Thursday, 31 January 2013

Therapy, Writing and...Singing...

I have for you another podcast this week. I'm not sure what my streak is now but I think it's four. This podcast is, as usual, a mixed bag of things. The main things being stuff to do with my therapy session yesterday (spoiler alert: it went pretty well), some things to do with writing, and then at the end...I sing a song. I listen to music while I record podcasts and during the podcast I keep randomly breaking out in to song, and so in the end I decided I would just sing a song. Well, that and the voice in my head told me to sing.

No, seriously, she did.

The voice in my head has a gender....

Anyway, listening back I realised I was singing way too softly at the end and it's not very audible, or clear, and barely qualifies as good, so judge me based on the random outbursts, which I feel are better. Also I'll never sing in a podcast again, ever, so there's no need to worry about it happening again.

For the curious amongst you, this is the song I sing at the end.

Wednesday, 30 January 2013

Don't You Get Lonely?

I was talking to a friend on Saturday and she asked me a question. I was trying to get her to overcome her insecurities but she wasn't having any of it so she just changed the subject. Evasion gets you nowhere people, conquer your fears! So, anyway, the question she asked me was if I sometimes worry that I might not find "the one" in time. Even though it's quarter to one in the morning and I have work on the morrow (it's technically Sunday morning at the time of writing) I decided to write this out while my thoughts are the matter are still all there. The short, simple answer?


The longer answer? I don't worry about it because I think with something that like that, it's never too late. I also don't really desire a relationship. When I look back and think on it I don't think I've ever truly felt "love". I've mentioned before that I think I'm incapable of love at times.

She followed this up with another question; Don't you get lonely?


Well, of course I get lonely. It's only natural to get lonely. Even people in relationships get lonely at times. If anything they're probably more prone to it because of the fact they're in a relationship. You get used to someone's presence, and desire it. Without them, well you get lonely pretty quickly. I also feel that for the most part I'm quite emotionally satisfied. I know I have friends if I want to talk to them, and people who do care about me, and love me. Even if not in a romantic way. When I show an interest in someone it's much more of a physical one. This may be hard to believe but I have genuinely broken a heart before. It is pretty much the worst feeling in the world, to know something you did hurt someone that much. She actually loved me, or felt she did. I felt I loved her, but then I went for someone else.

Well, anyway, the point is that yes, I do get lonely, but I don't seek to "correct" that by finding myself in a relationship. I'd consider I was asexual if it wasn't for my sexual urges. Then again those have been dying down lately too and a general lack of interest in sex is also a part of asexuality, I suppose I could almost be considered one.

Maybe one day, I'll change, but for now I am quite content how I am. Notice though, that I say "content", and not "happy". Though I don't think my lack of an intimate relationship is a leading cause in my depression.

After talking to Jessica about it I can say with 95% certainty that the lack of a relationship is not a leading factor in my depression, but more on that some other time. If at all.

Tuesday, 29 January 2013

Not Working Nine To Five

So I said there was something that I felt should have had a post of it's own during the last therapy post and that would be this. It's something I've mentioned before and something I'll probably end up writing about again. It is of course the prospect of working.

As you know I put myself through a lot of stress just by searching for a job, and I'm afraid of how much stress I'm going to be under by actually having a job. I also feel like generally, I'm not ready for a job. I'm not in a good enough place mentally. But also that it doesn't matter how I feel about it. My dad is nearing retirement age and is already semi-retired as he works two days a week. My brother does nothing all day and he can't even pretend to be looking for a job and he's always getting kicked off of his benefits. It's not that I have to work, it's that I NEED too. To be honest it's a situation I've been forced in to, and I absolutely hate it. I hate that basically my choice in the matter has been stripped from me. That I can't take time to myself to heal and recover. I almost wish I could be like my brother and do nothing with my day and not have a care in the world. But, sadly, I have morals and a feeling of responsibility. I actually care. I'm going to put myself in a situation I don't want to be in for the betterment of others and for the benefit of people who don't even know what I put myself through.

Sometimes I wish I could stop caring, but then I guess I wouldn't be me anymore would I? It's in my nature to solve my problems, and the problems of others.

Joanne asked me the very simple question of "When you're old and wrinkly, what do you want to look back, and think? What do you want to have done?" and the answer actually came to pretty easily. I want to leave an impression on people. I want to know I've made someone's life better and helped keep them going. I've already done this too a few times, having saved a few people from suicide and helping pull them out of a depression and move on with their lives.

She told me to consider volunteering in the mental health and care sector if I can. It's something I've kind of considered but what I fare best at is listening to people and offering advice. You can't really do that without a qualification. Seeing how I volunteer with a children's charity though maybe it is something I can talk to my boss about, to do something in the non-retail section of the charity.

That's just an idea that came to me while I was writing by the way, not something I brought up with her.

For now though what you have to take from this post is that I hate the situation I've been forced in to, but I accept that if I really want to have writing be what I do, then I need to actually write. I can't keep putting it off and not doing anything.

So, either I put up, or I shut up. I hate talking about my problems when I'm doing nothing about them, so it really is one or the other.

As a slight addendum I did talk to my boss the last time I was at work and he confirmed what I already knew. There are no projects in the local area, so I'm going to have to wait. I'll also be subjected to a criminal record check and intense interviews as I would be working with children. I have no criminal record, and I'm not likely to actually hurt a kid, but I wouldn't be able to handle the stress of being scrutinized like that. So, yep, if that's something I want to do, then there's plenty of waiting.

Sometimes I think it would be better for me to sign off of benefits without having a job and increase the pressure there is to write.

Monday, 28 January 2013

A True Example Of Irony

I think that, for once, I have managed to find an actual example of irony in my life. If you know me you know I don't ever actually use the word "ironic", at least, not on it's own. I'm always terrified of using it incorrectly. I think for once though that I won't. See I was at work yesterday, and I had my plushie in my pocket (I'll get in to why in a second). My boss noticed and asked me about it and what followed was the most uncomfortable conversation I've ever had in my entire life. I don't mind writing about how much I enjoy My Little Pony, especially not to people who like the show themselves, but when it comes to actually talking about the show I'm not very comfortable and still embarrassed. How is this in any way ironic? I kept my plush in my pocket as a comfort thing. Taking her with me is a very comforting thing for me. Yet I was the most uncomfortable I've ever been right there. Actually the fact that she was a catalyst of the conversation helps it be more ironic.

Well anyway, have yourselves a round up on the house after listening to my sob/not really sob story.

Tuesday was about one of the best days I've ever had where for once, things just kept going right for me. Hard to believe now that was two weeks ago. Though for me a week can seem like a month, and a month can seem like a year. Anyway, yeah, things went pretty well for me. I wasn't TOO suspicious about it, but I did find it hard to relax. I always find it hard to relax when things go right for me.

Wednesday was a celebration of my 604th post. Sort of. I also mentioned that I planned to use the occasion to get around to finally doing the blog redesign I'd wanted to do for a while. As you can see, I was able to get that done in the end.

Thursday was the latest in a long line of podcasts. This one was mostly about the redesign with a behind the scenes look on how Fang helped me with the coding to get things to look right. Also included is my thoughts on something some Aussie politician said, as well as my thoughts on the people who are attacking him for it. He said that he wouldn't want his kids to be taught by a gay teacher, and I said the people calling him various bad names for it are as much in the wrong as he is. I agree his thoughts are flawed, but flawed logically as well, and would choose to use evidence, not four letter words, when addressing him.

Friday was a late post about my latest therapy session. It went pretty well really, I even got some things out I wasn't expecting to come up. I just started talking and before I knew it I was spilling my guts about something. Though there's not much point in saying that because it wasn't included in the post. My next session is Wednesday so look forward to hearing all about it in this Thursday's podcast. Great, now I've said I'm going to do one I HAVE to do it.

Saturday was the latest chapter in Immortal Space in which the story took a slightly different turn. I was looking to split the latest update in to two parts to hold off on revealing a plot point, but didn't know how to do it. As I was writing though I started writing about Trent's past, and I feel that this trend will continue for the next few updates.

Sunday was an incredibly late post, but not by design. I set it up a few days in advance but it didn't publish. I couldn't fix it until I got home and when I got home I saw that instead of it being a scheduling error, the entire post had simply vanished. As if I'd never written it. It was just a song though, and Sunday doesn't get much in the way of views. Still, it's a nice song, so I've decided to stick it on the end of this post too.

Sunday, 27 January 2013

Late As All Tartarus

So I'm pretty late with this. It's probably my fault but I'm not too sure. I set up a post for today a few days ago and while I was at work I noticed it hadn't published. There wasn't too much I could do about it at work so I decided to just publish it at home later, thinking it was a scheduling error. When I got back home, I saw that the post was missing entirely. Not a scheduling error, it had just vanished. Anyway, it's just one song for you guys. I was reading some fanfics (it's cool to judge me, I judge myself over it) and the author linked this song. I listened to it and fell in love with it instantly. I really enjoy classical music, and don't really enjoy electronic music much, especially not remixes. So I have no understanding of why I enjoy an electronic remix of a classical piece of music, I just do.

Saturday, 26 January 2013

Prepare Thy Crybone

For I am about to break it. Even though I had written out an update for Immortal Space I had wanted to rewrite it and turn it in to two updates. I didn't get around to doing it though until last night when I had a brilliant idea. I could turn that one update in to several by branching off. See I wanted to put off an event in the story and so I thought this would be a good time to get a look in to Trent's past. Who doesn't love a good flashback? With how much anime I watch you'd think I would remember to use flashbacks to extend a story.

Although, actually, I generally hated flashbacks so I think that has been part of the reason I didn't think to use them myself.

Anyway, enjoy! Or don't. But actually I am kind of proud of how this turned out.


Trent stirred in to consciousness, but kept his eyes closed. He could feel something soft underneath him and was trying to remember what had happened before he had passed out.
    “Okay, we were on a really big job, me and Geoff.” He thought to himself. “We were trying to take out some real big shot, called himself Steven. Wait, Steven…Geoff…Steven…”
“GEOFF!” he both thought and shouted at the same time as he shot up and opened his eyes as he remembered what happened to Geoff. When his eyes adjusted to the light he looked around and saw that he wasn’t in Steven’s office anymore. It looked almost like a bedroom. He looked down and saw that instead of being on top of an unconscious Steven, he was in fact on a bed. He was trying to work out what happened but he just couldn’t get what had happened out of his head. He had been so sure that no matter what came along he would be able to take care of, and protect, Geoff. He was even beginning to think that Geoff was more capable of taking care of himself than he thought, or would like to admit. He liked having someone to protect and help out. “It helps me deal with what happened…to you…” he thought as he subconsciously ran his hand over the scar on his chest. He had a perfect body, able to heal any wound, but the one that was left by what he did to himself. He hadn’t been thinking about it much lately and the guilt of that, as well as the guilt he felt over what happened to Geoff, caused him to cry softly to himself.

His mind drifted back to that days, five hundred years ago. A lot of his life was a blur, as there was so much of it, but some moments he remembered in perfect clarity.
“I’m going Taliah and that’s the last word on the matter.” Trent said to a young woman with long black hair and a stern expression on her face. The war had been going on for a few years at this point but Trent had refused to sign up. He didn’t want to fight someone else’s battle, or for a cause he didn’t believe in. When the fighting and the damage started to leave the battlefield and the war came too close to home for Trent he decided to do something about it and go to fight for Taliah’s safety. He couldn’t risk losing the one thing that made him truly happy and gave his life meaning. He had just told her of his plans, and she wasn’t really happy about them.
“You don’t have to go Trent! Why can’t you stay here?” Taliah replied.
“I can protect you better from there than I can here. I’d do anything to protect you Taliah.” He said as he tried to hug her. She batted his hand away, not wanting to be held by him.
“Then stay here you idiot. You could do a lot more for me here.” She said. The expression in her eyes softened and she hugged Trent, crying in to his chest.
“Just stay, please. Please Trent don’t go and leave me on my own.” She said between tears.
“It’ll be over soon, Taliah. I’ll be back before you know it.” Trent leaned down to kiss the top of Taliah’s head as he spoke.
“What if you don’t come back Trent?” Taliah asked.
“I’ll be back Taliah. I wouldn’t let anyone keep me from you, or any thing for that matter. I’ll be back soon.” He tried to reassure her.
“Do you promise, Trent?”
“I promise Taliah. Nothing in this world could keep me from you. At the first sign of trouble I’ll tell my superiors where to stick it and come back to you if you really need me to.”
“But I need you to not go in the first place, don’t you get that?”
“I told you that you’ll be safer with me over there.”
“Well I don’t believe you.” Taliah said with a huff.
“I think I’m right, and if I’m wrong, I promise I’ll come straight back.”
“Okay, I believe that.” Taliah said, resigned. “But I mean it mister, if you don’t come back I’ll never forgive you.”
“Well then I’ll most definitely come back.” Trent said with a smile.
“Oh? Why is that then?” Taliah asked as she looked up at Trent curiously.
“I don’t know how I’d live with the thought of you hating me.”
“Oh silly Trent,” Taliah said, giving him a kiss on the cheek. “I said I’d never forgive you, not that I would hate you. I could never hate you.”
“That’s good then.”
“Don’t take that as a sign that it’s okay if you don’t come back. I’d still be mad, and I still wouldn’t forgive you. I just wouldn’t hate you.”
“Well I don’t leave for a few days anyway, so why don’t we manage to have a bit of fun? We won’t be able to have any together for a while.”
“And what did you have in mind, soldier boy?” Taliah asked with a sly look.
“Well I just got a great new game and I was hoping we could play it together.” Trent said with a chuckle as he jumped on the sofa.
“Idiot!” Taliah shouted at Trent.
“Idiot that you love, right?” Trent asked as he looked back at her. She could never stay mad at that face.
“Yes, the idiot that I love.” She said as she sat down beside him and cuddled up to him.
“I love you too Taliah.” Trent said as placed an arm around her.

“Oh Taliah.” Trent thought to himself as he continued to cry. “Do you forgive me yet?”
My reaction while writing this. If it invoked an emotional reaction from me, the writer, it has to be good. Right?

Friday, 25 January 2013

Late Live Post Of Therapy

I'm writing this at twenty past four in my local library (always remember to support your local library folks) and I just finished my latest therapy session. Well, I stopped by the market on the way to the library but the point remains that it's not too long after the session.

My day didn't start too brilliantly really. I woke up and then did that thing where I kept falling asleep again until it was eleven and I thought to myself I'd really wasted my day. Which sucked really. I was walking in to town for my therapy session when I got a call from my therapist actually. She asked me to come in early as soon as I could, so the session was half an hour early. Although I thought it was starting half an hour before it was so it's not like there's any major time difference.

It's kind of annoying to type on this keyboard if I'm honest but let's just get on with this. There were a few points to the session that are worth bringing up. We started with the sleep thing actually. She told me to set my alarm earlier and to try and come up with some kind of bedtime routine. I know other people have one but I don't really. I don't even know really what to put in to one. The problem I really have I think though is a general lack of purpose. I don't seem to feel the need to even wake up much really. There are times I'm able to get up after barely any sleep and live through my day just fine, and days when I just want to keep on sleeping. So I'm setting my alarm for earlier and going to try and keep staying up.

Next came the dentist thing. To put this simply, I've not been to a dentist in years. I mean, literally years. She told me to find an NHS dentist last week and I found one, but I never got around to contacting them, so that is this weeks goal. Well, one of them. Some people are afraid of dentists for different reasons and for me the problem is I'm afraid that they might have to remove some of my teeth. My teeth are one of the only parts of me that I actually like, so to lose any of them would be such a major blow to me that I don't like to think about it. Gonna do it though.

This is getting kind of long, and there was something major that came up that I feel can probably have it's own post. But I can say that another goal I have is to write twice before my next appointment, next Wednesday.

If I want to keep control of my own life, and use writing as a source of income, then it's about time I was really serious about it, and did it more often so I actually can live how I want to.

My fingers and my wrists hurt.

Addendum: I logged back on to the libary computers to add this. She saw my plushie and said it was cute. yay.

Thursday, 24 January 2013

Designing And Debating

I once more have a podcast for you which means that I'm on quite a good streak right now for podcasting, which is pretty awesome. Also my spell check recognises the word "podcast" but not "podcasting". That's pretty weird if you ask me. Well anyway on to the podcast. Covered in it is some behind the scenes information on the redesign (which is now totally complete by the way) and also some stuff on something some politician said. It's more about facts and debating than what they said in the end though.

Also thrown in at the end is a bit on my therapy tomorrow. See I can either make a very late live post or have you guys wait until next week to find out how my therapy went. I'm not sure which way to go. I think I'll probably make the late live post though. They barely get read but people find out about them on Monday and eventually get to checking them out.



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Wednesday, 23 January 2013

Super Fun 604th Mega Post

Warning; this post may not actually contain anything super, fun, or be of any kind of "mega" quantity. Remember, it's all about quality. Then again if I really thought that I probably wouldn't have managed to have 604 posts now would I?

For those of you who remember I mentioned last Saturday that it was my 600th post. Not one for celebrating things when they're actually due (I celebrated the 501st post, and other than the 100th post, that was the only posting milestone I celebrated it seems) I waited until I had a free day to get around to saying "yay, I got this far". 

Yay, I got this far.

I don't think too much has really changed in the last hundred posts and I think it's one of those things I don't see the point of really celebrating. When you consider I make a post every day it means I have to make one of these kinds of posts every few months. The splendor and grandeur quickly die and so there doesn't seem to be much point to it. I can acknowledge that, sure, it's pretty cool to have written 604 posts, and can possibly be considered more impressive given my schedule, but yep, not much time has passed. I think I'm better off sticking to just celebrating the yearly anniversaries and what not. Although I suppose I may have a quick play around with the settings and use this as a reason to switch up the design. I procrastinate my butt off sure, but when I find a reason to do something you can bet I'll actually do it. I won't walk in to town for the sake of walking to town, but I will go just to use the ATM machine. 

I make no sense.

Anyway, in traditional style for these kinds of posts, I would like to say thank you to everyone who has been here since the early days. Although I think only Fang has been here since the early, early, days, you're all pretty awesome people and I would be nothing without each and every one of you. 

In short...

You rock, woo hoo. 

Addendum: If you look around you might notice I HAVE in fact done a redesign. It was more than I was ever originally going to design and while it may not look perfect, I think it's about as good a job as I, with my limited skills, shall be able to do. My banner did not wish to be transparent. It r teh suxxorz. 

Please also note: Reconstruction is still ongoing, I went in to perfectionist mode and WILL get this right.

Tuesday, 22 January 2013

Best. Day. Ever. Ish.

I know I said I wouldn't write a post so far in advance again because it just messes with my head but I wanted to write about the pretty good day I had while it was still a good day to me. Even if every day between now (Thursday by the way) and the time you read this (which should be Tuesday) is awful I can remember that I had one pretty good day.

The day started with my plushie toy finally arriving in the mail. It was very well packaged so it took about a minute or so for me to tear in to it but I didn't end up trying to bite my way in to it, for which I'm quite proud. What I'm not quite so proud of are the various sounds I made when I finally got it out of the box. I seriously can not remember the last time I was so deliriously, so purely, happy. I'm so glad Jessica was still asleep and I didn't wake her up.
I paid fifty dollars for her and was thankfully NOT slapped with import taxes this time, and so didn't have to pay anything extra, and I didn't have to kill the UPS man. So everybody won.

My day just kept on being pretty cool too from then. I've had a reasonably busy day. I got a shelving unit type thing for my bedroom that's basically four boxes stacked on top of eachother as drawers and so now my things are much more organised and neater.
They charged us £18 instead of the £15 it was supposed to be, but it didn't really dampen my mood much. Also a keyring I ordered a while back was finally dispatched today. The person making it got a chest infection, so I can hardly blame them for how long it's been. This stuff happens when you buy custom made stuff that isn't mass produced.

There were some not so good moments, such as a shopping trip and my plushie getting slightly dirty from being inside my coat pocket. It's either dirt or the material from my coat pocket, either way she's looking a little dirty. But I'm trying to not let that dampen my mood. What with her being a plushie, I can't put her in the wash, so if anyone does have any advice for cleaning a plush toy, it would be much appreciated. The seller recommended using a cloth with a little bit of water on it and dabbing at it, and that seems to be the general consensus of the internet. It's helping, but not a great deal. I also think it's not as bad as I think it is, I just see it as being so bad because I feel so guilty about her getting dirty.

I wonder if this gif will actually play

Monday, 21 January 2013

My Week Did Not Start Well

It really didn't you guys. My cat was sick, all over everything. I'm not mad or anything, it just sucks when she gets sick. I can't be mad at her being sick because more often than not it's because of something I did. I pick all her food and I feed her and clean out her bowl, so if something goes wrong with her diet, it is my fault. I'm just glad I moved my plushie before she was sick on it. And that she missed anything valuable and or electrical. But then she went back to eating cardboard...I thought cats were supposed to be smart. Although as Jessica just pointed out to me, one could argue my week started alright, because my plushie was not puked on. I think if that happened I would have cried and risked putting her in the washing machine.

Anyway, here's hoping your week started better than mine, and here's a nice round up of the not so bad week that was last week.

Tuesday was mostly about the snow that my fair village has received lately. We still have it too actually and it seems to be showing no signs of going away. I think it's actually snowing less though so once all this stuff is melted, that should be it. Unless it starts snowing again. It was also partly about how I had planned out my day in it's entirety, every waking minute I had. Except for how I planned to wake up twice, taking in to account how I normally go back to sleep. I didn't though, so spent an hour doing not very much.

Wednesday was about my rather unfortunate incident with the man from UPS. If you remember I ordered a shirt a few weeks ago, actually I ordered it on Boxing Day. Anyway, it turned up last Tuesday and it turns out that the price of the shirt, and even the shipping, did NOT include taxes, and I would have to pay UPS, who paid the taxes on my behalf, and then charged me for working out how much tax was owed. In some bizarre coincidence (read gouging) the surplus charge was actually MORE than the tax owed. The story had a happy ending though because my dad paid the tax for me in return for me cleaning, and the shirt was acquired. Huzzah!

Sorry about the low quality picture, my camera on my phone is bad. It says "ALL SHALL LOVE ME AND DESPAIR!". I actually only took it off yesterday, and I feel really weird without it on. I hope it dries quickly!
Thursday was my latest podcast. This one was also done from a script and was about a few things. Mostly my plans on Tuesday as writing the script and recording the podcast was the last thing I had planned for the day. Also included were my thoughts on the possibility of going vegetarian. I am pleased to report that I started on Friday, and have lasted...well, a few days. But the point remains that I have managed to successfully be a vegetarian. I still eat tuna and I've now found out why vegetarians eat tuna. They don't care about fish. It's as simple as that. They see animals as intelligent beings, but not fish, because they have such tiny brains.


Friday was a report on my latest therapy session with my new therapist, Joanne. Something scary about my psychiatrists by the way. Suzy's last name was "Coward" and this new girl's last name is "Paine". It's actually kinda freaky. Anyway, the session went pretty well, although I haven't been able to live up to her goals. Yet. She wanted me to look up information on local dentists that cater to NHS patients (I found a nice place I just haven't called them yet) and to edit the second story in my collection of short stories (which I didn't do, and still haven't, and continue to be mad at myself for instead of actually just doing it. Sigh). Also for some reason people thought I had another session that Friday, I don't. I have one THIS Friday. I'm crazy but I don't need two sessions in two days.

Saturday was an Immortal Space chapter where something happened. What? To say more would be a spoiler. Also it seems I had a few logic holes, that I can't really talk about because, again, spoilers. They're mentioned in the comments though.

Sunday I tried to post a video by Jim Sterling, the creator of Jimquisition, in which he wrote and created a music video for someone he had a fight with. When it turned out that Youtube failed, I fixed the problem and the video is now there. It really was Youtube's fault. They have new embed codes now, which for some reason won't work. I had to click an option to show the old embed code. Anyway, it's all fixed up.

And that's that. Here's hoping we all have good weeks, and my cat is better now she's (hopefully) gotten it all out of her system. Here's also hoping I don't beat myself up too much over her getting sick.

P.S I didn't forget to post a picture of the plush, that's tomorrow.

Sunday, 20 January 2013

Epic Hole

I did have something for you today, but then something even better came along. I was talking to Jessica when she shared this video with me, and it was beyond awesome. I don't know how many of you have heard of Jimquisition, or Jimothy Sterling himself, but he's at heart a game journalist. He makes a video once a week where he makes perfect logical sense in a comical tirade about something in the world of gaming. This time though he took a week off to sing a beautiful song dedicated to someone he was in a huge feud with. He even made a music video.

If you like video games, or just enjoy a good rant, I suggest checking out his other videos.

Saturday, 19 January 2013


Before I get in to today's chapter, I would like to make a quick announcement.

According to my calculations, which I just double checked, this is my 600th post. It's kinda fun that my 600th post would be not just an Immortal Space chapter, but such a huge event in the story. I almost wish I had planned it so that I could brag about how perfect a moment it was. Sadly I did not plan it to go this way, but that doesn't take away from how fun it is. Anyway, here's your new chapter. I would say enjoy but given the content....nah.
“Say, why did you tell me to run away when I could have helped?” Geoff asked Trent while they were walking.
    “Why? I was try’na keep ya safe kid.”
    “Yeah, I get that, but I can totally handle myself now you know?”
    “Yes kid, I know that.”
    “Did you see the way I pounded that guy in to the ground?” Geoff said, simulating how he had shoved the guard’s head in to the ground in what Trent thought was a rather over dramatic recreation.
    “Yes kid, I saw.” Trent replied. “Thanks, too, by the way.” He added, somewhat reluctantly.
    “Huh?” Geoff asked, momentarily stunned. “What for?”
    “For stopping me back there. If you weren’t here, well I know what I would have done to those guys wouldn’t have been pretty.”
    “Hey don’t worry about it.” Geoff replied, flashing a smile in the same manner Trent would. “Although actually we could probably do with less pretty, you know? I think I’m pretty enough for the both of us.” Trent laughed at this and would have teased Geoff further but they had found themselves at the end of the corridor and in front of a door with a sign that simply read “Mr Albert”.
    “Well this is it kid. You ready?” Trent asked. Geoff nodded and reached for the door handle. He was about to open it when Trent stopped him. “What are ya thinking kid? You can’t just walk in to a room when you don’t know anything about what’s going on in there. Didn’t you learn nothing from almost being shot when you walked up the stairs?”
    “Oh I learned something alright.” Geoff replied. “I learned this idiot only has four guards and pretty shoddy security.”
    “And what kind of guy do you think would only have four guards and lousy security?”
    “I told you, an idiot.” Geoff deadpanned.
    “Not at all.” Trent replied, shaking his head. “It’s a dangerous man who only has something like that. A man who thinks that no matter who comes, he’ll be able to take care of them.”
    “I think you’re thinking too much.” Geoff said. “He’s clearly just an idiot who thought he was untouchable because he’s so far out of the way.”
    “Then how the heck did he get a bounty so high?” Trent rebutted.
    “You have a good point, sure, but I still think you’re just over thinking this. Trust me, this guy is noth-” Geoff started to say but did not finish. While he was talking he was also opening the door and preparing to step through it. As he stepped through a gunshot was heard, cutting Geoff off in midsentence as he dropped to the floor.

    Trent didn’t react instantly as he was still in shock and all he could do was stare at Geoff lying dead on the floor. He had landed on his back and Trent could see the blood pouring out of a hole over his heart. He was still smiling smugly, having died before he could have felt anything. Trent was broken out of his daze when he heard a laugh from someone who was stood not far from him. When he looked around, he saw someone in a suit pointing a gun at where Geoff had been standing moments ago.
    “You were right, Trent was it? That’s what the kid called you right? I am a very dangerous man.” Steven Albert said. “You should have kept a tighter hold on him you know. If you did I wouldn’t have had to punish him like that.” Trent wasn’t listening though. He kept looking down at Geoff, and back up at the man who was holding the gun. Eventually he let out a primal scream and charged at Steven. He couldn’t even process who he was, he just knew in his head that this was the man who had killed Geoff. Steven shot Trent but it didn’t even faze him. Trent leapt on Steven, knocking him to the ground. He wrapped one hand around his throat, and punched him repeatedly in the head with his other hand. Steven shot Trent between blows in a desperate attempt to get him off of him until he finally ran out of bullets. Trent reduced Steven’s face in to a bloody and beaten mess and was about to deliver the final blow.

“Trent…don’t…” he heard someone faintly whisper. He snapped back to reality and looked around, trying to find who had spoken. He looked at where Geoff had fallen but he was still in the same place, and hadn’t moved. He looked down at what had become of Steven and saw that he was unconscious, and couldn’t have said anything. Before he could think about it any further he finally realised how much pain he was in and shouted in pain before collapsing on top of Steven.

Make sure to watch the video for the full effect. Oh if only I could program it to play when you were done reading the chapter. That would require some very clever technology though.

P.S If things don't read so well, or don't seem a good quality, I just wanted to get this scene written and over with. Expect it to be better quality when I look back over it for the finalised version. You know, if I ever make one.

Friday, 18 January 2013

My Little Psychiatrist; Therapy Is Magic

I'm writing this on Wednesday (it was also accidentally published on Wednesday), and I seriously need to stop writing things so far in advance because it just messes with my head and my sense of time. But I had to write it now while the memories were still fresh in my head of course. Although seeing how I've been shopping since the therapy session the memory isn't too great, because I really suck at remembering things.

The session didn't start all that great if I'm honest. I felt a bit like she was being a bit too condescending, and babying me a little too much. But once we got in to it things really got better. I was really comfortable with her, surprised both of us really. I didn't really enjoy having to explain a lot of things again but it had to be done, plus she was nice.

She had some pretty cool ideas too. See I've not been sleeping too well these past few days. I always had trouble falling asleep but now I have trouble staying asleep too. I keep waking up about three or four times a night. The only thing about it is that it seems to happen when a dream finishes. She said that made sense because when we sleep we go through the sleep cycle which ends with REM as a lot of people know. What I didn't know was that it really is a complete cycle. After a while in REM sleep we slip back in to light sleep. I was aware that people had several dreams a night, I wasn't aware though that this is because we slip in and out of REM sleep. My cat has been sleeping on me lately and it started when she started doing that, but I'm not entirely convinced she's the reason, her sleeping on me has never really caused me to wake up before. Though it has been a factor in me having trouble sleeping.

She also wanted me to put my big analytical brain to good use with something she called behavioural experiments. Or something like that. Suzy had talked to me before about behavioural things and about how we tend to assume things based on pre-existing notions. Like you could be walking down the street, and you hear someone laughing, and you assume that they're laughing about you. She wanted me to challenge this though by thinking up specific evidence of people behaving how I assume they're behaving, and then actually testing it, to see if I'm right.

She also made a really big deal out of everything I did, such as going on a walk two times a week, and going back to work for a few hours.

She also still set me weekly goals. Her goals were for me to edit the second story in my collection of short stories (you remember that? Yeah the whole "edit one chapter a week" thing didn't last too long. I'm not looking forward to double/triple checking it either) and to seek out information on NHS dentists in my area.


Hopefully I'll have done some of that by the time you're reading this. My next appointment is for next Friday afternoon, which means either I make you wait a few days, or do a seriously late post that probably won't get read.

Thursday, 17 January 2013

Technically Three Days In The Making

This post, and this podcast, really is technically three days in the making. It was recorded on Tuesday, this post was written on Wednesday, and you're listing to it on Thursday. Does this count as an actual project? Well either way, I did indeed get around to recording a podcast at the end of my day like I had planned. yay. The rest of the plans are discussed in the podcast itself, as well as my current thoughts on possibly going vegetarian. I bought pretty much zero meat from the shop when I went shopping so I guess I really am going to give it a go.

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It's a bit short, but eh.

Wednesday, 16 January 2013

Friendship Is Magic, UPS Is Not

You remember that t-shirt I told you guys I bought a while ago? I think it was on Boxing Day actually. Well anyway, that shirt turned up yesterday. Does this mean I'm now the proud owner of that shirt? Apparently it does not, thanks to the magic of UPS. They have my package, valued at a grand total of $25 dollars (remember I paid $40 for it though because of shipping) and are holding it until I produce £21 for them in VAT and taxes. That is $33.80. Overall I will have paid over twice the value of this shirt just to own this shirt. 

This was mostly due to an oversight on my part. The shirts are sold with tax excluded, which I guess isn't a big deal if you're shipping to America, but becomes one if you're shipping to the UK. While I have bought shirts, and even other clothes from Hong Kong and I've never run in to anything like this, I guess it means that they people I bought from took care of everything, and in this case the sellers did not. It doesn't really make the matter any less distressing or annoying however. I can't believe I was actually almost reduced to tears over it. 

I'm going to have to ask my dad to pay for it when it comes tomorrow, which sure won't be fun. To him it's not so much, but to me it's still a big deal to ask him to do it. I'll pay him back, sure, so he'll be better about it. 

Assuming I get the shirt, ever, I'll have to post a picture of it after all this. 

If I have to pay extra duty for my plushie I WILL just kill the UPS man and take it from his cold dead hands. 

In the end though my dad did agreed to pay the UPS man. When he saw what a good job I had done cleaning (more on that in the podcast tomorrow) he offered to buy me another game so I asked him for something I actually wanted. It wasn't even awkward to bring up because he brought it up, yay. It's confusing however because We Love Fine have two shipping options, UPS, and another one that costs 50 dollars less (that's right, sixty dollars for shipping O_O) so I would have picked that one, which confuses me as to why UPS brought my shirt. It seems this fee is a pretty normal thing, I'm lead to believe, which makes me much less hesitant to buy a shirt from there, but I'll probably end up doing it eventually. I'm just not really the kind of person to spend £40 on a t-shirt, no matter how much I want it. So everything has been worked out and everything will be paid for. 

Another update because the UPS man came just that early. I do in fact have the shirt, I'm even wearing it now, but pictures will have to wait for now. Despite everything I do love the shirt and it's pretty good quality (except for a mass of brown hair on the back O_o I'm not ruling out the possibility of that being mine somehow though) so yes, despite everything, I probably would buy another shirt from them. 

Just, when I have the money to pay taxes, as well as for the shirt. So I guess either when I have more personal money, mayhap through releasing a book, or when I feel like I really deserve something, which again will probably only come about when I release a book. 

Tuesday, 15 January 2013


As the title suggests, I finally got some snow in my humble little town in the middle of nowhere. I'm also just the teensiest bit excited about it. If by some rather minute chance it's really not been made abundantly clear during our time together, I really, really like snow. This isn't always the case though, as 'twas proven yesterday. See as much as I enjoy snow, I enjoy looking at it and walking through it, this doesn't extend to walking through it while it's still snowing. I don't mind walking through rain, but for some reason I don't really like walking through snow so much. It doesn't help that my coat is big, thick, and woolen. While I'm not likely to get cold, I am quite likely to end up looking like a snowman because snow sticks to it, and doesn't melt very well. My hands still get cold though because I don't possess any gloves and for some reason heat doesn't travel in my body. It's another phenomenon I don't quite grasp. When I wear fingerless gloves my hands are warm, but the tips of my fingers could be freezing. I was just under the assumption that heat could travel in the human body. Then again sometimes I barely consider myself human.

Anyway, snow, yay! I didn't get around to walking in it barefoot so I hope it lasts so I can have another go at doing that. Nothing quite like giving oneself pneumonia to feel alive. Jesus walked on water, I can walk on snow, snow is pretty much water, Q.E.D I'm pretty much Jesus. I'm also pretty sure I used logic wrong there. 

Today I have also taken a rather bold, or perhaps just insane, move. I have planned out the entirety of my day. Almost. I've planned out pretty much all of it though. As you might remember I've been planning big events in my week in advance, such as writing and going on walks, but I never planned the little things. Like reading or playing games. Those are all part of my plan though for tomorrow. As part of that plan includes making a podcast, and it should be the last thing I do that day, I shall of course inform you as to how it went, and if I plan to continue such a thing. 

P.S even though the podcast is being recorded early, it's still going out on Thursday. What this means is that any one who subscribes to me on iTunes will more than likely hear it a day in advance. 

Monday, 14 January 2013

I Have A Pony In My Pocket

I really do have a pony in my pocket
I was at work yesterday (nothing special happened so it doesn't really warrant it's own post) and I did actually keep one of my pony toys in my pocket for the day. I set her down next to the till sometimes too. She stayed in my pocket for the rest of the day and I actually don't see her leaving it until I change my clothes. I also bought a big box of cutlery from the shop so if I find myself unable to find a knife in this house again I'm going to just cry. Then take a sharp knife to some people. WHY DOES CUTLERY JUST KEEP DISAPPEARING? WHILE I'M AT IT WHERE IN TARTARUS DO MY SOCKS GO? BEHOLD THE POWER OF MY CAPS LOCK!

Okay, let's get on with this round up.

Tuesday was a post dedicated to a post dedicated to me. The fabulous Elsie wrote a whole post about me. She actually sent me some questions beforehand and I had fun answering them, and of course I had fun reading the post and seeing the nice things people said. And I met some new friends, hello there new readers, and thank you Elsie for making the introductions.

Wednesday was a post about a phone call I received Tuesday afternoon telling me that my fabulous therapist Suzy would no longer be practicing therapy and I would have a new one starting this week called Joanne. I'm still mixed on the issue, but I'm reserving judgement until our first session together. I have to see how it goes. I just hope it goes well.

Thursday was a podcast. Yep, I really did finally do a podcast again. It was about several things including my studying, my nieces, some stuff about depression was in there too, and I think there was another subject. Also included was my facial hair, which is sadly no more. Well, kind of. What happened was that I shaved for work today but I didn't do a spectacular job of it as I have no mirror, and was using my webcam as a mirror. I don't have the best webcam in the world, and so I missed a bit here and there, or didn't shave enough here and there. I'm still way cleaner shaven than I was before though. Also I did something different and challenged people to guess what it was. I was reading from a script I had written, and Fang and Jimmy Fungus guessed correctly.

Friday was a post I wrote at the grand old time of 6AM after staying awake for 20 hours. It was mostly about the circumstances causing me to be awake for 20 hours. These circumstances were that Jessica implied I couldn't pull an all nighter any more and after we settled what constituted an all nighter (I said until five AM, she said seven) I set out on my task. I am happy to report that I succeeded too. In the comments DWei challenged me to stay up 40 hours straight, but I've not gotten around to it yet. I think I've only done that once in my life.

Saturday was an Immortal Space chapter that ended in a cliffhanger. What? This has lasted too long and that was pretty much all the post was.

Sunday was the resolution to that cliffhanger because I would have felt bad if I made you wait a week to see what happened. Oh and Brian commented on my use of passive language. It's the biggest problem I have with writing. It's actually a bigger problem than my sentence fragments. I'm aware of the problem, I just seem to be very bad at fixing it. Also the update was part of a larger story I'm writing called Immortal Space. All 39 parts of it that are currently written are available for viewing on the Immortal Space page. Enjoy reading it!

I sure hope Brian reads this or all that is pointless.

Well whatever, enjoy your week folks!

Sunday, 13 January 2013

A Resolution

This is the continuation of yesterday's piece of Immortal Space. I feel bad that I didn't keep a back up chapter, but I'd feel worse if I made you wait a week to find out what happened. Actually as a piece of fun trivia, I wanted this to end on another cliffhanger, but my fingers were tired from typing and so I had to stop. I ended it before the cliffhanger so instead of ending on a cliffhanger, something major is going to happen near the start of next week's chapter. So instead of a cliffhanger, you get a tease.

“Run down the corridor!” Trent said, pointing towards the end of the corridor. “I’ll take it from here, now go!” Geoff hesitated but he ran after Trent kept shoving him and pushing him in that direction. Trent hugged the wall and stayed as flat against it as possible when he heard someone utter a curse and move down the stairs.
    “Dammit I missed!” He heard a man say.
    “Well they can’t have gotten far, so let’s just clean up.” He heard someone else reply. The first man grunted in reply and Trent heard a click as the man clumsily replaced the magazine in his gun.
    “Grrrr,” he grumbled, clearly having difficulty, “why does the boss insist we use these old guns?”
    “He told you himself. It’s because” his companion started but didn’t finish. They had reached the bottom of the stairs and Trent had lunged at them, the knives he had gotten from Lena in his hands. Even though the men were armoured their hands were not, as they were only wearing gloves. Trent stabbed the first one in the hand, causing him to drop his gun, and tumbled over him and landed on the other guard, shoving the other knife in to his hand. They screamed in pain and the first guard tumbled around but the second one couldn’t do anything because he was still pinned under Trent’s weight. Geoff heard the screams and looked around the corner. He was about to come and help Trent when Trent noticed him and told him to stay back. Trent picked up one of the guns and hit the guy under him on the head, knocking him unconscious. He then grabbed the knife that was in the guy’s hand and jumped on the first guard, pinning him to the ground as he shoved the knife to his throat.
    “How many of you are there?!” He demanded as he pressed the knife down. “How many people are guarding your boss?!”
    “Calm down you idiot!” Trent heard someone say. A second later someone had hit him in the face. He turned around to attack whoever had hit him but stopped when he saw that it was Geoff.
    “What was that for?” Trent demanded, still angry. Geoff shook his head and pointed at the guard under Trent.
    “Look at him, he’s terrified. He can’t tell you anything like that now, can he?” Geoff said. Trent put the knife away and saw the guard calm down. Trent was considering standing up when the guard tried to headbutt him. Geoff grabbed the guards face before he hit Trent and shoved it in to the ground.
    “And you!” Geoff shouted, as he lifted the guard back up. “Don’t be so damn stupid when someone shows you some mercy!” Trent shook his head and stood up, pulling Geoff to his feet as too.
    “Now who needs to calm down?” Trent said with a smile. Geoff grimaced and put his foot on the guard’s chest.
    “Now, call for help already.” Geoff said to the guard. “You know you need it.” Trent looked at Geoff quizzically but didn’t interfere when the guard reached down to the radio on his chest and called for help. When he was done Geoff thanked him and then knocked him out.
    “What was that for kid?” Trent asked.
    “He wasn’t going to tell you how many other guards there were, but this way we bring them to us. Now duck behind that corner again, we’ll be waiting for them this time.” Trent nodded and ducked behind a corner but Geoff pulled the two bodies so they could be seen from the stop of the stairs before hiding behind the other corner. Trent was about to ask him what he was doing but Geoff shushed him and pointed up the stairs where voices could be heard coming from.
    “What have those two idiots gotten themselves in to this time?” They heard someone say.
    “Boss says we have some guests. Leave it to those two idiots. First time we see some action in months, and they get taken out.”
    “Good thing the boss has us to keep him safe, huh?”
    “Ain’t that right?” the other guard replied with a laugh. He stopped laughing when he saw the bodies at the bottom of the stairs. He cursed and the two of them ran down the stairs. They were so engrossed by the other guards they didn’t notice Geoff and Trent as they snuck behind them and attacked them, knocking them out.
    “Kid, you are one master tactician.” Trent said when they were done.
    “Hey, it just made sense.” Geoff said, batting away the compliment. He wasn’t hiding his blush very well however.
    “Do you think that’s all of them?” Geoff asked.
    “I guess it must be.” Trent replied. “The boss knows we’re here, so if there’s anyone else coming after us, they should be here in a minute or two.”

They waited for five minutes but when no one came they decided that the coast was clear and finally headed up the stairs. When they reached the top of the stairs they found themselves in a long corridor. They looked around and couldn’t find any doors along the wall. Geoff looked at Trent but he just shrugged, and the two of them set off down the corridor towards the office at the end.

Yay, action, development, excitement, GORE! A quick note, this chapter was originally going to be a lot gorier, but then it would have been a lot shorter, and not made as much sense. Trent was going to kill the first two guards immediately, but then having to write in the other two guards would have been harder. Although I could have just had the boss send them in after the first two were killed. Oh well. This way isn't so bad.

Saturday, 12 January 2013

A Cliffhanger

This Immortal Space update is quite the cliffhanger and for that all I can really do is apologise. I don't really like reading incomplete stories, such as comics and manga, and having them end on cliffhangers. But there was no other way I could end this one. However I do have some good news for you. Because this is a cliffhanger I had to keep writing so the next part is finished too, and I'll be uploading it tomorrow, rather than making you wake a week for it. For now, enjoy your cliffhanger in a creepy building.

“Wait, wait!” Geoff said as he was dragged along by Trent. Trent stopped and Geoff followed suit.
    “What? Why do we have to stop? We only just got here, you can’t be tired already.”
    “It’s not that.” Geoff said, shaking his head. “It’s not that, it’s just that.” he said, pulling his arm away from Trent and continuing to walk towards the door on his own. “I can walk perfectly fine on my own, thanks.” Trent shrugged and caught up to Geoff. When they actually got to the door of the building, it looked a lot bigger than it did from the ship. It still looked fairly ordinary though. From up close they did notice that there didn’t appear to be as many windows as there should be. They figured it was simply that there wasn’t really much to see and after a quick look at each other and a shrug they went inside.

If the outside was plain and ordinary then the inside was actually worse, and somehow more disappointing. When they walked in to through the front doors they found themselves in what looked like a general office reception area. There was even a desk in the middle of it. When they looked around they found that for all intents and purposes, they really were in a reception area. They saw corridors going off in all directions and they saw a few offices too. There was one thing they did not see, however.
    “Hey, Trent” Geoff said, looking around with a nervous look on his face.
    “Yeah kid?” Trent replied, wearing a similar expression.
    “Just…where is everyone?” Geoff asked. Despite the size of the area, and the fact it had a desk in the middle of it, there was not one person in sight. Even if everyone was working, and they were all in their offices, there should have at least been a receptionist.
    “Never mind that, kid. Why is it so quiet?” Trent replied. As well as there being nobody in sight, they also couldn’t hear anything. “I figured everyone might be in their office, but shouldn’t we be able to hear something?” Trent said.
    “Are you sure we got the right place?”
    “And just how many buildings do you know out in the middle of nowhere? This is the place. It’s just…a little emptier than I expected.” Trent said, sounding a little dejected. He started to walk towards a corridor and motioned for Geoff to go down another one. They split up and began searching the offices. They checked every single office they passed and saw the same thing in every one of them. They met back in the middle and they couldn’t keep their looks of disappointment hidden from the other.
    “Was it the same on your end?” Geoff asked, though he thought he already knew the answer.
    “If you mean that I couldn’t find anyone, then you’re right.” Trent said, confirming what Geoff thought. “We can worry about that later, though.” Trent said, snapping Geoff out of his thoughts. He had indeed been contemplating just what could be going on. “For now we need to focus on finding our bad guy.”
    “Right.” Geoff said, looking determined. “If you were a bad guy in a big, and surprisingly empty, building, where would you be?” He asked. The two of them stood pondering for a few seconds. “The top floor!” They said in unison. They giggled to themselves before looking at the signs above the corridors before Geoff spotted what they were looking for.
    “There.” He said, pointing to a sign. When Trent looked where he was pointing he saw a sign that said “Elevator” and the two of them set off down that corridor. Because this was a corridor they hadn’t already walked down they couldn’t help but look through the windows as they passed them but they saw what they expected; nothing but empty offices. They reached the elevator and were quite pleased to discover that as empty as the building was it still had power and the elevator was usable. They climbed inside and looked at the buttons that represented the floors. They found that the elevator went to, at the highest, the 29th floor.
    “What kinda building only has 29 floors?” Geoff asked, bemused. Trent shrugged and pushed the button.

The trip wasn’t as long as expected and within a minute or two the elevator pinged and they stepped out. They looked around and saw that, once again, they were in an entirely empty office space. They split up and looked around again and met up at the end of their respective corridors when they met in the middle. Neither of them had been across the entire floor but they decided that there was no need to.
    “Same again?” Trent asked.
    “Same again.” Geoff replied, sighing. “Completely empty offices, across the floor.”
    “I guess you were right.” Trent said. When he saw Geoff’s look of confusion, he expanded what he said. “You were right when you asked what kind of building only has 29 floors. I guess this place actually doesn’t have just 29 floors. You happen to spot a stairwell kid?” Trent asked. Geoff shook his head in response.
    “I didn’t but that doesn’t mean we won’t find one if we look. I guess it’s at the other end of the floor.”
    “I guess it is.” Trent said. “It looks like we’re splitting up again then. You go that way,” he said, pointing in the direction Geoff had come from, “and I’ll go this way.” He added, pointing back at the direction he had come from. Geoff nodded and set off in the direction Trent had indicated. When they got to the end of their respective corridors they turned and continued on to the other end of the floor. The corridors connected again at the end and in the middle of the connection they found a stairwell that went up, but didn’t go down. It was designed only to take people from the 29th floor to the 30th, and back.
    “Well, that’s confusing.” Trent said when he saw the stairs.
    “Yeah, but what can you do?” Geoff said, starting to walk up the stairs.
    “Wait, kid! Wait!” Trent said as he saw Geoff going up the stairs.
    “This again?” Geoff said, but he did stop. “What are we waiting for this time?”
    “Don’t just rush up the stairs, you don’t know what’s up there.”
    “Have you seen this place?” Geoff said, motioning around. “It’s empty, and I bet my life that up here is just as empty.” He said. With that he walked up the stairs. Trent tried to grab him but he was already out of reach.
    “Oh…bloody Hell.” Geoff said, his old British accent slipping through. Trent didn’t wait to hear what he saw and instead dashed up the stairs and grabbed Geoff and pulled him back down the stairs and ducked behind a corner. The bullet that whizzed past him as he did it, and would have hit Geoff had he been a second slower told him all he needed to know.

Oooh snap! Action!

Tune in tomorrow to find out how our dashing heroes handle this new situation. Sadly the answer does not involve whipped cream.

Friday, 11 January 2013

Hello Blogger, It's Six A.M Here

I am indeed writing to you from the frigid depths of six A.M. Although I'm also writing to you from six A.M Thursday actually. At the time of writing it's been roughly six hours since I recorded the podcast that you listened to yesterday. Yes, I'm screwing with your minds. Although I'm just screwing with your perception of time. This was written on Thursday morning but you're reading it on Friday, so you may have listened to the podcast that was made before this was written.

......This is my brain when I've been awake 20 hours.

Although sadly it's not as fun as when I've been awake for sixteen. That's when I kind of peak for a few hours, then I come back down. That's when I have crazy conversations on Facebook that I really hope no one saw. Now, I know what you're all thinking. You're thinking "DUDE, why did you stay up for 20 hours?" I shall tell you why my children. I choose to blame this on Jessica. Although it does take two to tango. She implied that I couldn't pull an all nighter anymore, and so I had the overwhelming urge to stay up. I asked her if it counted if I stayed up until five, and she said it had to be seven. So with my goal in sight, I turned on my xbox, and played video games for a few hours. I also watched some ponies, and as I said earlier, had horrifying conversations on Facecbook when I was incredibly lucid. 

See a while ago we were talking about how I used to be quite nocturnal, and how it was some of the best times of my life. Maybe I can get more on that some other time. But anyway the point is that we were talking about that a while ago, and she said she didn't think she could do an all nighter anymore because of her age. We're roughly the same age, so I took it as a challenge to stay up. Which is pretty much what I said. I'm repeating myself now.

The point is, I was inadvertently challenged to stay up all night until 7 A.M, and provided I didn't fall asleep within half an hour of setting this post up, I have made it! HA! 

Also in case you're wondering what made yesterday's podcast special was that I was reading off a script I spent an hour plus writing. It was about 2.5k words long, and a website told me it would take about fifteen minutes to read. Thanks to ad-libbing and cats, it took a little longer. So, yep, I actually wrote out, and followed a script. I'll try to remember to edit this post to include a list of people who got this right. If I don't, and you got it, have a cookie*.

*cookies not included, bake your own. Bake me some while you're at it. 

EDIT: At the time I'm going to bed on Thursday night (technically Friday morning because it's 1AM) the only people who were able to guess this correctly were Jimmy Fungus and Fang,

They win...well I don't know what they win. They win a  link! Yeah, that'll do. Part of me was hoping people would just think I had edited it or something. I guess it was actually sadly obvious what I had done. Also, reading this post over, I've realised how non-sensical and silly it is. Ah well.

Thursday, 10 January 2013

I Did Something Different

Yes, I did in fact make a podcast, but no, that is not the something different. I'm not going to tell you what I did either. It's all in the podcast, but basically I'm turning comment moderation on for this post, to see if anyone can guess what it was that I did different. I'll reveal the answer, as well as any winners, tomorrow. Sadly, there will be no prizes. Sorry about that. Anyway, also included in the podcast is a look at what depressed me today, my plans for the house and how they're going, my education, my niece, and at the end, my facial hair. Enjoy guys! 



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Wednesday, 9 January 2013

That Was...Unexpected

As the title suggests, yesterday I received a rather unexpected phone call. It was a phone call from the people who run the therapy that I'm on, and it was to inform me that for reasons that were not clarified, Suzy, my awesome therapist, would no longer be practicing therapy. It wasn't that she was moving to another practice (she did once tell me she had an annoying commute) but that she was stopping. Which to me suggests a family emergency, because I really don't like the idea that something has happened to her.

All hope is not lost though because the call was from another therapist, who was going to be taking over her cases. This happened to include me. This means I have a new therapist called Joanne. Though she told me to call her Jo. To be honest I'm not entirely sure how I feel about this. The main reason that therapy never worked when I was younger was that they kept shuffling me about, I never built up any kind of trust with a therapist. Part of me feels that if I'm going to have a new therapist, the number of sessions should be reset to zero, and I should be able to just start again. I really didn't like it when she informed me that she "had my file". She can't really get to know me through a file.

One of the biggest problems though is that, as you guys know, one of the main reasons for my problems is not just that bad people have done bad by me, but that good people have left my life too. Suzy has now become another of those people. My mood had taken a serious hit these past few days, and now it just took one heck of a blow. 

I'm sure things are going to be okay, there's even a chance that Joanne is better for me, but I can't help worrying about Suzy, and I can't help worrying that things could be going very, very bad as far as my recovery goes. 

The appointment is next Wednesday, I'll let you guys know how it goes. Although it might take until Friday for that, because if I want to do a podcast I'll have to record it Tuesday night, before the session. Jessica is coming by to tell me some of the finer details of Operation Tom, her plan to sort her life out.  

RANDOM FUN FACT OF FUN! Counting drafts, this is the 600th post I've written. I'll also let you know when the 600th post I've published is up. This is not a celebration, this is a random fun fact of fun. 

Tuesday, 8 January 2013

That Was Super Sweet

I'm not sure how many of you have seen it, I'm guessing close to all of you really, but I said I would mention it any way so I'm going to mention it. Because, well, I said I would. Plus I can do what I want. Except stop, it seems. Well anyway, what I'm referring to is that the great Elsie over at Elsie is Writing (she has two blogs but decided to post it on that one, her newer one) wrote a post about quite possibly the most awesome subject a person can write about. My bad self. You can check it out here and look at all the warm and fuzzy comments. People have mentioned me in posts before, and it's something that still makes me feel all weird and what have you, but to dedicate an entire post to me? She even contacted me for information and pictures. I don't really like the idea that she has a folder of information on me that she's adding to, but we all need stalkers, right? The point remains that an awesome person wrote an awesome post about me, which is pretty awesome.

Seeing how that's all I really have to say, at least on that post, and I don't really have much else, I'll just answer a few questions that were left in the comments yesterday and should probably have been answered with another comment, but you can't have everything you want.

I do indeed pay for the podcast. Podbean (the people who host it) have a free option, but the space you have is limited. When I was doing shows that were quite big I decided to buy one of their plans, which let me archive files. Effectively I pay them for the storage space. I pay five dollars a month, basically because I'm OCD and want everything to stay up there even though I have a copy of all the podcasts on my laptop. Really with how many weeks I keep taking off, and that my podcasts have only been 15-20 minutes, it's probably much better for me to cancel the subscription.

As for the redesign (the only other thing mentioned actually that needs a response) I'm planning a total overhaul. New colours and everything. But that's pretty much it. I'm not really sure now it counts as a "complete overhaul" but I think the sidebars and the pages are about as clean as they're going to be. So just expect a new colour change some time I get around to doing it.

So, next year maybe.

I was also considering using a different font when I write my posts so that I can trick myself in to thinking I've written more, and then make my posts less wordy. So far I've not done that either.

Monday, 7 January 2013

Clearing The Clutter A Little

I don't know if anyone noticed, no one has commented on it at least, but I have cleaned up the blog a little. I spent some time playing with the blog layout, and adding and changing pages. I plan to do a whole redesign at some time, and I have a few ideas, but don't hold your breath waiting for it to happen. Not just because it's going to take me a while to do it, but because holding your breath is just a silly thing to do anyway. Unless you're underwater I guess. Well that's a nice little tidbit before the round up, let's jump right on in to that. By the way the hardest part about doing a redesign is having to create a new header, it's not going to be fun. Mostly because I've forgotten the font, but I can always make a better one.

Tuesday being New Years Eve, was of course a post wishing you all a happy new year, and explaining how I spent my New Years Eve. It really doesn't feel like it was only a week ago we rang in the new year. As in, it feels like it's been much longer than that. Anyway, if you're curious, I spent it with Jessica.

Wednesday was technically two stories in one. Both of which were about the same thing though. That I had gone back to my voluntary job after so long away. Things actually went pretty well. My boss was more accommodating than ever and I even broke through some mental and physical barriers there and just kept going. I was planning on going yesterday too, to keep up a three week streak, but due to circumstances I couldn't. I'm trying to not beat myself up about that so much.

Thursday  I did keep another streak alive. One I'm not so proud of though, as there was no podcast again. I'm really going to try and get one out this week. I mean, I pay those people at Podbean, I might as well actually use the account, right? Instead there was a short update about what I planned to get done on Thursday. Also no one got the reference with Operation Tom. Ha.

Friday was about those things, and how successful I had been in pulling them off. My plan was to walk to the library and write up my final university assignment. I needed to walk, and I needed to do that assignment. The good news is that I was able to go to the library, and I wrote half the assignment there. The better news is that I was able to finish the assignment and have sent it off. For all intents and purposes, I have finished my course. Yay.

Saturday's post was up late. By about fifteen minutes, but I still felt like saying it was late. Anyway it was an Immortal Space update where Geoff and Trent pretty much just land right outside the evil lair. I only hope the next lair is more impressive. That's right folks, this is not the beginning of the end, this is sort of like Act 3, I guess. Of four or five.

Sunday was all about the music. The music of ABBA that is. I didn't really know what to make a post about, using Sunday as a lazy day and what have you, but our good friend Yeamewaffles (AKA Matthew, AKA Heath, AKA Lucien Sanchez (my personal favourite)) mentioned ABBA, and so I decided to "borrow" his idea. As much as I like rock music, who doesn't love the sweet poppy goodness of ABBA?

And that's that.


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