Thursday, 16 August 2012

Do I Have To Accept This?

First of all a very quick mention for Shaw, who asked me how I get over my lack of motivation. I don't. I really don't. Blogging and checking blogs now needs no motivation, its become routine. Occasionally I get the motivation do something but for the most part I can't make myself do something. No matter how much I want to. Motivation to me is like inspiration. It comes and goes in flashes and when its gone, its gone. Sorry I couldn't be of more help. But if you have a goal, that can definitely keep you motivated.

I had one of those moments yesterday where I found myself having to accept something I could have done without realising. We all have them, those things you need to recognise, and the times you find yourself doing it, even reluctantly. It didn't really have too much to do with being on holiday so its not going in the diary and I guess you could count this as the diary entry about it. Its also nothing really bad. So don't worry about that. I tweeted yesterday that it must be true home is where the heart is because I was feeling homesick and depressed because even though I was with the family, I miss, first of all, my cats tremendously. The second thing I seriously miss is Jessica. I start welling up when I think about her actually. I haven't talked to her all week. Well, I've sent her some messages but she's at her girlfriends partying all day every day and her phone was cut off, so she hasn't been able to respond to anything. Normally we talk on Facebook because of the phone being gone but she never really goes on fb at her girlfriends house. Though between writing and posting of this she is home now and she says her phone should be back on soon so we can talk like we used to. Yayyyyyyy.

What does this have to do with my inner workings you ask? Well, as you may or may not know, my star sign is Gemini and while I agree with pretty much everything they say about us, one thing I never agreed with is that we're social creatures. I said yesterday that I am not very social. I considered it a weakness. Whilst I'm not very social in real life, I am very approachable online, and I am really most definitely a social being online. I like talking to people. I get lonely very easily. I've been so lonely I've gone to desperate lengths I'm not willing to talk about. Don't worry, I've never called a phone sex line or anything. Geez, I have some limits. Though maybe I should consider running one. If I wasn't so super shy.

I haven't been able to talk to Holly either. In fact right now there's only one person I talk to on a continual basis and she's on holiday herself so she's busy and I can go a while without hearing from her. That is what I am currently struggling to, but eventually will have to, accept. That I like people. I like talking to someone. I like listening to people. Well, I've always known that one really. I prefer to listen than to talk. But I like having someone around. Jessica is still the truest, and the best of the best, but there are going to be times she isn't going to be there. That no one is going to be there but me. I started talking to myself a while ago though.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

12 comments:

  1. I think shy people blog, which turns even more people off, I've heard.
    Well, I'm happy that you're enjoying your time with your family (not really, I just laugh at your misery >:D) and ENJOY your holiday.
    Not a wish. A suggestion.

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  2. I'm definitely shy too at times or a little awkward, I'm not even sure what's wrong with me lol. Regardless there is nothing wrong with being shy Mark so don't be too worried so long as you rarely feel completely alone because I know that loneliness is not a nice feeling, it's kind of the opposite but make sure to enjoy that holiday too mate, you deserve a good time.

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  3. Shyness kept me angry and miserable growing and sometimes still tries to rear it's ugly head....

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  4. You're not alone Mark. The rest of us are bloggers and I think being shy and socially awkward is something we all have in common.

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  5. It is certainly easier expressing things as a faceless being to a unknown crowd as you do in blogging than saying the same things in real life at times. On my blog I am a much more confident person than I am in my day to day life

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  6. I don't think just shy people blog. Brandon and I blog and we're fairly outgoing. But of the two, I'm the least social, and that's not because of shyness, that's usually just my choosing. I'm picky about my friends, and somehow, I find it's easier to find people I have things in common with over the Internet/through blogging than, say, chatting at the bar. The likelihood that someone at the bar plays Skyrim, listens to Indie rock, and wants to read a comedy novel about a blow up doll is much, MUCH less than on the blogosphere. And I'm okay with that.

    Your need to seek out people via the Internet is completely normal, and we all do it.

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  7. I hope despite your homesickness, you're still able to enjoy your vacation, Mark. While I was away for two weeks, I missed my hubby and my dogs but I knew they'd be there when I got back and that was how I got through it. I'm pretty social - or I was until I got sick - and now I am more active online than in real life. But, when I go out, I'll talk to anyone...like a creepy stalker....kidding!!

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  8. Some folks dig shyness, so if you can get over that ever so slightly, *nudge nudge*

    Also, star sign prophecies and characteristics are generalistic bullshit, made to apply to the average human.

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  9. I'm not too shy for the most part. I used to be extremely shy, but my mom sent me to a shrink, and although I'm still not sure how, it must've worked. I don't remember much. They probably went in my head with needles and other sharp utensils. Anyway, I'm not telling you that you have to go to a shrink or anything. I basically just forced myself to talk to at least one stranger a day, and then, I seemed to get better and better at being social.

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  10. I feel a James Taylor song coming on... Uhh, I was going to sing "Fire and Rain" but I just have thought better of it. Anyway, I think one needs something to fall back on, for when we "see lonely times when when we can not find a friend"... dammit, I said I wasn't going to sing. One needs to develop some sort of inner strength to see themselves through these times. Well, it's a bit too involved to talk about in a comment box. Anyway, I have complied with your "My Life: The Trilogy" song challenge in my latest post.

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  11. I am very shy sometimes but it's kinda the opposite of what my star sign says, I'm an Aries you see x

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  12. I'm a gemini too and I'm a fairly social person. :P

    Also, I hope I can fall back into the routine of visiting blogs. I sort of lose motivation here and there.

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