Friday, 21 September 2012

Hello Cruel World

Alternate title :World, I Am In You.

I did actually go for a walk on Monday after all. Then I didn't go out on one on Tuesday. Or Wednesday. But I did go out for one yesterday, and it would be nice if I went out on one today. I realise that to a lot of people, going outside probably isn't a big deal. But, for me, it really is. I live next to a bus stop and I really won't go outside if there are people at the stop, and I have trouble coming back inside if there are people there. I tend to stick to the wall and hope I can get inside before they notice me.

One good thing about where I live though is that I live on a hill. So walking is a pretty good exercise for me. I'll spend at least half of my time walking uphill. The time I spend walking downhill I do my best to take bigger steps, or keep other parts of my body moving, in order to keep my heart rate (and by proxy my calorie and fat burn) up.

A major downside of where I live is that there's little to no nature. At least, where I walk. I could go out of my way to see it, but for now I should just focus on the fact that I am going outside in the first place. One step at a time. Let's just keep going outside when I don't have a reason to, and soon we can work on keeping myself out for longer than I need to be. So far I stay out for about half an hour. Soon though I'm going to have to walk further, or longer, to keep that heart rate up, as I should slowly build up more stamina which will cause my heart rate to be lower for longer. I do however have a four mile route planned which would take me to my old school and back.

Taking that route though would require careful calculation. At least in my current state. I don't go outside after school hours to put it simply. The biggest problem I have with going outside, or one of them I guess, is those damn punk teenagers. I've been to one, two, three, four, five, schools. I know what those people are like. I used to take a walk every day. Well, every night. Then someone tried to mug me (don't worry he failed. Then when I got home I realised I wanted to brutally murder him. Told you, sociopath) and then I actually had a wee bit of a psychotic episode on a walk, and that intensified the fear once again. I'm not afraid of the dark, it's not the dark that's going to kill me.

Well, anyway, I'm not entirely sure what the point was. I guess it was just me saying "Hey, look at what I can do. I can do what a lot of other people can do." Like Jessica said though, it's about what an individual can do. This time last year I could not go out unless I had to. So, she's proud of me, and I am too. Or I will be if I can keep this up.

Next on the list of goals: Wake the fuck up when the god damn alarm goes off. Don't go back to sleep. For four hours. I've heard of five more minutes but this takes the cake, eats it, barfs it out, turns it into an omelet (thank you Jackass for making me watch a man eat his own puke turned into an omelet) and then eats it again.


  1. I'm with you on the hill thing Mark, I live on a hill too and it actually becomes quite the nusiance to walk. Football was cancelled for tonight so I'm going to have to find a cardiovascular workout for myself so I guess I'll go for a walk too, good luck with the alarm goal too, for some reason, even if I go to bed really late I still end up waking up at 8:30 or so, my brain is just tuned in that way.

  2. Dude you take a long time to say nothing ;) Just kidding! rather do go for a walk for 1hour than to be stuck in a treadmill in the gym for 15min and paying for it ;)

  3. I think you've come a long way, Mark. The best part about it is how much you're pushing yourself to keep on going further and further even though you're a bit uncomfortable doing so. I'm so glad you have Jessica to help keep that motivation up too. She's a great friend to have!

  4. I use to go out for walks, but now I walk enough at work. And plus the going out at night, too many barking dogs, and animals about. I didn't really have to worry about the mugging business, but, yes...that could happen too.

  5. I'm lucky enough to live in a suburb. I don't think I could ever live in the city. When I move out of my roommates' (parents') house, I'm going to do my best to avoid crowded areas. I work in the city, and I can't even stand that. My sister's the oddball in our family because she loves living the city. Blah, I want a big backyard with a forest I can creepily explore.

  6. Go you! That's disgusting! Who'd eat their own sick?! x

  7. Kudos to you for getting out of the house and doing some exercise!

    Small steps, that's what counts!

  8. Awesome :D It's good that you're sticking to your goals. Walking is nice, but walking uphill is one of the worst things I know. Also, terrfied of the night so no mdinight walks for this fella.

    Also, about the mugging thing, that must have been scary :o I'm glad he didn't succeed.

  9. And I thought sleeping for an extra twenty minutes after my alarm went off was bad...

  10. High five. I do that too. The rest of my family makes fun of me when I'm getting out of bed past noon.

    And good on you for the exercise. I've been trying to go play basketball with old classmates every week now. Get me off my ass and outside.

  11. Whoop whoop! Well done on the walks, that's great :)

    Maybe you can find someone to be your walking buddy if that would make it easier for you to go out and not worry about people being near your place?
    And I know you probably already know this, but we can be our own worst enemies. You might worry so much about people at the bus stop, but chances are, they aren't even paying attention to you or thinking anything about you. Easier said then done, I know, but just try and keep that in your mind if you become self conscious about other people.

    Keep up the walking and excersice though! You're doing great :)


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