Friday, 13 July 2012

Likes, Dislikes, And Awkwardness

Health update? Still no better really. I'm supposed to be the usher at the wedding too. It's going to be kind of hard to ask people if they're with the bride or the groom when I can't talk properly. I actually have no idea what an usher is supposed to do either. I'm pretty sure that's my job though. Ask people if their with the bride, or the groom, and then tell them which side to sit on accordingly. This does mean however I don't get pick of the seats. Still, this isn't my first wedding, and there will be plenty of time to pick where I sit at my own. Personally I'm thinking on the vicars lap. Me and Jessica actually came up with an incredible idea for a wedding that I want to turn in to a short story, as I most likely will not get to fulfill this particular fantasy. If I can build the energy and motivation for writing that is. You guys would love it though. Anyway, I'm falling back on more questions of course. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...



What do like and dislike about yourself.
Well I guess I'll start with likes. I like my hair of course, and my eyes. Mentioned that several times. On a non-physical side I like some aspects of my personality. I like my ability to care and do anything I can for a person. I like that I can take so much and not have it affect me much. I like that I have two cats. I actually like my ability to write. Who knew I would be not so bad at it? Overall I do have some good qualities, and I do accept this, I just don't accept it all the time.

What I don't like then (you have to take the bad with the good people). My insanity for a start. My inability to cope with people hurting me, even inadvertently. How I'll over react to a lot of things and then refuse to let them go. My inability to just move on from something. I don't like how cold and malicious and angry I can be. Most people don't think I have those traits though because I'm so overbearingly nice. But I can and have made people suffer and feel like crap. I have a serious dark side that I don't like at all, and it's the main reason I can't love myself. There are things about me, not just the physical, that I don't want to accept. I also hate the fact that I can't grow facial hair properly. I want a beard already.

The best day of your life and why?
I'm not sure I can think of one specific day. Every day has good and bad. I'm going to have to say my birthday last year. Jessie came down and she had a load of presents, and it was back when I was working on a regular basis and I even got some gifts from the people there too. It was all quite nice really :)

Favourite quote.
“You all saw it, that orphanage attacked me first.”

An awkward moment that happened today or in the past.
I've never really been in that many awkward moments. If it counts then I guess the few times I've been watching movies with Jessica that involve nudity. But I don't think it's all that awkward. Okay I do have one. It was a few years ago, once again, back when I was working properly. My boss was getting sick of me being moody and depressed (this was back in the days he tried to give a shit) and he went further than I think anyone has ever gone to get the truth. He locked me and him in the store. That's right folks, HE KEPT ME AGAINST MY WILL. Sadly he didn't try anything with me. It made me feel unloved. Anyway, I actually did end up opening about a lot, including the biggest reason my life is such a mess. After about an hour or so, I think it was 90 minutes in general, his boyfriend turned up. From where I was stood I could see the look on his boyfriend's face as he walked in the door. I swear to you he looked just like a woman would when she suspects her husband of cheating. My boss didn't believe me, but it was kind of awkward. Though I can look back at that and make jokes, and I left that day thinking things might be better, that is one of the things I have never forgiven my boss for. When I look back, it was wrong of him to do that to me really. To tell me he wouldn't let me go home until I opened up. I was quite thankful when his boyfriend showed up really. I was glad to get out of there. Sometimes I still wish I hadn't opened up to him.


  1. I think we all have some things we dont like about ourselves. The thing I guess is to focus on the positive and try to love ourselves regardless.
    Nobody is perfect, we all have bad times.
    I like that you are a cat person :)

    1. Everyone has something they don't like, it's all good :) You should indeed focus on the good and not the bad. I love my cats so much I have trouble getting out of bed when they're laid on me. They just look so comfortable.

  2. In a Mexican wedding, those that had anything to do with the wedding always sit up front. They get the choice seats.

    I, too, love your hair. If you ever feel like cutting it off, sell it to me. It would make a gorgeous wig for me.

    That is awkward. It is also illegal. I had a boss that wanted to be my pal. She would always buy me cookies, and tell me about her private life. I cold just tell she wanted me to do the same, but no, never to a boss.

    1. I imagine that I'll probably get a front row seat, but I don't know where I'll actually sit.

      At first it took me a second to realise how you've seen my hair. I'll send it to you if I ever have it cut off, but I doubt that will ever happen. I can send you a lock of it if you want though.

      My boss has tried to make out we're friends several times, and he has done things like that, but I don't feel anything at all close to him, so I'm not likely to open up. I also doubted the legality of what he did.

  3. Weddings are most generally horrid affairs and being in one is always a bit of a drag. Now you've teased us with the story of the one event that changed your life irrevocably and you know we all want to know. But we won't lock you up and hold you against your will (unless you want us to and then the safe word is "melon").

    Mel had good advice yesterday on how to help with your flue. I would add one thing to that mix: brandy. Seriously, it does wonders.

    1. I thought the safety word was banana? No wonder they never stopped. It's been mentioned a lot more recently, and I am getting more open to sharing it, but it's still something I don't want everyone to hear.

  4. Replies
    1. It's from Looking For Group, a webcomic. One of the characters is an evil warlock who burned down an orphanage and said it was self defense because the orphanage attacked him first.

    2. I thought that quote was familiar! I've read a printed version of that comic!!

  5. Locking you up, putting you on the spot like that, that's really quite a dick move. He could've at the very least molest- *shot by Sophia*

    Also yeah, go and write the wedding thing! You've gotten me all curious now, "Mark's perfect wedding".

  6. If I come with my friend to the UK (his reason being that he has to find a girl that he knows that's quite voluptuous) I'll try and do something even harsher.
    You don't know how far I can go to help people.

  7. Love the story man even though it does sound awkward haha. Good luck valeting at the wedding feeling like you do dude, I think you should maybe go and see somebody if that illness persists, it sounds a tough one.

  8. Damn, that was an incredibly awkward moment. We could turn that into a meme. We'll call it "awkward excessively over-concerned boss." Your boss's picture can be on the meme and it will have captions like "NOT SURE IF BOSS IS WORRIED ABOUT ME.. OR WANTS TO RAPE ME." Or something like that.

  9. I don't get the appeal of facial hair.

  10. I can't believe your boss did that to you, what a jerk! I'm sorry that happened to you.

    I would love to hear the wedding story...c'mon!!

  11. If you write a wedding story could draw pictures for it.

    Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee blink!

    Sadly by the time your able to grow a beard it will probably be uncool and only weirdos like me will have them... WE COULD BE BEARD TWINS!!!

    1. Um... my first line should read:

      If you write a wedding story I could draw pictures for it.

  12. I'd like to read the wedding story too, that's for sure.

    Oh, wow. What your boss did to you is extremely scary. How could he! As long as it doesn't effect your work, it's none of his business.

  13. Aww man I have to be all cheesy and stuff now and say,need if you don't love yourself, we, your loyal followers love you! (or at least I do, so whoop whoop!)


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