Saturday, 7 January 2012

Untitled Space Story

Well I teased it last week, and this week here it is. My so far untitled space story. Seriously it has no name! Neither do any of the chapters. Frankly I'm almost amazed the characters do. Anyway, here, for your enjoyment, is the prologue/first chapter. BTW I feel that this is better written than The Spirit (my first book for those who don't remember) but I've since realized I felt that because there was no speech for a long time, the problem is I'm not very confident in my ability to write a conversation, and The Spirit has a lot of talking. Anyway, here you go, enjoy!


Trent looked out the window from the chair in the cockpit and thought that no matter how many times he saw it, the sun always looks good. Especially when seen from up close. He knew that his shields wouldn't last very long if he got much closer and that he should turn around and head back home, but he never could resist this sight.

After a few more minutes, an alarm went off, signalling his shields were losing power, and he was left with no choice but to head back after all. He turned the ship around, put it on autopilot, and headed back to Earth. Along the way he still took time to take in all the sights. He had never gotten tired of the endless boundaries of space and still thought there were some beautiful sights. This was why he flew at cruise speed. He thought to himself that it was worth the extra time.

He had just gotten past Venus when another alarm went off. This time telling him that someone had fired on his ship. He was able to act fast enough to dodge the first missile, but another came not long after. He was not so lucky a second time. His shields were down and there was too much damage for him to do evasive manoeuvres. He decided his only real shot to get out alive was to point himself at Earth as best as he could, and fire up the engines to full power. He didn't like going as fast as he could usually because he didn't want to miss the sights, but when people are shooting at you and you can't fight back, your best bet is to run. He thought to himself he could always see the sights later.

He saw Earth in the distance, and fired up the engines just before another missile hit him. This one would have taken him out had it hit. That was the last thing he was able to do though, he was too shaken up, and the sudden increase in speed had thrown him off his seat as he had forgotten to strap himself in. He hit the wall hard and saw nothing but darkness before he passed out.

36 comments:

  1. In the last paragraph,
    shook => shaken
    threw => thrown

    Other than that, really interesting. What is the earth he'll be heading to like? Post-apocalypse, haven for all intergalactic species, or what?

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  2. @Fang Thank you ^^ I have since corrected my errors. If that's what you're thinking then boy are you going to be let down...One of the hardest parts of this is trying to come up with 1000 years of history, with a whole new world. I don't think I've done that yet beyond one little fourth wall joke.

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  3. Oh cool. Are you referring to the Fourth Wall from Homestuck? Bonus points if you are.

    If you're really badass you plan everything (literally everything) ahead and include teeny tiny hints and references to future events waaay before they ever happen. ;D

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  4. @Fang by fourth wall I meant the actual fourth wall. When people address the audience. Though the term seems to have become a lot looser these days. People plan everything out in advance but last time I tried that, it killed my urge to write. There are things I know are going to happen, I know how the story is going to go, but the more I plan the more I just think "I really don't want to write this". It's why my first book was on the shelf for so long, and the reason I was able to write so much of this in one go is that I was just writing.

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  5. A flying ship! How cool! If I have a flying ship that can travel to space, i'd surely go to Mars.. I wanna see if there really are martians. LOL..

    I hope Trent'll be fine. Why did someone fire at the ship, in the first place? Why? Who?

    Oh right.. This is just the first chapter. hehe.. All will be explained eventually, right?Looking forward to read the next ones, Mark. :)

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  6. @Leah Yes hopefully I'll manage to explain things :P But I don't see how a guy who was just hurtled at a wall at high speed could be fine. We'll see though.

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  7. That was legitimately entertaining. And I love how you have your blog set up! It's really nice tbh.

    nice post tho! I will reward your efforts :) Check out my blog and be sure to $upport me back!

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  8. Nice story! Looking forward to reading some more!

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  9. Wow this was very interesting! Good work :)

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  10. Haha, "Untitled". How very "modern" of you. (O_<)

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  11. Perhaps you should just title it 'This is a Space Story'. Everybody knows exactly what they're getting.

    Or do the opposite and play with peoples minds :D

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  12. Mark, I have a new year's resolution, but I need your feedback first. As one writer to another, would you like feedback on your fiction? I realized that I've missed a few things you've written, so I'm resolved to go back and read them and, if you like, give you feedback

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  13. @Henry I'm not good with titles. Or names. I'm actually not -_-. I stole "The Spirit" from the song that inspired it. Ha.

    @Cranface The second choice appeals to me.

    @GD For the love of Darren Hayes give me feedback. I might not take criticism well but I need it if I'm ever going to improve. I need someone to say "hey, that sucks and I'll tell you why". Just remember I might be angry at first, but secretly I'm thankful. Hell I even wrote a timeline because of what Fang said. My story now has more backstory!

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  14. BACKSTORY! Alright, brace yourself. First, I feel like it's too short for an extreme indepth analysis, but I've got a few things that I can work with. There's a few issues with tense, a couple of times you float between past and present. Pick one, stick with it for consistencies sake when describing things that are happening in present time throughout the story. It really doesn't matter which tense, just be consistent. The other is Narration: I can't tell which type of narration you're trying to use, because you're flitting around. It's mostly 3rd person, but once or twice it's implied that there might be an actual narrator. Again, consistency. But, that said, I want to see some more here! Too short, just gets it's hooks in me. Flesh this bitch out!

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  15. If I make it too long no one is going to read it in a post. Don't worry the thing itself will be long, and I have some longer ones planned. Some short ones too. I'm trying to keep it in the present tense as much as I can, and I don't want there to be an actual narrator. It's a third person story, if anything I am the narrator. But see that's where I have problems with writing. I can see a scene perfectly in my head, but I'm not brilliant at writing it out. Because I'm already seeing it, I don't want to write it, if that makes sense. I mean, you read something and they cut away to describe something, be it a person or anything. In my other book I have a character look into a mirror so I can describe him. I just don't feel easy doing things like that, but I'm going to have to be. Being a good writer does not make me a good storyteller.

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  16. Don't use "you." That's what causes the problems with narration. you're shooting for 3rd person omniscient, like god who knows these people's thoughts ans is revealing them to the reader. But next time, try working around using "you" when describing something, and see what happens.

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  17. Reading it, I see what you mean. I'm too tired to do a rewrite right now though, but I can see what you mean.

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  18. I'm intrigued! It's always a good thing when a reader hits the bottom of the page and tries repeatedly to keep scrolling, lol.

    The story and character are interesting already; I feel like I can see just what you're imagining. Putting it into words is always the hard part, and you've had some good pointers on polish here from everyone else, so I've got nothing left to say. =)

    Ooh, I think coming up with the 1000 years of future/history would be the fun part for me!

    I demand more. =P

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  19. I feel like a dick saying this, but good. I'm thoroughly convinced it takes criticism to morph talent into art. Sometimes it hurts, but its always worth it. Re-examining one's art allows it to flourish.

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  20. your story would make for an interesting short animation

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  21. Wow. You have great writing skills.

    PS:- Thanks for following my blog, I followed back :)

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  22. Looking good and it is great ot see you taking the feedback on board. Keep on going :)

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  23. @One Thank you very much, but I don't think I was able to really put it into words. I really do hope to become better at that.

    @GD Nah you aren't being a dick. If you were doing something wrong I wouldn't be thanking you for it. I still have a ways to go, and I'm lucky to have someone like you who can and will help me get there.

    @Miss Sassy Pants And yet it's never enough! Ha.

    @Shaw Maybe I can talk to Bersercules about that. I think I would probably be more suited to animation. I wouldn't have to describe the scene then, I can just tell someone what I want and they can make it happen.

    @Hazma Thank you.

    @Mynx I'm handling it much better than I thought I would lol. I really am. But I guess for once I want to be better, and that's how I can do it.

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  24. @T. Roger Thanks, that's a good start :)

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  25. I like this.
    I think there might be some tense issues, but I'm not a professional so I might be wrong.
    Have you considered writing it in first person?

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  26. @PurpleMist I don't know how well I could write first person, plus I want to put down the thoughts of other people. But first person would accommodate for all the things I'm not confident with. It would allow me to explain every scene and moment perfectly.

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  27. Great start to a space adventure! I'll be tuning in to see what else occurs.

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    Replies
    1. Well you have two more instalments to go through for now :)

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    2. Just got current on the chapters, glad I got a reprieve from work to get some much needed entertainment. If you do offer this novella once it's complete, I'll pay to obtain the finished product.

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    3. lol thanks. I plan on compiling it when it's all done. Just not sure how long that's going to take. I'm 8 parts in and not much major has happened yet.

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