Saturday, 14 January 2012

Chapter Two

It's time for another instalment of my space story. Even though this is chapter three in the word document, I'm classing it as chapter two as I made the first "chapter", a prologue to the story. Enjoy guys. This is longer than the other ones. Plus it has conversations, so the writing quality is about to dip!


Dr Osbourne's autopsy proved what he already knew. The guy died when he suffered a large amount of trauma to his head. He was lucky to be dead before his body ended up like it did. He put everything back where it belonged, and stitched the body back together and stuck it in the freezer. He didn't know what kind of funeral the guy would have, he wasn't even able to find any next of kin for him. After his work was done, he headed home to his family to wind down and prepare himself for yet another day of being a doctor. He counted himself lucky to have been able to find a wife and have kids with her when he had such a demanding job, but she understood and of course love played an important part.

Geoff was the guy in charge of the morgue that night. He didn't really understand why the dead people needed watching, but they didn't bother him none, so he liked his job just fine. He liked the peace and quiet that came with it. All he had to do was sit in a chair and keep an eye on guys that can't move anyway. Pretty cushy in his opinion. That was until he heard someone knocking on a door.

He jumped out of his seat, thinking it was one of the bodies. Rationality took over though and he walked to the morgue door to see who was there. When he opened the door though he didn't see anyone. While he was checking the corridors to see if he could see who knocked, he heard it again, this time from behind him. There was no denying to himself this time that it came from one of the freezers.

He shut the door and sat down, rocking backwards and forwards. He couldn't believe this was happening, didn't want to believe this was happening. In his two years on the job this had never happened before, and he didn't want it to start now. He jumped as he heard the knock again, this time it was more impatient.

“W-wh-who's there?” He asked, his voice quivering with fear. But he didn't get an answer, just a louder knock in response. He thought he was an idiot to respond and let whatever was in there know he was around, and cursed himself for not just running and finding some help. Though he doubted anyone would believe him anyway.

The knock came again, and he knew this time which freezer it was coming from. He finally got up, and went to it. Looking at the tag he saw the name “Trent Saxon”, and remembered that there was a guy brought in today with that name. But he'd already been autopsied. He'd been taken to pieces and then put back together again. If they had accidentally put a live guy in the freezer, someone would have noticed, and if they didn't, he would be long dead by the time the autopsy was over. Whatever was in that freezer wasn't alive he thought.

Yet more knocking snapped him out of his thoughts, and back to reality. He grabbed the sharpest thing he could find, in this case a scalpel, and slowly opened the freezer door. He didn't think he could do much with the scalpel, but a sharp object is a sharp object. When the door was open all the way, he hesitantly began unzipping the bag. The body was totally still, and was still blue from the freezer. He looked in the freezer to see if something had somehow got inside, but couldn't spot anything. While he was looking something grabbed him from behind, with one arm around his neck and a hand around his wrist that was holding the scalpel.

“Where am I?” Geoff heard someone say. It sounded male. Low and husky. With a southern touch.
“I-i-i-in the hospital” was Geoff's nervous reply.
“Which hospital?”. The man squeezed harder on Geoff's throat and wrist.
“I-it-it-it's Northwest Community Hospital.” Geoff answered “Um...sir”, he added, for good measure. Geoff felt the man let go and then pat him on the back.
“Ahhh Northwest Community. Not my first visit here, but the first time I've met you, what's your name kid?”. Geoff turned round to look at the man and saw that he was covered in stitches and scars. He was also naked and still slightly blue from the freezer.
“G-G-Geoff. My name is Geoff. Yours?” He asked, though he expected he knew the answer. The man held out his hand for Geoff to shake it, “Trent's the name, Trent Saxon. How do you do?”
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As per usual I would like to point out that I absolutely suck with conversations. I also want to say I picked a random hospital from Chicago with a name that sounded like it would still exist then. Even if the current Northwest Community Hospital isn't around, what's to stop them from building another community hospital in the northwest and giving it the same name? It's unimaginative but so am I, and I didn't like the original name I gave it. 

43 comments:

  1. Little hints to reality are pretty cool, plausible or not. Loving it so far, and the conversationing isn't half bad! Keep it up!

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    1. lol thank you, I rewrote some of it last night. I may have many chapters written but now I'm rewriting parts of them too.

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  2. Oooh fancy story. You had to end it just where Geoff meets Trent. *hmmph* I wanted to know who this guy was :P waiting to read more :)

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    1. That's one reason I had to end it there :P I've watched enough Doctor Who to learn how to pull a cliffhanger. I don't know how much you're going to find out about him in the next instalment actually, but just one big thing. But not much about who he really is.

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  3. Creepy. I need to read the previous installment(s).

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    1. Well there are only a few so get it done now before there becomes too many to sit through :)

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  4. I enjoyed this enough to look into the previous installment,(sorry for missing that). And as far as dialogue goes, the more you put down, the easier it'll be. Practice doesn't make perfect, but more toward perfection.

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    1. Well true perfection is impossible lol, but I'd like to see myself as good at it at least.

      Hell, that's more unlikely than perfection.

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  5. i thought the dialogue was pretty good. i'm looking forward to reading more :)

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    1. Thanks, I'm always looking forward to writing more actually too :)

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  6. based on asian movies, any asian can punch as fast as flash.

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  7. Not terrible but you could do with some research into proper punctuation regarding quotations.

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    1. Or just wait until GD shows up with his degree and he can tell me lol. Which he will (I hope). Though yes it is quite saddening to hear I don't know proper punctuation. Christ it actually is.

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    2. Not so saddening, you did say you weren't sure how to go about writing conversations. It's not something most people encounter on a regular basis.

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    3. Still, one of the things I've always enjoyed was that I knew where most punctuation went. My love of spelling and grammar is quite documented.

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  8. I liked this and keep on writing, dude and I shall keep on reading :-p

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    1. Well I'll definitely keep on writing at least.

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  9. I liked this! I'm looking forward to reading more. xxx

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  10. Oh dear! Poor Geoff! Trent's a zombie right?!?! I hope so!

    Big hello from me! Well you certainly put the heebie jeebies on me just as we get to midnight too!

    Thanks for scary read!! All the best, take care
    x

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    1. Not quite a zombie. I'd like to think he got a bit more playful after that and he was just messing with Geoff. I was aiming for creepy not scary here.

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  11. The dialogue wasn't as bad as you think. Pretty good. The stuttering was a good touch, conveying the fear coming from our boy Geoff. Dialogue can be a bitch. Just keep trying to workshop it. Save a first try, rewrite, and compare the two attempts

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    1. I did actually rewrite the conversation yesterday. Could you elaborate a bit more on what Henry said about quotation marks and general conversation punctuation or am I going to have to do some research here?

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    2. End Punctuation in quotes always goes inside the final quotation mark. So when Geoff says “Um...sir”, it should be "Um...sir,"

      Also, remember commas or some form of punctuation at the end of every quote, especially when the sentence continues past the quote, to isolate independent clauses.

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    3. Ahh thank you kind sir. I'll remember that when I look over the next chapter before I put it up.

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  12. Conversations are a bit difficult. I noticed that all my characters sound like different versions of me (that is when I actually write, ha ha)

    There are lots of resources out there for budding writers though.

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    1. One of the biggest problems I have is giving each character a distinctive voice. When I read books I can imagine how they would sound, but when I write books, they all sound the same.

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  13. Might just be my opinion, but when showing a nervous stutter like “I-it-it-it's" Could probably just repeat it twice for the same effect, might be a preference of mine more than anything else though.

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    1. Nah that's valid. Too much stuttering is just annoying.

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  14. Great concept for a scene: waking up in a morgue has got to be unsettling for everyone involved.

    I'm looking forward to the next installment.

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    1. Yeah but it's got to be more unsettling when the guy has just gone through an autopsy.

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  15. Loving it! Can't wait for your next story/chapter :)

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  16. Replies
    1. It's like hazing. Series' treat you badly with cliffhangers, so when you write them, you do the same.

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  17. Good job with the story, and nice new blog theme.

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  18. The dialogue isn't as bad as you put on. I could learn a thing or three from you in that area. Now to chapter one and the prologue.

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    1. You're reading backwards? Though actually linking to the previous ones isn't too bad an idea. I was rubbish at conversations at first, I got to this point with some advice.

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