Saturday, 21 April 2012

A Much Longer Chapter


I was indeed able to do some rewrites on this chapter. I didn't take anything out, I just added a few bits in here and there. I was able to do it yesterday after waking up at 7AM. I need to wake up that early more often. I got more done in a few hours than I have this week. Anyway, in this chapter we get something that I think we've been lacking. PLOT DEVELOPMENT. OH BOY. We also get some suave southern gentleman but we got that before anyway.

Prologue:http://theramblingperson.blogspot.com/2012/01/untitled-space-story.html#en
Chapter one:http://theramblingperson.blogspot.com/2012/01/i-almost-broke-tradition.html#en
Chapter two:http://theramblingperson.blogspot.com/2012/01/chapter-two.html#en
Chapter three:http://theramblingperson.blogspot.com/2012/01/chapter-third.html#en
Chapter four:http://theramblingperson.blogspot.com/2012/01/fourth-wall-remains-intact.html#en
Chapter Five: http://theramblingperson.blogspot.co.uk/2012/02/five-out-of-five-for-length.html
Chapter Six: http://theramblingperson.blogspot.com/2012/04/its-been-too-long.html
Chapter Seven: http://theramblingperson.blogspot.co.uk/2012/04/short-chapter.html

As usual let me know what you think. I'm trying to basically say that Trent is handsome and smooth with the ladies, I'm not sure how well that came across. Also Daniel's pet peeve about his name really is one of mine. I absolutely hate being called a bastardization of my name. Or a variation of it. Sadly Trent's suave, attractive  ways are not based on personal experience. Probably why I had trouble writing them.
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When they arrived back at the hospital they went up to the reception desk where they were greeted by a blonde woman who recognised Geoff.
“Good afternoon Geoff. You're in kind of early.” She said. She looked next to him and saw Trent. Trent smiled at her and she smiled back. Her cheeks reddened a little when she saw him and she had trouble looking him in the eye. “My,” she said, “who's your friend?”
Trent put on his best smile, flashing her his teeth, which just reddened her cheeks more. “Trent Saxon ma'am” he said. His accent sounded a little different but Geoff couldn't quite put his finger on what it was. Trent extended his hand for her to shake. Thankfully this particular lady had not heard that they recently pulled in a dead guy by that name so she was more than happy to shake his hand. “Me and Geoff” he started, patting a stunned Geoff on the back, “are just here to visit Dr. Daniel Osbourne, could you please tell us where we can find him?”.
“Sure thing” she replied before checking her computer. “Let's see. Ah, at this time he's supposed to be in his office. You can find it on the second floor, I think Geoff knows the way anyway, don't you Geoff?”. It took another quick pat on the back by Trent to bring Geoff back into the world.
“Answer the nice ladies' question Geoff.” Trent said, “Do you know the way to Doctor Osbourne's office?”.
“Errr...yeah.” Geoff said. Shaking his head and snapping back into reality properly he continued “Yeah I know where it is, thank you very much.”
“Oh it was my pleasure” the receptionist said, with one more look at Trent before he walked off with Geoff, waving goodbye to her.
“What was that about?” Geoff asked Trent as they were walking down the corridor to the stairs.
“What was what?” Trent said, playing innocent. His voice seemingly back to normal.
“What you were doing to her. Just what were you doing?”
“I was being nice and respectful to a lady, no one ever teach you to do that?”. They reached the stairs and started climbing up. Geoff was silent on the way up but he started talking again when they were heading down the next corridor.
“Sure they did, but not...that.”
Trent just laughed and noticed a door that had Dr. Osbournes name on it. “Well maybe you should do it as much as you can” he said before knocking on the door.
“Come in” Osbourne said. He was sat at his desk surrounded by paperwork when they walked in but as soon as he saw them he stood up and motioned to the chairs in front of his desk. “Welcome back boys, have a seat.”
“Thanks Danny” Trent responded before sitting down and relaxing, crossing his legs and leaning back with his hands behind his head. Geoff sat down in the other chair, resting his forearms on his legs and leaning forward slightly.
“What did you call me?” asked Osbourne, looking aghast.
“Danny” Trent responded without missing a beat. “Cos your name's Daniel see.”
“Exactly. My name is Daniel, so, call me Daniel.”
“Danny, Daniel, what's the difference doc?”. At this Daniel looked pretty mortified.
“Doc? I thought I told you about that already?”
“Yeah you did” Trent said, pretending to ponder the question, “but again, doc, doctor, what's the difference?”
“There's a lot of difference” Daniel said. He was going to continue but instead he just sighed and sat down himself. He leaned back in his chair before sitting forward again, leaning against his desk. “So what are you here for anyway?”
“Well,” Trent started, leaning forward himself, “With a bit of help from Geoff, I was able to get myself another ship. Now, I've asked Geoff if he wants to come along, and he's said yes. I'm now going to ask if I can actually borrow Geoff, and I'm also going to extend the same offer to you. You're welcome to come with me.”
“Please let me go” Geoff pleaded. He'd actually not thought about this. He wanted to go but he knew that he wouldn't be able to if Osbourne didn't give him permission to. Well, he could go, but then he would have to lose his job. Daniel leaned back again, giving it all some thought. He leaned forward again and looked at Geoff.
“You can go Geoff, your job will still be here waiting for you when you get back” he started before Geoff's celebratory “yes!” interrupted him. Geoff looked away sheepishly. Daniel then turned his attention to Trent. “But I'm afraid I can't go too. I just have too many commitments here. I have a  demanding job and my family to consider.”
“I can understand that” Trent said, standing up. “Thanks for letting me borrow Geoff though, I'll have him back in one piece.”
Daniel grimaced a bit at that. “Please do, he's not as indestructible as you. Don't forget that.” Once again, things Geoff hadn't considered. Trent was quick to reassure him though. He placed an arm around him.
“Don't worry none about him Doc, I'm only taking him on a journey, nothing dangerous. Just a bit of exploration.”
Geoff let out a sigh of relief. “Thank you from me too Doc-” Daniel raised an eyebrow at him “-tor Osbourne. I'll be safe, I trust Trent. I just want to see some of the things he's seen is all.” Trent ruffled his hair with a smile on his face.
“That's the spirit boy. I need you to be a bit patient though. I need to go back home before we can leave.” Geoff looked a little sad at that.
“Where is that? Will you really come back?”
Once again Trent was quick to reassure him. He took his hat off and placed it on Geoff's head.
“I'm just going down south to pick some things up. I'll be back tomorrow. To pick up you and my hat. You be a good boy while I'm gone.” Geoff punched him playfully in the ribs.
“I'm not a kid you know, don't treat me like one.” he said. Trent laughed at him as he let him go and walked towards the door.
“Then don't act like one, now, I'll see you tomorrow. Don't forget to prepare for the journey yourself” he said as he left the office, leaving Daniel and Geoff on their own.

15 comments:

  1. Great writing as always Mark. You definitely convey the message that you're trying to about Trent so don't worry about that buddy.

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    1. Thanks, but we will always be our own worst critic.

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  2. Another good chapter. I thought the effect Trent had on the lady says it all! You did a good job conveying his appeal.

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    1. Ha thanks. Appeal is easier to do in a movie or a comic. It wasn't as easy as I was expecting it to be.

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  3. "but as soon as he saw them he stood up motioned to the chairs"
    May want to insert a word or comma there.

    Also Trent is playing the tough guy. I guess he is, but damn, manners, son. You have it show up nice and subtly first though, when he said "Me and Geoff" instead of "Geoff and me".

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    1. I can fix the first thing but the second thing baffles and confuses me. I know that's a grammatical error (I think) but it was deliberate. If anything we've seen like three sides to the guy. The side he shows women, the side he shows his friends, and how he is on his own. More on that some other time.

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  4. yeah its surprising how u can get alot done if u wake up early, however i totally slept in today and then still got a lot done and it felt like ive been time traveling

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    1. There comes a time in the day when you think to yourself "Fuck it, I'm not doing anything productive." For me that comes at about midday.

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  5. Trent Saxon....women want him...men want to be him. He's a man's man. Enough said.

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    1. I'm surprised there's someone who remembers his last name. For a moment I forgot.

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  6. ^That.

    LOL I never will be able to make such God's-gift characters. You can, and that's why you get my thumbs-up.
    I guess Geoff kinda looks up to Trent like an elder brother. I'm not sure though.

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    1. Thanks, but I don't think I can actually write it. I've described him as kind of scruffy so far I think. He's unshaven at least. Geoff is beginning to idolize him really, and there will definitely be more on that later. I think it's kind of a bromance.

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  7. *thumbs up* I'm enjoying this story so far!

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  8. I'm interested as to what happens down south. Good exchanges here, Mark!

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  9. As soon as I get some free time I am reading through all of your chapters & blog posts. You're always the first to comment on my epic posts, and I don't find my way back here nearly enough. Will remedy this very soon!

    Keep writing!

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