Thursday, 15 December 2011

Another Short Story

Okay it took way to long, but here, at last, is the short story I said I would write for Fang. He originally asked for a 666 word story about something creepy. Me, being anal, said I would write a 616 word story, as this is the actual number of the beast. At least as far as I know. Now, I don't know why I put it off for so long, but part of it was that I just couldn't really come up with anything creepy. Not a horror fan myself despite all the times I've stayed up until 3 or 4AM reading scary stories, then proceeding to not want to sleep. It's hard to write about something you can't get behind. Anyway, enough stalling, here's your story. I wrote it out in 20 minutes (over Twitter Fang assured me this was nothing special) so I make no claims on quality, or actual creepiness.


“Come on, hurry up” Sam yelled to Max, not stopping on his way to a cave he spotted a few days ago and was keen to explore.

“I'm coming” replied an exasperated Max, running out of breath.

Eventually though they both made it there. Pulling out their torches, they carefully made their way inside, shining the lights about. Sam was disappointed that it seemed to be just a regular cave, deep enough for there to be a dark part, but it didn't get much deeper than that.

Max relaxed against a wall of the cave, catching his breath and relaxing because there was nothing there.

“There's nothing here”, He said. “Can we head back now?”.

Sam sighed and sat on the ground.

“I was so sure there was more to this place...” he started before laying on his back.

He felt something move under his head and sat up gasping, and heard a low rumbling.

“The wall's moving!”, Max shouted, moving besides Sam.

Sam shushed him, and moved his torch around the walls. They were indeed moving. He looked at the entrance and couldn't see it any more, and realise it wasn't the walls that were moving, it was the floor.

He tried to keep a brave face up for Max, but he knew he was scared too.

After a minute or two the floor stopped, although the rumbling was still going on. They saw a new path they could go down. With little choice they decided to go down it.

Max was keeping as close to Sam as he could. The path was fairly straight with no split paths at all. They were starting to think it wasn't naturally made at all, and wondered what they were going to find at the end.

They came to an opening at last, and saw something they never thought they would. It was an underground spring, and even more amazingly, they saw grass and trees, it was like an underground forest, but they noticed there were no animals in sight.

The rumbling was still there, and it seemed louder now. Sam climbed a tree to see what he could see, if there was anything noteworthy. After he climbed up he had a look around, but couldn't really see anything but a high ledge with what looked another cavern, but he couldn't make out what was there.

They went to have a look where the ledge was and saw that they could climb the wall. Max decided to stay at the bottom though, where he felt safe. Sam left him be and climbed up.

A few minutes later Max heard a loud scream followed shortly by a roar before both were silenced almost as quickly as they started. Max ran off the way he came, screaming himself. He heard another roar and looked behind him to see something huge, scaly and red looking at him. He thought it was a dragon, but he didn't want to believe it. He just kept running as fast as he could back to where they started, and searched frantically for whatever it was that made the floor move so he could escape.

He heard what seemed to be laughter following him, as the dragon took slow, deliberate steps towards him. When it reached him, it swallowed him whole in one gulp. When it was in the middle where Sam and Max first came down, it spread it's wings and flew up. It knew that once you were down, there was no way back up unless you could fly, and it had been too long since it had last had a good meal, and flew under the sun.

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It just hit me this is actually the second creepy story I've written.

Edit I noticed a mistake and corrected it, the word count is exactly the same.

28 comments:

  1. Sam and Max. You mean the Freelance Police guys?

    Read all the dialogue in their voices regardless.

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  2. @DWei Actually I know them from a random kids show, and that was the only names I could think of. Well they were the first I thought of and then I couldn't get them out of my head.

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  3. That's not a bad story, I thought the number of the beast was 333?

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  4. @The Angry Lurker It's 616 as far as I know, but there's a good chance no one knows for sure.

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  5. I don't like scary movies too.. But this creepy story I enjoyed. Although I'm sad max and sam did not survived. :(

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  6. @Mayen NO SURVIVORS! Though I do admit if they HAD survived, they could have warned people about the dragon, which could have increased the overall fear of everyone, but without them surviving the dragon still has the element of surprise, and has more of a chance to get a decent meal. But thanks for the kind words :)

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  7. I like the story! But given your love of dragons it seems like more a fun dragon story then a creepy story!
    When you wrote a 200 word story I commented with a 200 word response. I wont do that here!
    Different bibles say it differently but from what I recall: The number of the beast, is the number of man, and the number of man is six hundred three score and six!
    (which is six hundred and sixty six)
    But as I look in my new bible I see its different then it was in my old bible! So I guess only Jehovah knows!

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  8. Great story, however, as Bersercules said, I don't see it so much as a scary story because of the dragon. I like dragons. So I think a dragon eating two humans is pretty bad ass.

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  9. I always thought the number of the beasts was 666.

    Anyway, not a bad story! Wasn't expecting a dragon!

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  10. Wheres your 200th post? Is this it?

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  11. Were you really too much of an ass to not write 50 more words? Bluh.

    But you make it sound like there was a natural light source in the spring, cave, whatever. Was there?

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  12. Great story Mark but why was the dragon evil?!

    Dragons are majestic, wise and intelligent! Not hungry for human flesh :P

    Lol well that's my belief anyway!

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  13. I liked the concept of the story but I think your prose could use a little work.

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  14. Hey, what happened to the '200th post' post?

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  15. Also, it seems now you're only at 199.

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  16. @Bersercules There's also a theory that it was a particular man, and that his name in a numerical form (or something) would be 666. It is true that I couldn't very well have the dragon die, maybe I'll explore them again some day, but like I said I make no claims of creepyness. Though it was supposed to be creepy it was one of the only ideas I could think of.

    @ABFTS Don't forget him going on to eat many many more. Ahhhhh, God I love dragons. I could have thought of something creepier but I was also trying to make it about the suspense, more the "Holy shit what's going on here?"

    @Workingdan I think the people who've been here a while might have been lol. There are disputes on what the number actually is, but 666 is usually the given one.

    @Bersercules (again) This was post 199, I did my maths wrong. 200 is coming tomorrow.

    @Fang I did, and that is something I forgot to address. With another 50 words I probably could have lol. Hell that could have made it creepier, to have things reflecting the light from the dragons flame and then the guys wondering where the light was coming from.

    @Hazel No I believe that too, so I guess I owe you an apology lol. But when you've lived in a cave a lot, and some guys interrupt your nap, you're going to be pissed and hungry. I don't think dragons are inherently evil though. I think maybe that's something that went wrong here, I couldn't allow myself to make the dragon truly evil.

    @Film Geek Bastard Indeed, one of the reasons I take all challenges is to improve myself :) Hell just in the comments alone I've managed to work out some things that could have made this better.

    @Henry My 200th post was accidentally my 199th post. The same thing happened with my 100th post, it was a day after I thought it was. Somehow my math just doesn't work on blogger. Expect it tomorrow.

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  17. @Mark Some people (and I agree) think the 666 or DCLXVI is the way it is cause in Roman numarals (which where the numbers used back when the bible was writen) when listed (exept M for a 1000 which might have not been used often) read DCLXVI which is one of every letter used to make all munbers. Like if today you wrote 1234567890. You'd be listing all the numbers not saying the number one trillion two hundred and thirtyfour million five hundred and sixtyseven thousand eight hundred and ninty!
    So it might be a miss translation! The bible does get translated and changed a lot!

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  18. BRB, going to hell to ask for the actual number.

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  19. @Bersercules Kinda makes it hard to believe that it's the word of God when it gets changed so much. Anyway, I don't really have that much of an opinion, I've never really found out why people say 616 instead of 666. I just felt like being a smartass.

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  20. @My 2 Pesos Be sure to tell us what it is!

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  21. Isn't the number of the beast Rosie O'Donnell's waist size?

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  22. @Al Surely it's her phone number?

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  23. I like the story! So, interesting! Make it more suspense. Hehehe!

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  24. What's with you and creepy stories?

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  25. @Marco Walter Hard to build up suspense with a small amount of words, but I did try to.

    @Shaw I read them a lot when I know I shouldn't, but this time I wrote it because Fang asked me to. I'll write pretty much anything people ask me to.

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