So Jessie was here last Friday (two Friday's in a row = WINNING) and we had some drinks and had some laughs, and even some tears. We're both going through some rough shit right now, probably always will be. Fate is not too fond of us. But near the end of the night, Jessie asked me to give her a tarot reading. Regardless on what your thoughts of tarot cards are, Jessie and me actually put a fair bit of stock into them. Though I probably don't do it as much as I could. It helped to do it with another person, it brought in a whole new level of depth to have someone to discuss it with.
I did two separate ones, a full ten card spread and a basic three card spread (simple past present and future type thing) and in the big one, my "surroundings" was the 8 of swords. If you don't know anything let me tell you right now that is one bad card. That is one dark and evil card. This is the card that is probably closest to the stereotypical Death. It has no upsides and is basically entrapment, misery, and pain. This card later came up in the three card spread as my future. Basically I was trapping myself, I was containing myself, and if I didn't do something about it, I always would be.
See I've been struggling with getting over a past relationship for four years now. Lately I've told myself I'm not looking for a relationship, I don't need one. But the fact of the matter is that this self imposed loneliness is bad for me. I'm incredibly self destructive. You've probably noticed if you've been reading for more than a week. I take myself down and out at every junction, I don't trust myself, I don't know if what I do is in my best interests.
Now on to the main point of this post. At the behest of Jessie I joined a dating site. I've been alone too long really, and I should stop denying myself a chance of happiness. What better way to overcome ones fears and just jump feet first into the ocean? I don't know how successful this venture will go, but I think we can actually consider it a step in the right direction for me.
I did not, however, take her up on her request that I just message ten random girls. Though I think I'm up to that number now.