I'm taking a short break from question answering, kind of, to bring you a post I wrote on my phone last week when I was asked if I love someone on Formspring (feel free to ask me anything). The answer to that question that I gave was "That's a bit of a tough one. There are plenty of people I love. But when it comes to being "in love" I'm not sure to be honest. Sometimes I'm not sure I'm able to be in love with someone. Their emotions can affect my own and make me confused about my own. I've thought I was in love plenty of times but not actually been in love. The short, simple answer is, sadly, I do not know."
You guys have thought I was in love before. Other people have. Lots of people have. Even I have. I've often been wrong though. I think I've only ever been definitely in love once, and even then I'm not so sure. That time was of course Cinders. Since then, and even before actually, I've been in and out of love more times than needles have been in and out of an addict. They say that love is just something you feel and that you should just listen to your heart and let it tell you that you are. When your heart has been wrong so many times in the past though then can you really trust it? I, for one, can not.
I want love so badly that I blind myself to it. I fail to see it, or accept that it just isn't there. My powers of denial are so strong that I once convinced myself that a lesbian wasn't gay, and would give me a chance. I've assumed things and been wrong several times before. Almost always. If I say I'm in love then I question it. If I say I'm not then I question it.
I have a very obsessive personality. Possessive too. One of my addictions (if you're reading this Elsie, there you go, I gave one up) is people. If you'll talk to me I'll talk to you any chance I get. Relationships, even just friendships, with me, just don't last very long because I can do it all and move on very quickly. There are some people though I truly do care about and would always be there for.
I had a whole list of people I care about, but then I edited it out. If you're on that list, then chances are you already know it.
I love you guys, but don't ask me how I actually feel, because I really don't know. I care about you though, and would be there if you wanted me for something.