I was talking to a friend on Saturday and she asked me a question. I was trying to get her to overcome her insecurities but she wasn't having any of it so she just changed the subject. Evasion gets you nowhere people, conquer your fears! So, anyway, the question she asked me was if I sometimes worry that I might not find "the one" in time. Even though it's quarter to one in the morning and I have work on the morrow (it's technically Sunday morning at the time of writing) I decided to write this out while my thoughts are the matter are still all there. The short, simple answer?
The longer answer? I don't worry about it because I think with something that like that, it's never too late. I also don't really desire a relationship. When I look back and think on it I don't think I've ever truly felt "love". I've mentioned before that I think I'm incapable of love at times.
She followed this up with another question; Don't you get lonely?
Well, of course I get lonely. It's only natural to get lonely. Even people in relationships get lonely at times. If anything they're probably more prone to it because of the fact they're in a relationship. You get used to someone's presence, and desire it. Without them, well you get lonely pretty quickly. I also feel that for the most part I'm quite emotionally satisfied. I know I have friends if I want to talk to them, and people who do care about me, and love me. Even if not in a romantic way. When I show an interest in someone it's much more of a physical one. This may be hard to believe but I have genuinely broken a heart before. It is pretty much the worst feeling in the world, to know something you did hurt someone that much. She actually loved me, or felt she did. I felt I loved her, but then I went for someone else.
Well, anyway, the point is that yes, I do get lonely, but I don't seek to "correct" that by finding myself in a relationship. I'd consider I was asexual if it wasn't for my sexual urges. Then again those have been dying down lately too and a general lack of interest in sex is also a part of asexuality, I suppose I could almost be considered one.
Maybe one day, I'll change, but for now I am quite content how I am. Notice though, that I say "content", and not "happy". Though I don't think my lack of an intimate relationship is a leading cause in my depression.
After talking to Jessica about it I can say with 95% certainty that the lack of a relationship is not a leading factor in my depression, but more on that some other time. If at all.