If there's one thing I've learned recently it's that I do not handle pressure very well. I'm not good at making snappy decisions, and I get stressed way too easily. I've been on the verge of tears, or actually in tears, far too many times lately. One time last week I managed to hit three times in a day. I am awesome.
I used to be good with that kind of thing. I could take things not going how I wanted quite well. I was able to adjust and adapt rather easily. I would take a few seconds maybe to contemplate my options, and then quickly make a new choice. Now though it seems like I choose to just get stressed out, accept the path of least resistance, and try my best not to cry. This has resulted in me going hungry, snapping at people, and being a lot more passively, or actively, aggressive. I am not so awesome.
There are folks who do handle pressure very well, and there are even people who strive under it, and actually act better. There are some people who will deliberately put themselves in pressurizing situations just because it is somehow easier for them.
I suppose one reason I'm not that good with pressure is that I've never really felt it. I generally have a lax attitude towards life. Probably too much of one. But to use some examples, let's say homework at school. I never did it. Ever. So I never really felt pressured by deadlines. When exams came around, I was actually pretty confident, and never studied or revised. Again, a lax attitude and no pressure. I even passed all my exams.
This attitude did not serve me so well in college though. Times were much tougher there. Even though I cite that I left for personal reasons, the truth of the matter is that the work was piling on top of me anyway. I can put most of that down to personal circumstances too, but there are people who manage to balance personal and school lives. In college you can't really not do homework, you can't slack off in lessons, and you certainly cannot get by without studying, and taking things in properly.
Is there a point to all this? I'm not entirely sure. All I really know is that my stress levels have been building and building, even though I haven't really felt much in the way of stress lately. It just comes all in one huge go (there's a dirty joke in there) and then goes away (there's a joke about men in there. At least men leave cab money. My stress just leaves me feeling shame, disappointment, and like I've done something wrong. Oh the innuendo)
I would tell you all to study properly for exams, but the school year is nearly over, and for those of you taking big exams this year, most of you are done with them. If you plan to move on to further education though, it will be tougher. You have been warned.