Wednesday, 26 September 2012

Just Random Stuff I Guess

Well I'm writing this the day before, which I suspect some of you have just come to expect but anyway I felt like pointing it out this time. Jessica came today and as I'm writing she's actually asleep. It's still early though. I plan on waking her up soon to see if she still wants pizza tonight or if she wants to save it for tomorrow. See because she's going through some things of her own right now, she plans to stay for a few days, and I think that there's a chance she might be here for longer than she thinks. As she, and her dad put it, she has nothing really to go back to. That's not to say her family don't care or anything, but she just doesn't really have any obligations.

Well anyway I first of all want to say a very nice thank you to you all for all the nice comments yesterday. I was seriously expecting some backlash. I know I say that a lot, particularly when I say something that I think not everyone is going to agree with, but I really mean it this time. I wasn't expecting such a positive reaction. To clear a few things up, after my serious breakdown last time, I WAS put on DSA (the benefit for disabled people who can't work, it includes mental disabilities) but I was only put on there for two weeks because I failed their tests. That is, they deemed me fit for work, and concluded that any mental problems I thought I had were, well, in my head. It was very disappointing but there's not much I can do about it. I was such a prisoner to my own mind I didn't want to appeal the decision. They had no clue what was wrong with me, or any idea of how to go about finding out. When I was at the job centre on Monday actually I told them I had stopped going to my voluntary job, and the woman gave me a lot of shit about it. Saying that if I couldn't be bothered to work there then I wasn't going to be able to get a real job. I had three mental breakdowns in the span of a week thank you very much. I did tell her that. She didn't even apologise. I hate those people, I really do.

After all of that happened I finally went about seeking proper professional help and asked my GP to refer me to a therapist. I was placed on a waiting list that I'm still on. The reason I can't claim any kind of disability is because they won't let me, I would need a professional opinion, and I'm still waiting for that one. I know people less messed up than me that are on disability. Jessica herself is on disability thanks to her own issues.

I'm not sure what the point of all this is. I was supposed to really say that because Jessica is here, my blog reading could be slow. We plan to be doing some kind of proper living together though, not just hanging out. I hope to do some writing and university work while she's here. I also hope to do a podcast together with her. That was all I was really supposed to be reporting here, and in the end I just started ranting.

Sorry about that guys <3 br="br">

16 comments:

  1. I'm glad that Jessica is there Mark and that you guys are going to have a fun few days, enjoy them buddy. I'm with you on the ranting too, it's perfectly understandable. I get that some of these people have jobs to do but how things are justified and how they're not are ridiculous, they kind of leave mentally poor people like us in the lurch and let us down, it's really sad to see.

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  2. Of course we were supportive Mark!! We do care about you after all this time. You sound so much better today though and that's a good thing. Jessica is good for you and I hope you two have a grand time together this week!

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  3. Enjoy your time together. Don't worry about Blogging and stuff on here, just do the things which make you happy.

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  4. Hope both of you are able to get things worked out.

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  5. I don't mind negative/backlash comments as long as they are from someone you don't know. A lot of people get famous from their haters. When I see the army of haters many pop superstars have it makes me feel like I am doing something right if I get hate. You don't want those types of comments from people you know and think are your friends though. I am not a professional, but I can see what is slowing you down is the depression... Because I went through the same thing. It's not all in the mind, like some people think. But the mental part of it is big, i don't know what percentage it is, really... You have to somehow convince yourself that everything is going to be o.k., and just keep plugging away a little bit every day. You are still young, so you can afford to make tiny bits of progress every day. You don't need a miraculous turn around, though maybe you feel like that's what you need, but you don't ned it because time is on your side. You just have to make a little bit of progress each and every day, and block out anything negative,... Just get through each single day making a step or 2 forward progress, and you will get to your destination.

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  6. I'm so glad you have Jessica there with you. She always makes your day brighter. Enjoy your time with her. Everyone will be here when you get back.

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  7. I hope y'all have a good time together these next few days! Just remember to breathe, relax, and enjoy everything (the good and not so good) that comes your way. :)

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  8. Hugs for you, Mark. I hope everything starts getting better soon. I'm glad Jessica is there, so at least you can both be there for each other.

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  9. Just read your previous post and then this one.
    I hope things get better for you and it's good that you have a friend with you right now!

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  10. It's great that you guys get to spend an extended amount of time together. It will definitely help being together when you're both going through difficult times. My heart goes out to you both, and I hope the coming days will be much more kind to you. Also, don't worry about blogging, we'll all still be here.

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  11. Hanging out with Jessica is far more important than reading our blogs Mark.

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  12. I hope things work out better for you and Jessica :) x

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  13. Don't worry about slow blog reading, I'm sure you'll still be doing better than me, lol.

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  14. You shouldn't be taking shit from people like that woman. Let 'em just boil in their own shitty soup or whatever.

    Anyway, hanging out with Jessica should help you gather your thoughts for a bit as well, help you calm down. Don't worry about anything for now, just have a great time!

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  15. I always knew that whenever Jessica comes around, you sound so so so much better. You both are such a sweet pair <3

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  16. I would feel a little guilty getting disability for my "issues".

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