That was said to me by someone at work yesterday. She's a woman who works there usually when I don't so we rarely run in to eachother. As you know, when you're trying to change you don't really notice it because it's you. If you want a good gauge of how much you've changed then you need to talk to someone who hasn't seen you in a while. To be honest though I don't really feel much different. I actually spent a fair portion of yesterday depressed. It's amazing how much one little comment can really ruin your day.
Don't worry though it's nothing any of you guys said. I'm thankful for the feedback and as you know I want everything to be perfect. I can't really get very enthusiastic though. I'm not good at feigning enthusiasm and happiness. I don't really know how much I have to be happy about lately. To be honest I have not written a damn word this week. I have all this stuff on my shoulders even if I'm not dedicating every waking moment to it consciously. So instead of there not being a double IS update this week there's potentially going to be no update at all. I'm going to try though.
Luna knows I always try.
When you aren't up to doing something though then it's going to come across badly. Last week's IS update was a bit of a letdown to some. The best time for me to write is those times when I'm happy and excitable and I've not really been feeling it lately. There's always those niggling thoughts about everything in the back of my head and it rarely seems like things are going my way, or going to go my way. I always have to do more and more and more and more and more and I just want to say I've done enough. I want what I've done to be enough. But it never is.
I'm not even sure what point I'm trying to get at. I'm just apparently happier on the outside. Even my boss agrees and he knows me as an anti-social walking depression. I smile more, and I'm trying to be more social, but I can't pretend to be something I'm not.
Okay, definitely shutting up this time.