Friday, 19 October 2012

What Did I Get Myself In To?

So I was talking to Jessica yesterday, as I do most days (which is made even harder by her phone supplier being very bad at their job and now we have to chat on Facebook and my phone is very bad at it's job of telling me I have a message on Facebook, oddly enough only with her though. We firmly believe that The Zuck just doesn't like her) and after mentioning that I really felt the love from my mum when she didn't ask me why I was going to the doctors after I said I can't babysit for my sister because I have an appointment with the doctor, she herself asked me why I was going to the doctor. That, by the way, is technically one full sentence. Who says I can't write a full sentence? Anyway, the reason I'm going to the doctor is that as I told you before I'll be starting therapy soon. She has been through a lot of therapy herself and when she heard what kind of therapy I would be having, which is cognitive behavioral therapy, not counseling, she told me what it was like.

I have one word to describe what this sounds like. Fuck. I thought that cognitive behavioral therapy is basically how to escape from ruts, how to live your life better and become a more comfortable, confident person. See I don't need anyone to find out my problems. I'm a very analytical person and even without any kind of formal training have been able to work out the problems of others. I'm well aware of a lot of my problems. So I chose the therapy of how to go about fixing them. She made it sound like I was walking in to a ghetto wearing a white robe and black face. In her own words she said that they're going to break me down. They're going to basically finish off what is left of my mind, and rebuild a better person from the ruins. That was what happened to her. She left her therapy sessions shaking and in tears. Let me tell you I am not very open as it is. I need to be asked something directly, or told something directly, and that is not what a psychologist does. They're trained specifically to NOT do that, at all.

I need to go in there willing to talk, willing to be open, and willing to be broken. I am neither of those things and that's why I put off getting therapy for so long. I knew I wouldn't be able to talk. I was ready to talk four months ago, when I actually applied for therapy.

Also this is something that I would have to go through anyway if I wanted to become a psychiatrist. Apparently they put you through incredible mental duress. The reason that therapists are so calm, collected, and barely react emotionally is because they're conditioned to by intense therapy where you basically solve all your own problems. You come to terms with everything you are and that you've done.

I'm so fucking screwed.

Oh and as a special treat to Elsie, I present to you a reposting of the pictures that Bersercules drew of, and, for, me.


For the people who aren't fond of the ponies I present CAT IN A BOX.
 And that's the whole tone of the post ruined. Ha. Oh it's good to end depressing posts with a laugh.

14 comments:

  1. Treat it like a podcast that you've just got in to!

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  2. Comments keep not getting posted. Hope this one works.
    Bottom line, sounds like counter-productive therapy, but as long as it helps you, stay strong and pull through!

    Also what happened to the one with the dicks I drew you? ;D

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  3. Man I read this on my phone this morning but couldn't comment, which annoyed me because I have to tell you that I've been through this before and there's no need to be worked up or upset over it, honestly it depends on the therapist obviously because my experience was nothing like Jessica's. Yes they do try to pinpoint your issues but that's so they have a better understanding. Honestly dude they're there to help you, not to put you through hell or upset you, it's nothing like mental torture or anything at least from my experience so hopefully it'll be okay. I'm really proud of you for stepping up and putting yourself in for it and the only reason you'll regret it is due to incompetence because I've met some incompetent therapists before I met the perfect one I have now.

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  4. It takes a brave person to go to therapy. I could probably use a few sessions myself but I'm too chicken. Kudos to you for taking action on improving your quality of life!

    And speaking of Elsie, have you seen what Pat Hatt has done? You've seen my turtle soup post but he has taken it even further! Elsie's gonna be mad now! lol

    Love the riding pony pic by the way. Would be nice to see Bersercules around again...Loved his reviews!

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    Replies
    1. You? Chicken? Hmmm, somehow I doubt that, Dan. You seem to be beating me up a lot - oh wait, I'm an innocent, harmless girl with a cute little turtle!

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  5. Thank you so much for posting those pictures, Mark!!! I love them!! And, nope, I've never seen them because I for sure would have remembered them. He did a great job! I'm surprised you don't show them off on your sidebar.

    I'll get to Dan in a moment. *ahem*

    Therapy...ah...yes...therapy. Allow me if I may, to get well, a bit preachy. Like you can stop me - I ramble like a mo fo LOL But, I do it with love and experience and I think you know that. In my humble opinion, you're not fucked at all. Quite the opposite as long as you go in with an open mind. Two examples: first moi (I hope that's how it's spelled) - I went to a counselor when the shit hit the fan two years ago. She turned it around on me. It sucked. I knew it wasn't me. It was Devin. So, I found another one, that one made more sense and voila' we began to see progress. Rewind a bit...after my first hubby died - I thought I was just peachy. A rock. Umm, yeah, not so much. I guess drinking to help you sleep at night ain't so normal. Neither was something else I was doing so, I saw a counselor, two times and she set me straight.

    Next example: Devin, who like you, does not like to talk and takes prompting. (like my communication post the other day). Hello long comment - I warned you...- the first counselor he saw after the shit hit the fan couldn't get him to say a peep. He was paying this guy an outrageous amount of money because he was a specialist with the degree and certificate in his field. But, Devin didn't open up to him. I saw zero progress...Devin felt nothing after leaving his office. Then, I suggested couple therapy with my chick and then he went to her instead of his guy. *POOF* Results. He learned to open up to her because she had a way of helping him do that. Asking the right questions.

    He had gone in with the attitude it was their job to figure out what was wrong and fix it. i.e. him. I explained they aren't mind readers and if he was going in there blowing smoke up their asses saying what a great week it was, well, then, how could they help get to the root of the issues.

    All of this to say, in the longest comment you've ever gotten (I deserve an award of some sort) - It depends on the counselor and it depends on you. I think you're ready to talk. I really do, Mark. Otherwise, you wouldn't have made the appointment.

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  6. honestly, go to the therapist! I think you would really benefit from it. You say you're not willing to talk and open up, but maybe, there's a chance you might do those things when it comes down to it?

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  7. I haven't been to a psychiatrist in like 15 years. Granted I don't think I needed to go in the first place. The only thing I remember is the crazy woman showing my pictures of stick figures throwing themselves off cliffs. Weird stuff.

    Anyway, those are awesome drawings. Hopefully Bersercules will be around soon enough. But as for the treatment, I'm sure you'll see some positive results despite the extreme measures they'll be hurling at you (I'm not trying to make you nervous because I'm not sure how any of it works).

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  8. I think you are going off the deep end here with your editor's criticism about "sentence fragments." Ernest Hemingway was famous for writing very short sentences, so I'm not so sure your sentence fragments weren't really sentences, because I mean, after all, a sentence just needs a noun and a verb, so maybe that was just your editor's personal opinion which you shouldn't let push you over the edge into the total opposite foible of writing really, really long sentences that never seem to end, because I have been known to write really, really obnoxiously long sentences, especially in comment sections of blogs, which just annoys everyone anyway, so in conclusion, you should get a second opinion about your writing before changing anything, and ending up writing super long sentences that seem to go on for eternity, and praddle on endlessly chuntering, for practically an entire year, and that's all I've got to say about that, and this was all one sentence, yup, the end.

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  9. Being depressed not allowed! >: Nice pony pic though

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  10. Go to the thrapy with an open mind. It may be different things to dfferent people. And a different therapist with perhaps have diferent techniques.
    You have waited this long. Give it a go.

    Love the kitty in the box

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  11. Been away for awhile and feel iv missed a lot so not quite sure whats up, but just take care of yourself bro.

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  12. your cat looks kinda pissed to be in that box XD

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  13. During therapy pretend you're talking to me :D
    Hah.
    That would be some funny shizz nizz
    :P

    Good luck though. :)

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