Tuesday, 20 March 2012

Not All Self Deprecating

While there are guest posts this week, Normal.is.overated from http://concealyourthoughts.blogspot.co.uk yesterday did the tag mahdohickey were you list three things you like about yourself and three things you don't. She said she likes that and wanted at least one person to do it, so I thought "Well, why not me?" With how self deprecating I can be around here, and even to myself, well, ESPECIALLY to myself, maybe taking time out to say "Hey, I have awesome sides" wouldn't be so bad at all. So for your viewing pleasure, here are things I actually don't mind about myself. Though of course there are also things that I don't like, but hey you're used to that by now. Because it's supposed to end positive, I think, the things I don't like.

1) My weight, of course. At least I'm trying to fix that. I've had too many "bad days" lately though, so things aren't going as good as they should. Give it a while and I'll snap and start starving myself. Or at least I would if I would finally stop accepting that starving yourself is not a good thing and will only end badly.

2) My depression. I don't think I actually have a full blown depression, if I do it's manic. But when I get down, I get really down and then I don't feel like doing anything remotely productive. One of the reasons I've not been able to write so much lately is that I've just been down that much that my brain isn't working. I just want to shut down and sleep my life away. This ain't a good thing.

3) It's getting hard to think of things now. It's not that I'm out of things, it's that I'm out of things I can happily share. I guess for a third one my lack of social skills. I find it hard to make, and even harder to keep, friends. If you have a conversation with me you're going to have to do a lot of the work. It's a lot of work to be my friend, even more to really connect with me, and be a "real" friend. Though I suppose it keeps me safe from the phonies.

Okay three things I do like about myself.

1) My hair. When it's neat. It does some things I don't like, but overall I really do love my hair. It's one of the few things about my physical appearance I do like.

2) My eyes. Which are green with a yellow ring around the iris. The sad thing is though that because I'm so depressed lately, even when happy on the outside, my eyes have grown dull and don't shine anymore. I still like them, but they aren't the same these days.

3) My teeth. Even if they are kind of crooked in places (I recommend going to a dentist wayyyyyyyy more than I ever did) I still like them. They're quite sharpish, especially my canine teeth. The combination of my pale-ish skin (which I also like btw), aversion to sunlight, and fangy teeth has lead to me being called a vampire on more than several occasions. But I get a good laugh out of that.

4) as a bonus because I've always said I like my hair, teeth, and eyes. I like my capacity to love. To be there for people. I like when other people confide in me, and trust in me, and I like being there for them. That I can do that. Though of course I'm a freakin wreck when I can't be there for someone in a way I want to be.

So there you have it folks, proof that I can be approving of myself, and proof as well that if you give me an idea, I'm going to run with it.

60 comments:

  1. If people can break through to you friendship wise then No.4 is the best....

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    1. A few have but most don't seem to want to try. I don't have the greatest first impression.

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  2. These are always good attributes man, even your depression and lack of social skills aren't life ruining or anything, best of luck with losing that weight too.

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    1. Meh they have the potential to ruin me.

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  3. I like everything about myself because my brother forced me to as a child. Well, I do grind my teeth, so some are shorter than they should be, as I am wearing them down.

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    1. Well then I suggest you stop. If you can, I think if you do it long enough it becomes a tough habit to break.

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  4. Do me a favor and monitor #2 closely. I have people very close to me who were and are depressed and didn't act on the warning signs 'til it was too late.

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    1. I'm always going to be okay, no need to worry about me. But if it'll make you feel better, I do have people to talk to if I'm in serious trouble.

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  5. How great that you can find good! That is huge. And please do take care of yourself. Very important!

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    1. I'm trying, I'm trying. I'm no saint, but I'm not exactly Satan either. Well, not evil. Satan ain't that evil.

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  6. Hmmm... I am still yet to find what is good about me lol.
    Oh and starving your self is bad idea might as well just starve your self cause of exercise! And good luck with what ever your predicament is :D

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    1. Hey I'm sure there's something good about you.

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  7. hmm..I don't like my weight either, I wish to be more than this but I just can't do it. I'm too lazy to do it, or I dunno. My appetite sucks! I can't help it. huhu..

    I love your eyes too! ^_^

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    1. Well I think you look just fine as you are anyway :) Thank you ^^

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  8. You couldn't have let that fourth one out, now could you? You're just not the same without it. <3

    Also, yellow ring around a green iris? That sounds so freaking awesome! Can we get a HQ closeup of that please? Really interested to see what it really looks like~
    Besides, then we can look into your beautiful little soul and maybe give it a little pat on the back for being a cool guy!

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    1. Ha I've got you covered. But still thank you <3

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  9. You have social skills here Mark. You're always kind, you're clever and you express yourself well. If you could be the way you are on here, out in the world, you'd do great. And I think no. 4 is your greatest asset.

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    1. If I could express myself as good outside as I could here I'd probably be doing good.

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  10. I can relate to the social skills one. Though I may come off as chipper (and maybe just a tad loony) online, I am far more reserved and introverted in real life. I can count on one hand the number of *real* friends I do have.

    And, believe me, it often takes a good friend to point out the positive qualities they admire in us that are otherwise blind to us. :P

    As for depression, I've resorted to creating a document a document in Excel called "The Fantastic, Kick-Ass Anti-Depression Checklist." I write down a list of the basic activities I need to accomplish (shower, brush teeth, exercise; personal hygiene is often the first thing to go when one is down) and jot down some potential outings (going to the cinema, having coffee with a friend, going out for a walk, writing). It's not much, but it has been effective.

    -Barb the French Bean

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    1. I'm quite introverted and reserved in real life myself. When I was really depressed I went a few months between baths but now I go out more and I exercise so I notice my smell more, so bathing at least isn't totally out the window.

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  11. Also: I once wrote a blog about tips for meeting new people. Hope it brings a smile to you.

    http://twobeansornottwobeans.blogspot.com/2010/08/tips-for-meeting-new-fictional-people.html

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  12. Replies
    1. I know you did :P But I don't think you ask anyone else to do it.

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  13. Wow epic eye ring friends! Mine are blue with spiky brown bits round the pupil!x

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    1. They sound pretty cool too. I know someone with blue eyes and a yellow ring like mine, and it looks like a sun. It's awesome.

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  14. I've always wanted green eyes! :D green and yellow. Totally werewolf combination! Plus crooked teeth. Have you run from the forest?? :P

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    1. No but I do like forests. My eyes have been green for about four years now, they were brown before, and blue when I was a kid.

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  15. I do the self-deprecating thing too. Oops. And the eyes sound fantastic!

    (Oh. Remember me? New location, same kid. Kinda.)

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    1. I remember a Sophia, if you're the same one, we can be friends.

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  16. Wow, your eyes look (sound) fantastic! I bet they are eyes that I could lose myself in! LOL.

    Making good friends is one thing that I'm with you on. Once you really know me, you have a friend for life. And don't starve yourself, it's not good for you!
    Loved discovering more about you.

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    1. Just ask me a question and I'll probably answer it, unless it seems that question is "just how do you get your freak on with yourself if you don't have a bedroom door?" Other than that I just love answering questions. My ex-girlfriend loved my eyes and did say she lost herself staring at them, and got lost in what she affectionately called the "ring of fire", back in those days (because I was so happy) it was a lot more noticeable and bright.

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    2. Oh my god I was gonna ask you that question! Do you wait for everyone to go to sleep? or do you go into the bathroom? or do you throw a blanket over yourself? or do you just say "to hell with it" and go at it like a maniac?

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    3. I think you've asked me before, and so has someone else, and the answer is still I'm not going to answer that question.

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  17. I only like my hair (and I'm getting bald).

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  18. yeyy you did it :D dude I hope you're joking about the whole starving yourself. There are other ways to lose weight and food is too awesome to not eat. You are SOOO lucky with your eyes mines are a dark brown like fucking boring :( I like what you said on the last one, about being there for people - that's a very nice thing to have. Not everyone is like that y'know :)

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    1. Hey my eyes used to be brown and I liked them then too. When I was born they were blue, then I don't remember when they turned brown, but some time during my teen years the green seeped in. At first they were brown and green, then just green. I've seen some proof that not everyone will go as far as I can and will, and it's kind of nice to remember.

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  19. Having good hair is a definite plus. There are people who became famous just because they have really cool hair. (This is a personal belief of mine anyway.) Well, with the depression thing... I find it is just important to keep going and not give up no matter what. There's this Bob Dylan song "love minus zero" and there's a line in it "she knows there's no success like failure...and failure's no success at all." I don't know what Bob meant by that..but to me, it means that, in life, when you fail at something, at anything, you learn from that experience. So, it is not really a failure, just another learning experience on the way to success. Now at this point in my life I see that, that is really true. All the things I messed up, I learned the wrong things to do, but while learning the wrong things to do in life, you also stumble into the right things to do. So what seemed like failures at the time, really weren't...they were just stepping stones on the way to something better. Now I would suffer long bouts of depression, because I did not really realize this. I just thought everything I did was a massive screw up, so instead of persisting I would just give up. It is hard to see this in the short term, that you must keep trudging along through all the difficult times to see the light at the end of the tunnel, because the crappiness of the present is more real to us. But now I see the only way you lose, is by not trying at all. Anyway, that's my two cents for the day.

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    1. Longest. Comment. Ever. Quite possibly. Don't worry about me, I'm all for learning from mistakes. It's not truly a mistake if you learn from it. I may fuck up here and there but I get it right sometimes. I do something good occasionally. I do try to remember the good in me.

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  20. I think you've got a lot going for you and think you have quite awesome social skills from what I've seen/read...

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    1. You don't know me that well :P

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  21. Oh well, weight is pretty easy to fix as long as you assert good self control.

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    1. I stick to my diet regulations and to my exercise if that counts.

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  22. I will think of what I do like most of myself. :D

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  23. Green eyes wow..I hope they get to shine again..
    i like the 4th bonus point..the capacity to love..I think that's most important thing that anything in the world..:)

    Take care Mark :D

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    1. I hope they do too, but I think I need to feel a lot of love for that to happen.

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  24. Glad to hear that your self image isn't terrible. You ca always work to improve the parts that you're not thrilled about.

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    1. I still think my self image is terrible, but I can think of things I like.

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  25. Green eyes, good hair, good teeth and the capacity to love--who needs social skills!

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    1. Hey if I had social skills then I'd be doing fantastic with good hair, eyes, and teeth.

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  26. Replies
    1. Good to have something in common.

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  27. Hope you stay motivated and keep on fighting.

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    1. Say I can't do it, that's what motivates me more.

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  28. Haha, normal is quite overrated.

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    1. It is indeed. Never aspire to it.

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