It was while I was contemplating the wonder of life, the universe, and the magic of cookies, that I thought to myself "So, what's up?". Yes, I converse with myself a lot. I know talking to yourself is the first sign of madness but I have the decency to do it in my head, I figure this negates it. Anyway the question was about my writing. What's stopping me from writing, why do I find myself even unable to write at times. There were several things I wanted to write about, but felt not that I didn't want to (laziness is an excuse) but more that I couldn't write them. I no longer trusted my ability to write. Hell given the lack of podcasts my confidence in my ability to talk has been shot for a few weeks now. Though that's also a slightly different issue for other reasons.
I saw a competition that was basically a scaled down version of NaNoWriMo, where you had to submit a 900 word story, rather than try and write a 50000 word novel. Last year people wanted me to take part in NaNoWriMo (which is becoming annoying to write) and I skipped it over this year too. Not that I didn't have any ideas. I probably could have come up with something and made it last. I know I can write, Hell I'm writing right now, I'm just not feeling it anymore.
All those feels that made me go on that tirade about how I'm a writer, they're not being felt anymore.
This is the worst kind of writers block there is. I could work with having no ideas. I can write whole posts about having no idea what to write. I've done it before and I can do it again. This is worse than that, the idea that I can't write about what I want to write about, that what I write is going to just be no good.
My confidence and ego have taken massive blows lately, especially when it comes to writing, and they were fragile enough as it was.
PS I have an insanely busy day today. Seriously I'm going to be up a few hours earlier than usual and I won't really get to stop moving and rest until the afternoon, possibly evening. I'm sorry if I can't get to blogs today.