Thursday, 28 May 2015

Pre/Post Birthday Blues

Even though it's now past my birthday this is more to do with the blues I was feeling before my birthday. I wasn't going in to it feeling too great and I even made a note of that on my birthday post. There's a very good, and quite simple reason for that. One I suppose I will go in to now.

"Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin."
As you know I turned 25 this year. I'd like to thank the people who wished me a happy birthday. Rather than feeling blue because I felt old or anything, I was feeling depressed, and still kind of am, because I've not managed to accomplish anything by this point in my life. Looking back I am a colossal failure. There is no hiding from that fact. I am yet to hold down a "real" job, or even a not so real one. I am yet to release a full length book. I am yet to earn a decent wage.

I am yet to do anything that I, or anyone else, can look back on and say "Yeah you're successful" about.

Lots of people younger than me are much further along in life than I am. This year I turned the age I met Paul, my boss at work. You know what he was at 25? My boss at work. He was the youngest manager in Barnardos history.

I know I shouldn't compare myself to others but even when I don't I am such a fuck up. And it really, really brought me down.

And it still does.


  1. Some kids find themselves later in life, don't be discouraged. It is hard not to compare yourself with others but try not to, as I always tell my son you have your own path to follow. One good thing is that you are friends with your boss, how many people can say that? Maybe he can give you some advice if you ask.

  2. Keep working towards your goals and dreams, Mark! Success doesn't just fall out of the clear blue sky -- it comes from hard work and perseverance. Don't worry about being a late bloomer, just keep on striving!

  3. There are hundreds of thousands of people your age who aren't on a career path and many without jobs. The world is different from when your boss was 25. Very few jobs around and most of those are in the service industry. You are not alone, so don't feel so bad.

  4. Ahh, but look at by what standards you are judging yourself... how much money you make, or how many promotions you were given at work, or how far you are in your career. If society judged others on what is really important... being a good and caring person... you would totally rule at life by those standards!

  5. Lots of people younger are farther along in life, but just as many are in the same position as we are. I know how you feel--when I turned 30 in September I was like well is this it, is this my life? I finally have a job that pays an ok salary (even though I don't really like it), I'm still living with my mother because my finances are in ruins, I'm still not married (and not even dating anyone), and I've kind of given up on my books. It's a horrible mindspace to be in. I think a lot of that negative thinking is based more in frustration than in true facts.

    BUT I really don't think we're total fuck-ups. We just have a harder climb than a lot of other people (probably because we're more artistically-minded). Keep at doing what you love. You'll get where you want to be, and the longer harder road will have made you wiser than those who got there much earlier. <3

  6. Well ain't that some bull-shit. "colossal failure"? Puh-lease.

    You had the balls to self-publish your short stories, for one. That full-length book? It's on its way, isn't it? And it's going to be absolutely smashing, isn't it? You're also (still) holding down a blog with a decently sized readership, which if anything, is decent networking/advertising.

    Most folks at 25 just finished their degree and are fishing in the ocean for that one rainbow tuna with "your job" written on it. You're honestly not far behind the curve, even though it may look like you are because all those "early success" stories always make for such great articles.

    I know it's very easy to talk and say "pull yourself out of it", but that actually getting out of a depression isn't an easy, simple or otherwise very doable task. And of course some dude you half-know writing a thing like this isn't a very big help. But as I explained above, if you look at things objectively, you aren't doing bad at all. And even if you were, you're only 25 man, you still got seas of time.

    Try not messing yourself up too bad over these kinds of things. I hope I get to read some more good-news posts soon, including updates on that sweet, sweet Immortal Space.


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