Friday, 1 November 2013

I Still Don't Know

Yesterday I mentioned that I had a job induction well, yesterday. Today I can report on my findings and if I do or do not have a job. As the title of the post suggests, I still don't know. Everyone who went on the induction except for me and one other guy got the job immediately. Me and the other guy need to get a checkup done by our doctors. The chances of the doctor saying "no, you can't handle that job" are extremely low but it's just a precaution they have to take.

To be honest I have fairly mixed feelings. I really took the job without thinking about it and what it could do me mentally and physically. I say mentally first because I have surprisingly serious separation issues. That's right folks, this cold hearted bastard gets attached to people. I'm also highly doubtful that my body could really hold out for a 12 hour shift. I also know I'm going to feel like shit though if I really say "I don't think I can handle this." I already feel like shit for thinking that. I can say with complete honesty that I want a job, I really do. Well, I want money at least. I just don't want to to work four twelve hour shifts a week. I don't want to go three days straight without talking to the most important people in my life. I don't think I could handle the stress of all that either. Damn, in the factory yesterday I almost had some small breakdowns and wanted to cry a lot.

Being unable to actually manage the job is my only way out of it, but I really am going to feel like crap either way. Either I get the job and it puts a serious strain on my body, mind, and relationships, or I don't get it and I feel like a massive failure who's managed to let everyone down by still not having a job. It'll be the second time I've truly failed to get a job. This time it'll be so much worse because I had it, and then decided I couldn't do it.

To cap it all off I probably have diabetes. What fun. I'm going to have to talk to my doctor about that too.

I guess what I really need is for someone to tell me that it's okay if I can't do this and, most of all, for me to believe them.

10 comments:

  1. I'm sorry Mark but no one can make you believe me but work/jobs are a pain in the rectum that let you enjoy the off time......mostly!

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  2. From someone who is unable to work due to severe pain and Fibromyalgia, I can totally get when you are saying. I feel very unproductive now and it affects the way I see myself. First things first Mark, your health is more important than anything.

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  3. It's a nasty cycle....you take a job that makes you miserable....which makes you more miserable...then your work suffers... Which makes you even MORE miserable. My advice? If you have ANY reservations, give it a pass. No one wants to be miserable.

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  4. 12 hour shifts?!!? Are these people crazy?!? Isn't there a law against such working conditions? Listen. I am putting on my auntie hat and if I have to drag you and all those who applied for this job away, I would. 12 hour shifts!?!? That's inhuman, sorry. Please please think of your health, your well-being, your happiness. :-) Take care
    x

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  5. Best of luck with this Mark, if 12 hour shifts seems like too much then don't go for it man, I'm not saying that to set you back, give it a try and if it's draining then try to change or just find something else. I did my first ever 10 hour shift today and it really exhausted me, saying that the money is good, it's worth seeing what it's like and trying the pros and cons.

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  6. def talk to your doctor about that....and you know...any job is going to put stress on all areas of your life...it comes with the territory....long shifts can def be brutal and take getting used to the rhythm...

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  7. I didn't want to say this before because it would discourage you, but it is extremely unlikely someone who is not use to working full time could endure the 12 hour shifts. You're an intellectual... a job like that you probably won't be around many people like your self, which will make it seem even more miserable. You could try it and see if you can stand it though. We working stiffs don't like that stuff. We do it for the money. Don't go there expecting anything positive or to be treated respectfully, or you'll just be disappointed. Yeah... working sucks.

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  8. Diabetes can be a real kick in the guts if it is hard to control, I have a friend who has had a lot of trouble getting hers under control and mine is barely controlled..............as for the job you never know you may handle it well or you may crash and burn...............who knows one of those things you really won't know unless you try

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  9. >probably have diabetes
    If it was Web MD who told you that, put a band-aid on your scraped knee. If not, yeah, definitely go see a doctor. You don't really want to hang in this "maybe, probably" zone when it comes to medical stuff.

    As for the job, it'll probably be hard, yeah. Jimmy seems to have it by the right end, all I can add is "what doesn't kill you make you stronger". It may be worthwhile getting used to situations like those.

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  10. I'm so sorry, Mark. I really hope that a different job comes up instead. My heart goes out to you.

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