Friday, 30 October 2015

Friday Funsies

You know the deal. I'm depressed as fuck so let's have a little laugh together.

I'd do this if I had kids
I was under the impression we Limeys could text the coppers too
You're a god amongst men little Ricky.
God works in mysterious ways
This joke will be relevant in about 3 weeks
You knew this was bound to have happened
If this were my kid he'd automatically be out of trouble and get a high five. Clever little shit.

Thursday, 29 October 2015

It Looks Like I Don't Have A Job

So I posted on Monday about what I felt was a pretty successful job interview but it looks like any notions I had of achieving a job were premature and, as is often the case when I feel hope, misguided. I was told that if I had the job I should hear back by Wednesday. They decided who got the job on Monday actually. But it's now Thursday and I still haven't heard back from them.
The face I've been making a lot lately
While it would be nice if they had emailed me to say I didn't have the job I don't think I can really expect that. I suppose there's always a small chance I might have the job and they still haven't gotten around to informing people yet but I'm not sure what could be causing a delay at this point. So it looks like I don't have the job and I get to enjoy the misery and sense of failure that comes with being me for a little bit longer.


Monday, 26 October 2015

I Might Be Getting A Job

Last week I reached a point I have managed to reach a few times before. I reached the point where a part of me gave up inside and I felt that I was more than ready to get a "real job". I wanted security and I know those kinds of things pay more. Even though I entered into an agreement with a guy whereby he would send me writing work each week he's actually yet to send me some because he's been abroad. That's hardly security, but I can see that it's really no one's fault in this case.
Not for a freelance writer anyway
So I'm going through my emails when I come across one of the emails I get every day telling me of the jobs going in my area. I see there's a job going at the tech department store near me. It's for Christmas temporary work and is the kind of thing I'd be good at. I have a lot of retail experience and an interest in technology. Not to mention they'd end up getting most of my paycheck back because I'd just buy from them a lot. Especially if they give me a sweet, sweet staff discount.
The company in question
I breezed through the online and phone interview stage. Yesterday I attended a group interview thing they had going on. They had me (and 14 other people) doing group activities and things and also gave us one on one interviews during that time. It wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be really and hopefully I did a good enough job with everything to land a job there. I'll find out in the next few days if I do or don't. If I don't I can always become a delivery boy when I get a driving license. I'm not kidding when I say a delivery boy earns more. The local pizza shop is advertising for a delivery boy and they pay £7.20 an hour, cover gas and mileage, and even pay your insurance.

And that, Americans, is why tipping doesn't exist in England. Although you also get to keep tips.

Friday, 23 October 2015

The Hospital Was Too Hopeful

So I went to the doctor yesterday, as outlined in my last post. I was a bit worried about the fact my mouth was still hurting and I was out of the prescribed pain medication. I still can't eat properly. The journey to and from was pretty uneventful. It's only a 20 minute walk away. Me and dad missed the bus on the way back though. By about half a minute. We just walked back instead and beat the next bus so that was good. I guess.
It literally drove off right before we got there
My doctor was pretty cool. I need to remember his name. It's Dr. Hall. See, they send you to a random doctor unless you request one specifically. Anyway, I told him what was wrong and he gave me a quick exam and checked where my tonsils used to be. They were, as you'd expect, still red and sore. Thankfully there was no sign of infection though. He told me that the hospital were being a little too optimistic when they prescribed me only a week's worth of pain medication. Apparently I can expect to feel like this for another week at the least, and another three works at the most. If the pain feels worse in a week then I can be concerned.
These pills have now become a staple part of my diet
So, yep, things are where they should be. I should be in pain and I had better get used to it. Yayyyyy. Apparently they don't do tonsillectomies all that much anymore because they cause, unbelievably, tonsillitis. What I'm suffering is basically pretty bad tonsilitis that will, at least, go away when it's bloody done ruining my mouth. Now I'm glad they took both tonsils. Now there's no chance I'll have to suffer through this again.

Thursday, 22 October 2015

Going Back To The Doctors. Again.

I'm getting pretty sick and tired of being sick and tired guys. Like, seriously, stop body. Just stop. I'm heading back to see my GP this afternoon. It's been a week since I had my tonsils out and I'm officially out of painkillers. Well, I have some Ibuprofen left but the paracetamol and penicillin? They're gone.
A very accurate representation of me this past week. Except the smile.
The only problem is that I still have the pain. My tonsil area (I can hardly call it my tonsils anymore) is still sore. I still can't eat properly. I'm even eating less because I hate the pain of swallowing. I was under the impression this would last for a few days and the amount of pills was a precaution. Not that they did a good job of stopping the pain anyway. It took five days for them to have an effect and then all they did was just make me lucid and stop me thinking. That was a little nice at least.
My brain most of the time.
So I'm going to go see my GP and let him know that I'm still in pain. There's also a strange taste in my mouth. At first I thought it was iced tea, and that I'd just drank so much I'd stained the inside of my mouth. Now the taste is still there after a few days and after I've drank lots of other things. I'm not so sure. I'm not too worried because it doesn't taste like blood. Unless I've forgotten what blood tastes like.

If it's blood I'm kinda fucked because I was supposed to go straight to the emergency room if I noticed blood. I didn't. But if it was there and I didn't know then, yeah, fuck.

Monday, 19 October 2015

One Streak Lives; One Streak Dies

So I was supposed to make this post last week but I was just too dead to do it. I'm still feeling like shit. Now it's because the painkillers are just messing with me. I wouldn't mind so much if they, you know, killed the pain. I need to get back to doing things though. I'm tired of feeling useless and not doing anything. I never thought I'd ever say that.

Well anyway, it's time to talk about my weight loss. I was worried last week that I would have actually put some weight on. I'd eaten badly, and had tried to mitigate the damage and keep the continuous weight loss streak alive. There's good news and bad news.

The good news is that I actually did manage to lose some weight. It was only a few pounds but that is a lot better than gaining weight. Let me tell you kids; starvation works! I'm just kidding before people get worried. I didn't really starve myself. There were just days when I ate pretty much the bare minimum.
Now for the bad news. Unfortunately this was the last time I'll be meeting my current nutritionist. I'm sad to have to say goodbye to her. We'd usually end up chatting for up to an hour about anything and everything. This time we talked for about an hour and a half. We covered lots of random shit. She's always been proud of me for my weight loss and was a source of motivation for me. So I really am sad to have to say goodbye to her. I'm also sad because she never got to see me at my optimal weight. She's had to drop out about half way through the journey.

Here's hoping I don't fall off that wagon. Or break it with my fat ass.

Friday, 16 October 2015

I'm Still Dead Inside So Have Some Laughs

I was going to write a post about getting weighed but to be honest the thought of writing more than this introductory paragraph makes my head hurt. I can move properly but the inside is still mushy. My mouth still hurts like a bitch too. The painkillers! They do nothing! Except make me sound silly.

I hear this is accurate
I told this joke to my nutritionist this week actually. She had a good laugh. 
FIFA games have realistic corruption levels now! 
Just give up already
It'd be worth doing this for the joke
I still love this show. I have issues. 
They always let you know. Always
Good guy Obama. 
And we'll end with that little bit of political humour. Normal service will resume when I can eat properly and can go three minutes without pain in my mouth.

Thursday, 15 October 2015

Goodbye My Tonsils, Goodbye My Friends

I'm writing this post from my hospital bed. I'm clean as a whistle though. The drugs wore off a few hours ago. I'm just being kept here for safety reasons despite the fact I'm feeing good. I've eaten and used the bathroom under my own power (twice!) but still they insist on keeping me for six hours after I wake up. That runs out in a few hours. Then I'll be home free to be in pain at home.

Not that I'm in a lot of pain. It's just the area where my tonsils used to be hasn't fully healed yet. Honestly the pain is currently more annoying than the pain of my enlarged tonsils was. They ended up taking both tonsils rather than just the right one. I think the left one might have been a little infected too becuase it's the side that actually hurts the most at the minute.

If you were keeping up on Twitter you know that the whole day was a bit hellish really. I was woken up an hour earlier than I wanted to be by my stepbrother and was in the hospital for 11 hours over all. It was two hours before I was told I would be prepped for surgery soon. They opened the doors for their afternoon surgeries at 12 but the surgeries don't actually start until two. I had mine done at about half three. I want to claim I was a big brave boy but I got scared when my dad was sent home rather than have to wait six hours for me to be ready. I even ended up crying a little as they prepared to put me to sleep, fearful that I wouldn't wake up. Which is hardly something a 25 year old man wants to admit to. Then again I'm pretty sure I have mental issues in that area.

Anyway, what's done is done. My tonsils are gone. I lost a day. I also didn't have anything to eat for about 18 hours. But the toast was nice. They gave me jam too and it's the first time I can remember having jam, that's how long it's been since I had jam. Memories from before I was 12 are fuzzy for personal reasons. If you're reading this it means I survived the trip home and was able to get it all set up to go out. If you're not reading this then who cares? You're not reading it. You don't know it exists.

Man anaesthetic is boring. I'm sure I'd be more fun under laughing gas at the dentist. Being high isn't what it's cracked up to be. 

Monday, 12 October 2015

Health Week; The Seconding

A few weeks ago the main theme of the blog ended up being my health as I was inside a hospital seemingly every other week. It kept me busy with having a lot of writing to do so it only seems right to bring it all back. To be honest as well as getting my tonsils out this Wednesday I'm also going to be weighed tomorrow.

To continue the honesty I'm worried that my awesome streak of continuous weight loss may finally be at an end. With going to the hospital so much I've been too tired to cook lately. I went from eating badly once a week (when I'd have dinner with my dad) to eating badly two, to even three times a week. I've tried to scale back in other areas and try and contain the damage like I did last month but I don't think it's been as effective this month. Actually the scales at the gym insist I've gained weight and, as I said before, the scales at the hospital said I'd only lost a tiny bit. At least I haven't eaten any pizza this month I guess.

I'll be sure to keep you updated on how the surgery goes, assuming I survive, and how my weight loss has gone. Or indeed, hasn't gone. It's always good to have a plan for upcoming posts. This week I know what each post is going to be about. Thursday will be details of how my day at the hospital went with Friday being about much weight I lost or gained.

It's not sexy but oh well.

Friday, 9 October 2015

More Friday Funnies

You know the deal; I'm feeling down and can't think of anything to post so am instead going to inundate you hilarious things found across the interwebs. Enjoy!

Sometimes that really is the answer.
Some people really make you feel like this
I'd give this a go. 
That's oddly deep
Good Hitler jokes are the best Hitler jokes
Jesus take the wheel! NO NOT THAT ONE!
I can see myself doing this too
The Pope has defenses not many know about
Now that would cause quite a ruckus
P.S I can now insert images into posts easily again. Huzzah!

Thursday, 8 October 2015

Now I Have Nothing

Even though it might have been a bit much to constantly talk about my health, and health related problems, it did give me something to talk about. Now that all of that is over for the next two weeks I find myself having very little to discuss. I guess it does go to show one thing though; if you do things in your life you will have more to talk about.

I can't even talk about writing at the minute because I've completely stopped that. I did a lot of commercial writing in a short time and burned myself out again. I need to pick writing up again but honestly I also want to do some more commercial writing. It's just a matter of finding a job. I thought I had one yesterday but I never heard back from the trial article. I also never heard back from the store up the road I applied for a job at.

I'd say a mean thing about them but you never know, they'd probably read this. Maybe they already did and that's why they never got back to me. I'd wonder what comes up if you Google me but I already know. There's another Mark Noyce who happens to also be an English writer and what happens when you Google me is that he comes up. I tried publishing Immortal Space under the name Mark L. Noyce but Amazon wouldn't let me for some reason. I had to redo the cover through Createspace (an Amazon subsidiary) and they automatically put Mark Noyce on it and I couldn't find a way to change it.

You know, there are probably a few things in there I could have dedicated a post to. Oh well. Live and learn.

Monday, 5 October 2015

Post Pre-Op

If you were following the blog last week then you know I spent an inordinate amount of time discussing my health. I'm now going to continue that. In two weeks time I'll be having my tonsils removed and part of that process was going to the hospital last Friday for some pre-op.
Enjoy this random comic. Anyone else having trouble inserting images?
It was a lot different than what I expected really. I thought I might be put under anasthetic to test my reaction to it but nothing like that happened. Instead I was given a bit of a health check up, weighed (I've lost like, one pound, and need to up that), measured (I've lost a few milimetres which is sad), and had an ECG done. That's when they hook you up to something that takes heart rate measurements and things like that. 
Now if only I looked like this dude.
I also got some special body wash and something to jam up my nose twice a day for five days. Yep. That's a thing I'm going to have to do. It seems it's pretty important my nose be clean and clear for this operation. I'm not sure what the skin wash is about but I've been told that for those five days I'm not allowed to use any other lotion or shampoo. I  can't even shave during that time. Then again I only shave once or twice a month anyway. I don't grow facial hair that fast. 

Lastly to answer Fang's question from last week; yes sleep apnoea would mean that I stop breathing while I sleep. Then my brain restarts itself, which wakes me up, but does allow me to start breathing again. Even though I get 7 or 8 hours of sleep a night, very little of that is the all important REM sleep. So that's why I'm so tired all the time. 

At least, that would be the case if I DO have sleep apnoea. 

Friday, 2 October 2015

Having My Sleep Studied

This post is up so late because it's going out live, right now. I forgot to type it up last night and for whatever reason (see laziness) I didn't write it when I wrote the last post. So enjoy the fresh and crisp texture of a brand new post. Anyway, it's time to round off Health Week, which will just continue next week as I tell you all about how the pre-op I'm going to today went.
I don't know about you guys but I loved Arthur as a kid
So I said there would be another appointment heading my way soon, for yet another trip to the hospital. It's nothing to do with surgery and my mouth at least. This time it's to do with my brain and my sleeping patterns. I've long suspected I may have sleep apnoea but have never actually done anything about it. I didn't like the idea of having a sleep study done. Which is what I'm going to have done soon. Again, it's another of those things where I don't know what they're actually going to do with me. Are they going to keep me over night and monitor me? Are they going to give me a CPAP device to take home and return? I guess I'll find out more when I get the letter. 
They have stock photos for EVERYTHING
Honestly it might be decided I can't have the surgery yet. The consultant said that the anaesthesiest may want to wait until they know for sure if I do have sleep apnoea because it can complicate matters. It makes you stop breathing while you're asleep and if that happens when I'm under anaesthetic I'm kinda fucked. 

As always I'll let y'all know what happens. At least I have a lot of things to blog about for once. 

Thursday, 1 October 2015

Back So Soon (At The Hospital)

I know I said I'd tell you about the third appointment I'd be getting but that's going to have to wait until tomorrow. Consider it some kind of "My health sucks" week as we look at all the things making me ill! In quite the contrast to how long I had to wait for the Barium test and the results (about two months overall) I'm actually heading back to the hospital tomorrow for a bit of pre-op.
The word "Pre-op" has really changed meanings lately
To be honest I'm not really sure what the pre-op process entails I've only been told it's to make sure that there won't be any problems with the surgery. There shouldn't be as it's such a simple little operation. I believe I may be put under an anaesthetic to see how I react to it in a controlled environment. It's a little daunting because of the fact that, yeah, I have no idea what's going on. I'll be fine though. This time I've managed to coax my dad into being able to come with me so he'll see me home fine if they do dope me up. 

It might end up taking up to three hours so it's pretty much a lost day for me. Especially if they do put me under for a bit. I've been told that even though I'll only be out for less than an hour during the actual operation they may need to keep me overnight. If I do get high on anaesthetic I need to write a blog post while under the influence. 

For the curious the actual operation itself will be in two weeks on Wednesday October the 14th. 


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