Thursday, 25 April 2013

That Kickstarter Pitch In Full

Warning; This could get long, as I have to explain some things. So on Monday I decide I'm going to try and do the Kickstarter video again. I actually had a glimmer of hope when I set about doing it. After trying and failing for over half an hour (I have a half hour video of me slowly breaking down...I really do) I called it quits. I decided to use a script because it seemed I just couldn't wing it. When I used a script I did it in one take, as I knew I would, but I had the problem of not looking at the camera. So I went in to it with bullet points memorised that I should talk about, and stared straight at the camera. The result? I'M STILL NOT LOOKING AT THE CAMERA. I genuinely mean it when I say this but I just can't look directly at a camera. I assure you I was looking straight at that little lens, but it didn't work. I only see out of one eye at a time (yes that's a thing) and so it seems that where I think I'm looking, I'm not actually looking, and my other eye has a tendency to wander. Anyway, I decided to use the written script as the new written pitch, and keep the video as it was. I also plan to do a reading of an excerpt from the book, set to the cover art, when it arrives. Enjoy. Please be kind with criticism, I'm not feeling well mentally or physically. I want to get this all done within a month. I have my reasons. Although of course, please do still be honest. I need this to be my best work to date.
 My name is Mark Noyce and I am an independent writer from the UK.
Author of one book, and soon to be author of a second one. That's what the project is all about. I'm currently working on a book that is set to be released within the next few months, about a month or so after the completion of this project. The goal is set at $2000 dollars and the money will be used to pay for a promotional campaign. This includes the creation of a website, press releases, and a four week campaign including appearances in the newspaper, on the radio, and potentially on TV.

The book is one of two parts really. The first part is dedicated to trials and tribulations that I have been through throughout my life. It's everything that has helped make me who I am, the good and the bad. There might be some bad but underlying all of that is the ever present hope because I'm still here. I'm currently undertaking the largest project of my life and trying to really do something with my life here. Once people are fully acquinted with who I am and why I'm the way I am, I move on to how those experiences helped shape my views of the world.

A lot of the content of the book came from the blog I run, and have been running, for the past two years almost, but there's plenty of new material in there and this isn't just a simple collection of blog posts. I've woven them together to read well and of course, I've added plenty of new stuff.

The rewards, whilst perhaps a little simple, are also worth it. At the lowest level you'll get a copy of the book before it's release. Moving on from that you'll get a copy of my first book, which was quite well received. After that you'll get acknowledgements, moving on to personal hand written thank yous and signed copies of the fabulous cover art. The best rewards though are something special. You'll get the chance to name a character in a book and even become a prominent character yourself in a pirate adventure novel I'm writing that is scheduled for release some time next year. You can either use yourself as a template, or create a character for yourself. There are five of those available making for a total, main, crew of six.

And now, for your reading pleasure, I present to you an excerpt from the book itself.

I realise that it's difficult to read about and become invested in someone you don't even know. This book is mostly a collection of my personal experiences and my personal thoughts and feelings about different things. As such it borders on very difficult for you to really get in to it. It's no good to ask you to read the thoughts of someone you neither know nor care about. At the very least you'll probably find it hard to connect with them and not really allow yourself to see why I am the way I am. So we're going to begin at the very, very beginning. We're going to begin by getting to know all about me. This isn't every personal experience in the book by far, but I think it's going to be enough for you to really know and understand who I am and what makes me tick. This is essentially the first part of the tag line, as this is where you will come to “know the man” and then we can move on to everything else when we're suitably acquainted.
This is something I think you’ll really enjoy and something that will really help you connect with just who I am, and probably even make you feel for me actually. This is a section devoted to me. What makes me who I am; my role models and regrets, my goals, and a few other things for fun. I have a few questions to get us going that I’m hopefully going to be able to answer in a good amount of detail. Consider this some kind of personal interview if you will, where I ask and answer the questions by myself. The questions were actually asked to me on my blog.

Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?
Not this day particularly, but I have felt like that before. Being stuck in a rut is a harsh reality and not one I particularly enjoyed. To feel like you're stuck on a loop. To feel that every day and every little thing is the same and always will be is a very cycle to break. Writing is one of the things that helped me escape that cycle and while you could argue that it put me in to a different cycle, I think it’s also true that the cycle of writing is a much better one to be in. I began to feel hope and wonder again. I’ve had my low points, sure, but I tried to retain that tiny sliver of hope.


I'm just gonna go curl up and die now.

A small edit to take in to account DWei's comment: To be honest I'm not entirely sure on the individual split. In the original estimate the guy quoted that the press release and the website were 400 and 500 respectively, but I'm not sure if this changes when you buy a full package. 


  1. Big problem I'm noticing with your script Mark. Ok, not that big but still somewhat significant. You don't have a breakdown of how much money is going to what.

    I'd advise even breaking everything down into pie chart format and showing that off somewhere, either in the video or on the Kickstarter page when you get it up.

    1. It's a good idea but unfortunately I don't know the exacts of where everything is going, as I've added a little edit to the post.

  2. I think your script reads really well and I wish you every luck with this venture. Looking forward to seeing it up and running

  3. The other day I was checking out the terms of service of youtube, and it said you are not allowed to use youtube for your own commercial gain. I am not exactly sure what that means, being that most people on youtube seem to make videos for commercial gain. Just a heads up, since the video has to do with raising money.

    I personally think it would be better to talk from your heart than to read from a script. You could edit out the parts that went rough. If you have ever seen Philip Diranco's videos, at least the early ones... his monologues were a series of short clips edited together in a fairly oafish manner. Likely, this was because he could not go more than a few sentences without screwing up his lines. You would think this would seem unprofessional, but he is one of the most successful youtubers of all time. Do you remember my video on a youtuber named kama. I'm sure you don't.. but in the video I wrote about he seemed to be reading from a script, but he pulled it off. It seemed to me like he was on his webcam and reading the words off of his computer screen. That way he was forced to look towards the camera, because that was the direction he was reading from. One youtuber that actually does a good job of talking into the camera is Greg Onision on his channel onisionspeaks. I would try to emulate his style if I were attempting to make the kinds of videos you are making. Also, Bersercules is pretty good at it. Maybe you should ask him for tips!?

    Another warning I would like to give you. It seems a very different culture on youtube than most other websites. On blogger or twitter for instance, there is no dislike button, like youtube. Youtube seems to be a camping ground for angry, bitter trolls. Some of my videos have gotten quite a few comments, and nearly all of them have been negative. If you get any negative comments don't let it bother you. Sometimes these people don't even watch the video. They just get their jollies from taking shots at people from behind a computer screen.

    "One more thing," as Lt. Columbo use to say. If you need money, you should consider becoming a youtube partner (or "monetized"..whatever they call it these days). I think if you would read your poems and your short stories, and other things you have written, and vlogged as often as you blog, you could start building up a substantial following.

    Sorry this is so long. You asked for feedback, so I thought I would chime in with my 10 cents...

  4. Mark Noyce: Trials and Tribulations
    "And that's pretty much it, I think." Aww, you kind of broke the flow there. Otherwise, you did pretty great!
    I'd say you should cut the parts with the silence though. It gives the appearance of a cut, even though not much has been removed, and it gets rid of the sometimes long-feeling silences. When I say cut, I don't mean a black screen for a few seconds, but just removing a few seconds of footage, so it jumps right into the next part.
    Personal opinions there though,

    The written pitch seems to do its job just as well. The excerpt seems to come from the very beginning of the book though, not sure if that's a great idea or not.

    And as DWei said, a breakdown of the money split would be nice. Even if you can't get any exact figures, you can still say something along the lines of "most of the money will go towards advertising using x, a smaller amount towards doing y, and anything extra I make will be put towards z".

    You've come a long way with this already, now just to polish those last tiny bits. Keep up the great work man!

  5. So as a Kickstarter veteran, DWei is right about breaking things down, BUT you don't have to break it down specifically into exact dollars. Most Kickstarters will usually say, "I need this for X, X, X, and X," but don't give exact number amounts.

    This sounded a lot better, and read really well. I think you're really, really close to having a good, solid final product. Seriously, man, that heartfelt bit at the end about how you're awesome and you know you're awesome and just need a little help to show this to the world... you could not have said it any better.

  6. I like the gist of this pitch Mark, in my opinion I think you should start planning ahead and get this up as soon as possible Mark, honestly the less time spent dallying the better buddy, if it's up at least we can start spreading the word and getting money pledged towards it so fire away buddy.

  7. dont die man....defeats the purpose of the pitch...haha....i agree with yeamie...dont rest on your laurels too long and get this thing going...and the break down can be as simple as describing where the money is going...


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