It's kind of odd for me to take stock of just how busy I actually keep myself. I've started going to work again, I randomly clean in my spare time, I read a lot of blogs (I must spend maybe 2 to 3 hours a day reading blogs), I write a lot of blogs, I record and post podcasts, and when I think about it, I barely do any leisure activities. I won't allow myself to until I feel like I've "earned" it. I check Equestria Daily once a day, and that's about it for fun other than video games. I don't even write as much as I would like to because after I've done all the reading and writing blogs, and everything else I do, I just can't bring myself to do it. I want a writing schedule, and I think I'm really beginning to work one out (although by talking about it, I'll ensure I won't do it) and then when I went to try it, I was cleaning instead. I have FIVE WIPs (Work in Progress) when it comes to writing. One of which is a leisure project. I figure by the time a few months have passed, I'll have maybe seven or eight, as I'll just keep coming up with wonderful new ideas, and just not writing anything.
Want to know what makes this more insane? I want to do more stuff. I want to cook more, I want to exercise more, I even want to branch out in to creating music. I have the programs necessary, and I've even made a twenty four second demo (after spending probably an hour trying to work out how to use the program), but I want to commit more time and energy to it.
There is no "going" anymore, I am beyond insane, and I will not let up on myself. I won't allow myself to cut back, because I'll feel lazy, and like a failure. I will continue to push myself until I go above and beyond my limits, and it ends nastily.
I feel I'm quite close really. Sometimes I wish I was an insomniac, I'd probably get more done. Although if I slept when I wanted to, and not when I felt I had to, I probably would barely sleep. Just writing all this makes me feel like a complaining whiner. If someone came to me with problems like this, I would tell them to cut back, and take stock of what is truly important. Right now my priority should be writing fiction, not blogs, but I don't want to cut back on the blogging schedule.
I don't like talking about my problems because I know how to solve them, and I hate it when people know how to solve their problems but don't. I need to either shut up, or fix them.
So I guess I'm going to shut up.
|I think I need a hug. Or sleeping pills.|