Yesterday I mentioned that I had a job induction well, yesterday. Today I can report on my findings and if I do or do not have a job. As the title of the post suggests, I still don't know. Everyone who went on the induction except for me and one other guy got the job immediately. Me and the other guy need to get a checkup done by our doctors. The chances of the doctor saying "no, you can't handle that job" are extremely low but it's just a precaution they have to take.
To be honest I have fairly mixed feelings. I really took the job without thinking about it and what it could do me mentally and physically. I say mentally first because I have surprisingly serious separation issues. That's right folks, this cold hearted bastard gets attached to people. I'm also highly doubtful that my body could really hold out for a 12 hour shift. I also know I'm going to feel like shit though if I really say "I don't think I can handle this." I already feel like shit for thinking that. I can say with complete honesty that I want a job, I really do. Well, I want money at least. I just don't want to to work four twelve hour shifts a week. I don't want to go three days straight without talking to the most important people in my life. I don't think I could handle the stress of all that either. Damn, in the factory yesterday I almost had some small breakdowns and wanted to cry a lot.
Being unable to actually manage the job is my only way out of it, but I really am going to feel like crap either way. Either I get the job and it puts a serious strain on my body, mind, and relationships, or I don't get it and I feel like a massive failure who's managed to let everyone down by still not having a job. It'll be the second time I've truly failed to get a job. This time it'll be so much worse because I had it, and then decided I couldn't do it.
To cap it all off I probably have diabetes. What fun. I'm going to have to talk to my doctor about that too.
I guess what I really need is for someone to tell me that it's okay if I can't do this and, most of all, for me to believe them.