Health update? Still no better really. I'm supposed to be the usher at the wedding too. It's going to be kind of hard to ask people if they're with the bride or the groom when I can't talk properly. I actually have no idea what an usher is supposed to do either. I'm pretty sure that's my job though. Ask people if their with the bride, or the groom, and then tell them which side to sit on accordingly. This does mean however I don't get pick of the seats. Still, this isn't my first wedding, and there will be plenty of time to pick where I sit at my own. Personally I'm thinking on the vicars lap. Me and Jessica actually came up with an incredible idea for a wedding that I want to turn in to a short story, as I most likely will not get to fulfill this particular fantasy. If I can build the energy and motivation for writing that is. You guys would love it though. Anyway, I'm falling back on more questions of course. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...
What do like and dislike about yourself.
Well I guess I'll start with likes. I like my hair of course, and my eyes. Mentioned that several times. On a non-physical side I like some aspects of my personality. I like my ability to care and do anything I can for a person. I like that I can take so much and not have it affect me much. I like that I have two cats. I actually like my ability to write. Who knew I would be not so bad at it? Overall I do have some good qualities, and I do accept this, I just don't accept it all the time.
What I don't like then (you have to take the bad with the good people). My insanity for a start. My inability to cope with people hurting me, even inadvertently. How I'll over react to a lot of things and then refuse to let them go. My inability to just move on from something. I don't like how cold and malicious and angry I can be. Most people don't think I have those traits though because I'm so overbearingly nice. But I can and have made people suffer and feel like crap. I have a serious dark side that I don't like at all, and it's the main reason I can't love myself. There are things about me, not just the physical, that I don't want to accept. I also hate the fact that I can't grow facial hair properly. I want a beard already.
The best day of your life and why?
I'm not sure I can think of one specific day. Every day has good and bad. I'm going to have to say my birthday last year. Jessie came down and she had a load of presents, and it was back when I was working on a regular basis and I even got some gifts from the people there too. It was all quite nice really :)
“You all saw it, that orphanage attacked me first.”
An awkward moment that happened today or in the past.
I've never really been in that many awkward moments. If it counts then I guess the few times I've been watching movies with Jessica that involve nudity. But I don't think it's all that awkward. Okay I do have one. It was a few years ago, once again, back when I was working properly. My boss was getting sick of me being moody and depressed (this was back in the days he tried to give a shit) and he went further than I think anyone has ever gone to get the truth. He locked me and him in the store. That's right folks, HE KEPT ME AGAINST MY WILL. Sadly he didn't try anything with me. It made me feel unloved. Anyway, I actually did end up opening about a lot, including the biggest reason my life is such a mess. After about an hour or so, I think it was 90 minutes in general, his boyfriend turned up. From where I was stood I could see the look on his boyfriend's face as he walked in the door. I swear to you he looked just like a woman would when she suspects her husband of cheating. My boss didn't believe me, but it was kind of awkward. Though I can look back at that and make jokes, and I left that day thinking things might be better, that is one of the things I have never forgiven my boss for. When I look back, it was wrong of him to do that to me really. To tell me he wouldn't let me go home until I opened up. I was quite thankful when his boyfriend showed up really. I was glad to get out of there. Sometimes I still wish I hadn't opened up to him.