Saturday, 29 December 2012

Insert Immortal Space Chapter Here

I really hope there are no errors with this update because really, I still haven't edited the last one. I know, I fails, but I've had a very, very busy week. Really I should just stop and have a day off, but who wants to really do that? Pfft, nah. Anyway, here's a nice, normal sized update for you. It's a little fluffy so enjoy it, because things are about to serious the fuck up.


Geoff looked around the hotel room as he walked in, looking for Trent. Seeing no sign of him he walked in, sighing in relief that he wasn't likely to be teased for coming in so late. He heard the door close behind him and turned to see Trent standing there. He had been hiding behind the door, waiting for Geoff to get back.
    “And what time do you call this, young man?” Trent asked. He was pretending to be angry but his large grin gave away how he really felt. Geoff looked at the time on his communicator.
    “Well, according to this, the time is ten-thirty. Is your clock broken or something?” he replied. Trent tried to resist laughing but he didn't do a very good job of it and soon enough he was laughing. Geoff just looked bemused until he stopped. “Well you certainly seem happy.” Geoff said.
    “So do you kiddo.” Trent replied. “Good day I take it?”
    “Better evening. You know, when you and your girlfriend stopped following us.” Geoff replied. Trent started laughing again.
    “Oh? You noticed us? Damn, I was hoping you wouldn't really. So what happened when we left you then?”
    “A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell.” Geoff replied, trying to sound dignified.
    “Yeah but I reckon you didn't kiss her at all. No way in Hell you'd kiss a girl. You'd die of embarrassment first.”
    “I did too kiss her!” Geoff said with a huff.    “Thought a gentleman didn't kiss and tell?.” Trent was smirking again. “I won't be telling you what me and Lena got up to because I, unlike you, am a true gentleman.”
    “You mean cos nothing happened, right?” Geoff asked, smirking himself this time.
    “Oh you won't get me like that boy.” Trent replied, leaving Geoff looking a little disappointed. “What kinda idiot would fall for their own tricks?”
    “You aren't that kinda idiot?”
    “I'm no kind of idiot.”
    “Pfft. If you say so.” Geoff replied. “Oh, here.” he said, taking the hat off his head and handing it over to Trent. “Thanks for letting me borrow it.”
    “No problem, kid.” Trent replied, taking the hat and putting it on. As he was putting it on he couldn't help but notice a particular scent coming from it. “Ermm...kid? Why does my hat smell of strawberries? Did you dress yourself up that nicely?” Trent asked. Geoff looked a little embarrassed.
    “Lisa ended up wearing it a lot. Guess she has some strawberry shampoo or something.”
    “Lisa wore it?”
    “Yeah, that okay?”
    “Yeah it's fine. Sounds like a fun story though.” Trent replied. Geoff let out a laugh and started to tell Trent the story of how his day had gone. He started after Trent had left because he figured Trent knew all about what happened until then. He told him about how Lisa had ridden on his back for the majority of the time and what they talked about while they were walking and having their dinner together. He explained that he offered to walk her home and she had jumped on his back again and that when they got to the bar where she lived, she had invited him inside. They had some drinks together in the bar itself and kept talking. They didn't realise how late it was until Lisa actually fell asleep at the table where they were talking. Geoff offered to carry her upstairs, but the barman, who was very protective of her, had done it himself and wished Geoff a good night and thanked him for giving Lisa such a good time. After that Geoff had left and come back to the hotel.
    “I thought you said you kissed her?” Trent asked when Geoff was done. He had been listening intently and noticed that Geoff didn't mention a kiss happening between the two of them.
    “I told you, a gentleman doesn't kiss and tell. But we really did.”
    “If you say so.”
    “We did!” Geoff said, a little indignant. “Why don't you tell me what happened during your day then? I have to say, following a couple of kids around, you sure know how to show a lady a good time don't you?” he said, sarcastically.
    “I do indeed.” Trent replied with a smile, pretending not to have noticed the tone of Geoff's voice. Trent explained what had happened both during while the two of them were following him and Lisa around, and what had happened after. Even Geoff wasn't aware that Trent had booked a table and was surprised by how sweet he had actually been. Trent wasn't too happy with being misjudged so much in one day, but carried on with the story. He told about how they had talked while waiting for their dinner and then talked after at the bar. They hadn't stayed out as long as Geoff and Lisa had but they still spent a lot of time together, and talked about a lot. Trent had walked back to her spaceship with her and would have gone in but he explained she had sent him back to the hotel to wait for Geoff to get back, and she had wanted him and Geoff to spend the night together and be there together so they could get an early start the next day and get it all out of the way as quickly as possible so she could spend less time worrying about the two of them.
    “She worries about us?” Geoff asked, when Trent had finished explaining.
    “I think she worries about you more sometimes.” Trent replied.
    “Cos she knows you're immortal and what not?”
    “Nah, she doesn't know that. Why would she know that?”
    “Wait, you didn't tell her? Why not?”
    “I don't exactly make a habit of it, kid. She just thinks I can take care of myself better than you can.”
    “I can take care of myself just fine.” Geoff said, huffing once more.
    “I don't doubt it kid, she also knows I'd protect you. Which does make me wonder why she cares more about you than me. It ain't fair if you think about it.” Trent said. “Well anyway, I think it's about time you headed to bed. We've both had busy days, and we're gonna have busier still. So tell me kid, you got any regrets?”
    “About what?” Geoff asked, confused.
    “Anything. You got any regrets about how today went with your lady friend?”
    “Not a one.” Geoff replied as he slipped out of his clothes and in to the bed.
    “'Atta boy.” Trent said. He turned out the light and laid in his own bed but he couldn't sleep right away. Instead he turned to his side and watched Geoff fall asleep. He couldn't stop himself from worrying about what might happen, but eventually sleep took him, and he closed his eyes and fell asleep.


  1. "Geoff said with a huff. "
    There's a bunch of spaces there that need to be converted into a newline. ;D

    Other than that, you really need to re-read your work. There's a few sentences here and there that are correct, but don't always seem to flow very fluidly or whatever. But hey, at least you'll have a grand time when editing it! *shot*

    Another nice chapter, yay! I still can't get over how great Lisa is, but eh. Also, is there a distinct possibility of Trent and Lena getting married or something and then adopting both Geoff and Lisa for the shits and giggles of a fake-incest-y relationship?
    Also Trent will die for real at some point, I just know it.

  2. I understand what Fang is saying but you have to remember that you're almost posting this in a kind of pre-production with it to be edited and altered before becoming an actual book. There'll be a time to sit down and re-write pieces into more fluid and easily understood English at some point for sure but what matters now is the core plot, character development and basically building the spine of the story before filling in the flesh to continue that body metaphor and you're doing that in a great way man, awesome post buddy.

  3. jervaise brooke hamster29 December 2012 at 19:05

    I want to bugger and tit-fuck Dolly Parton (as the bird was in 1964 when the bird was 18, not as the bird is now obviously).

  4. lol wut. whats this internet defence league thing?

  5. I liked it, it'll be proof read before it's published.

  6. That's the hardest part for me and holds me back from writing on some days. I find myself going back and editing when I should be writing instead. You did a fine job here, Mark.


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