Sunday, 30 September 2012

Tall, Dark, And Hilarious

There's nothing like capping off a week of utter depression (okay things weren't totally depressing but it's been kinda depressing) with some hilarious comedy to put smiles back on our faces. Greg Davies played Mr. Gilbert in The Inbetweeners but he's a seriously funny guy on his own. I watched his stand up last night and if I was actually there I would have been rolling in the aisles. I'm not really sure what else to write so here's just some videos.

You can skip like the first minute or so of the second video, it's the same routine as the first one.

Saturday, 29 September 2012

A Big Ass Update

This is the aforementioned huge update to Immortal Space that comes in at about 2000 words. It's mostly a really long conversation, so expect this to not be read by me any time in the near future. Ahhh, it's good I can look back at that and laugh. Even if it does mean there won't be an audiobook version until I can hire someone to do it for me. Or swap sexual favours. I'm open to that by the way. I think that counts as a pun. Anyway, not much of an introduction because its so. DAMN. LONG. I'm not entirely sure where the last chapter cut off, so I'm hoping this is the right place.


Trent shook his head and walked off in the opposite direction. He was heading to any bar he could find. The best information, especially about the more underground matters, was found in a bar. He found one a few streets away and went inside. He went to the bar and decided to have a drink before asking around.
“Hey there big guy.” he heard someone say. Looking around he spotted Lena a few seats down from him.
“Hey,” he replied, waving.
“No little boy with you today?” She asked, moving to sit next to him.
“Not this time. He's on a separate assignment.”
“Assignment? You are taking this seriously. Perhaps a bit too much.”
“Nah,” Trent said, shaking his head and taking a drink. “Though maybe too seriously for him.”
“What do ya mean?” Lena asked him, having some of her own drink.
“He hasn't been the same lately. He doesn't seem as happy these days.”
“Well he's been through a lot lately hasn't he?”
“Yeah, that's why we're just taking one big job to get all the money we need. He's off gathering information right now.”
“And what are you up to?” Lena said, smiling.
“The same thing ma'am” Trent replied, raising his glass.
“You don't seem to be hard at work, if I do say so myself.”
“Well what are you supposed to be doing?”
“Me? Why? You fancy going out together?”
“Not this time little lady” Trent said, tipping his hat. “Maybe another though.”
“My, I'm hurt” Lena said sarcastically, pouting and pretending to look disappointed. “So who are you after anyway?” She asked, smiling again.
“A fella by the name of Steven Albert.” Trent replied. He heard Lena gasp, and she had a shocked look on her face. “What? He that bad?”
“He's bad news. He's killed before. He uses really old weapons to make sure people suffer, and despite our advanced medicine, sometimes we forget how to take care of the old wounds that aren't seen anymore.”
“I'll be fine.” Trent said, grinning. “I'm a tough man” he said, hitting himself in the chest.
“I don't doubt that you are” Lena said, running a finger down Trent's chest. “But what about your little boy? How will he hold up?”
“He'll have me taking care of him. You don't need to worry about him.”
“Who said I'm worrying about you?” Lena said with a smirk. She noticed his communicator. “Hey, that's new. How long you had it?” She said, pointing at the device on his wrist.
“Just bought it, the kid has one too, if you're interested.” Lena laughed and took out her own communicator from one of the pockets on her vest.
“What else do you have in there?” Trent asked. “Why would you keep it there anyway?”
“Got no one to call.” She said, putting it on her wrist and turning it on. “As for what else is there, maybe some other time. You seem like a busy man hon. So, can I have your number?”
“Sure,” Trent said, holding down one of the buttons on his communicator.  Lena pressed a button on hers and then accepted the contact request. “Mind if I have the boys number too?” Lena asked.
“Sure, but don't call him after midnight, that's his bedtime.” Lena laughed and watched as Trent pulled up Geoff's profile on his communicator. Lena looked at it and put the number into her own communicator.

A few miles away Geoff heard a beep from his pocket. Taking his hand out of his pocket he saw a message on his communicator screen. He pressed a button and gasped as a holographic image of Lena appeared and the message on the screen said “Lena wants to add you to her contacts”. He pressed another button to confirm it, and continued walking. He wondered how she got his number, and decided to send her a message later. He wanted to find out more about Steven for now.

“Well he said yes.” Lena said when the confirmation message came through. “He sure knows how to make a girl happy. Maybe I'll call him later. He must be wondering how I got that number.”
“Well, be nice with him, won't you?” Trent said.
“You need to be nice with him too you know.” Lena replied. “For now though I'll have to say goodbye. But before I do, I'll tell you where to find Steven, if you want.”
“That would be most helpful ma'am.”
“Well, aren't you sweet. Here.” She said, handing him a piece of paper. “That's where you'll find him. But, please be careful. Especially the boy. But you too.”
“Once more, don't worry about me.” Trent said. “Want me to walk you home by the way?”
“If you want, but you won't be invited in.” Lena said, smiling at Trent and punching him in the arm.
“I'd rather see a pretty lady get home safely, than get inside her house myself.” Trent replied.
“Well, come on then” Lena said, grabbing on to his hand and pulling him out of the bar. “Let's get going.” Trent threw some money on the bar to pay for his drinks and then allowed Lena to drag him out of the bar.

Okay so that was a thousand words, and about the right length of an update, but I'm allowed to make mistakes. Plus the plot is thickening. The actual plot is actually thickening like custard when you walk on it.

Seriously, you can walk on custard. Look it up.

Friday, 28 September 2012

I'm Not The Ideas Guy

So, as most of you would have learned yesterday, I plan to take a week away from everything and live as a writer. I'm going to do as much writing as I can, and so I'm taking myself away from all distractions such as blogging. There's one thing about this though, as brilliant a writer as I am, and lets face it I am, I'm still not very good at the whole concepts thing. I get random inspiration, and I can add to already existing work, but original ideas themselves are sadly not my forte. I don't know how well known it is but the concept for Immortal Space was actually thought up by you guys. It's kind of a shame that only a few people who were around when I started that are still around. I have come up with original ideas of course. When I had to do the 100 word stories and such, and I do plan on expanding upon my already created work, but this is your chance to get involved.

If you can think of any plausible ideas that you would like me to do, then now is your chance to say so. Of course, I will aim to give you as much accreditation as possible in what I hope will be the final outcome of everything; a collection of short stories. So far I have two actual short stories that I plan to expand upon and make longer. That of Tulips, the 250 word flash fiction I wrote (which is now over ten times as long, and still only half way in really) and the as of untitled story I wrote that Aysh used as a guest post. It's called Fate on my computer, but I don't really like that title. I can use the stories themselves as a middle ground, and it's going to be easier with Fate. That was already over 1000 words long. It's not like I have to massively expand upon it. I really like the ideas that I have for those two pieces, but that's still only two pieces. I can expand upon a few of the themes explored in my poetry, and use them as inspiration, but even then that's only a few stories at most, and of questionable quality.

So, like I said, this is your chance to get involved. Throw some ideas at me, and let's see what sticks. Or, if you want to test my flash fiction abilities, then feel free to just throw a picture my way. Anything really is acceptable. If I can make it work, I can and will make it work. I'm fucking awesome, and she's a screamer.

By the way if you saw my joke on Twitter that awesome is kinky then that's the joke I originally wanted to make but that tweet was also going to my Facebook, and I have young relatives on there. Yet I still included the word "fucking"...I'm a terrible influence.

Also, mentioning flash fiction has reminded me of the little piece I wrote on the way to my holiday, so that is three ideas. Originally I was planning on ten five thousand word stories, or 50,000 words in total, but I think I will accept 30,000 words in total. Or eight 5000 word stories. I'm flexible on that too, I don't want every story to be exactly 5000 words but that's what I'm going to aim for. I can write roughly 1000 words an hour so if I can really get the inspiration bug then I can complete one story a day and be done by the end of the week. Then I'll need to understand how to format it and submit it to Amazon or somewhere for publication, and then pray to God they decide to publish it. Oh God I've just realised they can deny publishing it. Ohgodohgodohgodohgodwhatdoidothenohgod.

Minor freak out occurring, continue with your day.

Thursday, 27 September 2012

It's Amazing This Is Going Up

Frankly I'm kind of amazed that I'm putting this up. Not because it's bad, oh no it's quite good, it's just...emotional. When I told Jessica about it she asked me if I was sure I wanted to put it up, and I said that I would react the same way talking about what I talked about, and there was no point in not putting it up. There was nothing else I wanted to talk about. I have a bit of an announcement to make. I'm not going to be reading blogs at all next week. I'm not going to be online at all. I'm taking myself out of the world, and I'm going to do a lot of writing. Full details are in the podcast, and even though you know that, it's still worth listening to. I'm going to warn you now though, I cry. I actually cry for a few minutes. There's a whole lot about me in this, and like I said, it's kinda remarkable I'm putting it up. I really hope the family doesn't listen to this, even if I do think it's the kind of stuff I really wish I could just say to everyone who knows me, and get it all out there.

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Also this is something I've never asked you to do before but it would help me out if you guys checked out my actual podcast website (which has a new look!) and give me a good rating. I didn't really understand why people asked their listeners to give them ratings, but I'm getting it, and I'm actually allowing myself to ask you to do it.

Please, in any way you can, help me. I need it. I really do. This 37 minute manic-fest really proves that.

I really was making heart hands at my computer. I'm really, really manic sometimes

Wednesday, 26 September 2012

Just Random Stuff I Guess

Well I'm writing this the day before, which I suspect some of you have just come to expect but anyway I felt like pointing it out this time. Jessica came today and as I'm writing she's actually asleep. It's still early though. I plan on waking her up soon to see if she still wants pizza tonight or if she wants to save it for tomorrow. See because she's going through some things of her own right now, she plans to stay for a few days, and I think that there's a chance she might be here for longer than she thinks. As she, and her dad put it, she has nothing really to go back to. That's not to say her family don't care or anything, but she just doesn't really have any obligations.

Well anyway I first of all want to say a very nice thank you to you all for all the nice comments yesterday. I was seriously expecting some backlash. I know I say that a lot, particularly when I say something that I think not everyone is going to agree with, but I really mean it this time. I wasn't expecting such a positive reaction. To clear a few things up, after my serious breakdown last time, I WAS put on DSA (the benefit for disabled people who can't work, it includes mental disabilities) but I was only put on there for two weeks because I failed their tests. That is, they deemed me fit for work, and concluded that any mental problems I thought I had were, well, in my head. It was very disappointing but there's not much I can do about it. I was such a prisoner to my own mind I didn't want to appeal the decision. They had no clue what was wrong with me, or any idea of how to go about finding out. When I was at the job centre on Monday actually I told them I had stopped going to my voluntary job, and the woman gave me a lot of shit about it. Saying that if I couldn't be bothered to work there then I wasn't going to be able to get a real job. I had three mental breakdowns in the span of a week thank you very much. I did tell her that. She didn't even apologise. I hate those people, I really do.

After all of that happened I finally went about seeking proper professional help and asked my GP to refer me to a therapist. I was placed on a waiting list that I'm still on. The reason I can't claim any kind of disability is because they won't let me, I would need a professional opinion, and I'm still waiting for that one. I know people less messed up than me that are on disability. Jessica herself is on disability thanks to her own issues.

I'm not sure what the point of all this is. I was supposed to really say that because Jessica is here, my blog reading could be slow. We plan to be doing some kind of proper living together though, not just hanging out. I hope to do some writing and university work while she's here. I also hope to do a podcast together with her. That was all I was really supposed to be reporting here, and in the end I just started ranting.

Sorry about that guys <3 br="br">

Tuesday, 25 September 2012

I Am A Mess

Warning: This was written when I wasn't in a very good place. My emotions may have changed, my feelings probably have not. This is something I felt like writing, and I knew it might end up a bit irrelevant, but I decided IDGAF. If I actually publish this then you can probably count it as some kind of huge step. I'm letting you in on not just the more worse sides of me, but really into the worse sides of the mess that is my life.

I am stressed and depressed. It's as simple as that. As some of you know I sign on to jobseekers allowance. It's a social benefit (INB4 people bitching about socialism) that is designed to help support people who are looking for work. It's a small amount of money every fortnight to help keep you going while you look for work. This stresses me out a lot but lately I've been getting more stressed out by it. There are rules and regulations of course, and lately they're becoming stricter and harsher and soon, as in three weeks, I'll be placed on a work scheme. It's the same work scheme I was on last year which lead me to a full breakdown and caused me to sign off and seek professional psychiatric help. Simply put, I'm stressing out. I was wearing my heart rate monitor because I walk there (through pretty bad rain thank you very much) and I was hitting 125 BPM. That's good for exercise. That's because I was panicking.

Here's where things are getting bad though. I think it's in my best interests, physical and mental, to sign off. This would mean no money though. I don't think I can have no money. My dad is still going to stay in work (there do be a God) but it's a serious demotion and I'm not sure what his pay will be. I don't think either of us can afford for me to not having any money. I think if I talked it through with him then he would tell me that I need to do what's best for me. He might be a bit disappointed but he wants what's best for me. I don't even want to disappoint him though. My brother is a disappointment, I don't want to be like him. But forcing myself to stay on when I know it's damaging me, that's going to stress me out too. I was almost crying at the job centre and fuck I'm almost crying writing this.

I'm a total fucking mess over this. I have a blog, I have a podcast, I have a store and I'm a writer. I would hope to be making money by now. I have nothing I can release as a book though. I would feel too bad if I released a book of posts, and I don't have enough short stories to put together in to a collection. Maybe I should just seclude myself for a week and just write a ton of short stories. Jessica asked me if we could get together and come up with a get rich quick scheme and I think we could actually do it but we haven't worked up an idea yet. She's coming down for a few days though, and should be arriving when you're reading this. Maybe something good will come out of this. Basically I'm a fucking mess and by God I wish I had other ways to be making money. Immortal Space will probably be finished by the end of the year but there's no guarantee it would sell, or anything I write, and "by the end of the year" isn't "now". I just don't know anymore. Well, the problem is I do know, but I can't do what I have to do because it just feels and seems so much like the wrong thing to do. No one in my family knows how bad things are for me. I guess if I publish this and no one mentions it to me then it's a good sign that no, my family are not reading. Sometimes I wish I could get classed as disabled and just have dad be classed as my carer, it's close enough to that, but I failed their disability "tests".

Okay I'll just shut up now.

Monday, 24 September 2012

Weekly Round Up: Lazy Title Edition

Yes, I'm too lazy and tired to come up with some kind of name for this weeks round up. Frankly I'm amazed I can do it for every post. Then there's the whole other matter of actually coming up with every post. Yay for my lack of things to do? Though maybe I'd get taken a little more seriously if I tried to have serious titles. Then again being taken seriously would probably take the fun out. I'm not quite ready for my funectomy yet, I'm still young thank you. Even if I don't act it.

Okay I probably act it a lot.

Another thing I do a lot is make segues. Speaking of segues, here's another brilliant one. That counts. Anyway, time to do some writing about some writing I already did. Because that makes perfect logical sense.

Tuesday was about my trip to Buxton Air and War Museum or whatever you want to call it. It was about the things I saw and did there, including mutilating my feet and included in the post is a slideshow of all the pictures I took. Which was quite a lot. My feet appear to be healed now.

Wednesday was the long awaited (from the sound of the comments) conclusion of the A-Z of me. This post was N-Z, and I'm not sure if people were surprised I was able to do it, or if they were just surprised I had actually done it. I always follow through. Which could sound really bad if taken out of context.

Thursday was, quite frankly, weird. But the good kind of weird. It was of course my latest podcast, and I don't know what I was smoking at the time but I just barely remember anything I said. I just know that a part of it was how to fake your death and survive your own Viking Funeral. Let's face it, if you go through a Viking Funeral, chances are people are going to think you died one way or another. It's like faking your own cremation. The safest way to do that is of course to have someone open the coffin in the room it gets burned. If you can see the flames from the Church, and it is actually some kind of big oven, I recommend faking your Viking Funeral. If not, I wonder how many cremated people are actually dead. Who's to say that those ashes aren't just the coffin? Okay where's my tinfoil hat?

Friday was about my recent crowning achievement of actually going outside. For the sake of exercise. I know. Who saw that coming? To some people going outside for the sake of going outside might seem like nothing, but to me it really was a big deal. I know how to get from anywhere in this town to my house, because I really will take a longer route to avoid people if necessary.

Saturday started out being about how I didn't have any new Immortal Space written up, but then became about suicide. Which was surreal. Don't worry folks, I'm not suicidal, I was just comparing my feelings of wanting to just walk away to the feelings of suicide, in that neither of them occupy my mind for too long. Whenever I think that something, especially my life, is the worst thing in existence, I immediately think of something good I have going for me. When I'm truly suicidal you'll never know because I believe the people who say they're suicidal are the ones who would never do it, and want someone to talk them down. I could be wrong, but that's how it seems to me. Being someone who has been talked down, as well as talking others down. I could probably write a whole post on suicide but FUCK that would be depressing.

Sunday was actually an Immortal Space update. It was only a third of one though because the combined thing was huge, but that was the only bit that could be taken out of the whole thing. I almost have everything planned out. I just have one big problem left now, and a few smaller ones. I think even if I haven't worked them out by the time I get to them, I will just find the answers coming to me. It's what I get for foreshadowing things I guess.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm sure there's a village that needs pillaging. TO ARMS!

Sunday, 23 September 2012

Immortal Space Today Because I Don't Totally Suck

There is a nice Immortal Space update today after all. I spent a bit over an hour doing some writing in it and I wrote about 2500 words. So, I'm going to be a cheapskate bastard. Instead of giving you the full update, I'm going to split it in to two updates. This way, I'm safe if I can't think of anything to write next week. Or I just don't write anything next week. See, barely anyone reads today anyway so there's not too much of a point in giving out a lot. Plus, this way, next week you get about 2000 words. Sheesh if anything I can probably split this into three updates, but I won't be doing that. For now, just enjoy this middle length update, and remember that there's going to be a huge update next week.

A few days later Trent and Geoff were back at the police station. They had done all the bounties they had picked up, but still didn't have enough money. They were looking to have one big bounty that would give them enough money. There were several low paying ones but they were set on doing just one more. Trent thought Geoff needed a break and that everything he'd been through lately was having a bad effect on him.
“Hey I found one!” Geoff said, directing Trent's attention to the monitor. “Steven Albert, worth 50,000 credits. That's more than we've earned so far. Think we can take him?”
“Well it's more if you think you're up to it.” Trent said, patting him on the head. “Remember what happened in the bar with Lena. Are you going to seize up again? This is going to be tougher than that.”
“I won't seize up” Geoff said, swatting Trent's hand away. “I'm not afraid any more.”
“Hey fear can keep you alive. Don't be afraid of being afraid.”
“Yeah yeah”, Geoff said, printing the information and handing it to Trent. “So, where do we start?” Trent took the information and folded it up before putting it in to his pocket.
“Well, first of all, we need to go shopping. There's something I want to buy, we can start work after that.”
“Shopping? Really? Aren't we supposed to be saving money?”
“We are. This is pretty important and with how much this bounty will net us, we'll still have enough.”
“If you say so” Geoff said, walking out of the station. Trent followed him and the two of them walked around town until they found the store they were looking for. An electronics store. When they were inside Trent let Geoff look around while he found what he was after. The shelves were full of things like PDA's, computers, and communication devices. Trent was after these. They were like watches, but with a slightly bigger base and more buttons around the side, as well as a bigger screen. They also had a socket for a headset for more personal calls. Trent picked two up, and took them to the desk. When he called Geoff over he handed him one, and showed him how to use it. All Geoff had to do was press a button and say Trent's name and it would connect to the one registered with Trent's name in it's memory. Another of the buttons allowed them to set the time, so they did that.
“Okay now what?” Geoff asked, still playing with the communicator.
“What, no thank 'you'? I did just buy you something nice.” Trent scolded.
“I'd thank you but half of that money is mine. Mine came out of my share.”
“And when did you become such a smart ass?”
“I've become a lot of things while you haven't been paying attention.” Geoff said quietly, drifting off and looking away.
“What was that?” Trent said, leaning in closer.
“Nothing.” Geoff said, shaking his head. “What are we going to do now then?”
“If you're sure it was nothing” Trent said, sighing. “Well for now we're going to split up, and try and gather some information on this Steven guy. When you find something out, you let me know, and I'll do the same. Got it?”
“Yeah I got it.” Geoff said, waving his hand and walking off. “Thanks for the communicator” he shouted back to Trent. Trent shook his head and walked off in the opposite direction. He was heading to any bar he could find. The best information, especially about the more underground matters, was found in a bar. He found one a few streets away and went inside. He went to the bar and decided to have a drink before asking around.

Saturday, 22 September 2012

No Immortal Space Because I Suck

Yes, sadly I did not do any writing in Immortal Space this week. Which is a little odd because this week has been a week of ups in a lot of ways. I was even doing university work in the car. I would have written then but I placed uni work a little higher. I would write something right now, and it wouldn't be the first time that I've written more when it's time to write an update, but that wouldn't end up very well. I can only hope to have a chapter up tomorrow, but I can't make any promises I can't keep. Or, should I say, I won't make a promise I don't know if I can keep. I really need to start writing more than one chapter at a time so I have backups if necessary. That would require more effort though, which is a bit silly. The concept of me putting more effort in to something that is. You can argue that I'm putting effort in to this, and I kind of am, I guess, but I'm not really. I'm going to avoid a depressing rant though because I won't feel the same way in the morning, or throughout the day. At least, I don't think I will.

That's one of the worst things about scheduling posts. When they're written on very current events and feelings, they can be irrelevant by the time they're read. There have been several times I've wanted to make a post that amounts simply to "Fuck this and fuck you" but I never did it because the feeling doesn't last very long. If it did, I would have written a suicide note by now. Hell if the feeling lasts I'd have probably planned it all out and potentially done it. They say that a person isn't truly suicidal until they've made a note or a plan. I doubt I would ever make a note. No one would really read it. I wouldn't want anyone to blame themselves either and if you're going to say that to them then of course they're going to blame themselves. Then again, suicide is the ultimate selfish act, so if you're going to do it I really don't think you care about anyone, or what they might think, at all. If you actually did, you wouldn't do it at all.

This is getting longwinded and delving into realms that are best explored at a later time. Though it does kinda shit on my "It would be rushed and crappy if I wrote it now" theory. That was quite well written.

Anyway, I shall see what I can do.

Friday, 21 September 2012

Hello Cruel World

Alternate title :World, I Am In You.

I did actually go for a walk on Monday after all. Then I didn't go out on one on Tuesday. Or Wednesday. But I did go out for one yesterday, and it would be nice if I went out on one today. I realise that to a lot of people, going outside probably isn't a big deal. But, for me, it really is. I live next to a bus stop and I really won't go outside if there are people at the stop, and I have trouble coming back inside if there are people there. I tend to stick to the wall and hope I can get inside before they notice me.

One good thing about where I live though is that I live on a hill. So walking is a pretty good exercise for me. I'll spend at least half of my time walking uphill. The time I spend walking downhill I do my best to take bigger steps, or keep other parts of my body moving, in order to keep my heart rate (and by proxy my calorie and fat burn) up.

A major downside of where I live is that there's little to no nature. At least, where I walk. I could go out of my way to see it, but for now I should just focus on the fact that I am going outside in the first place. One step at a time. Let's just keep going outside when I don't have a reason to, and soon we can work on keeping myself out for longer than I need to be. So far I stay out for about half an hour. Soon though I'm going to have to walk further, or longer, to keep that heart rate up, as I should slowly build up more stamina which will cause my heart rate to be lower for longer. I do however have a four mile route planned which would take me to my old school and back.

Taking that route though would require careful calculation. At least in my current state. I don't go outside after school hours to put it simply. The biggest problem I have with going outside, or one of them I guess, is those damn punk teenagers. I've been to one, two, three, four, five, schools. I know what those people are like. I used to take a walk every day. Well, every night. Then someone tried to mug me (don't worry he failed. Then when I got home I realised I wanted to brutally murder him. Told you, sociopath) and then I actually had a wee bit of a psychotic episode on a walk, and that intensified the fear once again. I'm not afraid of the dark, it's not the dark that's going to kill me.

Well, anyway, I'm not entirely sure what the point was. I guess it was just me saying "Hey, look at what I can do. I can do what a lot of other people can do." Like Jessica said though, it's about what an individual can do. This time last year I could not go out unless I had to. So, she's proud of me, and I am too. Or I will be if I can keep this up.

Next on the list of goals: Wake the fuck up when the god damn alarm goes off. Don't go back to sleep. For four hours. I've heard of five more minutes but this takes the cake, eats it, barfs it out, turns it into an omelet (thank you Jackass for making me watch a man eat his own puke turned into an omelet) and then eats it again.

Thursday, 20 September 2012

The Hell?

Okay so this wasn't what I wanted to talk about at all, in fact I was in kind of a haze so I'm not sure just what I mentioned. Enjoy! On the plus side uploading wasn't a bitch for once, and I was able to get it uploaded safely after recording so for once a podcast is going out not just on time, but early, which is a real shock. Some topics that were covered include:
My inability to cry
Final Fantasy IX being the greatest game ever
The freakishness of white noise
An almost intro (I have plans for a real one I can't bring to fruition just yet)
How to fake your death and survive a Viking funeral...yep that's really in there.
and....a bunch of other stuff. The file for this podcast was simply called "DAFUQ I say?" because I really did just phase out. On the one hand that's good because I keep talking, I find something to talk about, on the other it's a little bad because I don't really speak up much. Oh, that was something else I covered, what makes a person counts as a "professional". I also hid a secret codeword at the end as proof that you really listened. Although, now I've said that, you're free to listen to just the end. Especially now I've said that. I don't know if you can tell from my voice but I did actually have fun with this. Enjoy, and as always (even though I've never said it) share with other people. Everyone loves a British accent. 

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Wednesday, 19 September 2012

N-Z Of Me

So last time I tried to do the A-Z of me, I got to "m" before leaving it because it had already lasted a while, and then I used Friday to give a public apology instead of continuing on. I was planning on adding this in to the podcast tomorrow but I decided to just post it today. That way, I have until Friday to think of something for Friday. I'm also not sure my idea for the podcast can take up enough time. Still, it's a rant, I always go off course with rants. Plus I can always find something to fill time. For now though, at long last, a continuation of the A-Z Of My Bad Self.

N is for No, the hardest word there is for me to say. I'm not saying that I can't say no if someone offers me drugs. I don't know actually no one has offered me drugs before. Or fags. My brother was on drugs once but he never shared. Wanker. I find it hard to say no when people ask me for my time. When they want something. Most of all, when they want me specifically. If I really had to, I could probably stay up all night for someone, then stay up all day for someone else. Then, hopefully, not have to stay up all night again. Jeez that probably would kill me.

O is for Open. I can be quite an open person, much to my own detriment. I also encourage other people to be more open with me. So far, there hasn't really been anyone I've been unable to crack. Though, sometimes, people can be annoyed that they do open up. Don't be, I'm ridiculously charming and soothing. I would open up to me, but I don't think I could deal with the problems that I have. Plus most of them are caused by me, and you don't really want to talk about your problems with who caused them.

Speaking of problems, P is for Problems. Huh, wonder if I can make S for segue. Anyway, I have 99 problems and sadly a bitch is one. Technically. I guess. Whatever. I have problems and issues that need to be resolved. I'm aware of this, and sometimes I try and fix them, and at other times I'm too busy wallowing in self pity and loneliness to do anything about it. Fixing your problems does make you feel better though, I can tell you that. I just did.

Q is for Queer. Not just because I am kind of a queer, but also just because it's a really fun word. I'm pretty sad that it's original meaning of being a bit strange, not quite normal, "funny", is gone. I enjoy using the word queer, and I would like to be able to get back to using it without sounding like a homophobe that you very much.

R is for Rest. Something I get nowhere near enough of, and yet too much. A lot of what's wrong with me can be traced back to either doing too much, or doing too little. Or somehow managing to do both. Yes people that's possible. What you do is do too much of something you shouldn't, and not enough of something you should. Respite is also a fun word that probably would have applied. To cut a short story short, I need to rest. Not just rest more, but rest efficiently too.

Speaking of efficient, S is for Segue. That was a rather efficient one if I do say so myself. S is actually for Sonic. As in Sonic the Hedgehog. As in, by God is it any reason I'm lonely? Sonic the Hedgehog has always been one of my favourite games, TV shows, and just generally characters. He's way past cool. I also remember reading a really awesome story that playing Sonic helped increase reaction time. Or, it did until they took the sonic out of Sonic. Sonic 4 was a very nice return to form though, kudos SEGA.

T is for Time. Never seems to be enough of the stuff. Plus I'm awful at keeping track of it. I forget when things happen, and sometimes I think either too much time has passed, or not as much as I thought. I heard though that is a genuine phenomena, that time, and our perception of it, is altered so something really can feel longer than it is, and time does really fly when you have fun. I guess I need more average activities, so time flows just right.

U is for Understanding. I suppose this ties in with problems but I am a very understanding person. So much so that I rarely get angry at anyone. Who is over the age of sixteen and not one of my nieces. I understand how a person's circumstances can change, and cause them to not act how I want to, I can understand how a lot of people I talk to feel. I've been through enough in life to have an idea of how people feel in certain situations. I can explain a persons actions sometimes even better than they can. I've helped people understand and realise the reasons they do something, or what they're feeling, even when they have no clue.

V is for Vendetta. Well V is really for...ummm....God dammit I can't get dirty words out of my head. Or things I don't want to totally open up about. Bah. Okay, V is for Versatile. I'm not sure how versatile I may be, but I won a versatile blogger award once. And some would probably say I'm quite versatile to always post something, even when I have no idea on what to post, and then spend paragraphs explaining how I have nothing to post about. It fits, I guess.

V is also for vagina dammit I couldn't just let it go.

W is for Walking. I actually did go out for a walk on Monday, but then didn't go out for one on Tuesday. Which is a shame but we live. It might not sound like much, but for me to go out for a walk like that was a big deal. When I got home I felt quite proud of myself. Then ruined it by not going out again. One step at a time I guess.

X is for Xylophone. No, wait, I do have an actual story for this. There was a time in school in drama class (or it may have been music, we were in the drama classroom) where we were given xylophones to play, and people who brought in a permission slip were to have their pictures taken, and be in the newspaper. Now, for some reason or another (I think it was that I hated having my picture taken) I never handed in my permission slip, so I had to sit in a corner, by myself. There are actually no pictures of me at that school. I came in a year late, and I refused to be in the picture at the end of the last year. They wouldn't let me keep my jumper on, and I genuinely felt so strongly about it I just walked out the door.

Y is for You. The people who are actually reading this. Because it's gone on far too long. But, without you, there wouldn't be much of a point to all this now would there? Plus I am a social creature, even if I hate to admit it. Without you guys, I'd be a lot more bored and lonely than I am now. Sheesh. Never leave me :(

Z is for ZOMG this is finally over. If I actually had to give a word that word would be zen. It's not something I have right now, but inner peace would be pretty damn cool. I guess.

So, there you have it. I probably could have turned that into three posts, or one hour long podcast.

Oh, the wasted opportunities...

Tuesday, 18 September 2012

No Trains, But Planes And Automobiles

Even though this is going out Tuesday it was written on the bus home on Sunday, at the extent of my poor thumbs.

Overall I've had a pretty damn good day. A few tantrums from the kids here and there, and very very sore feet, and a rather unquenchable thirst, but a good time. I don't know how well known it is but I really do love aircraft. My boyhood dream was to be a fighter pilot. I don't remember when I gained and lost it but I remember having it at six and holding on to it for a few years. Eventually I was forced to accept the inevitable.

1) I was afraid of heights
2) I was, and still am, in terrible shape
3) It sadly wasn't for me.

I still retained my love of aircraft, and bought many a glider and play as many aircraft games as I can come across. When I was on holiday there was a game that was close to a simulator and I spent too long on that game.

While I may never join the RAF, I still have some hope of maybe one day getting a license and a small personal craft. That's going to take some time though. Especially because one of the activities of the aircraft museum type place I went to informed me my eyesight is not quite good enough. May it be good enough for a personal craft, if not for military use.

That, eventually, brings us back to the trip. It was more like a proper wartime museum and that's really what it was. They had plenty of ground vehicles too and even two boats and a submarine, and several commercial aircraft including a Concorde. They even had a few German planes including one they found in a rubbish dump. Yep, they found a plane in a rubbish dump. It was mostly just the fuselage and they were able to use that to start rebuilding it. As well as one plane that was shot down, crashed, didn't explode, and then the chap flying it was shot on his way out of the plane. That's got to hurt. To survive being shot down just to be shot on your way out. Also terribly rude of the people who shot him. Then to make it better they fixed the plane, just to break it again. Or, as they put it "restored to look how it did when it crashed." I also read about a guy who accidentally turned the afterburners on while a plane was on the ground. He was forced to take off and land it, which he safely managed to do. According to my dad he also passed out on the way up. How exactly does a person accidentally turn on the afterburners?

Sadly I did not get a go on a flight simulator. They only had one and it was mostly for kids, and the little bastards wouldn't get off of it. I also wasn't able to buy anything. But, if I ever have kids, and that place is still there, SO. TAKING. THEM. They let you pay to be taken up on one of the old Tiger Moths they have (a plane that was used to train pilots) and they would even let you fly one. I almost cried because it was so expensive and I could never have gotten to do it.

I hate war, but I still love aircraft. That's going to have to be a rant that waits though. This has lasted enough. Don't worry, it will come.

The slideshow is all the pictures I took. Buxton is the name of the place I went to, it's a little outside Cambridge.

Monday, 17 September 2012

A Little Late

I am running a little late today with this round up in case you couldn't tell. But I think at least one person probably did. I have no names, you guys are just like that. It seems that if you're going to get four hours sleep, then follow that up with being awake for 21 hours, you're going to sleep, and sleep long and hard. I did have an enjoyable time yesterday, so I consider it worth it. More on that some other time though. For now, I'll just give you the round up and let you get on with your day. A funny thing has happened though, even though I post once a day, I've now found myself with more posts to make, than days I can make posts. This is one of the upsides to a podcast I guess. Should the ideas still be relevant, I discuss several things at once in the span of half an hour.

The week started well with Tuesday in which I posted about how I had taken a giant leap, and submitted a short story in a flash fiction contest. I shared the story too, and it's a total of 250 words, so I recommend going back, and giving it a quick look. Despite accidentally spelling the name of the company wrong four times in my submission email (They're called Lascaux and I always read it as Lascuax, Fang pointed this out for me) I checked the website and my entry is on there, along with one comment saying they found it very poignant. There are also over one hundred entries. Possibly two hundred by now. Fuck. Mental note, enter a smaller competition if I ever do it again.

Wednesday I kept the rhythm going with an A-Z of me. I only went to M though, and I still owe you N-Z and this is one of the reasons I have too many post ideas. This is something I can fit in to a podcast though, so I can sort all this out. Spoiler alert, J was not Jessica. Which I got so shocked by I mentioned it at the end of the post.

Thursday was when things took a turn for the worst with my latest podcast. Which I immediately dumped all over. No wonder barely anyone listened to it. Sheesh. It wasn't all that bad, and I think still worth a listen for the comedic and camp value. What happened was that in an experiment I read the first big chunk of Immortal Space, covering from Trent's crash to when him and Geoff leave the hospital. Things didn't go how I thought they would, and it depressed me, but I know I can get better with practice.

Friday was me admitting that actually. as well as asking for more criticism, and ways to improve what I do. When I first started writing it wasn't very good. But, because I was receiving healthy and constructive criticism, I was able to improve and now my writing does get praised. Which is super cool. I want to be the very best, like no one ever was. To catch them all- sorry wrong tangent. But I do want to improve, and I can only get there if people tell me what I'm doing wrong. If you think I suck, then tell me I do, just make sure you tell me how I suck, so I can improve.

Saturday was another Immortal Space update. It was only when someone said what a dick Geoff has become (I don't think that was there actual words) I realised just how much the characters have grown. Geoff at least. How about that, I had characters develop without even realising it? Fuck I'm awesome. I have several ideas for how to move the story along and I have all the major things plotted out. Not bad considering I didn't even have any backstory or history when I started. Now I just need to work out how to drag all this out.

Sunday was a nice little ditty I wrote at five AM on my phone, and spent about an hour trying to email it on a very bad signal on my phone. For some reason, the mobile internet hasn't been working at all when I'm not hooked up to the Wifi. No amount of restarting works either. Oh well. I explained that I was going out for the day, and had to wake up at four am to get a bus. I went to a war museum that had been converted from an RAF base. I had a lot of fun, but more on that another time. A major downside of all this is I don't know if you knew this, but those bases are HUGE. My feet and my legs are still sore, which is very annoying because I was hoping to go for a walk today. I'm going to have to go for one tomorrow. No excuses dammit!

Enjoy your week folks :)

Sunday, 16 September 2012

Hey There

Hey guys. I'm writing this at five in the morning, and I've been up since four. If you're someone that reads me late in the day, remember this is Sundays post. You don't have to read Saturdays though. Meh. Though with how shit my phone internet has been it could be when I get home when you read this. Anyway, you may be wondering what I'm doing up at four AM. I'm going out for the day. And by the day it seems I literally mean from the start of the day. We're having to catch a bus that arrives at six AM. So I get to spend hours on a bus. I absolutely hate buses. I genuinely really do. I also pumped myself with half a litre of coffee when I woke up. I should probably have died by now from it.

I've fed the cat too. She gets three pouches of food a day so I put two out for her (we'll be back in the evening, before her third feed) and she's already eaten one, so I topped food up before I left. She better appreciate that.

What this really means for you, and I suppose me too, is that this is going to be one of those days I can't really read blogs. Hell I didn't read any last night before I went to bed (four hours sleep YAY!). I'll try and read them through the day but the internet on my phone has been awful lately, and I'll be surprised if it even sends this emal for publishing.

So, you have my apologies, for not being able to read blogs. Its a Sunday, so there aren't many updates, but I do read everything, so you know how I feel about being unable to read.

I'm either too nice, or too committed. Either way, I lose I think.

Oh well. Enjoy your day guys.

If you're wondering where I'm going, I'd love to tell you but I'm not totally sure. Its somewhere in Cambridge. I think its some kind of aeroplane museum, and I do love aeroplanes. We used to always visit an old RAF base when we went on holiday. I loved it there. Even though I'm (obviously) tired, the coffee has made me slightly hyper.

Must. Stop. Writing. Just this post though. Okay, done.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Saturday, 15 September 2012

Immortal Space: Chapter Whatever

I was able to write a post in between being a bipolar bitch. Though it was written late last night. Anyway, I have a few notes beforehand. I mentioned before that I want this to be at least 30,000 words, and I would like there to be 40 to 50 (thousand) and updates seem to generally be about 1000, and right now we have 24 thousand. So, you could potentially see an end by the end of the year, but don't count on it. It's kind of hard to think about just how long I've been doing this, and how tough it can sometimes be to get something written out in a week. It really helped show me how a book can take a year or two to write. So remind me I can't complain about how long there is between two books. With that out of the way, enjoy another update. It's all talking, again. Oh shit should have given a spoiler alert I guess.


“What the Hell was that?!” Geoff shouted, punching the wall in anger before shaking his hand when the pain hit. They were back at the hotel room and Geoff had stayed quiet on the journey before letting out his frustration when they got back.
“That,” Trent started, shutting the door behind him, “Is something an idiot does when they're angry. There's no sense in getting angry.”
“You don't even know what I'm angry about!” Geoff snapped.
“Well, what is it?” Trent said as he sat down and crossed his legs. “Tell me what's wrong.”
“Everything!” Geoff shouted. Trent didn't react and Geoff calmed down. “Everything” he said again, quieter this time. “First I think I want to get stronger, then I think I am stronger, and I seize up, and then a woman comes along with a knife! I freeze, and someone else saves me, yet again! If it isn't you then it's some random woman in a bar! I want to be able to take care of myself dammit!”
“You handled yourself quite well when you hit Max in the face.” Trent pointed out. Geoff laughed and sat down himself.
“Guess I kinda did, huh?”
“Sure did, kid” Trent said with a smile. “You just never seen someone use a weapon is all. But you have to understand something?”
“What's that?” Geoff said, looking up.
“A weapon don't change a thing, if you know what you're doing. A guy comes at you with a knife, and you just don't let them hit you. The same applies to any weapon really. In fact if you can get it off them, then you can turn the fight in your favour. Don't rely on weapons, and you can always beat the people that do.”
“That's easy for you to say, you're a damn immortal.”
“Yeah but I did my training when I wasn't didn't I? I've also seen enough fighting to know things like this. You ask that Lena chick and she'll tell you the same thing. She pretty much told me while we were there.”
“Wait, you talked to her?” Geoff said with interest.
“Yeah but not about much.”
“Well what did she say?”
“What are you so interested for? You jealous I talked to her?”. Trent burst in to laughter at the look on Geoff's face. He was getting angrier and his cheeks were going red. “You hoping I asked her for her number? Or are you upset because you want me to yourself?” Trent said between laughs. Geoff dived on him and knocked him to the ground. Geoff landed on top of him and tried to punch him but Trent shifted his head so Geoff hit the floor instead.
“Dammit!” He cried out in pain. “Why does that keep happening to me?!” he said while massaging his head.
“Well that's obvious at least.” Trent said, pushing Geoff off and getting up. “You keep hitting things you shouldn't, and keep trying to hit things you can't.”
“You think I can't hit you?” Geoff said.
“I know you can't kid. I taught you everything you know” Trent replied, looking smug. Geoff jumped on him and knocked him down again and the two grappled on the floor for a few minutes before Trent emerged victorious with knee on Geoff's back. He threw his arms in the air to show off for nobody before standing up and picking Geoff up.
“Give it a little longer, and you'll be able to beat me, Lena, and anyone else who comes at you, weapon or not.”
“You think so?” Geoff responded while dusting himself off.
“I know so.”
“What if they have a gun?”
“Pshht, that's easy.” Trent said, swatting the air. “You just walk towards them. Sometimes they won't even shoot, and if they do they'll run away when you don't die from it.”
“Uhhh, but I would die.”
“Oh yeah. Forget I said that.” Trent said, laughing again and patting Geoff on the head. “You leave those people to me.”
“But I don't want to be relying on you!” Geoff said, getting upset again.
“It's perfectly alright to rely on people kid. I do it too sometimes.”
“Really?” Geoff asked, bemused. “You actually rely on people?”
“Of course I do. I relied on your friend Osbourne to put me back in one piece, and what happens if I black out? I'm going to be relying on people to get me to a safe place until I recover. Even the immortal rely on people.”
“Wow” Geoff said in amazement. “I had no idea you could actually be helpless.”
“Some people don't realise these things.”
“What if you really aren't around? And I can't rely on you?”
“If you really really can't rely on me, then keep moving, and look for cover. Or avoid them altogether if you can. No sense in starting a fight you can't win.”
“Don't you do that all the time?” Geoff asked, laughing.
“Actually I promote non-violence. Although, there's no such thing as a fight I can't win.”
“But you just said you can end up helpless.” Geoff pointed out.
“Ah, ah, ah” Trent said, wagging his finger in Geoff's face. “I would have to lose a fight, to end up like that, and I ain't about to lose a fight.”
“That doesn't mean that you can't lose. You also said I could beat you one day. Don't forget that.”
“Oh, I was just lying to cheer you up. You really have no chance, ever.” Trent said, looking away.
“I'll show you who has no chance!” Geoff shouted, and dived on Trent again. The two kept fighting until they tired themselves out, and needed to sleep.
“You really think I could never beat you?” Geoff asked across the room.
“Kid, I think you can do anything you want to do. But right now what I want to do, is get some sleep. So sleep I shall.” Trent responded. With that, Geoff laid back, closed his eyes, and fell asleep.

P.S I need to format this stuff properly. Or at least work out how it should be formatted.

Friday, 14 September 2012

Sorry Once More

Don't worry guys, this one won't be a serious downer or anything. I just wanted to say sorry for being such a depressing wanker yesterday in the post. I accepted I wasn't that good at what I was trying to do, but that's only because I've never really tried it before. Looking back on Immortal Space reminded me how far I've come as a writer. It might have sounded like a joke when I said "Who wrote this crap? Oh wait, me" but it doesn't seem as good compared to what I write these days. I also butchered the English language a few times. But, I kept at it, and now I write quite well. I wasn't very good at writing conversations, but now I get praised on them. I was always switching between perspectives, and even tenses. That's just bad writing. I had someone telling me what I was doing wrong though, I had people telling me how I could improve, and I took their advice on board and I went for it.

I've never really been a very good speaker, and I'm even worse when speaking to others. That may come as a bit of a shock, but I highly doubt it. When me and Bersercules recorded a podcast, especially in that two hour one we did, it was obvious. I was nervous, and I was unsure of myself. I've been doing it for thirty two shows now and sometimes I do just fine. When I started I sounded depressed and uninterested, and now when I do them, sometimes I sound actually exuberant, and full of life. I still get nervous before I record a podcast, but when it starts, and I start talking, I do okay.

This is why I need constructive criticism, this is why I need people who tell me what I'm doing wrong, so I can work on doing them. I promise I won't flip out, and call you a twat for telling me what I'm doing wrong. I need it, I honestly do. If you think I can improve what I do in any way, then do tell me. I was able to learn and advance as a writer because I had people telling me what I was doing wrong, and I want to learn and advance with everything I do. If you want proof I wasn't naturally a good writer, then go ahead and listen to the podcast, or read those first few chapters of Immortal Space, or just read early blog posts. I may have had a natural talent for it, and I may have been able to pick it up quite quickly, but I'm still only good at it, and I can always improve.

The same applies to podcasting and really anything I do. So, please, do be honest. I realise you might not want to hurt me, but I've been hurt before, and I've grown from it. Being hurt doesn't break me. For very long at least. Mistakes help a person grow, and change, but only if they know they've made them.

Yes this is the same picture from the guest post I wrote for Aysh. Screw the rules I have money. I wish.

Thursday, 13 September 2012

Oh God I'm So Sorry

Okay before I really get started I want to tell you guys that I did a guest post for the super awesome and lovely Aysh. You can find it here. I really recommend reading it (of course) because it's a story I wrote, and it's something no one would ever expect from me. A love story. Go on, give it a try. Now, for the actual post. I committed a serious sin last night. I recorded this podcast. I know I generally say these things are bad, but this is fucking bad. The special thing I promised to do was reading Immortal Space. Well, the first few chapters, the main start of the story. Partly it was also an experiment to see how well I do at reading things aloud. Say, to see if I should use a script, or potentially interest one of you in having me record something for you, but no, no. I honestly think I did a terrible job, and even with editing it wouldn't have sounded much better. Well, it's not totally that bad. My voice is always soothing and awesome, but I'm no good with character voices. I also don't think I portray emotion too well, but that could have been caused by my lack of privacy. I realise if I keep saying it's shit, no one is going to listen to it, but I actually want people to listen to it. Tell me what you actually think, and please, be honest. I might cry, but I can take it. I already think it's terrible.

Podcast Powered By Podbean

Good voice - Check
Charisma - possibly
Confidence and confidence in using voice properly?

Guess I can't use my voice for personal profit. Yet.

Wednesday, 12 September 2012

A-Z Of Me, Part 1

This is something I'm borrowing from the super awesome Althea. Basically the idea is an "A-Z of my life". This is going to have to come in two parts though. You know me, I went and wrote more than I probably should for each letter, and I felt it was already long enough by the time I got to M. Tune in on Friday to find out the thrilling conclusion. PS. Sorry about screwing you a bit and only giving you half of the letters.

A is for animals. Of course. My love of animals, especially of the cute and fluffy variety, is possibly the most well documented thing on here. Of course, despite my love of cats, my favourite animal is actually a variety of dog. That is the wolf. I love all other animals equally.

B is for biking. Thanks to my good old fashioned socia-and agora-phobia, my main form of exercise is my fancy pants little exercise bike. Though in a moment of "oddly enough" I had to walk in to town this week, and I decided to wear my heart rate monitor. Even though my bike takes much more out of my legs than walking did, the walk burned an awful lot more calories. Oh if only I was more able to go out for walks all the time.

C is for confifdence. Something I am sadly sorely lacking. My work here generally gets good praise, but that's only good if you can accept it. Life has beaten the crap out of me, and mental wounds take much longer to heal than physical ones. Some never do. A lot of my problems could be solved with some more confidence really. I hear there are people who will send their stories and such to newspapers or magazines in the hopes of being published. God only knows how that works.

D is for Doctor Who. I hope to do a proper post on this soon enough, because of circumstances, but for now I can mention it. It's one of my favourite shows and actually I'm writing this while watching some classic Doctor Who from the 60's. In the old days they were a serial format, which means that several 25-ish minute episodes formed a longer story. I watched one of those serials. It was seven episodes long. That means I spent about three hours watching Doctor Who from the 60's. Time NOT WASTED.

E is for energy. Despite how much I may sleep, and the fact I am consistently oversleeping, I never seem to have enough energy. You could also say that might be related to my lack of motivation. But the fact of the matter is that I just don't seem to have enough energy. In another "oddly enough" (I should coperate that phrase. Make millions.) I slept for about four hours the night before last, and then proceeded to stay up again until about half 1 in the morning. I was up for about 19 hours. I don't know if that's good or bad. Coffee and energy drinks don't really affect me much either.

F is for fun. Despite my lack of a sunny personality, and my love of all things dark and mysterious, I do actually have a sense of fun. I just don't really let myself have fun much. That's all. It's one of the ways I myself am mysterious. Just kidding, it's only self hatred. Ha.

G is for ginger. I have a ginger cat, and a ginger niece. Although like I mentioned in the podcast where I kept saying "strawberry blonde" sarcastically, I'm not allowed to call her ginger. I personally don't find ginger people all that creepy, and I'm convinced that some of them, maybe about a fifth, do in fact possess souls. I'm not sure who they stole them from, but they have them.

H is for hearts. I've broken hearts and had mine broken. I'm sure exactly how mine still functions is a medical miracle at this point too. To be honest sometimes I am surprised that I haven't had a heart attack yet. There's another h, honesty. But let's stick to one thing, eh? Hearts are fragile things folks, treat them with care. Especially your own. And remember, they taste best when eaten with a rusty spoon.

I is for introverted. I am a rather introverted person. I keep to myself, and I don't let others in. I'm not exactly self centred, and do tend to put the well being of others before my own, but I spend a lot of time alone, retreating in to myself.

J is for jeep. You can say I'm overcompensating, and perhaps I am, but when I have my drivers license (assuming I ever start lessons again) and have infinite money to buy a car with, I want to buy a jeep. I just like them, and I want something that's going to do more damage to someone I hit, than to me.

K is for Kingdom Hearts. A game I am currently in the middle of playing. Except not really. It bugged on me and I lost a few hours of gameplay and now I'm scared to start it up again. Right now I'm actually borrowing my brother's PS3 and playing Final Fantasy IX thanks to the PSN store. Boy I love that game.

L is for love. That elusive little bastard. If you've seen it let me know so I can continue my hunt of it. I want to shoot it and have it stuffed and mounted on my wall. Who needs love when you have a badass hunting trophy, right? I don't really know what to feel about love. At the time you tell yourself you're in love, but when it's all said and done, were you?

M is for minecraft. A game that, once again, I find myself going back on. Damn you and your addictiveness! I'm too lazy to even try and make something, so why do I try? I have so much fecking dirt too. Who needs all that dirt? Damn my hoarding tendencies. I have no need for dirt, why do I keep it all? Why can't I hold all this dirt?

PPS I've just noticed I didn't make J "Jessica", by far the biggest J in my life. The biggest of several things in my life. Oh well, it's less predictable this way, ne?

PPPS If you're wondering why you have to wait until Friday, and not getting the answers tomorrow, well tomorrow is podcast day and even though I've missed out on prime time for privacy, I still intend to do the cool thing I had planned to do for it.

Tuesday, 11 September 2012

Getting My Flash Fiction On

Yesterday marked a very important day for me. No I did not finally get my "big boy hair", I could finally close a tab on my browser that had been open for weeks. You see, a few weeks ago, when I first opened this tab of course, I was made aware of something called Lascaux Flash which is something run by the, I'm assuming, good people of The Lascaux Review. Lascaux Flash seems to be some flash fiction competition they hold yearly. Or at least this is Lascaux Flash 2012. Now most of you know that I don't actually hold too much faith or belief in my writing ability. The thought of entering a writing contest would seem incredible to me. But, that is exactly what I did. I used their prompt to write a 250 word story, and yesterday I submitted it to them for entry in their competition. 

This was the prompt
I can't say for sure that the story is something I'm proud of, and I actually don't entertain the idea of winning much. But this is something I never really thought I would do. This is something that really, I don't think anyone ever expected me to do. I wonder how well I'll take rejection. My guess is not very. The prize is 250 dollars (a dollar a word) and to be published in the aforementioned magazine. That would be beyond amazing, but there are so many entries, and like I said, I'm not that confident. I don't regret entering, not by a long shot, but I am wondering what I was smoking at the time. Which by the way was nothing, which makes this whole thing worse. Anyway, the winner is decided by their editors, so I can't ask you guys to go rig a vote for me (and I'm perfectly capable of rigging a vote myself), but, for now, you can enjoy my entry. It's a piece I call "Tulips".

I was walking through the fields when it happened. Something snapped. Something inside me. It took me a moment to realise what it was. I could smell tulips.

Tulips were her favourite flowers, and I hadn't realised how long it had been since I had smelled them, or how long it had been since I really thought about her. She was so young, far too young. I remembered the way she smiled, her blonde curls flowing in the wind while she ran and laughed.

We were at the park, and she was running around. She ran too far though, and wasn't looking. She ran out of the park, and in to the road. I couldn't reach her in time, and she went through the windscreen. When I finally got to her all I could do was hold her and cry. I had already lost her mother, and I couldn't believe I was losing her too.

The driver was apologising but I couldn't hear him. I couldn't hear anything. I didn't want to be there. An ambulance came but it was too late. She was already gone. I would never hold her again. Never see her ever again.

When we buried her we covered her coffin in tulips, and I never went near them again. I found myself walking without thinking, and I guess I just couldn't escape the past and came here subconsciously.

This was that park. All I could do was drop to my knees, and cry once more.
When I saw the picture, I just thought of a shattered mind, and the colours reminded me of flowers, and that's how this whole sad piece came together. I would say wish me luck but that would be a waste of effort and energy. I should just have my own magazine, and publish my own work. Wait, I do, I just call it a blog, and it's not that well known, sadly. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed! Then again, if you enjoyed a story about a little girl being run over, I'm not sure what to think of you.

Monday, 10 September 2012

A Pretty Good Week

Last week was pretty much nothing but posts caused by random bursts of inspiration. What this meant was that, overall, they were fairly awesome posts. It was a nice reminder of the good old days when I would have posts ready weeks in advance because I wrote several a day. I miss those days, and sadly I don't see this as being a return to them, but, for now, we can bask in their awesome might.

Tuesday was inspired by the thought that the next time there will be a proper full moon won't be until the year 2015, and how different the world might be by then. I was called quite the optimist over this post. I'm not optimistic. I'm horribly pessimistic and accept that my views and ideals are pretty much delusional fantasies. At least, they're not likely to happen in our lifetimes, because we'll be killed in the nuclear war. Out of which, the ideal world will be born.

Wednesday I came up with what I called the Grand Unified Gaming Theory, which is a lot better than it sounds. I basically compared life to video games, specifically open ended RPG's. Really, it's a lot better than it sounds, and borders on mind blowing.

Thursday was my latest podcast. This one felt right for once. I had fun doing it, I went off on too many tangents, and I recorded it using my laptops internal microphone, which turned out to be totally badass, and the right thing to do.

Friday was a bit preachy, but got nothing but positive feedback. It was about how we, as people, should not be blamed for the actions of our predecessors. White people alive now should not be blamed for slavery, and the Jews shouldn't have to apologise for selling out Jesus. In fact that was what started it, Jessica asking me that question. In a very rare moment she even commented when someone asked her if my answer offended her. Which it didn't, because it was her answer too.

Saturday was another Immortal Space update. In this one we were introduced to a new character, Lena. People seemed to like the character, but Fang didn't think the scene really fit. I think I've done too much stalling, and I couldn't work out a way to keep stalling, and so I'm advancing the plot. I think I have pretty much all of it worked out now, but of course everything changes as I write it. This wasn't even my original plan for introducing Lena. She will make sense though. Eventually. I think. Who knows really? Is it actually my job to?



And lastly on Sunday I was tired as Hel, and shared some videos of adorable little funnyman Russell Howard. I had suspected I had done that before, but thought that I might as well do it anyway.

Well, there you have it. I have no guarantees of quality for this week, but you'll probably enjoy the podcast. If I can do it right.

Sunday, 9 September 2012

Russell Howard

I'm sure I've probably posted about Russell Howard but screw it, he's adorable. Plus he's still pretty funny, so I don't mind finding more of him. And a final point is that I'm tired and I couldn't think of anything else. It's a shame he's not on Mock The Week anymore. I think I would prefer him to be back on there than having his own show. I like Russell Howard's Good News fine, but it'd be nice. Anyway, have a few laughs on me, and our good friend Russell Howard.

iPhones are terrible all around really. Scottish people are awesome.

Saturday, 8 September 2012

Quite The Character

So I did go ahead after all and create the female character. Though I changed how she was going to be introduced, and she's written herself. I think that's supposed to be a sign of a good writer, when characters, and even stories, create themselves during the writing process. I have a lot of things planned now, and I think that I have pretty much everything planned out now. As such, I kind of want to rush along the story a bit. I hope I can restrain this really, I don't want to move things along too quickly. Right now it's 40 A4 pages long and 23k words, and I'd like it to be at least 30k, to 35. Or more. I wonder how many words are in a novella actually, and the difference between a novel and novella. Huh. Anyway, here's your update.

A few days later Geoff was getting much better at self defense. Trent had decided to take time away from bounty hunting in order to devote all his time to training Geoff. They worked all day except when they had to attend to their bodily necessities, such as eating and sleeping. Geoff was a quick learner, and picked things up very fast. He had already learned how do a palm strike counter just by seeing it once. He also had a surprising amount of stamina. He was able to keep going until he fainted from exhaustion every day. After a week of this, Trent decided Geoff had done enough, and it was time for them to make a little more money. They found another low risk job and found their target, this time called Liam, in the same bar they found Max.
“These people aren't too smart are they?” Geoff said as they entered the bar. Geoff was wearing, after several requests, a long coat like Trent's.
“Not really” Trent agreed. He leaned against the wall near the door, and pointed to Liam. “That's the guy. You really want to do this?”
“Sure do.” Geoff said, nodding. “Remember what you promised. This time you don't get involved. I can handle it this time.”
“Just go for it kid” Trent said, nodding his head towards Liam. Geoff smirked and walked towards Liam and tapped him on the back. Liam turned around and saw a young man with a collar covering half his face, and a pair of sunglasses covering his eyes. Geoff had also insisted on hiding his face in case anyone recognised him. Liam didn't say anything to him and just turned around, getting off of his stool. He smashed his glass bottle on the bar and held it up to Geoff's face. Geoff looked a little scared and backed off a step. He hadn't faced someone with a weapon before, and never really felt like his life was at stake. Trent noticed and started moving forward but stopped when he heard the bottle shatter, and a knife thudded in to the wall. Trent, Geoff, and Liam looked at the knife, and slowly turned to look at where it came from. They saw a beautiful woman with brown hair and a pale face. Her arm was still outstretched from throwing the knife. She was wearing all black. A pair of long gloves, a tight shirt that accentuated her curves, a skirt that went to her knees, and a pair of boots. She was also wearing a jacket with pockets on the front. One of them was open, and was presumably where the knife was.
“Now now boys, place nice.” She said, wagging her finger at Liam and Geoff.
Geoff tore himself away and used to the distraction to hit Liam hard, knocking him out. He slumped forward and Geoff took his weight, holding him up. Trent walked over to the knife and took it out the wall. He looked it over and then walked to the woman and handed it her.
“You should play nice with your toys too little lady.” He said. She took the knife and placed it back in the pocket.
“Lena will do thank you. That is my name after all.” The woman said, folding her arms across her chest.
“Trent. Pleasure to meet you.” Trent said, holding out his hand for her to shake. Lena kept her arms across her chest and stared at the hand.
“I don't appreciate people touching my knives.” She said.
“Well,” Trent replied, pulling his hand back, “I don't really like people throwing knives at my boy.”
“Which one is your boy?” Lena asked, looking around Trent. Trent followed her eyes and pointed at Geoff, who was watching them both. Liam was still slumped on him.
“The one still standing” Trent said.
“He did good” Lena nodded, “But you want to keep a better eye on your son. Did you want him to get hurt?”
“He's not my son, but I wouldn't want to see him get hurt. I didn't expect him to tense up like that. He did pretty good last time.”
“What's the difference?”
“Never fought someone with a weapon would be my guess.”
“Weapons don't really change much.”
“True enough,” Trent nodded. “But why do you have them then?”
“Hey, they're pretty fun. Plus sometimes you can avoid fights with them. Look at your boy, he wouldn't have fought then, and he wouldn't fight me. He's afraid now. He's going to need some work now.”
“Well it's my work to do ma'am. Thank you though for breaking it up. Rather he be saved by you than by me. Would have ruined his confidence more.”
“Probably” Lena agreed. “Plus this way, it's me he blames, not you. Well,” she said, clicking her heels together, “It's time for me to go. Maybe we can meet again Mr. Trent.”
“Maybe indeed, Miss Lena.” Trent replied, tipping his hat to her and giving a theatrical bow with his arms by his side. Lena giggled and started to walk out the bar. On her way out she passed Geoff and gave him a kiss on the cheek and whispered in to his ear.
“You did good knocking him out kid, but you can do a lot better. See you again some time.” She walked out of the bar leaving Geoff staring after her, the blood rising to his cheeks. He heard Trent laugh at him and when he looked around Trent was poking his own cheeks. Geoff felt his cheeks and turned away before walking out of the bar himself, carrying Liam on his back.

Geez this looked and felt a lot longer in OpenOffice. Though it did take a while to write too.

Friday, 7 September 2012

It Wasn't My Fault

I was talking to Jessica yesterday and she asked me a "controversial question". "Do you think the Jews should apologise for killing Jesus?". My short and simple answer for that is that no, I don't think they should. See, there's something that's happening in this world, that's a very very stupid thing. We seem to have this idea that we can blame the people who exist today, who had nothing to do with something, for something that happened some time ago, that had nothing to do with them. One of the biggest examples is the Jews. There are people who genuinely think they should say "Our bad guys, we sold out Jesus. Our bad. We cool guys? Guys? Come on put the cross down, we said sorry."

Another of the biggest examples is racism. Somehow every white person that ever lived ever, and is still alive, is responsible for slavery, and every thing that ever happened to black people that wasn't bad. While it's true that yes, we were dicks, some of us still are, but things are much better now. The amount of people who genuinely have problems with black people are becoming few and far between. Plus they tend to wear white hoods, so it's quite easy to spot them. You need to stop blaming us for what happened. It was the past, well over one hundred years ago. I don't think anyone alive today was personally involved in slavery. Things are still shitty, I can get that, but not every white man hates you.

This is slowly becoming more of a "don't generalise" thing, but it is a bit more than that. I do know the two of them are tied, but there is a difference. While we should embrace the good things our ancestors did, we should let go of the bad things. Let's not blame the Jews for what happened to Christ, let's not blame every white man for slavery, let's not blame every man in general for women's rights, and let's not blame the Germans for WW1 and 2. Let's get over the past. By letting go of the past, and accepting that the people we meet are not their ancestors, had nothing to do with what they did, and couldn't stop them even if they wanted to, we can move on as a race. We can become more civilised, more advanced, and really just become better as a whole.

If you just want a reason to hate, and can't get over the past, then you're holding up our advancement. Please, go away. Or stop. Let us move on. Most people accept that individually it helps us as people to grow and move on to let go of the past. So, it can apply to us as a whole race too. Move on, let go, and get along.

Remember, above all, don't be a dick. It's not hard.

Thursday, 6 September 2012

Episode 31: Back On Form

As far as I can tell this is episode 31. I have two pages of fifteen episodes at least so by logic this has to be 31. It's half an hour long and I talk about nothing in particular. As always. So I'm "Back on form."

For some specifics though I talked about advertising, doing this using my computer's microphone and how it seems to be much better quality, the open university, and some of my actual goals in life. The last two are related. Please let me know first of all if you hear adverts, and second of all when, and if they seem intrusive. When I first joined podbean all those years ago, they said I could pick where the adverts go, but so far I have found no function like that. Also in case you're wondering why even though free accounts automatically have adverts (they don't get any money from them though) but I've never had adverts, the podcasts were never formatted in the way they wanted, and they never called me on it.

Anyway, for now, enjoy.

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Wednesday, 5 September 2012

Grand Unified Gaming Theory

I came up with this while talking to Jessica. It's basically how life is like a video game. We were talking about sandbox games that are pretty much “do as you please” games that are just like that. There's no real direction, or purpose. As much as I like these games, and do enjoy exploring the vast worlds, I do need rules and boundaries in a game. I need direction. When I played Skyrim, I left the main quest uncompleted while I went and did all the guilds and side missions I could find because I know once I do the main quest, I tend to lose interest in the game. To me, life is actually like this. I realise I've lost most of you now, but I'm about to get philosophical up in here, and maybe get some of you back.

See, in a game you are, usually, given a set amount of parameters to complete and eventually you reach the end of the game. I'm using open ended role playing games here as the example. In a game, you start weak, and advance by collecting experience and becoming stronger. In life you do this as well. You experience life, and grow as an individual. There are three major goals in the game of life. Getting a love, raising a family, and fulfilling your own individual life goals. Each person's life goal tends to be different, and sadly not everyone meets theirs. You can look at this as the “main quest” of life, with those points being the objectives. When you complete the main quest of life, much like I do with an open ended game, you find yourself thinking you've achieved everything you have to do in life. You become content, and feel you can die happily, or at least you're able to accept death. I've done barely anything I wanted to do in life, so I'm in no hurry to accept my own mortality.

In games, especially these days with RPGs, you face difficult choices that cause you to act on a moralistic basis. You can choose to do what you believe in, or do away with everything and live how you want. Some games these days have even stepped away from clear black and white moral choices, and have you pick between the lesser of two evils, or take sides when you might prefer not to. You trade money for weapons, goods, and items to restore your health. You rest as well to restore your health, much like sleeping restores a person. A downside though is that games often don't focus on the little choices that tend to become much bigger changes down the line. It would be nice to see that implemented in the future.

Depending on your beliefs, what happens at the end of life is also similar to what happens in a game. You can argue that essentially the afterlife of Heaven/Hell is basically downloadable content, made to extend the game. Except you pay for it with your mortal body, rather than currency. Though of course in several ancient traditions people were buried with coins to pay the ferryman with on the river Styx. Or, if you believe in reincarnation, you simply hit the continue button, or restart the game from scratch, as no two playthroughs are the same. You get to make a whole new set of choices, in a whole new world, with whole new people. Kind of like Minecraft. The world is randomised, and it's up to you to explore and live in it, and make what you can out of it.

Now THAT is a good metaphor, and is really the one I should have stuck with, as in Minecraft you literally make something out of the world you have been given.

I realise that I've talked a lot of bollocks here, and not all of it makes sense, but it did in my head, and when you get that shot of inspiration, well, you have to write. It's just a shame that most of you guys aren't in to games, and probably won't get all of this.


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