Monday, 22 April 2013

I Be (Not Quite Literally) Dead

I am absolutely exhausted. I was supposed to re-re-redo my Kickstarter video, or at least do a redo of the written pitch but I am absolutely dead inside right now. So you can't have that I'm afraid. I'll see what I can do for Thursday. Instead I'm going to regale you with stories of my wild and whacky weekend, which will explain just why I'm so worn out.

It actually began on Thursday. I decided I had had enough of not writing so I wrote a quick flash fiction that had been kicking around in my head for a while. Does it count as flash fiction if you wait to write it? Well anyway I finally started writing again. I posted it here on Saturday, and it's going up on my writing blog in a few weeks. This opened up the to speak. See I've been feeling pretty depressed lately, like nothing I will ever do will be good enough. This Kickstarter stuff has really caused it all to be even more honest. Every time I do a video it's never good enough. Well anyway I decided to write out my feelings and wrote another short story. Sadly it's actually never going to be published because it was fanfiction. But it was the kind of story that might be able to be turned in to not-fanfiction. It was actually really well received too and I've not had one negative comment. It even got a streak of fifty upvotes before someone finally downvoted it. That felt pretty good.

Speaking of fanfiction me and a guy who's on the same fanfiction site as me got to talking about accents. He has literally smoked his away but he was interested in mine because we were both British and there are actually like 19 different accents here. I said I would read one of his stories but I'm no good at character voices. I noticed he had written a poem though so I offered to read that for him. I've read poetry on here and it went quite well. The downside? It's a poem of two characters interacting. At first I decided to use Audacity to change the pitch of my voice until I realised I was going to make them in to videos, and could just use pictures to show who is speaking. In the end I had to undo all my editing, re edit the sound files, and then attach them to videos. I spent most of Friday and Saturday doing that.

To top off my weekend I spent nearly all of Sunday at work. I had to be in at ten instead of one because my boss was running the place on his own. I didn't sleep much either so I was already out of it when I went to work. When I was there my boss asked me, on behalf of a recently out bisexual male employee, if I was interested in fooling around. Once I got over being uncomfortable I began to see it as a bit of a compliment but I wasn't interested. I'm only interested in serious relationships, and I'm not after one right now. I am genuinely comfortably single right now.

So, yeah, that's why I'm utterly exhausted. But apparently not so exhausted that I can't write a stupidly long post. Oh to top it off I may have told my boss I'll go to the gym with him. If I can feel it's worth it. He's going to see if they run a free trial offer. WHY DO I DO THESE THINGS?!

Oh Celestia help me.

Yeah I don't think she's likely to help me.


  1. You're definitely good enough. That's why everyone wants to give you useful feedback and help you make the best Kickstarter video possible.

    Just let the numbers speak for themselves, like those upvotes. 50 to 1 is pretty damn good odds in your favor.

  2. I bet you rocked the poem! I love your voice, Mark. You've got great delivery and wonderful pitch.

    I'm looking forward to your Kickstarter video. It's going to be fantastic!

  3. I'm sure it is difficult to do a Kickstarter and I know how long it took for you to just show us a picture of yourself. Putting yourself on video is a very big deal.

    You have a wonderful speaking voice Mark and honestly doing audio books might be something you should think about. I'm from Cork so my accent is horrid. Even Irish people need subtitles when I speak.

  4. I have never been propositioned at work. It must be awkward since you see those people all the time.

  5. You're exhausted, that's good. Means that you're keeping busy instead of sitting around idly. Trust me, if you weren't so tired, you'd spend that time thinking about how unproductive you were.


  6. I find it quite sweet that your boss was playing matchmaker!

  7. You're a brave man for going into work on a Sunday in general, sorry to hear you were put in such an awkward situation and that you're tired though.

  8. What an uncomfortable situation the boss trying to set you up with someone.........I haven't read any fanfic in years I use to love reading them for a number of shows

  9. have been busy since i was gone...get some rest man...esp if you are going to the gym...whew...hang in there are worth it...smiles.

  10. I don't know why you want to re-do videos. My philosophy is to just keep making new ones. There will always be something you want to change, or think you can do better. If you make more and more you will keep getting better at it.

  11. I get the being exhausted part, but make sure to keep going! Haven't heard from you in a while, just wanted to make sure everything was alright.

  12. I'm sorry, the only thing that ran through my head after seeing the title of this post was: "I see dead people."

    That being said (sorry, I couldn't resist), I know EXACTLY how you feel. My lupus has flared recently, making me pathetically weak and sick, and my mom was just recently in the hospital on my only two days off of work. Oh, and the place I work at is going through a whole store inventory in 2 short weeks. That we've barely started preparing for.

    Yeah, we have about 2 months work to stuff into 2 itty-bitty weeks. That should be fun.

    Not to mention, depression is something I've faced since I was about oh, 5. I had to go to therapy at that age for scratching and biting myself until I bled. Apparently that isn't acceptable behavior. Who knew?

    So, I guess my point is that you aren't alone. And that you can definitely get through this. Oh, and of course there's the old adage: this isn't an obstacle in your path; it's a challenge of your skills. You just have to face it head on and conquer it.

    Good luck! And know we're all here rooting for you! ;)


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