walls. Oddly enough if I had lashed out at the people who bullied me they might have left me alone. Looking back I understand that it was because I lashed out that they teased me. Never feed the trolls.


Anyway, I had enough, kicked a wall, and injured my toe. I wouldn't learn I had bruised the bone until much later. This incident is one of the reasons I always wear steel toe capped shoes these days. I even have steel toe capped trainers for exercising. So my foot hurt. A lot.

Second; I had to walk to my friends house and stay with her until it was time for the award ceremony. I didn't mind this much actually. Except for the fact I was walking on an injured foot. But my mum wouldn't be able to drive me back in time and my dad was at work. Actually neither of my parents were present at the ceremony. I suppose that would be point three. My dad picked me up afterwards but he wasn't there for the actual ceremony.

Fourth; I ripped my trousers. I was a chubby kid so bending down too much would sometimes cause me to rip my trousers. To this day I almost never lean down. I will always squat rather than lean. Even when I'm wearing jeans.

The actual award process itself went smoothly. Except for the injured foot, lack of parents, and rip on the ass of my trousers. Thankfully I don't think anyone really noticed that one too much. It's what came after the award ceremony that is the real "fuck you" though. The real proof that God really does not love me.


When I got home I was pretty happy. I was able to put all the bad shit behind me. I mean, I won an award and I got to spend a few hours with my best friend. It wasn't that bad overall. I suppose. That's when I got some bad news from my mum. She had a family friend over and she had brought her kids with her.

I don't remember if it was my mum or my sister, or even the kid, but someone had the bright idea to let my hamster get some exercise while I was gone. They put the little guy in his ball and let him run around. What do you think happened when a kid saw a ball moving aroudn on its own? He kicked it of course.

My hamster broke its leg and had to be put down. There I was with an almost broken toe, an award in hand, and now I would have to watch as my dad put my hamster down by drowning it.

Looking back I'm sometimes surprised I was able to forgive my father. He is a lovely guy and I love him to pieces (it's one of the reasons I still live with him; to take care of him), but he would always be the one who had to put my pets down. I think I know it can't have been easy for him either. I know he it must have hurt him to do that to me. So I forgive him for that. Plus I know how much he genuinely cares about me. When I started therapy he would be the one to take me to therapy sessions and he would take me out every Wednesday. We'd go bowling, or play snooker, or just have dinner. What mattered is that we did something together. That's why I still have lunch with him every Wednesday to this day.

That was single handedly one of the worst days of my life.

I don't know why I posted this. I really don't. Sorry for depressing you all.

Congratulations once again to Rags. I hope your award day went better than mine.


  1. Bloody hell mate that was a rough day. I hope through the passing of time you've been able to focus on your achievement (they don't give awards to just anyone after all) and not on the bad stuff. It's a real shame your parents didn't attend, I'm lucky in that I have a bit of flexibility at work so I can bend my shifts around this sort of things.

    You'll be glad to know our pet cat survived the whole affair and is currently sunbathing in the garden.

  2. This is why I am careful never to win anything.

    That sounds like almost all the bad things people experience in childhood, all piled up on one day. Terrible. Despite the overly romanticized things adults like to say about childhood, most of it is best left in the past, right?

  3. Don't tie all that bad stuff to winning the award though, it's mostly unrelated incidents that happened on the same day. Don't let this discourage you from achieving things!

  4. Mark is it good therapy to write about this experience is all I can say. I never thought about ways animals are put down, surely there must be more humane ways.

  5. And the award was a good thing, congrats!

  6. It's funny what triggers memories, isn't it? I know sometimes parents have to put down injured pets themselves but they should always do it privately, without the kid(s) watching.

  7. Yes a dreadful memory.....
    Ive never wom ANYTHING in 54 years
    Shit...I feel a failure

  8. I won an award once. Didn't hurt my toe. But, it was only third place. So, there's that.

  9. I won an award once. Didn't hurt my toe. But, it was only third place. So, there's that.

  10. So maybe it is a good thing I have never won anything.............

  11. If I ever break my leg and someone tries to "put me down" by drowning me to death, I am going to be really pissed.


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