Here we are again my friends, it's time for another look at what happened in my driving lesson (next one is tomorrow btw). To be honest I felt like I was traumatized or just seriously shocked after it. Shocked in the sense of being in shock/going into shock/whatever. I didn't hit anything don't worry, but boy do I seriously bloody suck at this.
I know it's only been three lessons and everyone learns things at different paces, and some people can never learn to drive anyway (good lord I hope I'm not one of them) and everything but it really does feel like I make way to many mistakes. Like I should be better than I am. The biggest mistake I made was asking my instructor if I should be better, and how I'm doing. He said I'm improving and I should just focus on that. Then proceeded to rip me apart on what I'm doing wrong. Though to be fair I did ask for his criticism and I'm overdoing just what he said. It wasn't that bad. My biggest problem is by far braking and clutch control. I knew I would suck with a manual, which is part of the reason I suck with a manual. I went in not thinking I could do it. I had already convinced myself I couldn't. I can tap the accelatrix just fine and move at a slow and steady pace (though sometimes I screw up there too and shoot off a little too fast, which causes me to shit myself, which is part of the reason I went into shock, which is going to cause Henry to correct me about going/being in shock) but I can't lightly tap the brakes. He said I'm naturally heavy footed, so even if I tap it the sensitivity is going to still be there and the car is still going to jerk. Fair enough I am a heavy set guy with big feet (size ten reporting in) but I've seen people much bigger than me drive just fine. It's just something I'm going to have to learn to adjust for I guess. He said it could take like ten lessons for me to get good at braking. Feck my fecking life.
I'm also messing up with the clutch though. I'm not pressing it in all the way when I have to. I'm not reading the road properly either.
I suppose at least I always check my mirrors, and I can change gears without looking at the gear stick. Except for when I almost started the car in third because you have to move it to the left before pushing up for first.
I have three problems I'm going to overcome, but the thing is these are mostly mental, mostly psychological, I can't fix my problems just by driving more.
1. I went in thinking I was going to suck. As much as I can say I also thought "I got this" the fact remains I went in with a negative attitude too.
2. I still haven't gotten over my fear of crashing. I joke all the time I'm going to hit something, and I am genuinely worried I will. This is the thing I really have to get over.
3. I get no practice. I haven't been going long enough for my dad to let me use his car. The most I can do with him is drive up and down, and I don't really want to inconvenience him like that. There's no reason he should have to sit in a car with me while I attempt to move it just because I'm failing.
I'm just not really used to not getting things. There are plenty of things I never got, like the guitar, or my brief stint with programming or photoshop. But with them I never really put in the effort. I never really tried. I'm trying here, I'm trying and I'm failing and it's being a mental shock as well as a physical one. This is something I really want, and I'm putting effort in, I'm trying to be better but it's just not going how I want.
Though I never expected to be a driving God after three lessons.
I'll get there. I'm almost sure of it.