Tuesday, 15 May 2012

Giving

To be honest I had no real idea what to write for G, there were a few things I just thought "I can't make that work" and I actually gave up and just ran through a bunch of g-words until I found one I thought I could possibly do justice to. In the end I chose the word "giving".

I give a lot. Mostly of myself. I don't exactly have disposable income so I can't really give gifts much. Well, not material goods I have to buy. But I can, and do, give a lot of my time and attention away. If someone wants to talk to me, then I'll do it. If someone needs advice, or just someone to listen to them, then I'll offer myself to that job. I do mean it. If you ever want someone to talk to, just load up that "Contact Me" page and then spam me. You wouldn't be the first.

There are some people who think that I probably give too much of myself as well. This is probably true really. I used to wake up really early so I could wish a friend a good morning, and talk to them before they went out. Or I would stay up too late to talk to other people from around the world. Sometimes people from home as well actually. I've stayed up all night with people before because they didn't want to be alone. If you even hint that there's something I can do for you, chances are that I'll do it. If I can anyway.

The reason that this can be very bad is because if I can't do something I will feel pretty bad. Even if there's nothing I can do, then I'll feel bad about it. This isn't very healthy either. It's good to help people, sure, but I can't do everything for everyone. There are going to be some things I can't do. Some people I can't help. I don't like accepting this at all. I also never write someone off as a lost cause.

To be honest there are people who have hurt me a lot, but I would help them if they needed it. I'm just that selfless. I'm told a lot to be more selfish really. It's just not in me really.

53 comments:

  1. time and attention is as good as goods at least in my opinion

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  2. I think time is better than material things sometimes. People nowadays are so busy they run out of time to spend with their family and friends.

    Oh my you are one selfless person. I'll consider spamming you when i badly need someone to talk to. hehe..

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    1. I think time is always better than material goods. Time can provide memories. Although with a material good, you can have that bring memories. So either is good really :) Even if you don't need someone badly you can consider me :P I am quite selfless indeed.

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  3. Yes, you (not you specifically, anyone) has to be careful about how much they give of themselves. It can be a very draining thing... even if you get a certain sense of fulfilment out of it. You're such a sweet kind guy that I can see how you would find yourself in this situation a lot!

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    1. Well you talk to me so soon enough you'll be saying specifically me :P I get used a lot, but I have such little self worth that I don't mind. I have seen myself really as a tool to be used by the world.

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  4. Just remember, you can't fill stuff from an empty cup: take care of yourself, too.

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    1. Mehhhhhhhh there's always something at the bottom of my cup.

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  5. Nothing worng with a giver but some people can take too much....

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    1. People have taken a lot from me, I'll say that.

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  6. I hear you, sometimes it can take a mental toll on you as well. Especially when the givee expects too much.

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    1. It does take a lot out of me, but I keep it up.

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  7. Sometimes the word "no" is the hardest word in the dictionary, especially for someone like you Mark. You're a pretty driven guy and you always strive to live up to your ideals so I can see why you'd be exhausted and also vulnerable to people who would take advantage of your kindness. But I don't think you should change who you are.

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    1. If I changed who I was I wouldn't be me now would I? If someone has hurt me, then I can say no. There's someone I'm saying no to now, and forcing myself to accept it's the better thing to do. As well as saying yes to pretty much everyone, I can do anything I can justify to myself.

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  8. Its like your a super hero whos always ready to help others!

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    1. Aye except I have no powers and can't even help myself sometimes. I also don't wear tights in public.

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  9. i give alotta beer away. aslong as it doesnt go to waste though. it really grinds my gears if someone only drinks half a beer. like dont drink at all then. pussies. :D

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    1. If I drink a beer I try to drink all of it. Though I don't drink beer much.

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  10. I think being there for someone to talk to is a precious gift for you to give. It speaks volumes about your personality.

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    1. I like to think I'm some kind of misery absorbing machine. Or I could actually be nice. The jury's out on that one.

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  11. I believe that there has to be a good balance between giving to others and giving to yourself. Egoism isn't a good thing, but rejecting your own wishes is harmful too.

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    1. A healthy ego can be a very good thing. It can keep you going in times of trouble, and help protect you from others. I don't really have one though. I rarely treat myself.

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  12. Aww that's so sweet!I try to be like that but fail most of the time. I can be a bitch :/ x

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    1. Hey you could be great too. You never know. Even I can fail to be myself sometimes. Just be you :)

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  13. that's a great quality that you have! to be able to give is actually pretty awesome and to be selfless but you know there's a line. Sometimes it's actually okay to be selfish and think about yourself first before you think about others. Give to others but also remember to give to yourself :)

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    1. No can do I'm afraid. When you're as self loathing as I am, you don't really see things like that. I buy something for myself occasionally, but only if it's something I really want. Or need. Needs always come before wants.

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  14. Being there to chat to is a great gift to have, and I know that you are a great guy to chat to, but don't be so hard on yourself. I used to tell everyone everything about myself...then it was used an ammunition to get back at me, so be careful what you say.
    The gift of Giving is a great choice! :)

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    1. I've learned that lesson the hard way thanks to my sister. I am still quite open about who I am though. You opened up to me, which was a big step :) Like I told you though, I'm very easy to talk to. Thank you for the kind words too :) I still think I give too much sometimes. Or other people do at least.

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  15. So... you're balancing out the selfish misanthropy I bring to the world?

    Good job, buddy. I need you.

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    1. In all things, there must be balance.

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  16. The problem with society generally is that there aren't more people like you.

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    1. Thanks. I don't know if I'd go that far though.

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  17. I'm with G on this one, if more people were giving society would be so much better. Honestly when it comes to giving it really isn't about what you give, it's about what you give even if you can't afford it, you're a good guy Mark, don't let anybody tell you anything different.

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    1. Oh I know I'm a good guy. I'm a little too good sometimes though :)

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  18. Anyone who tells you "be more selfish" is really saying "don't be such a good person". Unless your giving attitude is actually causing you trouble, keep going with it.

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    1. Sometimes it has caused me trouble, or at least hurt me emotionally. That's when and why they tell me to be more selfish.

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    2. Well then that's fair enough. Just be careful you don't get too selfish...

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  19. Giving of yourself is much more important than anything material. I understand about people telling you to be more selfish. It is because there is such a large pool of people willing to take advantage of that. I have been taken advantage of enough to know, but still selfishness is not in me.

    Love your post, Mark!

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    1. Well some of the people that do it are just looking out for me, and they don't want me to be taken advantage of, but I have really thought to myself "I don't mind people taking advantage of me." and I don't really.

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  20. I used to be a lot like this, but to an unhealthy extent. I compromised my health. Eventually, I ended up in a twelve-step program. Al-Anon. It's for codependents that became that way as a result of other people's addictions. Now I can give to others while paying attention to my own needs.

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    1. I didn't really know things like that existed. Or that it was really possible to end up like that. I've compromised my mental health and wellbeing, but not really my physical

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  21. You are right. You can't do everything for everyone. It's good for people to do things for themselves. But it is nice that you are there for people.

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    1. It is good for people to do things for themselves, I encourage that wholeheartedly.

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  22. What percentage of people do you find actually appreciate your being there for them vs. what percentage turn out to be just using you, then when they don't need you anymore, you don't hear from them and they are out of your life? What percentage would you say would be willing to reciprocate, and pay back your kindness with some kindness of their own? I am honestly curious.

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    1. The number is a lot more disproportionate than you think, and you think it's bad enough as it is. I don't say that people find me when they need a person like me for a reason. As soon as they're all better they leave me behind. There are only a few people who have stuck around after and stayed there for me. If I let something like that bother me though I wouldn't be me :)

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  23. Hmm... I give a lot of my free time too. I never really thought of it as giving before though... lol

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    1. Well that depends on what you give/do and who it's too/for.

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  24. I think your friends are really luck to have you.
    I hope you have friend(s) who are willing to do the same things for you, because you deserve it!

    I 'give' myself too, as much as I can. When someone needs to complain and rant about something, I listen. I try to help as much as I can, even though sometimes it's not enough.

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    1. Thank you. I have a few :) At least one.

      Sometimes it isn't enough, but you'd be surprised at how much what you can do is. And what it means to someone.

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  25. I can totally relate to this..

    My brothers, even mom and dad, once they told to learn to say NO. But I guess, until now I haven't learned. I give too much of myself sometimes. NOT all the time. Sometimes, when a friend asks for a huge favor, I can't say No. When a friend needs me, I do everything I can to help. And if the problem's not solved, I feel bad.

    Maybe I'm just a people-pleaser. But I know that it's not healthy. One can never please everybody.

    Take care, mark. :)

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    1. I've seen your ability to say no in action :P I told you on Twitter that you were like me, but not as bad as me. I will do anything and everything I can almost immediately at the slightest hint. Even if there isn't a hint sometimes. You take care too Leah, we'll be there to take care of eachother if our jobs as people pleasers gets too much :) There isn't a lot I wouldn't do for you.

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  26. Oh. Right! hehe.. well, that wasn't really needed.. like an emergency or something, so I could easily say No. ahehe. :D

    Yep, yep. Buddies! :D

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    1. What if I said something like "I need to hear your voice, or I really might die!" :P I'm here for you Leah, don't you forget that :)

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