Monday, 29 July 2013

Holidays Are Coming

It's summer and that means one thing, and one thing only. It's time for me to blow up the sun. It's been in my face for far too long thinking it's better than me. Time to teach that thing a lesson or two. Although what I'm actually talking about is of course a summer holiday. Mine is coming up and will actually be next week. I'll be leaving this Saturday and will be back next Saturday.

This is why, if you read my post on Friday about hopefully acquiring a license to ride a motorbike tomorrow, I won't be getting an actual bike for a week or two. I wanted to get the license out of the way as quick as I could so I couldn't back out and keep putting it off. That's one of the biggest problems I have with anything.

Well anyway that's not what I'm here to tell you. The main thing I'm really here to tell you is that I will be going on holiday of course. I'm also not sure I can really leave behind a list of posts for you to read next week like I did last year (and the year before even). I'll try and see if I can but I'm not sure.

I'm going the same place I usually do which is a resort town here in England. I'd tell you where I'm going but I don't really want to be stalked. I'm now wondering though if I could somehow promote my book while I'm gone. Hmmm. If anyone has any ideas then let me know.

As has been discovered before I'm actually not bad at promoting things, I'm just terrible at promoting myself for some reason. If I was to take things seriously then heck I could probably do a fantastic job. I'm a fun and charismatic guy.

Once again though not the point of this post. This post has served it's purpose. I may have given myself two more ideas for posts though. Ooooh yay.

Friday, 26 July 2013

I'm Possibly Going To Be Mobile

I mentioned on Monday that I may be getting a job some time in the next few weeks. In preparation for that job I am going to do something I should have done a long time ago. I'm going to acquire a vehicle. Whether or not I get the job a vehicle will help in the long run because even if I don't get this job, it'll certainly be handy in acquiring other jobs. I'd probably feel a lot less apprehensive about getting a job if I had my own transport too.

Last year I embarked on a dangerous mission to get my driver's license. I'm NOT going to recreate that mission this year. See as someone who has what is basically a learner's permit (we call them provisional licenses and it means I can drive a car as long as a valid license holder is with me) I can simply go on a one day course to learn how to ride a motorcycle. I'm going on that course next Tuesday and by the end of the day should be totally qualified to ride a bike that's less than 50cc. It's not much but it's better than nothing. Plus you can get some pretty cool bikes at that power, they aren't all scooters.

It's something I wanted to do before I even started having driving lessons really but lately I've been making kind of more of an effort to get my life on track properly. Although I do lament how little I go to the gym these days. Actually having my own bike would even help there. It's been incredibly hot here and it's been very very hard for me to drag my ass to the gym. Even when I get there I feel exhausted. If I rode up then I would be able to stay there for longer too probably.

Even if I pass my test it's going to be a few weeks until I actually acquire a bike (more on that later) but for the most part it'll feel good to know I do have a way to get around more and will be one step closer to doing more with my life.

Pizza delivery boy here I come! Not really though, as I have a terrible sense of direction which is a problem I have with bikes. I feel I will need a satnav GPS you see. But I should be fine for the most part and maybe even having a bike will help build up my sense of direction. Who knows? Anyway, I'll let you know how it all goes.

Now to spend the next few days telling myself I won't crash until I believe it.

Thursday, 25 July 2013

A Lesson From Bored Wrestling Fan

In case you didn't know I was on the podcast Bored Wrestling Fan again last week. I'll actually be there again this week (although not next week due to something I'll have to announce later) and basically, as I say in the podcast I'm about to embed here, I'm like a stray cat. They have allowed me in to their home and I will now not leave until they kick me out. Although it turns out, for reasons I go into in the podcast, they might not be likely to do that.

I felt kinda bad about some stuff that went down in the podcast, it was hilarious but it got seriously derailed and things got a little insane. I felt like I had really screwed up and that they wouldn't be happy with me for what happened but I found out that nah, they found it hilarious and I even gave them some good ideas. I go into more detail about what happened in the podcast and the main lesson to take away from it is that you should get the full picture before thinking something went wrong. I thought they weren't happy with me, but things actually went pretty well and I'm still welcome back there. So that's that. If you think you screwed up, find out for sure if you did.

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I'd promote BWF some more but damn I did it like three times in a 12 minute podcast. Now onto my next dilemma which is "Why will I promote someone else so much, but not myself?" I'll need a team of scientists as well as a stockpile of weapons to motivate them with. Someone get me Batman's number.  

Monday, 22 July 2013


There's a good chance that soon my life will change dramatically. At first it's a change I was angered by. Actually when I found out about it I went through all the stages of grief. Well actually I didn't go through bargaining but denial, anger, depression and finally acceptance were all in there. As most of you know by now I am on social benefits designed to help give people money to take care of themselves as they try and get a job. That may give you some indication as to what might happen. Part of the social benefits scheme I'm on, as I'm long term unemployed, is something called A4E and the work programme. I can not, and nor will I ever say, a nice thing about those things. Especially not the work programme. It's essentially slave labour, but with more of a pittance. What happens is that you do a full time job while receiving your benefits. It's all well and good to say that people should work for their benefits, I don't really have a problem with that. But when you work out how much they're paid in benefits compared to how much they're working, people are earning a wage that is effectively very, very, very little. I think it would work out at less than £1 an hour.

Well anyway, I'm not here to rant and bitch about that. As much as I do love ranting and bitching. The time before last that I was in the dreaded offices of A4E they signed me up to a pre-screening process for work in a foam factory. By the way it turns out that you CAN incorrectly stuff a pillow. They like to give you the illusion of choice but really you have two choices, you can do what they say, or you can have your money cut. So I had to go. When I was at the pre-screening process they gave people the chance to walk out if they didn't want to do the job and I took them up on that offer, just to be coerced into taking them up on their offer instead of being allowed to just walk out.

Long story short, I have a one day work trial coming up soon (hopefully when I get back from holiday, more on that later) and if it goes well, then I shall be offered full time employment. The shift hours are atrocious, but hopefully the days will be good and so will the pay. At first I was in denial, because I was told I would be allowed to turn it down and I don't like accepting change. Next came anger as I realised I never had a choice in the first place and I was being forced to do something I didn't want to do. There was no bargaining. Then came depression at the thought of everything I would lose as a result of this.

But then, in the end, came acceptance. No matter what the change is, if you give me enough time I can see positives to it. I'd have some money for a start. I'd probably be able to go to America to see a friend. I'd be more secure and able to write. There are very few writers, especially ones starting out like myself, who can write exclusively. This also isn't something I'm going to be stuck in. All in all it could be good for me.

Plus there's always the chance the work trial will go badly.

Friday, 19 July 2013

So Long And Thanks For All The Quorn

Two things to clear up before I begin; No I am not actually about to announce my retirement from blogging. The title is a reference to the Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy.

Two; Quorn is possibly one of the most well known meat substitutes. Although if you didn't know what it was then it probably isn't THAT well known.

So what am I getting at? I lasted a long time but I have decided that I will stop being a vegetarian. I originally started doing it to try and lose weight and live a healthier lifestyle and while I have lost some weight, it's pretty much all down to the work I've been putting in at the gym. I have been going insane there and I think that's one of the reasons I've also been so sick and tired lately. I am of the belief that my vegetarian lifestyle isn't able to really keep me going and support such a physically demanding schedule. I'm pretty good at listening to my body and when your body wants you to eat meat, you kinda have to go for it.

I'm not going to suddenly splurge on meat though and eat a ton of bacon and burgers. That would be pretty damn stupid. I'm going to take what I learned in my time as a vegetarian and try and live a much more balanced lifestyle. I do still enjoy some quorn products and will actually still keep eating them. I'm also going to take that vegetarian option more often.

I stopped eating meat for health reasons and as far as I'm concerned, I'm going to start eating it for the same reasons.

Plus everyone kept forgetting I was a vegetarian and kept offering me meat. Although really that's not actually a contributing factor to this choice.

Thursday, 18 July 2013

Technically A Podcast

As much as I wanted to break reality by podcasting about podcasting I couldn't bring myself to do it. I was pretty busy Wednesday (more on that some other time) and for some reason I've been kinda sick, but only in the middle of the night. Seriously, it's weird as Tartarus. I feel fine during the day but when it comes around time for me to consider going to bed I start wheezing when I breath and it makes it tough to get to sleep.

Well anyway I said last week that I would be a guest on a podcast and the good news is that I did make it on to the podcast. The show I was on has four hosts as it is, and when I found out there would be another guest I offered to drop out. The guy who said I could go on also said that it was fine, so I said okay, and then the day of the show he tells me they have another, other guest. So that means that this podcast was a seven man show. It was definitely different from running my own solo show. I didn't get to say everything I wanted to but I still had a lot of fun doing the show and got some good things in there. Their main listener even said I should be on every episode. As I said though these guys have four hosts as it is, so I don't see that happening. They said I could come back whenever I wanted but I had enough trouble picking up the courage to ask if I could go on last week. Although I do hope I can get on this week. They even got me to plug my book. That's right, I didn't want to plug my book but they made me.

Actually two of the guys even bought it and encouraged their listeners to when they found out I didn't even earn the ten dollars you need for a royalty check.

All in all I had a lot of laughs and a good time, and did open up as I got going. Even though it was a show that was mostly predictions for a wrestling PPV that's already happened it's probably still worth listening to a little of it. Especially as it is over two hours long, and remember, there were things I wanted to talk about but didn't get a chance to.

You can find it, and Bored Wrestling Fan itself, here:

If you like wrestling then I do advise it. The show is highly entertaining. More so than wrestling itself.

Monday, 15 July 2013

So Many Ideas, So Little Time

There is a major, major downside to writing. This is that it's a very solitary thing. At least it is when you're your own proofreader, pre-reader, and editor. This means that when you have ideas, especially ones that conflict with eachother, you don't really have anyone to turn to. Someone to help make sense of all the ideas and help you balance them out and assign them an order. Someone to help make things clear.

I recently got a very good idea for a story and then I realised it conflicted with other ideas I had. Mostly the idea to have a sequel. The sequel wasn't going to be very long and would only feature one major event. At least, that is as much as I had planned. I came up with ways to introduce this major event into the story I'm currently working on. This would mean though that all the little things from the sequel also wouldn't really get a chance to exist.

My brain makes many little connections and really organises things quite well. When I get one idea I can usually offshoot them into a lot of other smaller ideas. I can come up with lots of connecting points too. I can take a story from Point A to Point B via Points C,D,E,F,G and Z. Like I said in the podcast last week, I generally have a beginning and an end to a story, and let a lot of the middle stuff write itself, except for other smaller beginnings and ends. Or, if you will, story arcs. I suppose I can kind of give you some context here.

So, in the first story, I had a young orphan character who tried to commit suicide because of abuse suffered in her past, and perceived abuse in her present. Her life is saved by someone she had convinced herself hated her, and the two made up as all the truth came out. I actually reread this story recently and it was painful to do because it was based on my own emotions at the time.

In the second story the young girl lives with the older one and confronts both her past and present. She deals with, confronts, and overcomes her inadequacies with the help of the older girl and her friend. In essence she finds a new family.

The third story would have dealt with her confronting her old family, the one that abandoned and abused her. But I think I can work this confrontation into the second story, and that really is mostly what the third story would have been. Other than some other random little bits.

I think I'm probably going to have to combine the second and third stories really. Although, by the time you've read this, I've probably made up my mind.

Friday, 12 July 2013

This Could Have Been Better

I'm sure I had some kind of really super awesome and cool idea for today's post. Last week I came up with three amazing ideas for posts for this week. I got two of them down pretty much, but then I went and forgot the third. It's probably in that place where my sanity dwells. It's probably laughing it up with my ability to sleep too. Although I did actually have a brief nap yesterday. Some really quite disturbing dreams have put me off of doing that again in a hurry. The strange thing was that they weren't nightmares, they were just freaky.

I've been on and off ill all week. I don't even know if it's regular old allergies or being ill. I'm fine one day, wrecked the other. I've also been really tired these days. Although that one is nothing new it's getting worse lately. I would always be sleep deprived yes, but I would also be a lot more functioning than this. I haven't been to the gym all week and so my aches and pains are coming back and I'm feeling crappy. I've either been too tired or too ill to go there. I guess I'm going to have to go and do some low impact stuff. I need to do something or I'll be undoing all the good work I've done lately.

Speaking of good work, I am trying to make the most out of my unemployment. One of the upsides, and downsides too depending on how you look at it, to unemployment is having an unadulterated amount of free time. Free time I could put to more useful ventures such as getting my drivers license and decorating the house. These are two things really that have been hanging in limbo for years now. I'm well aware that I am responsible for the demise of my life. I'm the one that keeps putting everything off and not doing anything.

I think it's high time I did something about that.

Thursday, 11 July 2013

How Do You Do It?

As most of you know I'm very self conscious about my writing. I'm very self aware and judgemental. I'm also incredibly surprised when people ask me for writing advice. Imagine my surprise when someone not only asked me for writing advice, but made me sound like some kind of top tier author. That, ladies and gentelmen, is what the podcast today is about. In it I read out their initial cry for help and my initial response. There was more to this but we quickly delved into the person's personal problems.

Also, unfortunately, despite my amazing words of wisdom they were left crushed when a story they posted garnered almost no attention. I was able to get past that but they weren't, this time at least. For now though, enjoy me showing off my massive writing tool.

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Spoiler alert; I'm much more badass in writing and if someone asked me something like this in person I'd probably hug them, cry, and than blather for half an hour.  

Monday, 8 July 2013

The Joys Of Me

Despite being angry, bitter, full of hate for the world and it's inhabitants, a drug dealer away from a drug problem and being one step away from being an alcoholic (once I get over how much I don't like the taste of alcohol I can begin that long, dark journey to drowning my sorrows), even I must admit there are some positive aspects to me. Let us explore a few.

Did anyone else burst out laughing at the concept of me not being full of self loathing? As if that could happen.

It's a strange thing to ponder with yourself just which side of you is fake. Which of the two sides of you that you show people, is the real you. If it stands to reason that you're who you are when you're on your own, then I am not a good man. I am, as previously mentioned, a cold and bitter man. A friend of mine, and I now have to use the term loosely, told me I wouldn't want to scare her. I then proceeded to spend the next few days creeping her out, scaring her, and then ultimately telling her she was going to die alone and unloved. I do not seek redemption or pity, or absolution, I am merely presenting evidence as to why I am a cunt. I'm also looking for persecution I guess. Someone to agree what a monumental prick I am so I can justify my own self loathing. The fact I've admitted that means I don't want it. See how confused and confusing I am? In case you're wondering I did later apologise. I also didn't tell her such a thing to frighten her. I told her that because she keeps me at a very emotional distance, she keeps a lot of people at one, and you can't do that. I've been there and in some regards I still am. It's a lonely life and I don't want that for her.

On the other hand I have a friend who says most of what I say to her is sweet and very affectionate. She sent me a care package and as I was looking through it, I actually cried. It was so sweet, so amazing, so thoughtful, and no one had ever done anything like that for me before. Fang came close when he sent me a lot of stuff for my birthday but sorry boyo this was way sweeter than that. She even included a picture of her hand she had made by tracing her hand. I held it up and placed my hand on hers, and said it was like we were holding hands. I am now in the process of acquiring items to send to her actually. Even though I already bought her a few presents just because, I wanted to emulate the kindness and emotionality that she put into everything.

How can someone be so cruel and kind at the same time? So cold and angry but moved to tears by the kindness of a friend? Really it's no wonder I hate myself so much when you know just who and what I am. I know though that all of this is a part of who I am. All of these things, they're all me, and it's up to me what I do with them. I shouldn't be scaring my friends, and I should be focusing on the more positive aspects of myself. They really do exist. I am kind, caring, patient, considerate (usually), the counselor you never asked for but are glad you have. I have one shoulder to lean and cry on, and another to help carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. I am everything. Yet I am nothing.

I am simply me.

Friday, 5 July 2013

Something *MAY* Be Happening

I stress the word may because this is only still something that may happen, and not something that is. Despite my bad luck continuing (remember when I joked that I might have Tetanus? I might actually have it this time, I stood on a nail and it went into my foot. Don't do that) something pretty cool happened yesterday. I also have some ideas for things to make actual posts about but decided they could wait. With the dry spell of ideas I've been having lately I'm taking any and all chances to actually say something beyond how shit my day has been. That gets tiresome eventually. As in pretty damn quickly. There are only so many times I can bitch about my life going down the drain before I drive people away.

So anyways, as some of you might know, I'm a bit of a wrestling fan. While the product itself, as in the TV shows they put on, has been going a bit downhill I'm still very fond of wrestling podcasts. As well as running my own podcast I also listen to a few. One of my all time favourites is one called Bored Wrestling Fan. They go out every Sunday and best of all they record in the afternoon. This means that even though they're American they go live when it's early evening for me. About seven in the evening actually. I've been talking to the alter ego of one of the hosts, and lately the guy himself, a little on Twitter. Last week he even gave me a shout out on the show which was pretty awesome.

The most awesome thing though? He's told me I can go on the show next week. I still say this is a *may* happen though because the show has four hosts and I imagine he probably needs the permission of the other three, plus something might come up for me. I don't imagine something could actually come up though.

But, yeah, my voice could soon be on a semi-professional podcast, even if it is only for the one week as a guest spot. I really hope this goes through because damn I'd love to do it.

In the time between writing this post and now, editing it, I can confirm this is happening. As long as I can do it. The guy I was talking to is the number two guy on the show. It took until three minutes to midnight but I finally got some damn good news. 

Thursday, 4 July 2013

Rough Day, No Podcast

I am writing this at the end of what has been a very rough day. I got to bed at about two in the morning, and woke up at four. Yep, that actually happened. I also couldn't get back to sleep until about eight and when I did I was only able to sleep for another few hours or so. I woke up again around eleven. Then being me I stayed up until actually kinda before my usual bedtime. I intended to go to the gym but instead I vegged out for most of the day. The camera on my laptop is messing up, I have no clean clothes (although they are now drying), thanks to my lack of sleep I've been ill. Again. It's just a lot of little problems that have snowballed into a very rough day and really just another day in a very rough time for me.

So hopefully you can appreciate why there isn't going to be a podcast today. Should I find myself in better condition then I do hope to be in the gym today. I've booked myself into a proper aerobics class and I haven't been all week and so I feel lazy enough as it is. I'm probably going to go on Saturday too.

The day wasn't a total and utter bust but I'll have to tell you more about that some other time. It's going to require it's own post and the main point of this post was to tell you that I've had a really rough day and that there isn't a podcast. It's also here to just continue to distract you while I steal your wallets and then spend the money on sleeping pills and starting a vast empire of door to door door salesmen.

If there's one thing that definitely can, and needs to be, sold door to door, it is a door.

I can see no logical fallacies at all in that argument.

Heh, fallacies. If you actually get that then congratulations.

Monday, 1 July 2013

I'm Being Awesome And No One Can Stop Me, Except Illness

In case you didn't notice or were confused I decided to go ahead with not posting on the weekend until Immortal Space is back up and running. I didn't have many ideas for weekend posts and I still read posts made over the weekend, I just won't be writing any for the foreseeable future. It really is strange to think that for over a year I posted every day and now I only post three times a week. I guess it's just a sign of how far I've come that I don't have all the time in the world to dedicate to this stuff.

Anyway I was at the gym last Friday and it was a review session. What happens is that when you first join the gym they take your measurements and your weight, so you have a starting point. Then every month they do the same thing again to see the difference. While I did technically gain in terms of actual physical weight it seems it was either temporary weight, muscle mass, or I'm pregnant. I've not quite ruled out pregnancy just yet. But anyway the main point is that I have a slightly trimmer figure as I have lost 10 centimeters (which is just under 4 inches) from my waist.

I can confirm the rumours are true, I have lost weight. The guy measuring me even said it was the single greatest loss he'd seen, which made me feel pretty damn good. It also goes to show you that scales are evil. If I had just used the scales, and saw my weight had gone up, I would have been in pretty bad shape. As it was I feel sick but motivated. Being sick also has nothing to do with going to the gym, I just got sick over the weekend.

In closing:
In other news: It's July already.


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