Saturday, 21 January 2012

Chapter The Third

Wow, yesterday I got a lot of page views. I should post more political RAAAAAAAAGEEEEEEE.

A few days ago I totally rewrote the remaining chapters I had already written so hopefully there won't be too much to criticise. For your reading pleasure, here is the next instalment of Immortal Space. That's just a working title, I don't know if I'm going to change it or not. Anyway, here's your story, enjoy!

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Geoff was totally flabbergasted. He naturally held out his hand and Trent shook it.
“What's the matter kid? You look like you've seen a ghost” Trent asked him.
“I think I might be” Geoff said, snapping back to reality. “Aren't you supposed to be dead?”
“Wouldn't be the first time, probably won't be the last,” Trent said, flashing Geoff a smile. “Though I have to say that you guys are getting pretty rough. I'm lucky I was able to pull myself together.” Trent thought for a second before adding, “Well actually I guess I don't need luck, I'm good. Say, you got any clothes?”
Geoff stood in silence for a few seconds before finally answering. “Well the ones we found you in were pretty damaged, all but this hat.” He pointed to a cowboy hat that had been left on the floor. Trent picked it up and dusted it off before putting it on.
“Well I'm glad my hat survived at least. What about my ship, where you keepin' that?” He asked.
“I'm sorry sir but your ship was too badly damaged, we've had it scrapped. Anything important we found was placed in a box and put into storage.”
Trent pondered this information.
“Can you go get it for me?” He asked, “Or at least tell me where it is, and give me a gown to put on or something. It's cold in here.”
Geoff was glad for any reason to look away and opened a locker, pulling out a surgeon's gown and handing it to Trent and then he pulled out a box while he waited for Trent to put the gown on. He handed Trent the box. It was kind of small, so Trent didn't really know what to expect, but he opened it up anyway. There wasn't much. There was a safety deposit box and amazingly enough, one of Trent's leather jackets neatly folded up. He put the jacket on, feeling the comfort of the leather around his knees, and searched in it's pockets, producing a key. He took the key and opened up the box, taking out the only things in it before putting the empty box in his jacket pocket.
“What was in there?” Geoff asked him.
Trent was tempted to reply it was none of his business, but the boy had been kind to him so far. He held up in one hand a seemingly large amount of credits, and in the other he held what appeared to be a locket. It was a cross with a circle in it. Geoff could make out a hinge on the circle, implying it could be opened.
“How did they survive the crash?” Geoff asked, again.
“Well, it was mostly the box” Trent replied, “This baby can stand pretty much any amount of heat and force. I won it in a poker game actually. It's where I keep my most prized possessions”. He held up the money and locket again, to show what he meant.
“Money is one of your most valuable possessions?”
Trent smirked and put the items in his pockets before answering. “Not quite. Let's just say that this isn't the first time a ship has been destroyed on me. This money here is enough to buy me a new ship in an emergency, and allow me to go back out into the stars. Those are my most valued possessions” he said with a far off look in his eyes as he looked up at the ceiling.
“What about the locket?”
Trent looked back down, not quite meeting Geoff's eyes as his face darkened. He looked almost sad. “That was given to me by someone who was once very close to me. I'll never forget her, and I'll never give this up either.”
Geoff frowned, and looked at him apologetically. “I'm sorry”, he said.
Trent smiled and hit him playfully in the chest.
“No harm done kid. I just wish I had more clothes, can't exactly go out in these now can I?” he pointed down at his strange ensemble of a surgeon's gown with a leather jacket over it.
Geoff laughed and remembered that there was a lost and found that might have something in it.
“I think I might know where to get you some clothes, just come with me and we'll see what we can do”. He walked towards the door and motioned for Trent to follow him.
“A'ight then”, Trent said, walking out the door and down the corridor with Geoff. As they were walking Geoff suddenly realised something.
“Say, just how did you survive that autopsy? And being stuck in that freezer. And that crash actually, I've seen the pictures, it was pretty brutal.”
Without breaking his stride Trent nonchalantly answered “Well what do you think happened? Isn't it obvious I just can't die?”
That stopped Geoff in his tracks.
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That's right folks. You may have guessed it by now, but the other person I originally wanted to thank for their part in this story is Henry. He gave me the idea of writing an immortal character who is happy with his life.

43 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Thanks, you know you don't have to keep linking your new blog right? I already follow it :P

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  2. Happy immortals are rare, pretty neat!
    But, the leather jacket reaches all the way to his knees?

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    1. You've clearly never heard of a leather trenchcoat, the kind Neo wore. I didn't want one of those so I gave him a 3/4 one. They do exist.


      Even if they don't they exist in a thousand years!

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  3. keep it coming! Imagine being immortal, that would honestly kick ass.

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  4. Oh my... some teaser that. Reminds me a little of Heroes.

    Is this a novella you're writing? Sorry if you've already mentioned it and I missed it:/

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    1. This is a novella/novel. Depends how long I can make it last. I'm posting it week by week to keep me up to date on writing it and so that if I decide to sell it, people can get a good idea of what they're getting themselves in for. I choose to believe there would be people who would buy it to support me even though they can read it all for free.

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  5. Very cool, indeed. Although I'm starting on the 3rd chapter, I was immediately enveloped in the storyline. The only thing I would change is to make the jacket a duster, but that's a trivial matter. I'm now going to read the other chapters in backwards order.

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    1. I think I'll get into why it's a jacket like that a little later. I only really realised myself just what I turned him into.

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  6. Everybody likes political rage.

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  7. Interesting story, kinda reminds me of Baccano where a few characters are immortal and they are the only few that know how to destroy/kill each other. Looking forward to the rest.

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    1. So far Trent is the only immortal, there's even some backstory as to why that is. But things can and do change. When I started writing I had NO backstory ha.

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  8. being immortal would be awesome.

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    1. I get into more detail on that one later.

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  9. This is very well done Mark. You're definitely a writer. This flows really well and got me interested enough to want to know more. Also I just read your post from yesterday. It was great. I wanted to ask you if you're aware of what the group called anonymous did? They shut down websites for the FBI, The Department of Justice, The Whitehouse, Universal Studios, The Recording Artists of America and about half a dozen others. I'd write a post about it, but here's the weird thing. I left a comment on a page about it last night and within 5 minutes I had 328 pageviews. This had to have come through a filter that the US govt. has set up for key words. And you're not being paranoid in your post, you're absolutely spot on.

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    1. Well thank you so much for both things :) I had noticed that, I've never been more proud of our internet champions. I've also seen people thanking them for that. They had treasured memories stored on Megaupload that were stolen from them. They'll never see those pictures again. But again, thank you for the kind words, and for being aware.

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  10. You are welcome for the inspiration, sir.

    Why was there a safety deposit box instead of a small safe? How did the leather jacket and key survive the crash? What if the key had fallen out of the jacket somewhere? Wouldn't an impervious safe with a combination lock be more secure? Or, since this is the future, maybe a biometric scanner.

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    1. He does have a huge vault somewhere that we'll get to later. I really just thought safety deposit box, a small safe may have been better. The safety deposit box is impervious, it can survive a crash, that's how the key and coat survived, as for the rest, PLOT CONVENIENCE! God I love those two words. Or deus ex machina. I can do anything I want and just say it was deus ex machina. Ahhhh. But because I was asked a question. He has spare keys and keeps them in his coats. He keeps a coat in the box with a key in it. He has many many coats. All made of leather. He's a weird guy when you get down to it.

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    2. That's not what 'deus ex machina' means. But if his coat was in the box, how'd he unlock it?

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    3. Well you did make me reread the meaning of deus ex machina and you're right, that doesn't really cover it. If someone else had the key that would probably have counted. I'm going to go with the box has a combination lock. I may have to add that to the story.

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  11. Replies
    1. Thanks, I do too based on what I've written lol.

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  12. If I were immortal I would kill myself.

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  13. Very good dialogue. The reason I suck at dialogues is that I'm not very social. Take inspiration from real-life talk.

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    Replies
    1. I'm not social at all, but I've seen a lot of movies and TV lol.

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  14. Lucky you, my pageviews have been down recently.

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    1. I say pander. To be fair I was talking about something everyone is talking about. Had I done the post on boobs and put boobs on it, I imagine my pageviews would have been through the roof.

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  15. Being immortal and autopsied must suck :\

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    1. It does but don't worry he wasn't awake, I get to that later.

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  16. Surgeon gowns paired with leather jackets are totally in this season.

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  17. Trent sounds like one interesting fella. Could you add a link to previous chapters though? I missed chapter 1

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    1. I will start linking to past chapters from now don't worry. Someone else brought it up too and I was all like "Hey that's not a bad idea."

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  18. Nice use of dramatic irony (thank you English teachers for learning me up so good) with your immortal character.

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    1. I'm not too sure I used dramatic irony. It would count if the readers knew he was immortal before he revealed it to Geoff but they may have drawn their own conclusions he was given how he "survived" what he did. I guess it counts actually.

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