Wednesday, 30 January 2013

Don't You Get Lonely?

I was talking to a friend on Saturday and she asked me a question. I was trying to get her to overcome her insecurities but she wasn't having any of it so she just changed the subject. Evasion gets you nowhere people, conquer your fears! So, anyway, the question she asked me was if I sometimes worry that I might not find "the one" in time. Even though it's quarter to one in the morning and I have work on the morrow (it's technically Sunday morning at the time of writing) I decided to write this out while my thoughts are the matter are still all there. The short, simple answer?

Nah.

The longer answer? I don't worry about it because I think with something that like that, it's never too late. I also don't really desire a relationship. When I look back and think on it I don't think I've ever truly felt "love". I've mentioned before that I think I'm incapable of love at times.

She followed this up with another question; Don't you get lonely?

Nah.

Well, of course I get lonely. It's only natural to get lonely. Even people in relationships get lonely at times. If anything they're probably more prone to it because of the fact they're in a relationship. You get used to someone's presence, and desire it. Without them, well you get lonely pretty quickly. I also feel that for the most part I'm quite emotionally satisfied. I know I have friends if I want to talk to them, and people who do care about me, and love me. Even if not in a romantic way. When I show an interest in someone it's much more of a physical one. This may be hard to believe but I have genuinely broken a heart before. It is pretty much the worst feeling in the world, to know something you did hurt someone that much. She actually loved me, or felt she did. I felt I loved her, but then I went for someone else.

Well, anyway, the point is that yes, I do get lonely, but I don't seek to "correct" that by finding myself in a relationship. I'd consider I was asexual if it wasn't for my sexual urges. Then again those have been dying down lately too and a general lack of interest in sex is also a part of asexuality, I suppose I could almost be considered one.

Maybe one day, I'll change, but for now I am quite content how I am. Notice though, that I say "content", and not "happy". Though I don't think my lack of an intimate relationship is a leading cause in my depression.

After talking to Jessica about it I can say with 95% certainty that the lack of a relationship is not a leading factor in my depression, but more on that some other time. If at all.

13 comments:

  1. You're right Mark, you're only young and there's no rush at all. Being alone isn't what's bad as a general rule, being lonely is and if you don't feel that then it's all okay. You know how I feel about this personally but I hate how desperate I've been at times and I'm looking to change that. Great post buddy.

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  2. It all depends on you if you want to share. I would suggest not, but it really depends on you.

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  3. But what about our relationship? Hmm?

    Honestly though, the "not finding "the one" in time" thing is pointless. There is no time limit or anything, that stuff just happens. And when it happens, it's exactly on time.
    Or some other sappy bullshit like that, whatever you want to believe. ;D

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  4. we all find our way...and that does not stay the same over time either...what works for us today wont tomorrow..if you are content where you are, very cool...its where you should be...

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  5. When you are able to be happy while you are alone, then you will be able to make someone else happy too. Being content right now is a great place to be.

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  6. There have been three (maybe four) major times that I felt "love" for another guy, but looking back from where I now stand, I realize that it wasn't the exact love I am now interested in. I've noticed more and more that when you don't pay attention to this sort of stuff, it all works out on its own. (I just need to teach myself to be more patient haha.)

    And I totally second what YeamieWaffles wrote on being alone vs. lonely.

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  7. The relationship I am in now is really the only genuine relationship I feel I've been in (minus my relationships with a few friends). All the other times I was in a relationship had been for stupid, social reasons rather than for personal reasons. It's better to hold out until you know it's something that'll last rather than having to break someone's heart down the line. Anyway, I can see your heart and head are in the right place on this topic(not that I'm remotely an expert on this stuff). It's better to focus on yourself now.

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  8. Being happy has this nexus with peace in the mind.
    And peace in mind means, you needs everything in the right amount.

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  9. I don't worry because I'm in a relationship and have been for nearly 12 years but it didn't happen until my thirties, if the relationship ended I'd be happy to live alone but would I?

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  10. It's a difficult question to answer I find. I do sometimes worry that I won't find 'The One' in time but then I'm a bit of a hopeless romantic and tend to think that when it happens, it'll happen. Really interesting question.

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  11. You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. But when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own. And my wolf pack... it grew by one. So there... there were two of us in the wolf pack... I was alone first in the pack, and then Doug joined in later. And six months ago, when Doug introduced me to you guys, I thought, "Wait a second, could it be?" And now I know for sure, I just added two more guys to my wolf pack. Four of us wolves, running around the desert together, in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine. So tonight, I make a toast!

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  12. Whoa! There are butterflies in your background! Purdy! Also, you're 100% right. I'm in a relationship and lonely as K is *always* working. It makes things extremely frustrating at times. I think it's good that your not letting something that is depressing for a lot of people negatively impact you. Also... yes, if they're "the one" it's never too late.

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  13. I worry about not finding the one in time... but then for some people, it doesn't seem like there is a lot you can do about it if it isn't happening. I will just take Paris Hilton's advice to do what you love in life, and then that person will find you. I guess.

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