Monday, 28 September 2015

Goodbye Tonsils

So last Friday I was at the hospital. It wasn't anything bad, I was just there for some test results. I joked about how I wouldn't be seen for half an hour. The truth is that I was actually there for a good forty minutes after my appointed time. I was sat with someone whose appointment was twenty minutes before mine and he got seen about twenty minutes before me. Poor bastard.
The only thing that's been in a waiting room longer than the magazines are the patients
When I finally got seen I had it explained to me that apparently they only had two doctors on staff. One was sick and the other was on holiday. That's why it took so long for me to get seen. I think I read about three chapters of my book. The results were pretty much what I expected and you might be able to guess from the title of this post; I have Tonsillitis and will need to get a tonsillectomy.
I was going to post a picture of a tonsil but they look gross
I'll get not one, but two, appointments in the mail over the next few weeks. Oddly enough they're only taking the right tonsil. The other one is the right size so they're leaving it. I don't know why. I don't know what the hell the tonsils do. Even though the operation only lasts about 15-30 minutes I might be kept in overnight. Being the fat bastard I am means they need to use a lot of anaesthesia on me and may need to keep me in because of that. That's what the other appointment is for. They're going to have me go in a week before the exam and basically make sure I'm good to be put to sleep.

Jebus only knows what happens if something goes wrong there. Anyway I'll continue to keep you updated. I also have a third appointment but you'll have to wait to find out what that's about. It's nothing serious though.

Friday, 25 September 2015

Back To The Hospital

The last time I mentioned it was in a post that barely received any notice a while ago but I went to the hospital about a month or so ago for some tests. They had me drink barium and took pictures of my throat and stomach so they could see what was going on in there.
Not me but this is similar to what I had done
This was a little after having a camera shoved up my nose which was way more of a discomfort. But I endured it all. The barium test was a bit more of a formality than anything else as the camera test showed I probably have a mild form of Tonsillitis. My right tonsil is definitely a little bit bigger.

Anyway today is the day that I get to go back and discuss my test results with the doctor. I actually have to go all the way back in even though the hospital is a good half hour away. At least it can't be anything bad. I don't smoke and my bad dietary habits were more likely to give me stomach cancer than throat cancer.

So this afternoon I get to go to a hospital and enjoy sitting in a waiting room forever because this is a British hospital. If you haven't waited for half an hour then you haven't waited at all and if you thought you'd be seen when your appointment was then you're just a moron.

I'll be sure to let y'all know how it goes.

Thursday, 24 September 2015

You Betrayed Us

So the internet is in a bit of a tiff again. As it always is. Sometimes though it gets in a tiff about the right things and things that are worth being angry about. This is one such time. This is a real issue and one I don't mind lending my (admittedly small) voice to.
Though there is, admittedly, a difference between a voice shaking and a voice not being heard
Companies like Microsoft, Apple, Adobe, Oracle, Symantec, IBM, Autodesk and Salesforce have betrayed their customers. You might recognise some of those names. Everyone knows Microsoft and Apple at least. So what have they done? They're campaigning in support for one of those pieces of shit legislation that people always fight. This time it's the Cyber Threat Information Sharing legislation, or CISA.

It's a piece of legislation that every pro-privacy group is against. It even has some security experts worried. It should have a lot of people worried. Those companies should be standing against it but instead they're for it because with it they will be offered immunity from sharing the data of their users. It's made worse because they've often fought for privacy and now they're throwing it out the window and it's a damn shame.

If you're interested in finding out more and adding your voice letting them know how wrong they are then just visit It's more than I could say without boring you all to death.

Monday, 21 September 2015

I Lost Slightly More Credibility

Last night I lost one of the few shreds of dignity and credibility that I had left. I did something I never really expected to do and am kind of surprised I did. But knowing me, and what I plan, it was probably bound to happen eventually. So, just what did I do? What was so terrible?

I joined Instagram.
Oh God I already feel bad about it
I still abhor social media. I barely use Twitter. It turns out most of my Twitter activity was caused by bots. More on that some other time. But I saw Twitter as a necessary evil. As a writer I do kind of need a way for people to connect with me. The same could be said of Instagram too. I know a few people on it and I guess it was about time I should have given up and picked it up.

I do want to eventually be someone with a little bit of fame. For that I need to give a way for people to follow me. Follow me and stalk me and eventually kill me.

I do take a lot of pictures though. It won't be the worst way in the world to share them with more people. Should I ever get any followers that is. Instagram seems to have less bots willing to follow you than Twitter.

If you are interested in following me on Instagram, and God only knows why you would, just hit me up at mark_noyce.
I have a cool profile photo at least.

Friday, 18 September 2015

Zen Master Mark

Yesterday a friend of mine managed to surprise me a little. I've been falling apart just a teeny tiny bit and she herself has been surprised by that. Even when we were younger she felt I always held myself together really well. I was always calm, chill, and never seemed to be bothered by too much. She even said she wouldn't mind being as zen as I appear to be.
That's one zen frog
For the most part it is pretty true. I don't really react to much. I don't care much for violence or anger. I rarely feel anger. It's quickly pushed aside to be replaced with nothing. Whenever I get angry I stop getting angry and just feel nothing instead. Throw in my depression that keeps me quiet and you have someone who seems to be at peace with the world.
One of the meanings behind this card
To be honest I sometimes get worried about that. I don't see it as such a good thing. It's more that I'm dead inside. It's weird, a little scary too, to not respond emotionally to a lot of things. I don't know if I'm balanced or just empty inside. One would be good. The other not so much.

I suppose the fact I occasionally feel something suggests I'm not quite dead inside. I'm just an excellent coper. I feel I could shrug off just about anything. Not that I want to ever find out but I could probably cope my way through prison and, when asked what it was like, merely shrug and say "Meh."

Fuck me I am Generation X.

Thursday, 17 September 2015

Have Some Funnies

Sorry about this guys but I've been kept super busy these past few days. As a result I've not really had a lot of time to put something together. So you'll just have to enjoy these humurous pictures for now. Real posts coming soon.

The kind of parent I aspire to be

At least she's forward?

True dat

It's important to have a humor about everything

I think that's a sign you're a bad comedian :(

Canadian suicide. Sad and hilarious.

Lousy intolerant Facebook.

Monday, 14 September 2015

Ramblings Today Because Tiredness

I'm not going to lie to you guys I am pretty sleep deprived as I write this. My clock says it's not even midnight yet but my brain says it's sometime past next week. I'm so tired I'm wondering who would win in fights between Roman and Greek gods. Today I spent longer in a car than I did asleep last night. I was awake in the car too.
A view of the sunset from said car
I went back to the beach today. My other sister asked if we could take her kids to go the seal sanctuary and go to the beach. So this year even though I didn't get to go on holiday for a week I DID get to see the baby seals twice. So that was pretty awesome. Actually between the last time I was there and today they acquired a third baby seal. So that was even better. The new seal was called Celebration.
It was close enough for me to reach it and give it belly rubs but it would have bitten me :(
Then when I got home I had to go do my podcast which kept me busy for another two hours. So it was a long time before I finally got to stop and rest. It was tiring as hell but, hey, a lot of fun too. One of the nieces I took was seven and has enough energy for about 10 people. So she's fun in small doses. Small doses like a trip to the beach.

Actually she was one of the reasons I started to lose weight. We went to the amusement park at the seaside town and she wanted me to go on rides with her but I was too big.

If you're still interested next year we'll go do it then, eh?
One more picture of the baby seals. 

Friday, 11 September 2015

Long Live The Queen

It's not very often I really flaunt my Britishness here. I don't think there's much special or to be proud of about where you're born. It's pretty much entirely by chance. Unless your parents specifically moved somewhere before giving birth to you so you'd grow up there. As far as I know my parents didn't do that. Tracing records is annoying though. There's no way to tell who is actually related to you when you just search for names on the census. Though I do think it would be pretty cool to trace my family tree.
Some family trees are straighter than others. 
Speaking of families where the family tree is a straight line (I think that counts as treason) the Royal family celebrated quite a milestone this week. Queen Elizabeth II (that's the second, not 11, you dumbasses who don't understand Roman numerals) became the longest reigning monarch, surpassing Queen Victoria, who is perhaps more famous.

I'm not much of a royalist by any stretch of the imagination but mentioning that story did let me use these quite funny tweets. I imagine they're fake, as I think David Cameron's Twitter account being hacked, or him actually being this retarded, would be bigger news. Anyway, have some fun while you celebrate the Queen becoming the longest reigning monarch. If, you know, that's your thing.

Now that's a Queen I can support! Fake tweets courtesy of Newsthump, the UK's answer to The Onion.
A very important lesson. 

Thursday, 10 September 2015

I Don't Know How It Happened But I'm Glad It Did

So Tuesday was the day I got weighed. I didn't have a lot of conversation with Morgan this time around. I'm going through a pretty depressed period at the minute so I'm not much for conversation. I did hand her the leaflet for the animal farm I visited last month though. She's got a young kid so I thought she'd be interested. She was. So brownie points to me.
Mmm brownies. 
I somehow managed to lose four pounds last month. I don't know how many people will understand this but I was exactly 18 stone, which is a UK measurement of weight. I think it's in a few other places. Overall that's a lot of progress made and I'm half way through my weight loss which is something I'm just realising now. I think I'm about half way now.

Anyway the reason it's so surprising is that I had a really bad month in terms of diet. I had several takeaways and went out for a few day trips. I even had pizza. I ate badly. Like, so badly I can't put it into words. I really got away with it last month but I can't do the same this month. Time to rein everything in and eat properly again. If I lose four pounds despite my best efforts I should lose a lot more when I try.

Monday, 7 September 2015

Planning DONE!

In the vein of providing accountability for myself that I started while writing Immortal Space, I decided I might as well start updating you guys on the progress of my next novel; The Spirit. It's a fantasy adventure set in a world where everyone has a Spirit that lives inside them. I'm sure I could go into more detail when I'm not as tired as I am right now.

Well as the title of the post implies this past week I went a little nuts and decided "Fuck it, let's get the plan done." So that's what I did. I sat down at my computer and began writing a basic plan and about an hour or two later I was finished with it. Go me. I've written up a basic plan that covers major events of the 20 chapters. Actually I started writing the new chapter last night and so far I've not touched on the actual main points put down in the plan.

The downside of keeping you guys up to date on The Spirit is that I won't be able to write it as fast as I did Immortal Space. The good news is that it should be shorter. The first draft at least. I already know a few things I'm going to be changing in the final version. See I'm writing it by hand so I can only tell you how many pages I've written. Though if it helps each page has about 250 words on it.

Right now that page count is 38. I've taken to numbering the pages because the pad is low quality and falls apart easy. Here's hoping I don't lose any of it!

Friday, 4 September 2015

AMA Answers Part Four; Fang's Friday

Hello and welcome to the fourth and final part of my AMA answers. This time I'll be taking questions from Fang, who I feel sorry for because he had to wait so long to get his questions answered. Well here they are.

1. In Immortal Space, who is your self-insert character?
Trent, obvs. He is exactly how I would be if I found myself immortal one day. A massive collection of everything from the past, triple backed up for security purposes. I've actually considered buying a second Dreamcast just in case my first one breaks. I'm not kidding.

2. Book sale expectations vs reality?
I'm very realist. Every time someone asks me if I've sold my books I generally respond with doubt. It's doing surprisingly well though. I think I've sold about ten copies which isn't bad given I've had almost zero advertising and have very few friends I can make buy it. I would like to sell about a hundred, I'd kill to sell a thousand, but I expect to sell about as much as I have unless I can put money into advertising. Which I can't at the minute.

3.How effective do you feel your blog is as a marketing tool? How often do you get followers from outside your existing circle of blog contacts?
The blog is nowhere as effective as it could be. I've made a few sales from here though so I can't say it's definitely pointless. It's helped to post here about Immortal Space. I've also sold a few copies through other means. I rarely get new followers anymore and it's been a long time since I got a comment from someone I didn't recognise. I really need to work on expanding my blog audience, which in turn will help expand my book reading audience.
4. Immortal Space 2: Undead Reborn when?
I'm not sure. I have one very basic idea. If I can get more ideas and build on it then I can make a sequel. Not to give the ending away but I definitely left the room open for a sequel and left enough behind to make a sequel. But if there isn't one mayhap you'll be the only one annoyed. It really is a case of "If I can think it, I can make it."

Also I may use that title. If I do I may not be able to credit you. Hope you understand.

Thursday, 3 September 2015

AMA Answers Part Three; Christine And Mich

Welcome to part three of my AMA answers. This time I'll be answering the questions of Christine and Mich, who both asked me about my favourite things. First off a thank you to both for using the correct spelling of the word "favourite".

Christine asked; What are your favourite foods?
It changes all the time to be honest. Right now I really enjoy fish fingers. At least this time it's something healthy-ish. Usually my favourite food is something deep fried or with enough fat to last a week like pizza or burgers. Right now I've got cravings for cod. I think my all time favourite food might still be lasagne, but I rarely get to eat it anymore. 

Mich asked; What are your favourite books? 
 That's definitely the Artemis Fowl series. Right now I'm actually reading through them again. By the time you're reading this I'll have finished the eighth and last book again. Each one is between 300 and 400 pages long so they're a quick and great read for anyone. I wasn't a big fan of the overall ending the first time around but maybe I'll like it a little more this time around. I've found myself accepting things better the second time around.

Heck the last time I watched Star Wars Episode 1 I didn't even hate it.
An incredibly charming bit of dialogue from Artemis Fowl 7. I'm so teaching my potential sons those lines.
I'm adding this after finishing Artemis Fowl and The Last Guardian. The ending was actually good. I must have judged it too quickly last time, not understanding it properly. Still an incredible shift in tone though. Still not a major fan of that.

Wednesday, 2 September 2015

AMA Answers Part Two; Debra She Who Seeks

Hello and welcome to a special Wednesday post, brought about by the positive response to my AMA. Today I'll be answering questions posed by Debra, She Who Seeks.

1. How do you come up with the plot ideas for your stories and novels? The creative process fascinates me. Do you feel the ideas come from within you or from outside you? Do you think you have a Muse?

That's quite a loaded question but there wasn't much of a way to split it up. So I've left it as is. The ideas I get for my stories tend to be random flashes of brilliance. I'll just get an idea and then jot it down or repeat it in my head like a mantra so it gets stuck there and I can work on it later. That's as far as the initial idea itself goes anyway. Sometimes I'll be struck by the want to do a particular story, and things will just go off in my head. That's what happened when I decided I wanted to write Caspian. I wanted to write a novel about pirates, so I got some ideas and clobbered something together in my head. The story fills itself out over time as I get good ideas and disregard other ideas.

I've actually done foreshadowing without thinking about it. My head just seems to work on levels without me realising. I went into a story without a full plan. When I got to a certain part I realised it coincided perfectly with something I had written before and I could make the two events related.

The ideas tend to be a mix of the inside and the outside. I think every writer draws on outside sources. You can't do that too much though or it becomes dangerous. Look at how many stories there are where kids are thrown on an island in the middle of nowhere and have to fight for survival. A lot of my ideas also come from within though and I add my own flair to what I write to make it more unique; more me. 

As far as a Muse goes...I don't know if I do have one to be honest. I certainly muse a lot but when it comes to things or people that inspire me I can't say there is one. I have people I feel have to work and strive my hardest for but I wouldn't say they are a muse. I had a muse for one story I wrote, but just the one.

2. And, on a completely different note, what would you do if you won the Lottery?
I'm very boring. I've done the math and I know how much it would take for me to live comfortably for the rest of my life. If I won the lottery I would put a lot of it in a savings account, keep some in my current account, and split the rest between my family and charitable causes. I would not become one of those people who goes insane with wealth, spends it all in a matter of months, and is back to destitution quicker than the Flash after flashing someone. 


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