Sunday, 26 February 2012

I Wish I Had Novocaine

I was going to make a different post today. Though that was scrapped. My weekend has been incredibly horrible. It has been shit. Everything that could have gone wrong went wrong. Alright maybe not everything, I still have Jessie. I still have you guys. For now. I don't even know how Jessie hasn't left me behind either. I don't want to talk about it though. Right now I want to listen to Novocaine by Bon Jovi and wish I had some. I don't want to feel the pain.



No I'm not being dramatic. My life is that shit right now. Alright maybe my life might not be that bad, but bad things have gone down, and no I don't really want to talk about it. No, I don't see them getting better, but then again I never do. In fact I know they aren't going to get better. I'm in court Tuesday, Wednesday I have a driving lesson (more on why that can be bad on Tuesday) and on Thursday I'm being measured for a suit for my sisters wedding. Learning my measurements is going to be about as far as fun as it's possible for me to get. Except perhaps going to the doctor to see if I'm actually Autistic. No need to worry though, I'll be fine soon enough. I always jump between happy and sad. I'm getting kind of sick of that really. Anyway, music day, I'll shut up now.

47 comments:

  1. Goddamn it mark. You're lucky that when I drink Colt .45 I reach a state of nirvana only attained by the Buddha and Billy Dee fucking Williams himself.

    I'm not going to lie: I can see how you have a negative outlook on shit. I mean, as one cynic to another, there are times when it seems like nothing is going to ever get better. But it does. And it will. But better things come not to the passive. If I've learned anything over the past three years of my struggle attain something worthwhile, is that it won't come on a silver platter. I wish it would, for everyone's sake. Life should be free of bullshit and toil and unhappiness. But it isn't. Shit, I've been stress-clenching my jaw, and now, it hurts along with my teeth. Not a good sign. You're my bro, mark. I sense in you a kindred spirit. You remind me of a younger me; a me that wasn't sure of himself or his place in this world around him. SHit, I still doubt myself, but that's a whole nother issue, and that's my burden, not yours. Dude, you're awesome. You need to start giving yourself a little more credit, because being so negative ends up in bad places. Shit's going to suck, and a lot of times, it seems like shit's going to suck forever. But if you give up, it never will.

    i know you're just in a down point, but I just don't like seeing it in people who have so much potential. You just have to realize and embrace it.

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    1. As per usual you went and left the best comment ever. Thanks man. I never get truly and utterly hopeless, well as long as I still have Jessie. I have rough patches but I get back up eventually. I have a lot of potential and it's way too much to waste. Too much to let go of. You're fun when you're drunk you know?

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    2. That's odd. My thoughts mirror Generally Disgruntled's here. I, too, see a lot of myself in you, Mark. You know what that means? That means you have awesome in you. No, no, don't take that as a compliment, it's just true. What I need you to do is to water that core of awesome with a positive outlook.

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    3. I don't take compliments well anyway no need to worry about that. I don't take positive outlooks well either, but there is a general core of awesome and win down there. You told me not to take that as a compliment but I'll still thank you for saying it.

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  2. Also, I do not understand your love of Bon Jovi. Always pick the only good thing to come out of New Jersey: Bruce Springsteen.

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  3. i actually quite like that track. not sure why though,,,mmmm.

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  4. I hope you feel better soon! x

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  5. Yeah, YOU STILL HAVE US! better not forget about that =))

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  6. Yikes, sorry to hear that you're going all through this, but the blog is a good outlet to let things out so they don't sit in you forever and get worse. Hope you feel better soon.

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  7. Replies
    1. Novocaine is a pain killer. Makes you totally numb to everything.

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    2. Autism is along the lines of Asperger's if you've heard of that. If not I don't really know what to tell you other than it alters how I think and feel, and means I don't think and feel the same way normal people would.

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  8. Great song, and I hope you feel better soon.

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  9. Writing shit down helps tremendously! i know from experience.

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  10. Oh you've got such a full eclectic week next week! I'm sorry you are feeling low. I hope the music helps. I hope Jessie helps too. I hope the nice weather helps. This time next week, I hope things will be brighter and calmer for you. Take care
    x

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  11. jeez...quit talking about it already :p

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  12. Ha! I just went off in my own blog about something. I don't know what it is that's bothering you, but I KNOW things will get better. Besides, we have our little...project. :-p That right there will be fun fun fun for all!

    It sounds stupid to say feel better or to not be down, but I will say that you should embrace the fun things and not worry so much about the bad things. That bad will always be there. We have to puncuate that with some laughs and joy. Don't let whatever's happening to you take your sunshine away. Or some shit.

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    Replies
    1. I'm too busy embracing the hate ¬_¬ Our project could be fun though yes, and I intend to have as much fun as possible. I'm always going to be fine in the end.

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  13. Bon Jovi, gorgeous music :).

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  14. It'll get better. My life has been pretty shitty, I was about to give up. I have no one to turn to for help; I just had to push on.

    So I just said fuck everything and everyone, I'm doing what I want, when I want and how I want.

    Its hard, and you might feel like you've lost everything but remember. You haven't lost until you do give up. I'm not going to always say its going to get better, but some things aren't as bad as they seem and other thins you just have to make them better than they are.

    I don't know if anything I just wrote actually made sense, in my head it did but reading it now it just seems like a bunch of fragmented thoughts that someone tried to make profound-sounding.

    I guess tl;dr Keep pushing on. Shit gets tough but you get tougher.

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  15. You basically answered or threw away all the questions I was going to ask. Not even kidding.

    But really, keep your head up, face the wind. It'll turn and blow from behind eventually.

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  16. There's a reason why I normally don't respond to posts like these, m'man.

    I'm probably one of the worst guys to expect comfort or sympathy from. It's in my upbringing and training, and so engraved within my own life that it's the only reason why I keep goin' on sometimes.

    To hurt is to live. Life is pain. To survive is to continue living, and to outlive your enemies is the greatest vengeance.

    The goal of the game is to outwit and outlast your enemies, y'know? So, it hurts. There's always a chance that tomorrow things WILL get worse...which, strangely enough for me, actually makes me feel better. It puts things into perspective today that no matter how bad it gets, things COULD be and probably will be worse tomorrow.

    And then I'll have to deal with it once tomorrow becomes today.

    Outlast, outwit, and withstand. To hurt is to live, and to live is to survive.

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  17. I know better than to tell you "things will be okay" because sometimes they are not at least not right away. The trick is to hang on until you turn a corner and things do improve. And when you're in a depressive cycle everything life is colorless and devoid of happiness. I've been reading you long enough to know that at your core you are a good person, loyal to your friends and committed to improving yourself. Time is a great healer Mark, give it time and don't give up. We do care about you.

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  18. I can understand the depression. Here's to better times when things are looking up for you! Music is wonderful for the head and soul!

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  19. Don't despair. You've got a good head on your shoulders. Life is always gonna throw the turds your way, you just gotta dodge them and keep goin'.

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  20. If you're okay with being in this manner until it changes, then I'm down for not telling you that it's going to get better.

    I've also had a topsy-turvy weekend, and can relate.

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  21. I'd of gone for Novocaine For The Soul by Eels... but can't fault your choice.

    There are so many clichés around depression. Life is often shit and does sometimes get a lot worst but no matter how deep the lows the highs are spectacular and always worth it.
    You just got to take each day at a time and keep moving forward with things... and you still have Jessie and will always have many followers interested in your writing.

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  22. Lean into the wind, dammit. I feel like you could do with a little more arrogance. It will seriously improve your life.

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    Replies
    1. I'm not exactly the arrogant type. Despite having moments of intense pride. Oh well.

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  23. Eh it'll get better, or you could just give less shits.

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  24. Came for a catch up (my new way of reading followed blogs is to wait a week or so then spend a while reading back) and ... well.. guess you're on a downer.
    Not gonna try and say anything to make you feel better, sure you'll get there in your own time.

    And court ? Wtf ? Guess I'll find out in a bit when I read back.
    And how many followers ? You gotta be happy about that - this blog is certainly starting to take off big time now.
    Mebe someone needs to email Lisa Ding at Blogger and get you blog of note (I follow another blog who got it, and apparently that's how it happened). How you get her email though I have no idea,=.

    Right...off to read back, chin up fella.
    :)X

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  25. I'm sorry that happened. Wish your weekend was better.

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  26. I hope things get better for you!

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  27. Oh sorry I just have to add.. I'm taking a wild guess that this had something to do with a girl? If I am sie-kick (^^,) and correct, then you should know that she isn't worth your time whatsoever and there is someone better out there for you. just sayin'

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  28. This is when playing some vidya games can really help you out! :D

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  29. Hope next week is a better week for you :D

    I don't know if this will be your cup of tea, but 'Novacane' by Frank Ocean is pretty damn amazing (I think anyway!).

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  30. Why is everyone so sad lately? Someday, I am going to find the secret to happiness and share it with the world. I tell people what I do to be happy, but I think it only works for me.

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    Replies
    1. Well we all have different things that make us happy. Some of us are made happy by other people's misery even.

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