Tuesday, 13 December 2011

Masculinity And Me

The other day (I'm using "the other day" in the sense Ed Byrne does. It could be any time between yesterday, and the end of time) I was called masculine by Jessie. Now, she knows me better than I know myself, she really does, but I've never considered myself all that masculine. Really, what IS masculine? What defines a man? Defining a man is a lot safer than defining a woman, which gets you called sexist, but that's a matter I've already covered.

Here are some things that really "define a man";

A lack of emotion or an unwillingness to show it; Okay I'll admit I have this. I only cry unless I'm seriously pushed, or very upset. I don't talk about my feelings at all, but I don't talk about much out loud. The main way Jessie knows so much about me is that we talk online a lot. I'm willing to write a lot more than I'm willing to say. I've been fairly open in this blog but I'd be nowhere near like this IRL. Is this masculine though? I don't see it that much. I see it more as a fear of ridicule or being hurt. Fair enough, the main reason guys never share their feelings IS a fear of ridicule, but I never hang out with guys anyway. I have nothing to fear from a load of guys calling me a woman.

Glorifying of violence/aggression; I can kind of do this, but only in games and movies. I want to be able to fight myself sure, but only for protection, it's not like I'm going to go round punching people. Though I've said before that "I don't start fights because I know I'll never win." I do try to use words to sort things out when I can. Again, not totally masculine there.

Loving sports; Nope. Hate 'em. Though I am willing to watch football to spend time with my brother. Though that IS masculine. Pretending to like sports. Women make eachother suffer emotionally by destroying them, we make other guys pretend to like sports.

Bravery/courage; Well, I have it deep down. There is nothing I will not do for someone I care about if pushed. But to talk much more would be incredibly mushy. Suffice to say I do have bravery down there somewhere, and it could do with making some more appearances.

Lack of care about appearance/slobbish behaviour; Okay I have myself this. I shave maybe once every two months, but I barely grow facial hair either. I don't take much care of myself because I don't really have much pride in my appearance, I don't like too much how I look.

One thing you may or may not have noticed about me is that I do downplay my masculinity, and overhype my femininity. Hell I did it a lot in this post. This post is about doing that. I'm not really sure why I do, I just do. Maybe it is because I barely interact with guys. Maybe I am masculine, maybe not. I do know though that I'm pretty sure I'm not transgender. I know people who are and to say I am would feel like an insult to them, I know I'm not like them. I mean that in an as least offensive as possible way.

How about you guys? What do you think makes a man?


  1. @The Angry Lurker Never seen one but my stepdad loves them and he's one of the manliest guys I know. I'm inclined to agree with you.

  2. Nah.
    Definitely not.
    A little.
    Some, not to the point of looking like a hobo.

    Guess I'm not very manly, then?

  3. @Fang You're young, you have time to man up.

  4. I'd say sports is up there and not being afraid of spiders.

  5. @Copyboy Hmm, not I'm not big with spiders. I think I am going to have to get over that lol.

  6. According to the first two points on this list I'm masculine too ;) I love gory films etc and am bad at communicating my feelings unless I write them down

    I'd say personally that what makes a man is the ability to be yourself and to stand up for what you believe in.. which I'm pretty sure is what you do in this blog.. so i agree with jessie! x

  7. @Charlotte My kinda gal. I'm not that great at that, but everyone knows I play EVERYTHING down. There are still things I won't say or do on here though, I'm not 100% myself. Girls can be themselves too.

  8. I am a man.
    I share my feelings and cry when sad. How can I still be a man? You said men don't cry! Well you also said men don't show there emotions out of fear of ridicule! Boys don't show there emotions out of fear of ridicule! Men either don't have emotions or show them when ever they want to cause they don't give a shit what others think! I always show my emotions! Sure I don't have a lot of emotions on lots of subjects, but living a harsh life and being a loner not much bothers me! When I think of kids who don't get a lot of food and go to bed hungry I don't feel sad for them: I relate! Its tough but you get over the feelings of hunger and a world that doesn't care and realise in the end: Thats how life can be sometimes! And you grow!
    So many men can often seem distent or emotionless but thats cause they lived tough lives or have tough jobs! When you come home from a day of moving furniture where your entire body aches from the work and you had to deal with assholes all day, the problems that may arise later while dealing with your girlfriend can seem lame and unimportant!
    Its like in the movie Fight Club where the narrator says: After fighting the everything else gets the volume turned down!
    But as for actual fighting! Its not as harsh as going to bed hungry as a kid or moving furniture for a living! Fighting can be fun! (most people who start fights can't fight that well!) I've won over half the fights I've been in and all the fights I've started! Yay! Nothing is better then the look on some assholes face and your swinging your fist to hit them!

    (p.s. Fuck sports)

  9. @Bersercules There is that too, the difference between boys and men. Sometimes I think I was never a little boy, one day as a kid I just pulled my man pants up. I won't try to deny I've had it rough but I also won't try to play up how rough I've had it. A lot of my problems stem from the past that just won't go away and die like I want it to. I think you make some excellent points. There are women that don't show emotion, and even ones that get into scraps.

  10. A lack of emotion? I dunno.. Maybe? But I think it's more manly to accept your emotions, embrace your feelings.. than to act behind a facade.

    Glorifying of violence/aggression? NO. Just because you're in a lot of fistfights, doesn't mean you're a man.

    Loving sports? Maybe. I know a lot of REAL men who aren't into sports..

    Bravery/courage? Yes.. but it really depends.. hmm..

    Lack of care about appearance? I know a lot of REAL men who are pretty vain. To go out to the world, acting like you don't give a shit about how you look, it's not cool.

    So.. what makes a man?

    Well, a real man respects his body, his principles, his family and his woman. :) My opinion.

  11. Yeah girls can be themselves as well.. but I think being true to yourself is what makes you a man OR a woman, depending on which you are.

    I really don't think macho movies make a man, or that make up and clothes shopping makes a woman..

    ..Either way, I think you're cool lol xx

  12. @Leah and it's a good one too :) A man fights like I do, to protect.

    @Charlotte hehe well thank you, that's very sweet :) I think being true to yourself just makes a person. It makes you who you really are, because you're being yourself.

  13. Don't you mean between yesterday and the *beginning* of time?

    Don't be sexist. Bitches hate that. \(ºヮº)/

    Well, all of those things you just put out there are pretty stereotypical. That probably means you're gonna be a'ight flouting them.

  14. I actually don't know what makes a man man since well I'm a woman :P But I honestly don't think that if you don't cry or show any form of emotion, that doesn't make you a man or masculine. Though I admit, seeing men/boys cry makes me a tad uncomfortable.

  15. @Mark Wait! Do you think I'm playing up how rough my life has been? I was using that as an example not trying to seem like some moody bitch!
    Most of the people I've known who get accused of being unemotional are people who've had it tough and therefor only get emotional at certin things! I added my own expereinces to my point cause I wanted to show where my knowledge comes from! So you'd know it was legit and not me guessing about things I've seen others go through! (though my knowledge on the subject grew as I would often talk to my furniture moving co-workers about life issues! And there are many out there who have had it worse! like abused as kids worse!)
    Also, I'd like to hear about how bad your life has been! Sometimes it is good to talk about this kind of stuff! (you know my email address!)
    oh and when problems won't die it might be cause your mind still wants you to think on them and learn from them!

  16. *Thumps chest* Ogg like beer, women and and can pee straight standing up.

  17. Smoke Marlboro.

  18. @Henry Yes I meant that but no one else pointed it out >_> I'm not sexist nah. I'm just not a stereotypical guy really.

    @Bersercules Yeah well I wish my brain would shut up sometimes. I'm fine with not talking about it, I've talked about things with other people enough, but thanks for the offer man. I don't think you're likely to exaggerate or play up what's happened to you no. You're a pretty cool guy, you know, for a guy.

    @Ipenka lol that is the stereotype of a stereotypical man.

    @My 2 Pesos Don't drink or smoke. Though the main reason I don't drink is because I can't afford to.

  19. Now I don't even know what defines a human being. :/ There are only wild animals in the world.

  20. @Interwebs Fails I might claim to be male but I've never claimed to be human :P

  21. Hmmm that's a tough one (partly cos this cold medicine is making my brain fuzzy hehe) I don't think playing sports or not crying makes you manly though! What about being kind and considerate are they not considered manly? I tend to shy away from boxing people up in certain stereotypes O_o (a result of my parents hippy upbringing i guess!)

    Manliness aside I fully agree with Charlotte, you seem like such a genuine, nice guy :) xx

  22. I'm disappointed by the lack of Wolverine in this post :P

    He's a man.

  23. And look at me forgetting to subscribe to comments again!

  24. Same here cant stand watching sports, playing them with friend is fun but just sitting there watching it doesnt work for me.

  25. @Tilly kindness and consideration towards women, ie chivalry, can be considered a male trait. I doubt there is anyone who lives up to every stereotype associated with them though :)

    @Heaven. This really was a great chance to include Wolverine that has gone to waste. I can only apologise.

    @JDC I can sit and play on sports games with my brother endlessly lol. Not a very athletic person, so irl? Not so likely, though I used to be not too bad at basketball.

  26. I always hated the concept of machoism. Mainly because of the "men" that would take it too seriously. Like the people who freak out when an adult male watches a cartoon like Spongebob.

  27. Not really a concern for me as I try and break and defy as many norms as possible. :P

  28. There are many characteristic to makes a really man.

  29. To be a man you must have honor.

    Honor and a penis.

  30. Would you offer to lift heavy stuff for me and change a tyre if I needed you to?

    That is what makes a man for me.

  31. In my book to be a man you need a penis. Anything else is flavor text. I hate watching sports, I rather play them. Oddly this doesn't seem to apply to E-Sports where watching is ok by my book.

  32. @Adam I watch Spongebob and My Little Pony. This has killed most of my claim to being a man.

    @DWei Same here really. Normal is boring.

    @Marco Walter There are way too many, I doubt anyone fits into all of them.

    @Shaw I'll agree with you on honour, but I know someone with a penis who insists she's female (and will soon be female actually, yay her)

    @Mynx I can't change a tire :( My dad showed me how to do it once, I can probably do it if pushed. As for heavy things, I'm not that strong on the physical side but I'd be willing to give it a go. Basically for you a man is strong and dependable, two characteristics that are usually associated with guys, and two that aren't really associated with me.

    @R.gers Again, know someone with a penis that
    disagrees. We live in a world where even your sexual organs don't define your sex anymore.

  33. I hate really macho guys. The sort that screams at the television when their sports team is on etc.

    I think it's more important to be a gentleman: opening doors, ladies first sorta thing. So much nicer.

  34. @Hazel Well, macho I ain't, but gentleman I definitely am :)


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