Friday, 30 December 2016

Still a Little Sick

I've reached that strange point of being sick where my nose isn't all that stuffy anymore, but because I've been confined to my bed for so long I'm still very weak and I get tired easily. That's usually a sign I'm recovering though.

This happens to me far too much

This also happens to me way too much. I do at least move the cat out of my chair but I'm far too nice to them. 

Subway ain't that bad. 


This is the kind of crazy professor I'd be

Don't make that mistake. Unless that's the kind of thing you like. 

2017 is going to be a big year for me

For the couple who has everything but shame!

I love visual comedy

I also love shitty special effects from old TV shows. 
Have a good weekend folks, and a very happy new year!

Thursday, 29 December 2016

Sick as a Parrot

Hey guys. I'd love to stay and chat but I'm pretty sick. It's a Christmas tradition that I get really sick at least once over the winter. I was doing really well this year. I guess the diet I was eating before really did boost my immune system and make me healthy. Anyway, I've got a lot of work I need to force myself to do so I can't really stick around. I just wanted to update everyone say I'm not dead.

At least not yet.

Monday, 26 December 2016

It's Boxing Day

Well Christmas has gone as quickly as it came. Now we all settle down to enjoy the bad TV and await the next holiday of New Year's. Before then though we reflect on Christmas and look at what we got. Which is what I'll be doing today. I've reached that age where I certainly give a lot more than I receive, but because my presents come from friends and family the quality of those presents is often still pretty high.
My presents 
From my sister I got an Undertaker action figure and the WWE annual for 2017, both of which were kickass presents. They scared one of my nieces though so I had to put them away pretty quickly. It was kinda cute.

The pokemon stuff is from my boss. There's a Pikachu wallet and a box containing the eight gym badges of the Kanto region. So technically I am now a Pokemon master. That's how that works guys. Well I suppose I need to beat the league first actually. Those were also great. It's a shame that the badges don't come out of the box so I can't pin them on anything though.

Other than that I got the usual presents of toiletries sets and chocolates. I didn't get any socks this year, which is a shame because I actually needed them. It's incredible how quickly I lose socks.

Every present I gave was well-received, which is always good. And I loved every present I got. So overall I had a damn fine Christmas. Even if I did have to do some work. I wasn't planning on it but I had some jobs that were due today. Not much I could do about that.

Sunday, 25 December 2016

Merry Christmas Everyone!

I'll be leaving for Christmas dinner soon so I just wanted to wish you all a very merry Christmas. Even if you aren't celebrating anything I hope you have a wonderful day.

Friday, 23 December 2016

It's a Christmas Special

Well I have a busy day of work, a driving lesson, and trying not to die ahead of me. So let's just all sit around the warm fire that totally doesn't exist and warm ourselves up with some laughter. 
Don't mess with the baby
Even when I got a tiny tree for my desk the cats still ate it
I couldn't imagine dressing a cat. I'd be slashed to shreds. 
Where would the internet be without Chuck Norris jokes?
It's the most beautiful tree in the world
I don't want to imagine a Game of Thrones Christmas special
Everyone is getting in on the fun
You're never too old for Christmas
And of course, let us never forget the "true" meaning of Christmas...
Have a merry Christmas, a crazy Kwanza, and a solemn, dignified Ramadan. 

Ahh Simpsons there's a Christmas present. 

Thursday, 22 December 2016

Holidays are Coming

Well Christmas is almost upon us and that means I'm in for a busy few days. In fact I really don't think I'll get to stop before Monday. Tomorrow I'll be catching up on any work I have left over ready to take the weekend off. To be honest I'm kind of tempted to continue working. I actually have an assignment from someone I consult with through email that's basically due whenever I can complete if I get the hankering to do some work. As a freelancer I just feel uncomfortable when I have no work to do. I'm also a very reactionary person. I can feel that I'm about to fail massively because I have no work left shortly before I become overbooked in a matter of hours. I really need to chill the fuck out.
Saturday is going to be busy too, which is one of the reasons I was comfortable taking it off. I'll be heading out to see my sister who moved about half an hour away. She's the one with the kids that actually like me. I'll be dropping their presents off. I actually forgot what I got one of them so I really hope I didn't forget her. I should go check my presents and make sure there is one for her before it's too late. We won't get to see her on the day probably so we're just doing a present exchange now, saying hello to the little ones, and then heading back home. I'll also be volunteering for a few hours before then. My boss plans to hand out some free presents to small children and have a small party-type thing in the stockroom. Handing out presents and free food? Sign me right the fuck up.

Never turn down free food.

The big day itself will be kind of hectic but somehow less so. I imagine, but have not had it confirmed, that we'll be heading to my mum's to exchange pleasantries and gifts. Then we'll be heading to my other sister's house as she's the one who'll actually be feeding us. I hope she has turkey given that she's asked for us to bring her some chickens. Christmas is the only time I get to enjoy cooked turkey so I like to make the most out of it. We'll eat, drink, be merry, and then head home. When I get home it's incredible how quickly the holiday mood ends. To be honest Christmas ends for me as soon as I get home. That's just kinda it. Ah well.

No idea what I'm doing for New Year's. My guess is "nothing" unless my boss has something on and invites me. I haven't done anything for New Year's since my neighbours moved out years ago.

Monday, 19 December 2016

Facts About Me Through Versatility

Every so often I receive one of those Blogger awards that are handed out quite a bit. Just last week I was handed the Versatile Blogger award by The Captain, who also had some very nice words to say about me. Which is always good.  I don't get a whole lot of praise, and it's just always nice to hear you're doing something people enjoy. Anyway, apparently I have to list 7 facts about myself. So here are some facts about me. I'm actually running out of facts because of how many times I've received similar accolades.

1. This year marks the first time I ate Dominos pizza. It's pretty good but I'm not sold on it being worth as much as they charge for it. Especially when I have five pizza places around me that are all cheaper. I shouldn't be eating pizza anyway.

2. I have over 200 games. Probably over 300 if you include my digital collection. I used to have more but some games have just vanished over the years, which is a real shame because I've lost some great games that have gone on to be pretty rare and expensive. So I can't replace them.

3. There was a time I forgot what a song in my collection was called and, because it was a random indy song and I couldn't just google the lyrics, I decided to listen to my entire (week-long) collection of music on shuffle to find it. It took about three days.

4. In a bizarre twist of bad luck both myself and my boss's boyfriend have bought my boss the same Christmas present. He mentioned to me that he wanted to get the first Pokemon movie but it was expensive. This year they released a collector's edition of the first three. I picked it up on Blu-Ray and my boss's boyfriend got it him on DVD.

5. I actually finished my Christmas shopping yesterday. Despite my earlier claims I finished before December there was one friend who constantly changed her mind about what she wanted. So I finally bought her present yesterday after settling on just one thing.

6. Even though I've gained some weight lately (okay a lot of weight) my suit still fits. I wore it just last week to the office Christmas meal.

7. Despite my gothic appearance and demeanour, especially when I was younger, the only time I've been to a music concert of any kind was when I went to a Christian music concert. At the end of the show they had audience members who wanted to (I want to stress it was completely voluntary) offer their lives to God. They also gave out free bibles. It was a surprisingly fun show.

Apparently I'm supposed to pass this on to fifteen other people or something. I know you guys have all had stuff like this before so hey, if you feel like sharing then why not use this is an excuse to like I did?

Thanks again to the Captain.

Friday, 16 December 2016

Friday Fun Stuff

Well I do have some things to talk about next week. For now though I'm just going to be lazy.
If this line works on her then you marry that girl

This has pretty much happened to me

Given the way "cunt" is written it almost seems deliberate

Sometimes I wonder what goes on in American schools. 

I thought this was America!

It worked for my boss's dog

I'm doing this

Cats will fuck your shit up
Kids really do say some weird shit

I'm gonna need some potatoes
Have a great weekend folks. Remember next week is Christmas! Woo!

I'll still be paying for Christmas for a long time yet. I think that means I'm officially an adult now.

Thursday, 15 December 2016

Parallel Parking

Yes folks it's time for another foray into the world of me learning to drive. I think that, as a new driver, the most intimidating thing is the parallel park. At least that was the case for me. The idea of trying to park in a tiny space is not one I enjoy. Even after driving for some 40 years my dad will never attempt it. But, they make you do it during driving lessons because it is one of the maneuvers that may come up on the test.

I actually did something like this
Thankfully the version they have you do during lessons and on the test isn't a "true" parallel park, so to speak. While I did have to do the maneuver shown above, I  didn't have to do it between two cars. I just had to show that I could safely reverse and park behind one car, and I was given a safety distance of about two meters to play with. It's a lot less complicated than it sounds to perform a parallel park, and, even though I didn't do it perfectly, I still did a much better job of it than I thought I would.

One issue I have with driving is the idea of reference points. A lot of driving is using specific things on the road or the car to gauge your position and distance. However because of my dodgy eyes (remember I only see out of one eye at a time) my perspective could be completely thrown off, rendering all reference points useless. I can still drive safely and effectively, but sometimes where I think I am and where I actually am are two entirely different things.

Oh well.

My next lesson is next Friday, which means I need to think of two real posts for next week. Something tells me that could be more difficult than the parallel park.

Monday, 12 December 2016

They'll Put Cannabis in Anything

Hey guys. This post is pretty late because I overslept and I didn't have time to make a post before my driving lesson this afternoon. It's funny because I also underslept. I was woken up early and then just kept going back to sleep until it was too late and my dad informed me that it was 1PM. Anyhow, I thought I'd tell you about this fun thing I learned about while I was working over the weekend. It's called Canna-Pet. As the name of the product (and this post) implies it contains cannabis.

I found myself writing a lot about cannabis this past weekend. I also had to write about the benefits of hemp seed oil. It turns out cannabis is pretty healthy. I already knew that though. There are tons of good uses for hemp and cannabis that have nothing to do with THC. That's the psychoactive ingredient. So feeding your pets this cannabis based pet food doesn't get them high because there's no THC.

I found the whole thing pretty interesting really. I knew there were good uses for hemp. They make clothes and rope out of it. I wouldn't have thought about feeding it to an animal though. I don't know; it was just something interesting I came across I thought I might as well share. If there's some interest for this then perhaps I'll talk more about the interesting stuff I come across while working. It would give me something to post about other than my attempts at learning to drive.

Friday, 9 December 2016

Friday Funnies

Well I'm cold and tired so let's just all have a laugh on me.
Me and my cats right here

I didn't realise doctors could prescribe daily sex.  Mine has been holding out on me. 
I'm so doing this

Needs more McDonalds

The dog doesn't seem to like that too much but it is funny and cute

Me these past few weeks

Never forget that man is the most dangerous animal of all

My cats don't like catnip much. There is something wrong with them.

Why is this so accurate?

I'm not sure what they expected from Ann Summers 

I do wonder if that's a gimmick or a name

I finally found the sexual identity for me. I'm just kidding, I've never been laid.
Have a great weekend folks and I'll see you on Monday!

Thursday, 8 December 2016

Driving Again

Seems strange to write about my driving lessons two posts in a row but it's not like I have much else to do. I got lucky on Tuesday when my driving lesson was because I decided to have a bath before and, let me tell you, baths always take it out of me. The only time I've involuntarily passed out is after a bath. So for like 20 minutes after the bath I was ready to go back to sleep and not move. Thankfully it passed by the time I was sat in the middle of a ton of steel moving at 50MPH.

The lesson actually went really well, even though I was driving in fog for most of it. Driving in fog is much easier than it looks. I just need to keep a better eye out for things. Even Martin was complimenting that my confidence appeared to have improved. Confidence and focus are the two things holding me back as a driver. If anything that's what's holding me back in every aspect of life. I need to be more focused and I need to be more confident. I proved with the hazard perception tests that I can focus on the road, and I proved in my lesson on Tuesday I can be a confident driver. I just need to be better at doing it all the time.

A good chunk of the lesson was dedicated to bay parking. That was the manoeuvre of the day this time. To practice it I drove up to the "local" (about 20-30 minutes away) Morrissons, which is also where my mother shops. She wasn't there on Tuesday though.

Let me tell you; parking is somehow both easier and more difficult than it looks. It's a simple matter of physics. If you start reversing a couple of bays out you will always land perfectly inside your chosen bay. The problem is that if you reverse too quickly or turn too slowly you end up missing. I tried it three times overall. The first went well, and the second two went okay. Martin also taught me how to correct my positioning should I do it wrong. That way if I mess up on my test I can keep calm and just ask if I should correct my position. An instructor will either tell me I can, or that it's alright becuase they've seen enough and they know I'm a competent driver. Apparently they do give some leeway for mistakes and you don't need to make 100% of the shots you take. Which is nice.

There was one scary moment where a truck got a little too close to my back bumper, and then another where I found myself sandwiched between two trucks, but overall the lesson went well and I'm making excellent progress.

I really need to hurry up and pass my theory test.

Monday, 5 December 2016

New Car Smell

To be honest there's not a whole lot to report about my last driving lesson but I said I would do it so here goes.

This driving lesson was a little interesting in that I was driving a new car. By new car I mean brand new. I was one of the first people to drive it and it only had a few hundred miles on the odometer. Actually by the end of the lesson Martin said I had driven it more than he had. It was a Mini, which is apparently one of the best cars to learn to drive in.
It looked like this but with more branding
It's weird driving a new car. But it was good I got the opportunity to do so. One of the first things I noticed immediately was the clutch. Clutch control is something I have some trouble with so a more responsive clutch was just a death knell for me. I went from barely ever stalling the car to stalling it about five times in one go. So that sucked. We got stuck in traffic at one point, so that did help with the clutch control. I was just using the clutch to inch forward a few feet at a time. I made a lot less mistakes after that, but I still made some.

Perhaps the biggest mistake I made was when I almost hit a van. At least I didn't almost die this time. It was another case of misjudging distance when there was traffic edging into my lane to get past a parked car. I pulled over a little too much to the left. Martin noticed and hit the brakes for me. That was good because I didn't want to damage a brand new car.

Other than that it was a pretty smooth drive. The lesson was a "back to basics" kind of thing to get me used to the new car. I expect I'll do more in my lesson tomorrow.

Friday, 2 December 2016

Friday Funtimes I Guess

Well I obviously survived my driving lesson. More details to come Monday.
Vegans are ruining everything

I need a box of spare cats

I actually saw a Dominos delivery guy when I went for my less. Who orders pizza at 1PM?

It's a perfectly valid question 
There's a NES on sale by me and I'm really tempted to buy it

I have never been able to unsee this. Now you won't either. 

They aren't wrong

I think that's the reason a lot of times really

This is awesome

Both punchlines are gold
Have a great weekend folks!


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