Tuesday, 12 March 2013

I Really Have No Idea

I said it on my podcast post (although I'm not sure if I mentioned in the podcast itself); I have no idea how I do this anymore. Not just blogging, but everything. I found myself recently taking stock of just what I fill my days with. While it's true I probably play more video games than I should, it's also true that I still do a lot of stuff. I'm actually writing this post after a day where I cleaned the living room, the kitchen, my bedroom, my body (I had a lovely bath) and then I cleaned the bucking CAR. While I was in the backseat, and my dad was driving it.

It's kind of odd for me to take stock of just how busy I actually keep myself. I've started going to work again, I randomly clean in my spare time, I read a lot of blogs (I must spend maybe 2 to 3 hours a day reading blogs), I write a lot of blogs, I record and post podcasts, and when I think about it, I barely do any leisure activities. I won't allow myself to until I feel like I've "earned" it. I check Equestria Daily once a day, and that's about it for fun other than video games. I don't even write as much as I would like to because after I've done all the reading and writing blogs, and everything else I do, I just can't bring myself to do it. I want a writing schedule, and I think I'm really beginning to work one out (although by talking about it, I'll ensure I won't do it) and then when I went to try it, I was cleaning instead. I have FIVE WIPs (Work in Progress) when it comes to writing. One of which is a leisure project. I figure by the time a few months have passed, I'll have maybe seven or eight, as I'll just keep coming up with wonderful new ideas, and just not writing anything.

Want to know what makes this more insane? I want to do more stuff. I want to cook more, I want to exercise more, I even want to branch out in to creating music. I have the programs necessary, and I've even made a twenty four second demo (after spending probably an hour trying to work out how to use the program), but I want to commit more time and energy to it.

There is no "going" anymore, I am beyond insane, and I will not let up on myself. I won't allow myself to cut back, because I'll feel lazy, and like a failure. I will continue to push myself until I go above and beyond my limits, and it ends nastily.

I feel I'm quite close really. Sometimes I wish I was an insomniac, I'd probably get more done. Although if I slept when I wanted to, and not when I felt I had to, I probably would barely sleep. Just writing all this makes me feel like a complaining whiner. If someone came to me with problems like this, I would tell them to cut back, and take stock of what is truly important. Right now my priority should be writing fiction, not blogs, but I don't want to cut back on the blogging schedule.

I don't like talking about my problems because I know how to solve them, and I hate it when people know how to solve their problems but don't. I need to either shut up, or fix them.

So I guess I'm going to shut up.
I think I need a hug. Or sleeping pills.

12 comments:

  1. I hate talking about my problems as well, but blogger is good for venting. Cooking sounds like a good idea. Hugs back at you.

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  2. ha. just make sure you are keeping yourself busy with the right things....we can fill up our day and get to the end and realize we accomplished nothing....define your big rocks and small rocks and move the big ones first....there are plenty of things i would love to do though...smiles.

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  3. you are turning into a work-a-holic

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  4. Now, see, you're citing all of these things as if they're problems. I guess from your perspective, they could be, but I actually admire it.

    I'm at the opposite end of the spectrum.
    There's SO MUCH I have to do but I have literally no motivation to do any of it.

    I even procrastinate about procrastinating. It's that bad.

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  5. Good for you Mark, keeping busy is the way to go. Seriously though, you will feel a lot better about yourself if you constantly being productive.

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  6. That is some productivity Mark, keep it up.

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  7. I'm glad to hear you've been keeping yourself busy Mark. Honestly it's the best way to keep depression and bad thoughts at bay, to just stop that chatterbox in your brain from talking too much or whatever, good post mate.

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  8. Shit or get off the pot. I love that saying.

    BTW I like you background but it interferes with the text and it is hard to read.

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  9. I love hearing how many ideas you have flowing through your brain right now. Having a lot of WIPs isn't a bad thing. Being stagnant is.

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  10. You should make a schedule where you set aside a certain amount of time for cleaning, and that sort of thing...but set aside a certain part of the day only for writing. That way you won't take up the entire day just doing on thing. My 2 cents.

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  11. You're allowed to vent as much as you want,it's your blog after all.And take a break when you feel like it...make blogging the hobby it used to be,not some have-to-do job.That'll help.
    But about your WIPs,you might want to keep a fixed schedule,because that's what your vocation/job.
    You'll figure it out!
    :)

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  12. Taking time out for yourself is NOT being lazy - it's necessary. If you want to add a new hobby, do it, but don't do it to fill time. Do it because you want to do it as a liesure activity, something for YOU.

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