Monday, 18 November 2013

Motivation Is Strange

I find myself in a bit of an odd place right now. I'm exhibiting the signs of depression, mostly a lack of motivation, but I'm not actually depressed. I spend a large amount of my day smiling and just randomly smiling. It's not something I'm used to. At the same time though, I'm having a heck of a time to build up the motivation to get things done. To actually do things in general really. I'm wasting my days away. As I said though, I'm not depressed. I'm really quite happy.

Still I find it difficult to write. I find it difficult to go to the gym. I find it difficult to go out at all. I find it difficult to call up the motorbike school and get this CBT sorted (my dad is at work all this week and I need him to take me there, so it's not possible this week. Feck.). I'm just finding it difficult to do something productive or that will impact my life positively. At least I finally went to my doctor and asked him to test me for diabeetus. They took a blood sample last week and I should have the results back either today or tomorrow. It generally takes them about a week to process the results. Even if I don't have the diabeetus I should be making some lifestyle changes. In a way I kind of have because I bought some more real food lately. I've been eating more of it too. At the same time, with this lack of motivation, I'm going to find it difficult.

I'd say that it's because I'm at a bit of an impasse right now. I still don't know if I can do this job I technically have and I'm still waiting for that medical form. The people who got me the job are going to get in touch with them again today. The Human Resources guy there is baffled because apparently, he definitely sent the letter and he's gotten them back from the other people who had to fill them out. I take it as a sign that I really should not be doing this job. Some great Celestial being, probably Celestia, is taking care of me.

That is the case for some of these things, such as the CBT and it was the reason I didn't go to the doctor straight away. I wanted to wait for my medical form and combine the trips. I also find it very hard to set aside a day to learn how to ride a motorbike when I'm not sure when I'll actually be free. It doesn't really excuse the lack of keeping myself in shape or writing though. For a long period of time I was writing things the day I was uploading them. It's why I thanked the fans and said that they were the reason I was able to keep doing it. I was burned out long before that story ended.

I suppose that while some aspects of my life are going great for once, others aren't. I'm not exactly depressed, not by a long shot, I really am just having difficulty staying motivated. Damn, my sleep deprivation has been getting worse too. I lose a whole half hour to an hour in the morning now. It ain't fun. Not hard to see why I'm having trouble staying motivated really.


  1. My father-in-law had a scare with the diabeetus and changed his eating habits while waiting for results. They came back negative, but he kept at it and has lost quite a bit of weight. Definitely worth it no matter what the results.

    And I know that feel. It's hard to stay motivated to write and go to the gym. I just have to get it into something I do every single day so it becomes habit.

  2. I always thought that if I was ever happy it would be no problem staying motivated. Perhaps that is wrong though, because if you are happy, what incentive is there to strive to improve your lot? You'll just be content to sit around feeling happy I suppose. You could set small goals, and force yourself to do them. Sort of like practicing being motivated. Then set out to do bigger projects gradually.

  3. Motivation AND will power, Mark. I suspect that the weather and the shorter winter days may affect your mood and outlook as well (they sure have affected me).

    I too am at risk of developing the diabeetus if I don't change my act.'s SO HARD to stay motivated to workout and sort life! I'm behind you, buddy!


  4. I have found that, when I feel a lack of motivation, what helps me is to get started. I know that sounds crazy, but I've always been surprised that it takes very little time to get started (less time than I think). Then, once I have, things just flow. Easier said than done, I know.

  5. i think it is natural to feel a bit up in the air until you get some answers....i do hope they get back to you soon...tis the season as well...

  6. It takes a lot to get me motivated too. I guess it takes work for some people.

  7. Depression isn't only a mood disorder, but can be experienced as some kind of apathy or lack of motivation. I'm not an expert or anything, but from my point of view, it seems like you might just need to fix your sleep schedule and maybe find yourself a new activity to get out of your routine.

    If you got any doubt, you should definitely see an health specialist.

    Have a good day

  8. If you need motivation, you can sign up to my motivation plan! Just £200 a week and I'll come to your house and hit you with a big stick. Totally worth it if you ask me.

    I hope you get your mojo back soon. Perhaps all this waiting around and uncertainty over the job isn't helping.

  9. The thing is Mark, in my opinion if you're not motivated, but you're still happy and stuff then that's not a sign that you have depression, it's just a sign that you're not motivated, sort it out buddy.

  10. I don't usually have motivation to do anything. I sort of just force myself to workout/write until I get into the flow of it for a while. The motivation for me to write, though, all depends on where I am in my writing. If I'm writing an action-packed or heavily emotional sequence, I write like the wind, but if something boring, yet necessary, is occuring, my writing takes a huge hit.

    As for working out, I use my roommates equipment so I don't have to go to the gym. That way I can just watch TV while doing whatever it is I'm doing.

    I got nothing for the motorbike though, because those things are scary.

    Plus, not being able to afford any of the next gen consoles will likely help all of us for the time being.

  11. Don't talk to me about motivation I have days when it is and effort to get out of bed and there are other days that I am up dressed and doing stuff early. Although this last week I have had a few days when it seemed and effort to do anything that I blame on the weather cold and wet makes one want to do bugga all.............

  12. I know what you mean, I call those my "off-days". Definitely less productive than I'd like to be but I still try my best to power through and get something done.

    Takes a lot though.

  13. Does sound like a case of the "cant be bothereds". Only way to get past those though are simply to push past them.
    Hope you get answers soon to the job and the health stuff

  14. Good to hear from the podcast that you don't have diabetes, the job front is really dragging along for you!

  15. That's weird. You say you're depressed but you're smiling all the time. I hope you find that drive and motivation you lost.
    -Aki Suomela


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