I've finally realised just why I became so apprehensive about writing again. I write my blog of course (though that's more touch and go than ever really) but I don't write in Immortal Space as much as I'd like. That kinda bums me out and depresses me too. I'm supposed to be a writer/starving artist. I'm supposed to be the kinda guy who has a part time job to support his writing habits. But I'm not. Partly because I don't have a part time job and also because of my mental state. That probably plays a bigger part. I'd be pretty cool with a part time job. I think. Depends on the hours.
Well anyway, I'm sure you're all tired of hearing about my publishing woes by now, but that's the cause. To answer any questions you might have had the guy is called Aaron Yelenick and the company is called Proxy Publishing. I took your advice and tried to find out more about him but because "Proxy Publishing" is an actual industry term, I couldn't find out anything. The last I heard from him, I think I mentioned it on here. He told me that he needed some keywords for my story and I gave him some.
EDIT: I've since talked to him and we've smoothed things out and cleared things up.
I had plans. I was feeling on top of the world and writing a lot. I blazed through my Immortal Space rewrites and I made writing a habit again. I was going to have him publish The Beast, and then publish Immortal Space too. I was going to get off of unemployment and focus entirely on my writing. I was going to have the life I've wanted. Then reality kicked me square in my boyparts. The guy never published me, and I became depressed. I accepted that he wouldn't publish Immortal Space too. This made it incredibly difficult to look at it. It made it difficult to even write. Just writing made me think about that and depressed me. Writing is something you need to be in the mood for. It's something you don't realise the extremeness of until you try it.
I made backup plans; I decided to keep writing Immortal Space. I decided to send it off to other publishers. To approach them and take a risk. But the depression was there, as I said. I became unable to look at Immortal Space and going through it made me sad. I should probably try and write some more short stories or something but I really want to get through Immortal Space. I'd like to finish it and move on from this.
I'm getting tired of things not going the way I want them to go. I know in the end though they'll go where I need them to go, wherever the fuck that is. Maybe I do finish I.S and submit it to a publisher. Maybe they love it and sell it, and I get a little fame. Maybe I write short stories instead. Release another collection. Maybe I do something and just make something of myself.
I'm just damn tired of feeling like a failure. I'd like to look my dad in the eyes and say "I did something." Some people never quite realise what they've done to you.