Sunday, 8 January 2012

I Almost Broke A Tradition

Well because I'm mightily generous and what not I thought I would post the first full chapter of the story I started yesterday. The prologue is pretty short. I say I almost broke a tradition because Sunday is video day, but I do also have a video for you guys at the end. A space related song by Brave Saint Saturn, which is absolutely awesome. Once again, enjoy!

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Doctor Osbourne was rushing to the accident scene. He heard that a spaceship had crash landed and he was part of the crew on their way. He wasn't expecting any survivors though, and wondered why they would even send a medical crew. It's not like the crash had happened in a built up area. Still, there was the tiny chance that someone might have survived. Not that he had ever seen it happen though. He could see the smoke from the accident before he actually arrived. That wasn't something he was hoping to see.

When he got to the scene, he saw that there wasn't much of the spaceship left. Most of it had burned up on re-entering the atmosphere, and what was left was mostly crumpled from the crash. He saw a hand poking out from the mess and was able to check for a pulse. He didn't find one, but then again he didn't expect to. Still, a hand implied a body, and if there was an intact body he would need to take it back to the morgue. He called over the rest of the paramedics and together they were able to cut into the wreckage. He had gotten used to seeing gory scenes but one of the guys he was with was new, and not so used to it. What he saw made him retch and vomit. Dr. Osbourne couldn't make out exactly what had happened, but he was able to form a guess given his years on the job. Given the bodies distance from the sole chair in the ship, he guessed that somehow or another, he had been blown out of his seat. The blood on the head suggested he had hit it pretty hard on something, more than likely the wall, and the broken body that was twisted into shapes no human could achieve was more than likely caused when the ship hit the Earth.

He called for a body bag and with a little effort, and help from the paramedics, he was able to get the body into it. He quickly scanned the man's (for it did look like a man) pockets before zipping it up, checking for any I.D. He looked and found a Space Explorer's license that registered the man as able to fly a spacecraft. The picture showed a man with shoulder length brown hair and the license itself stated the man was 30 years old, and was originally from Earth. It also identified him as Trent Saxon. At least Trent got to come home one last time before he died, Osbourne solemnly thought to himself.
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Okay so that was pretty short too, but the next chapters are longer! Anyway, here's the video I said I'd post.



PS Yes the doctor can't say exactly what happens and then yes, he goes CSI, and says exactly what happened. I'm aware of that. Even when I tried to rewrite it I couldn't. I fail. 

36 comments:

  1. Got to love the cliche of "going home before/as you die". Cliche, sure, but still pretty touching.

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  2. I liked the story it doesn't matter that it was short. keep on writing dude :)

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  3. @Fang Cliches work. It's why they ended up cliches.

    @Normal and Charlotte Cheers ^^

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  4. Trent must have earned his Space Explorers license here in Chicago, because these people can't drive five feet without crashing into one another too. Nice one!

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  5. Aww, I think you did a bang up job, my friend. It's a good start! Don't stop writing. :-)

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  6. @ABFTS Thanks guys. Unless I re-re-write it, he has actually landed in Chicago.

    @B Thank you, I don't think I know how to stop.

    @The Observer...yes, yes I am.

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  7. yay, youtube wont let me watch the video in my country -.-

    Good prologue you wrote there, im looking forward to read a long and interessting story.

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  8. @Mekkor The prologue was yesterday ^^ Sucks that YT did that though. I'm used to them failing by now though.

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  9. I'm hooked. I really want to read the final version of this book.

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  10. @That Random Guy That could take a while, I'm going to be posting it piece by piece.

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  11. You cant end it there! I want to read more :D

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  12. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  13. That was a song, not a true video. (- -__)

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  14. @Mike There will be more don't worry.

    @Henry Pedantry. I love it.

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  15. I don't know why, but the "(assuming he was a man)," part was a bit funny.
    I don't know if I am in the position to say this, but, THAT'S DAMN GOOD!

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  16. I'm already seeing improvement. Ready for another criticism? Too late! Punctuation, like semi-colons! Play around with more punctuation to give a better flow from sentence to sentence. I noticed a couple that can be condensed together to make a less jagged read, especially when they are part of the same thought.

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  17. Interesting prologue!

    Thank you for coming by my blog.

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  18. @Kbbuddingwriter It was partly to convey just what a bloody mess he had become. He only appeared to be a man, he couldn't make out for sure.

    @Generally Disgruntled I'm shit with that too. I'm constantly sticking commas where full stops should be and I'm still not totally sure on the use of semi colons. I know when to use a comma, and a comma, but the two of them together? You lost me thar.

    @The Golden Eagle Hey I had fun there. The true prologue was yesterday but thanks.

    @Baur It is.

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  19. nice warm up...can't wait for the rest

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  20. Sounds like a good start, keep it up. :)

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  21. @DWei and Lexsa Thank you.

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  22. Any idea how long this story is going to be?

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  23. a semi-colon separates two separate clauses that are generally inter-connected ideas. You don't go crazy with it, but it's very useful punctuation: it stops clauses from running together, while also lengthening sentences and strengthening sentence structure.

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  24. @Novelpiece No but I plan on posting a bit every week, and I doubt it will take me a full year to do. That's not much of an estimate though.

    @GD I'm too tired for that, but thanks. I'm always happy to learn more, especially if it helps my knowledge of grammar. Though I think the world would benefit from me having less knowledge of grammar. Or at least less pointing out the mistakes in other people's grammar.

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  25. Awww did no one survive? =(

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  26. @JDC Well the doctor's alive at least!

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  27. You've got a good start here. I'll keep reading.

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