Thursday, 2 February 2012

There's Anti-Social And Then There's This

A few days ago I got to chatting with our good friend Bersercules again after it had been a while. I was mostly bringing up the C-11 petition to him but we decided to talk some more after then. He asked me just how many people I talk to and it dawned on me that I only talk to two people. My brother is barely ever home and when he is I don't talk to him. Even though I talk to my dad it's a very rare occasion, and I barely ever see the rest of my family. This is also not counting the folks who talk to me on Twitter.

I talk to other people here and there, and I've talked to some of you even on a temporary basis but I don't really have conversations with a lot of people. You can tell me I can hit you up whenever I want but I'm not great with the whole conversation thing. Jessie is the only person who I really converse with, and I think most of the effort is hers. If anything it's handy that Tay (the other person I talk to) has so many commitments and can't spend too much time talking to me because then things would just die. It's happened before. I used to talk all the time to this girl (I talk to a lot of girls, I just get on easier with them) on a forum, but when she got my email address the communication just fizzled out and we never chatted again even though she added me on Facebook too.

I'm not brilliant with small talk, or really talking in general. When someone gets more of a chance to talk to me, say through IM's or emails, eventually things do just die. I'm still not sure how me and Jessie have remained friends for so long. We can just talk and talk. But she's noticed it. When we get together we don't talk all that much. Nowhere near as much as we talk online. Chances are if I met Tay, or Fang, Or SkyRazor, or Poor__Leno in person and Hayes-willing one day I will, I would be quiet with them too.

Who knows, maybe I should join a forum or two or something. I'm much better talking online than I am in real life. Though of course the real solution is pretty simple.

Get out more.

Shortest full length post by me? Possibly.

64 comments:

  1. I'm lousy with communicating with people in real life too. I suppose some of us are just that way.

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    1. I think it's probably just because I don't do it much at all.

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  2. Face to face can be a pain in the arse.....

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    1. Nothing's getting shoved up your arse face to face though.

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  3. Just think, generations ago, before the invention of the telephone, people communicated by letter. Given how much you write, you would most likely have been considered very communicative back then.

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    1. Thank you but I would have been a hermit in those days. I think I've only ever written one letter in my life. That I remember.

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  4. Just go out and talk moar bro!

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  5. I agree with T. Roger Thomas. And to go further with that comment, when I talk by email thats how I look at it! I write like I'm writing a letter/blog! I write out in full what I think on a subject and then write how I feel. The more little details the more your saying! And the more you share the easier it gets!

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    1. I do and will always see emails as what they are; "Electronic mail". I deplore "txt spk" in all it's forms and don't even resort to it on Twitter. But that has to do with being a grammar nazi really. If we include emails as letters then I've written several.

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  6. Come to Ireland and kiss the Blarney Stone! It will grant you the gift of gab!

    On a serious note though, that tradition actually does work. In order to kiss the stone, you have to hang upsidedown off the side of a castle to kiss it. If you are confident enough to do that, then you'll be confident enough to start and keep conversations going.

    Just keep working on your confidence via writing, blogging and chatting and conversations will work themselves out!

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    1. I'd love to kiss the Blarney Stone, or just go to Ireland, but I don't think I could hang upside down like that.

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  7. I dono. I find in real life most people want to talk about the tedious details of their every day lives...like they went to the laundromat, their cat has the flu etc. I am really not so good at talking about subjects like that. I don't really know why your online friendships tend to die out when you start to e-mail, and message each other. I think maybe it is just that most relationships do tend to die out period. This is a sad fact of life these days. Or at least that's what it seems like to me. :/

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    1. That's small talk, something I'm not good with. The reason they tend to die is that we run out of things to talk about. Or I do.

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  8. I think I understand how you feel. I have also been quiet and introverted since my early childhood. In a group, I am usually the most quiet person. I also feel bad at small talk, I just don't consider it important. I rarely say things unless I find them meaningful to express. I find it much easier to express myself in writing, though, so I can talk more on the internet. However, even on the internet, I've experienced the same thing you're mentioning. The people who talk to me are usually pretty good at keeping conversations going, because I'm lousy at it.

    Since I started studying, I've been forced into a lot of social situations. One of my buddies here even remarked that I'm pretty "socially defensive". Nobody thinks it's anything wrong with that, though. That same guy, himself, is an extremely social person who is an expert at keeping conversations going. His role is usually to be the life of the party. I hang out with a decent bunch of people, and when the conversations are about things that interest me, I take part in them actively. I still mostly avoid normal small talk, unless just talking in general to someone is something I intend to do.

    Now, I kinda forgot what my point was, but I'm sure I had one because I don't think I would have typed out all that without having attached some point to it. Damn.

    Anyway, do you actually consider being antisocial a bad thing? Would you want to talk to more people? For the record, I don't think being antisocial is a bad thing at all.

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    1. I don't think being antiscoial is too much of a bad thing either. The point I think you were trying to make is that it's okay to be unsocial sometimes and that if I did put myself in more social situations, like you have, then I might be better at it. Thanks :)

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  9. I used to suck at talking, but then I just decided to be random. Sometimes being random can be both hilarious and a good ice breaker. Like Jimmy Fungus said, normal people just like to talk about stupid shit like their cat having the flu (seriously, is there any other way to put it? It's stupid shit). I can't respond to that. I just can't... not in the normal context. So I make up my own responses.

    Example:

    Person: My cat has the flu. Poor fluffy.
    Me: My cat's an asshole. At least your cat will be rid of his sickness soon. Mine is just always an asshole. There's no cure for that.

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    1. I can be pretty random sometimes, I can start weird topics in conversations too. It would be more fun to be better at it. My cat can be a bit of an asshole, and you're right, illnesses may come and go, but being an asshole is a constant thing.

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  10. I'm the same way. I'm not even always comfortable talking to my loved ones. I'm quite boring in person. Could that be why I like to drink? Loosen myself up and become a regular asshole just like everyone else!

    I'm hosting a contest...care to join?

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    1. I'll take a look at it at least. I can't really talk to my loved ones properly either.

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  11. I'm absolutely terrible at keeping in touch with people too, not to mention making new friends. It doesn't bother me THAT much, I get along really well by myself, but it does suck to not have people to do stuff with. And I absolutely loathe small talk.

    Are you a social phobic too or you're just really withdrawn?

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    1. Aren't they the same thing? Well actually I'm not sure. I guess they are kind of different. I'm not sure which one I am either.

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  12. I think you sell yourself short Mark. I'm sure conversing with you in person would be just as interesting. I do think though that you need to socialize more to get more comfortable to start speaking but once you do, it will flow easy. Just my 2 cents!!

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    1. I'm not selling myself short here, but yes getting out more would certainly help.

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  13. I guess you could say I suck at conversing, but the under lying truth is that I don't enjoy it all that much which is why I don't do it which is why I suck at it. Most people will be all, "oh, poo. You are a fine conversationalist" and I suppose even if that's true, I don't feel comfortable being so talkative. Not sure if it's the same for you, but the point is, yes. I understand.

    Lor

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    1. I don't mind conversations so much. I hate being around people and having nothing to say or do really.

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  14. Same. I did sports in school and a lot of people knew me and wanted to talke etc and I hated it. I just prefer to be quiet and left alone lol. I have close cricle of core friends and thats it. Im just no social nor do I want to be. I dont facebook or myspace or anything. I talk to my family just fine but its never about personal stuff. Just kind of how its always been.

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    1. I don't talk to my family about personal things either, it's why I let them get away with never telling me anything. I don't tell them anything either.

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  15. I HATE talking with people face to face
    i get uncomfortable looking into their eyes :(

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    1. I hate face to face but I love eyes. Kinda odd.

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  16. Lol, I love talking to people face to face. All I do is talk! I love seeing facial expressions. XD

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    1. I like trying to read people but that doesn't mean I like talking to them :P

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  17. People like you love having people like me around because I can talk about anything and keep the conversation going.

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    1. Haha I'm good with people like that. I don't like being the one person in a one person conversation.

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  18. Small talk can be a chore. In Germany, they don't really have it. In general, I think it is a unique trait of English speaking countries. The BBC had an article on the subject - a lot of people narrow mindedly assumed Germans were rude, but truth was, they just get to the point. Which is better for everybody, really.

    I'm okay at the small talk though. Sometimes it's awkward, especially if it's a 'proper bloke'. I'm not much of a geezer at all, so when I come across somebody like that, my small talk gets pretty crap...

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    1. People say the same about nerds and people like myself. We get to the point. We aren't rude we just aren't that good with the talk, or so good we don't small talk.

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  19. Y'know, I don't talk to many people either. I work from home a lot so sometimes I can go an entire day without speaking. I don't know which is weirder, that or realizing that I go days without actually talking to anyone and not even realize it.

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    1. I don't think it's weird. I talk to people so little sometimes my voice hurts when I do talk. I wish I could work from home.

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  20. I completely feel you here, I have friends and stuff that I go out with all the time and whatnot, but I just am not the talker of the group. I can be a fun guy, I just tend to be quite unless I get really worked up or excited. Some people just don't like small talk.

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    1. Me and Jessie can have some pretty crazy conversations. I can let go, and be more talkative and fun (like when I was on holiday) but it's not so easy.

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  21. Y'know, I type the way I talk.

    ...that's about it. No joke, no nada, no nothing. I tend to dominate any conversation I get into, and if given a chance I'll damn near always get into a conversation. Hell, I've even done it with complete strangers while at a grocery store or hanging out with friends and oh god that sounds bad without context...

    Ahem. Anyway, I've had friends who go quiet because of the same reason as yours, or even full-blown mental reasons (social anxiety, they don't know which persona should reply, things like that) and I personally don't mind it.

    It's not that I don't like silence, I just don't like silence in general. Comfortable silences are cool, but awkward silences suck. I may come off as an extrovert, but in reality my day-to-day is filled with only myself ever since I moved away from the city and in this godsbedamned-cabin in the middle of nowhere.

    But I can't inexactly blame THAT either, 'cuz from time to time I'll hermit up for a month or two with no explanation to anyone. Just go to work, come back home and that's about it.

    I dunno, guess I'm tryin' to share a little empathy for your situation, 's all.

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    1. It wouldn't be so bad to live in a cabin in the middle of nowhere, as long as I still had decent internet coverage. I don't know really whether I'd rather be the quiet type or the extrovert.

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  22. I agree with Lurker. I'm not a face time kinda guy.

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  23. I'm a natural introvert and really used to struggle making small talk...but it's just one of those life skills you pick up through practice.

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    1. It does seem to be. So far being introverted hasn't been too bad though. I don't think I'm in a hurry to break the cycle.

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  24. Complete opposite with me. Online, a conversation may die because I get distracted by something on the internet.

    In real life, I will do my best to continue and maintain a conversation without making it awkward. If I'm quiet around you in real life, either something is wrong with me, or I hate your guts.

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    1. The same rules apply to me online. Chances are if I'm quiet something is wrong.

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  25. People don't talk to me. They think I'm homeless because of my beard and long hair. :p
    I think it's a good thing.

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  26. I'm sort of weird, usually I can hold a conversation online/in real life but if you text me then theres a 9/10 chance that I won't text back. I tend to ignore my phone. A lot.

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    1. I can't really ignore my phone since it's become the main way me and Jessie communicate.

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  27. I suck at initiating conversations. I never have anything interesting to say and so I just don't talk to anybody unless they talk to me first.

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    1. Pretty much the way I work. Then they wonder why I never talk to them, or why they should talk to me.

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  28. I can talk to anyone, but the face time bugs me to no end. It kinda scares me, if you will.

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    1. I'm not overly fond of people looking at me in general.

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  29. I cant start conversations, too. I never come up with a good subject that might interest the one im talking to. I can argument pretty good but that means that Im already talking about a subject that I know something about.
    Texting online also has the advantage that you dont have to respond immediatly and you have some time to think about what you could answer

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    1. Yeah but I tend to try to respond as soon as I can, it's just polite. I'm a hell of an arguer. Being stubborn helps.

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  30. Sorry, I still have you beat in the anti-social department.

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    1. I'd say we stand a chance to be even really.

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  31. Well, talking online allows you to think about stuff much longer than you'd be 'allowed' to do in face-to-face conversation. It is different.

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    1. Typically when online I try to reply as immediately as I can so the same rules tend to apply for me.

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