Wednesday, 14 November 2012

I'm A Big Brave Girl

So I said that I went to the shop I used to work at and that I would write a post about it. Seeing how I don't have anything better to write about, or anything else actually, this will be that post.

So, the first time I went back it was right after my therapy session. I really had been avoiding the place, and I didn't really realise how apprehensive about the place I was before I decided I was going to go in, and was suddenly hit by a lot of nerves. It was a rather weird flux. On the one hand, I didn't really want anyone in there to talk to me, but on the other I did. I'd have felt terrible if no one really remembered me in there. I was also worried that my boss would be there, and he would tease me about how long it's been. It's not exactly the first leave of absence I've ever taken and he always teased me when I came back. Like I was some kid who ran away from home but he always knew would come back. Well, I did walk in, obviously, and I had a walk around the store. One of the people I did know there was on the till, and she was the only person on the shop floor. A woman was having trouble with a toy (it took batteries but didn't appear to do anything) and even though I was tempted to try and help I left it to the actual employee. When that was sorted, I took the game I bought to the counter and she asked me if I still had my employee discount (I always hated using that thing, I felt like I was cheating the kids out of their charity money) and I said it's best not to. That was all the discussion that really happened between us. Oh, she also told me that she had seen me and my dad eating together. But that was all really. After that I left the store feeling moderately good about how everything went really. I didn't go in to the backroom though, which is going to be another major step really.

The other time I went in was Saturday. My niece needed a copy of the book Of Mice And Men (great book by the way) and so I volunteered to have a look in the charity shop, using it as an excuse to go in again. Again I didn't go in to the back room, and again I didn't really talk to anyone, but I did buy an adorable seal teddy and a Disney keyring I plan to give my sister for Christmas. The keyring that is, the seal is all mine. One thing that was different though was that the assistant manager was there. Now, I did prefer him to his boyfriend at times, and I would say overall he was nicer to me, but I wasn't really close with anyone there. He just said hi to me, and asked me how I was, I said I was doing okay, and it was as simple as that really. Once again, I left feeling kind of good about how things had gone, but knew they could have been a lot better. Still, it was at the cash register and it's not like I could have struck up a full blown conversation with the guy.

Overall it was odd realising just how afraid of the place I was, but I still went in, so I guess that's good. 


  1. I'm proud of you for going back in and facing your fears Mark and I'm glad that things went so well and without a hitch, you're making progress buddy and progress by definition alone is always a good thing.

  2. Of Mice and Men IS a great book!

    You are doing great with this therapy, Mark. You are really challenging yourself and I'm so proud of you and I'm excited and happy for you too. I think a lot of times we build things up in our minds to be something much bigger than what they really will be and once we confront them, a little at a time, they turn out not to be easier than we expected. Go You!!!

  3. I also have a huge phobia about going into places I used to work for. I didn't go into this one grocery store I worked for, for over 10 years... and then the reason I did go in, was because there was an epic snow storm, and it was the only store I could get to, because it was across the block from me.

  4. Good to hear everything's progressing well, Mark. Keep up the great work and positive thinking.

    I always find it moderately awkward going into former places of work, especially the giant movie theater I used to work at. There's so many people working there that not only did I forget most of their names, but I'm not even sure who knows who I am. Plus the manager's always asking me to come back to work which is weird.

  5. No one ever mentions how awkward and nerveracking it is to visit a former place of employment; my heart starts racing and I start making up possible scenarios in my head, but then what actually happens isn't so bad.

    You've been making awesome progress since you started your therapy sessions! Keep it up :)

  6. i let my fear of people keep me from doing a lot of things, but you really took charge of an intimidating situation. good on ya :) keep it up!

  7. This is like some really epic coming-of-age story where you're conquering your fears and progressing forward one sub-quest at a time. The protagonist is way cooler than your average one though~

    Speaking of Of Mice and Men, there's this band, Of Monsters and Men, that you should totally check out.

  8. Good for you for facing some fears! I can't believe your boss would make fun of you file taking a leave of absence. Isn't that harassment? No wonder you didn't want to go in there!

  9. You've progressed a lot, Mark! That's wonderful!


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