So last week I was all haughty and declared that I wouldn't eat junk food for a whole month. I fully intended to do just that. I really thought I could do it too. Then this past weekend happened. I was lonely and alone. They are two separate things after all. So I did what I always do in that situation. I ordered pizza.
I'm not proud of that by any stretch of the imagination. In fact when I told my friend I had done it my exact words were "shame begets shame" because yeah, it felt shitty. It felt wrong and if I could take it back I would. But I can't.
What I can do is move forward and not do it again. I already resisted the urge to buy more pizza yesterday. At least that time it was more out of tiredness than comfort eating. The only thing worse than getting four hours of sleep is getting it in two installments of two hours.
That's another thing I need to do. I need to find a better way of dealing with my loneliness than comfort eating. I know one of the answers to that is to get more friends but I'm comfortable with things like that. I don't really want more friends. I just wouldn't mind more time with the ones I have.
Anyway sorry to be such a downer first thing in the week. The thing I need the most right now is accountability though. I need to tell you guys when I mess up.
Christ I sound like I'm in Alcoholics Anonymous or something. One thing I never got about A.A is if it's Alcoholics Anonymous why does everyone say their name?