Thursday, 31 October 2013

Trick? What Trick?

Despite all the major things happening for me today (and trust me today is a big day for me) I would be very remiss if I didn't mention the fact that today is of course Halloween. That magical time of the year where women are forced to dress in highly revealing clothes, kids get free candy, and I'd make a paedophile joke here but it probably wouldn't go down well. I've been listening to a lot of dark humour lately.

Anyway, speaking of dark things, Halloween is just...dark I suppose. Or at least I think that's what it's supposed to be. I'm a grumpy old man with no kids who also hates kids so it's not like I know or care what it's really about these days. It seems to me to be one of the few things we borrowed from America. I think my biggest problem with it is a semantics issue. Kind of. "Trick or treat" implies that you can actually opt for a trick and not provide a treat, but that isn't the case. Saying you have no sweets is met with abuse and often vandalism. I can't wait until I'm a cranky old man with a shotgun and a porch. I'll just live it up on there every Halloween. Sat on a rocking chair and stroking a massive gun. Of course to really keep the kids away I'd have to be stroking something else but, again, I don't think that would go down too well.

I'm not really against Halloween or anything by the way. It's a pretty fun time of year where people of all ages can wear whatever the heck they want and not feel like they're being judged. Except me. I did have some plans this year but as I said, today is a big day for me. I have a job induction this afternoon and probably will not in fact be able to do any kind of dressing up. So I guess I'll have to wait until next year to dye my hair pink.

Yes, that really was my plan for this year. I had other plans but the most glaring part was the pink hair. It would have been removable by the way. I'd have gotten the kind that comes out very easily and would be gone after a long bath. This year I had neither the time nor the money to acquire a costume. Next year I hope to do more. For now I can just enjoy all the effort that a friend of mine went too, including buying white angels wings and black cat ears and painting them grey.

She needed them in grey.


  1. Welcome to your new life as a working man. The last time I got to celebrate Halloween was during the Reagan administration.

  2. That's not the only thing you borrowed from America. You borrowed Madonna. But, then you gave her back. Really, there was no need to do that.

  3. As a fellow crotchety old man, I look forward tonight to shutting off all of the lights, barricading myself in my room with a few good TV shows, and grumbling at all of the stupid kids that STILL ring the doorbell even though my entire house will be pitch black.

  4. I hope your job induction went well Mark.

  5. I hope that you have a Happy Halloween buddy that sees your induction go brilliantly, best of luck man.

  6. I wish I had time to dress up or even get a costume.

    I spent Halloween in the office lol.

  7. I went to a Halloween party as "Generic zombie apocalypse survivor number 302065". Everyone thought my costume was great, even though most were wearing the same.

  8. Well, call me dumb. I had no idea you guys celebrated Halloween. I really thought it was just an American thing.


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