Friday, 24 February 2012

I Regret Nothing, Kind Of

A good friend of mine who I love to pieces recently went through some very bad times, and found herself regretting some of the things she did. I'm not going to go into details, it's her story to tell, and I don't see her telling it (I didn't even get the full story but that's partly because there were bits of it that were "need to know" and I didn't need to know). But it got me thinking about regret, and it's something I may have covered before, but when you're as forgetful as me, you'll find yourself talking about something more than once. Frankly I'll be amazed if this is the first time I've done it. Anyway, regret.

I'm not going to say don't regret anything, because no one can do that. I'm just going to say try not to regret. You're going to regret things sure, but accept the fact that they happened, and try to see that maybe some good came out of it. I've talked before about how my relationship really screwed me up, and is still killing most of my chance for redemption, but I don't regret what happened, what I did. I don't regret getting with that girl. If I didn't get with her I would never ever have joined Facebook. I had no reason to until she told me to do it. Well, asked. If I had never joined Facebook I would never have met Jessie again after two years. It's now been nine years we've been together. That's a long time, especially for me. She's the only person I've been on a constant talking basis with for more than two years.

I've mentioned briefly about disastrous relationships since then. I'm not even sure you can call them relationships, but I don't regret those either. Or try not to. I came into those people's lives when they needed someone like me. I always have actually. It's kind of fun to think of yourself as some kind of agent of fate, that comes into a person's life when they need someone like you. Anyway, in my own way I helped improve their lives, or in the case of one person, I just got her through a rough patch so that she could go back to being a bitch. Either way I gave her a reason to hope, how she came out was not my doing. I wish she had ended up different but she didn't and I have to live with that just as much as she does. Though I don't have to live with it at all actually. We haven't talked in two years.

The only one of those I kind of regret is the one I'm still not sure wasn't a dude pretending to be a girl to get free shit from me. I don't mind giving people gifts though, plus I never gave her/him anything. I win. Kind of.

The general point is to try not to regret what you have done in your life, whatever it was. It happened, and that's it. You can either continue to be sad about it, or you can learn from it, or at least learn about it properly. If you regret getting into a relationship because it ended and caused nothing but pain, then think of what good happened to you during that time, or became of it. Or think about why it ended, if there was something you could have done, then do it next time. Help your next relationship truly blossom. If you regret getting physical with someone to early, then try not to. If they turned out to be a jerk, and it's over, then learn from it. Take it into the next relationship you have that you should wait more. Unless all you want is something physical I guess. Failed relationships help us grow as people, and bring us closer to that ultimate perfect relationship. Never forget as well that you can't choose who you love. That is something that I may potentially regret.

Also, talk to me more dammit! I can tell you what to take from things, and at the least I can give you a hug until the pain goes away.

By the way this isn't personally aimed at that friend. It's more for everyone. Though if you want to see it that way then feel free too. As long as someone gains something from this, I'll be moderately almost happy.

50 comments:

  1. I regret buying a drawing pad which I didn't touch since I bought it.
    But that example is probably too light for a serious topic like this.

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    1. Well you learnt that you didn't really want one as much as you thought, but somewhere down the line you're going to use that. You're either going to use it yourself, or give it to someone. So it will serve a purpose. As for what you could learn, well you could learn to be sure you want something before you buy it. Nothing isn't serious enough.

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  2. We all have undesirable outcomes as a result of bad decisions. And there is no way to change that. What we can minimize is the amount of guilt we put ourselves through after the fact. I regret many things and struggle with letting things go as well.

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    1. I still regret things but I try to focus on the positive outcomes that came. Somehow I am able to do it sometimes. We all inevitably regret but as long as we learn from it it's never truly a mistake.

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  3. this kinda hard. hehe.

    for me, I always try not to regret anything, or if I feel like regretting, I would just go back to the good things that happened to me out of the things I wanna regret. sorta! hahaha

    that was confusing, eh? haha

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  4. Oooo..do I have a list of regrets..its a big one lol

    I dont dwell on things so my regrets do not bother me at all, but if given the chance to undo them then I would in a heart beat. I do time time think about it and it kinda dampens my mood but it goes away quickly.

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    1. I would never change anything in my past no matter how much I regretted it because it all lead me to this moment and culminated in who I am. If my life hadn't gone exactly how it had, who knows where I could be. I might even be able to make a post out of that. Or a podcast. Oooooh ideas!

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  5. No point regretting on something, not as if doing that would prevent the problem from happening in the first place.

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    1. There isn't too much point to regret no.

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  6. Everything that you do makes you who you are. Every heartbreak, every lsmile, every person you meet...

    I tend to regret the things that I missed out on doing.

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    1. That is all very true, and why I wouldn't change a thing :) and we do regret more the things we didn't do than what we did.

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  7. Excuse me, you were with a woman who might have been a man? Did you write about it? If so, where can I read this? I want. I need!

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    1. Don't get too excited. I never mentioned it before I think, and it was an online thing. It's not like I got with a dude dressed as a woman. I may write about it though. It's not as seedy or as interesting as you think it is.

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  8. I alas have regrets and too many too mention.....

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  9. u should help her, and as in help i mean have sex with her.

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  10. I often wonder about this..if I would be better off without my sad experiences and failed relationships etc. But I guess having sad experiences is better than none at all.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Sad experiences help you realise ultimately the good ones, and give you more of an appreciation for it. That's going into the podcast!

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  11. Never regret the past. Why? It made you who you are today.

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    1. I also like "It was exactly what you wanted at the time"

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  12. every time I wanna regret something, I'd always look back to all the good things that ever happened to me and then ends up "not" regretting at all. haha..confusing, eh? :D

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    1. Not really that kinda sounds like what I was going for here. Remember the good stuff that came from it and you won't regret it. Or you'll accept it while you regret at least.

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  13. I always try not to dwell on things I regret. If anything, I try to learn from my mistakes. Not always easy to do though. It's hard to forget about some things and will always haunt us.

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    1. Things from like ten years ago still haunt me. In ten years time they probably still will, then I can say it was things from 20 years ago that still haunt me.

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  14. Haha, although you said, "I'm not going to say don't regret anything", one of my mottos is actually the exact contrary:
    "Never regret anything."
    Nevertheless, paradoxically the spirit of what I mean to say when I say that is pretty much the same as what you were going for here. Feelings of regret may come but acceptance is the first step toward moving on, as you say. When I say my motto I'm trying to tell people two separate but complementary things:
    1) NOT to dwell on negative things that they've done or have had done to them in the past.
    2) To do whatever they are planning to do in the present or future with a whole spirit, unfettered by doubts stemming from poor experiences in the past.

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    1. I need me a good dose of number two right now.

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  15. I like what you said about regret. Regreting stuff is like examining your mistakes and learning from them! Since you can't change the past there is no point in wishing to change things.

    Gee I just resaid what you said but with different words. Some times I don't know how to comment on things.

    Cool post dude!

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    1. I think regret is more not doing that. Regret is not seeing the good in the bad and wishing it had never happened. Moving on is accepting it did and taking what you can from it.

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  16. try not to regreat difficult task

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  17. i try not to have regerts, i would rather feel bad about doing somehting than regret not doing it at all

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    1. We do regret the things we don't do most usually.

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  18. I've done a lot of stupid, hurtful, and childish things to myself and others but one thing that I have been cognizant of is that if I'm able to learn from those experiences then they don't seem so terrible. The ones I don't learn from just seem like a waste.

    One thing I learned from your post is that you never know when a negative might lead to a positive. Keep an open mind and all that. Hope your friend is able to feel the positive vibes you're putting out there.

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    1. I hope she is too but I'm not sure seeing as she read and didn't leave a comment. Ah well. As long as you learnt from it then it's not a waste.

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  19. you will regret time not spent with a friend :)

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    1. Sometimes I regret the times we do spend together.

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  20. Never regret anything, because at some point in your life, it was exactly what you wanted to do! :P, That's what I live by.

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    1. That is the quote I told Fang I liked :)

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  21. You know, even though I was abused as a child, I've had several cata-fuck-strophic relationships, and various other things I won't go into... I wouldn't change anything. They made me who I am today.

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    1. Same here, on most counts. But it's all stuff I won't really go in to. But I've had a similar background.

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  22. What a great outlook. And its true. If you just try to do your best and forgive your mistakes, you end up much happier in the end because you are not holding on to so much!

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    1. I still hold on to a lot, even if I take the approach that I've learnt something or got something out of it.

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  23. I've got lots of regrets, unfortunately - but maybe that's because I analyse things too much. It's something I'm trying to work on.

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    1. I overthink everything too. I can't allow myself to be happy.

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  24. Many regrettable decisions that I've made have made me aware of weak points that I have been able to turn into strengths. Without regret, I wouldn't have the spur in my side to change the future.

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    1. You are something right in this world.

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  25. I regret nothing, there are things I might do different, but what's done is done. And there is one person I really wish I had never met - long story that one - but I believe in fate and karma, and in there being a reason for everything.
    Even if you can't see it at the time.
    So I put it down to experience and destiny over which I have no control and moved on.

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    1. I'm a big believer in karma and fate myself and everything working out in the grand ol' scheme of things. Doesn't really make it any easier to deal with at the time though. I can look back and see how things ultimately ended up better, even with the people I wish I didn't meet sometimes. I have one too. Not really a long story but one I'll never tell.

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