Friday, 2 November 2012

I Am SO Gonna Regret This

Once again, writing this after the therapy. It went pretty well again, I think. At least, I left feeling pretty good. I now know the name of my therapist too. She's called Suzy. She challenged me to go down the street to the shop every day and has told me that even if I feel like I can't go out for a full walk, I should still go out, and go out for my mental sake, if not my physical. She also gave me some other homework, but I don't mind doing it so much. Given how it's psychology related it'll probably help with the psychology course, eventually.

Some things that came up included the time I was almost mugged a few years ago and how I managed to surprise myself. Even though it traumatised the hell out of me, and I still have that trauma, when it was happening I don't even know how but I was incredibly bloody daring. When he threatened me for my stuff I threatened him back, and thinking back I really am surprised I didn't get physical with him. Some stuff didn't come up, and it probably won't for a while. While Cognitive Behavioural Therapy accepts that the past is important, it focuses more on the here and now. She said that while we will explore the past a little, for now she wants to focus on setting goals and making progress because ruminating on the past like that isn't very healthy. Which it isn't really.

She also implied that we'll be going out in to town together as part of immersion therapy. Immersion is basically where you just put yourself in situations deliberately to help you deal with them and overcome them. She's started it by telling me to go out once a day to just down the street, so I don't know if we will actually be going out some time. One of the most stressful things for me is eating in public so really I expect we probably will. She has a kid, sure, but I won't say no to taking a girl out to dinner.

She also said I would look good in a hat. Which I do agree with. I used to have a fedora but my cat slept on it. A lot. And so it got so covered in fur and crushed that it couldn't be saved :( If I didn't just buy a new laptop I'd totally buy a new hat.

So, I'm about to say "Fuck you past" and do something I've never done before. I'm going to really just throw myself out of my comfort zone and show you that I do in fact look good with a hat on. Screw it, I'm still on my post therapy high. Wouldn't be the first time I did something I knew I was going to regret.

I miss my hat :(


  1. Good on you Mark to throw yourself out there and not be afraid to do things outside of your comfort zone, I quite like the hat! Personally the therapist seems to be very intensive already and this would scare me personally but I think you're going to be okay, she's giving advice for you that will benefit you and if you feel like you can cope then that's the battle already won and you will succeed. Great post mate, thanks for keeping us all updated on this.

  2. Damn impressive Mark, good to hear of progress and never knew your hair was so long, is it still!

  3. Yeah you should totally get a new hat, you strike a dashing figure like no gentleman has before. When was your birthday again?
    Shit my screen is reflecting to I can see the half-creepy smile I got on my face because you're immersing yourself like this and it sounds like stuff's going pretty well and everything. Hope it keeps up man!

    Also yeah, immersion therapy works pretty well. Wasn't conscious of doing it, but have been doing it myself lately. At the start of the year I was like "holding a presentation? hell naw!" but now I'm like "yeah I'll do it I need the practice" and am actually starting to enjoy it. (Possibly also in part due to people saying I'm the better presentator and whatnot, so that probably helps too.)

  4. You rock the hat. Nuff said.

  5. Go buy another hat, Mark! You not only look handsome as hell in it - you deserve it for all the hard work your putting into yourself and it will be a reminder of it. Go You!

    I am a HUGE fan of immersion therapy. Remember all those triggers I yammered on about on my blog? That's how I overcame them. I immersed myself in them and some I could only face a little at a time - baby steps and others I had to just jump right in. I admit, for me, cause I'm a chick and all, I cried after a few, but I said fuck it, and did it again, and again, until they didn't overwhelm me so much.

    I know you can too!!!! This is so exciting!!!

  6. That's great that the therapy is working! That's actually sound advice she's got too (granted she's a therapist and should have good advice). I did something similar to break my shy streak. I basically just challenged myself to talk to a stranger a day whether it be a cashier or some guy in line (although, I'm a hypocrite because I hate when people talk to me while I'm waiting in line).

    Anyway, this immersion therapy sounds very interesting and I'm looking forward to hearing how that goes.

    Also, buy another hat because that hat is boss. Furthermore, I wish my hair would be straight like that instead of all bushy. My hair doesn't grow long, it grows wide.

  7. It's you!!! Way to go for stepping out of your comfort zone. It can be very hard, but also liberating. Take this and just run with it!! I'm glad to hear that your sessions are working and you're making progress. Keep it up!

  8. I'd ask to borrow your hat, but I think it suits you better.

    I'm pleased to hear that the therapy is working. I hope things start looking up soon.

  9. I'm so very proud of you right now Mark, very proud. I know how hard showing us this picture of yourself is and I want to tell you that seeing you is so special to me. I've gotten to "know" you through your words and your voice and I feel honored to finally be able to see you.

    You're progress since I've met you is impressive. I wish only good things for you in your life.

  10. DUUUDE, your hair is long! LOl I never imagined you with long hair :P and awesome though, it's great that you're going out of your comfort zone even though it might be hard :) Also, I'm glad that therapy is going well for you.

  11. That is a very cool hat, and a cool look too. Though I think I want to bring back people wearing viking helmets. If you could help me do this by starting to go out in public wearing a viking helmet, that would be pretty neat.


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