Tuesday, 15 November 2011

How Old Is Too Old?

One of Britain's oldest mothers (or possibly our actual oldest mother) has called for 50 to be the eldest that a woman should be given IVF treatment to have a baby. She had one at 59, and she's 61 now. It kicked up quite a fuss when she did it, as over here we have no actual regulations on IVF. We just have guidelines. You can get IVF on the NHS up to age 40, and up to age 50 if you go private, but people bend the rules, and patients lie. Presumably it was just someone bending the rules for the 59 year old woman to have one.

She's said now that she was in fact too old to have a baby, and it's really hitting her that she won't really get to be there for her daughter. She might not see her get married, or have kids of her own, and when you're that old, it's hard to take care of a child. As such, like I said earlier, she's called for the limit to be 50.

Not being a woman, this is kind of a touchy subject for me, and I really hope none of my female readers come after me with rusty spoons to gouge out my heart and feed it to me, but I think that 50 might be a bit much. IVF is mostly for people who are infertile, not for women who missed their body clock and missed out on their chance. Sure, if a woman isn't too far past her menopause, then it's not such a bad thing, but there is a time when it's just too old.

Don't think of just yourself, but also of the unborn child. Ask yourself if you can really take care of the kid, if you can really be there for it, if you can really take care of it, and how unfair it could be if you died while it was still fairly young, and possibly still quite dependant on you. I say this as someone who is heavily dependant on my parents (mostly to my chagrin).

I think there should be actual regulations on IVF, but is even 50 too old?

By the way, the woman says that one of the main reasons that she's having trouble is that her husband left her, and that really the kid is probably what broke the relationship. I don't know if she's saying that, but others are.

38 comments:

  1. I believe 50 is even too old as well....possibly 40 maybe?

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  2. I guess the age is only a objective measurement of the incremental risks to have a child for the organism, each person organism is different but the age can tell you an aproximate age where the % of risks are higher, that doens't mean you cannot do it, just is more risky, at th end of the day everyone make his own decisions.

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  3. I had my last child at 31 naturally and I feel old sometimes having to deal with teenagers now. I think 50 is too old really. You would be lucky to have the kids out of school before retirement age.
    45 I think is a better upper limit, for the mother and child

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  4. I agree with you Mark.
    While I do feel for women who are unable to have children, I think that if you have a problem then you shouldn't leave looking at other solutions until you are too old to have one naturally anyway.
    There is a reason why our bodies stop being fertile past a certain age, in fact fertility drops off before we even get to the menopause, and nature does know best.
    I have a couple of friends who had their first child around 40, albeit naturally, and they seemed to struggle more then those of us that did it younger. One in particular - she was a proper career woman before, the most up together of all my friends, became a mum at 41 and went to pieces.
    It's not just about the state of your ovaries it's also about levels of energy and patience, and teenagers are expensive things- hard to afford on a pension.

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  5. @The Angry Lurker I'm thinking maybe a compromise at 45, and it more than likely depends on the woman. If she's fit and healthy and seems like she could handle a child, then it's a possibility.

    @Orang3 Age isn't the only factor that should be taken into consideration no, but it is a major one. It's also about how long the parent is going to be with the child.

    @Minx My mum had her oldest naturally after you did, she was still born but they thankfully managed to revive her. But it was a wake up call for my mum that she could never have another child again, nor does she want one. I think 45 would make a good upper limit.

    @Dirtycowgirl I wasn't that hard to afford lol. I think a career woman should accept that she probably isn't going to have children, or that she isn't going to raise it properly, then have it early and get it a nanny or something. My dad was about 40 when he had me, my mum was 10 years younger, but they were both pretty full of energy, so I was raised quite well, it's things beyond their control that messed me up lol. Nature does know best, and you should listen when she's kicking you in the reproductive organs.

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  6. She had IVF but was it pre-menopause? I guess it would have to be, but Im not doctor. It sounds weird I guess but as long as its pre-monopause then biologically I guess she is entitled to it if she can afford it.

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  7. 50 sounds too old to me as well. Maybe 40 would be better.

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  8. @JDC She was in her fifties, there was pretty much no chance it was pre-menopausal. If it was, then I'll agree.

    @Kathy S I think we should just let mother nature decide with her evil menopause :)

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  9. My mum is 46 and the thought of having another kid now sounds awful to her lol.

    I don't want to have kids in my forties or fifties - that's the time for relaxing and enjoying being able to talk to your children as young adults. Not running around after them! Heck, I want kids before I'm thirty lol!

    P.s that energy saving thing is really annoying :(

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  10. @Hazel It's annoyed me a little bit too, I'll change it up a bit. It doesn't count writing a comment as using the blog lol. I think thirty is a pretty good age to have kids. You're getting older, and you're still young enough to be there for quite a lot of your kids life. Hell if you live long enough you could live to see your kids retire :P

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  11. I never think of having a baby myself :) I'm too irresponsible and I don't think I can be a good mom also..so, whatever..

    and anyway, yeah, about old thingy..Idk how old is too old because they have this saying that women's life begins @40 =), so for me, it depends on how she thinks or perceive things, or how positive she could be..right? idk..ugh! hahaha!

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  12. one would think that someone who has been on the planet for 50 revolutions would be smart enough to realize that putting that kind of stress on a 5 decade old body is a bad idea

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  13. Fifty sounds old to me, but I'm 25 and I think 25 sounds pretty old too.

    I feel bad for this lady, but I feel even worse for that child. No one really considered it when they went into this whole thing, huh?

    Lor

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  14. @Mai Yang I think it does also depend on a bit more than age. I've been told I'd make a good dad, even if I don't believe it, so maybe you'd make a decent mother :) But it's good you know you aren't ready for a baby.

    @Aamador Wisdom does not always come with age. Stupidity can too.

    @Lorraine 25 is pretty young still. 25 is a reasonable age to have a kid. I don't think she was thinking too much of the kid at the time no, but some people were, it's one of the reasons everyone made such a huge fuss.

    Plus people enjoy making a fuss.

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  15. have kids while you're young, 30 is my age limit. i want my kids to be my goods friends who i happened to make LOL~ ^_^

    nice post!

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  16. I do think 50 is a little old. The mother has to think about their child, and whether she can raise him/her in the best possible way. And after 50 there can be health problems and such.
    This is a big decision and she should have thought about it properly.
    But then again, it's HER body, her choice. People have done worse things :P
    Still, in my opinion, it was not the right thing to do.

    Very nice post :D

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  17. @Indistinctive Writer 30 is a good age to have kids, but kids need parents, not best friends :) They have school for that. Wait, scratch that, they have internet chatrooms for best friends.

    @PurpleMist She was thinking too much of herself, or at least not enough of the child. I don't think the "It's her body" argument can count here, she had more than enough time to have a kid, nature took away her choice by giving her the menopause.

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  18. 50 is way beyond too old and she did it at 59? I think her mind was the first thing to go in her deteriorating body!

    I think the absolute latest a woman should become pregnant is 42 or so. Definitely not past 45!

    The ideal age would be late 20's to early 30's where the person's body is young enough and they are old enough to reach a certain level of maturity.

    There is a lot of kids having kids these days and it has a negative effect on both mother and child. The mother is held down by the child and can't pursue an education or career. And the child is affected by the irresponsible behavior of a young parent, thus growing up into a problem child or a spoiled brat.

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  19. I have to agree. The oldest for IVF should be early 40s. It's just too tough for older parents. My mother was 42 when she had me and it was tough for her at that age.

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  20. A while back there was someone here well in her seventies who used this method to get a child. Ridiculous, from my point of few.

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  21. @Danjor21 Just like violence begets violence and hatred begets hatred, so too do children beget children. I think 30 is pretty much the best age for having a baby. You've lived enough (hopefully) and should be secure enough to settle down and take care of it properly.

    @George My dad was in his 40's when I was born but I think my mum raised me more, but now I live with him. Odd turn of events.

    @Fang 70's? Please, tell me that's not true. That's...just not right.

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  22. I'm 40. So nope. Doesn't sound old at all.

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  23. Yeah, there's something wrong here. Also, i am seeing ads for IVF on the bottom of the page here. Damn you ads, reading text and stalking us

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  24. Doesn't matter if they're female, they can either use reason or fuck off. Or at least, that's what I feel.

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  25. @Copyboy doesn't sound old to be a person lol, but sounds a bit old to be having babies.

    @Generally Disgruntled Don't you want IVF? I really need to start writing about shit that brings in the ads people want lol. At least I know someone is reading what I write, the ad providers!

    @Henry Reason is something that most people these days seem to lack.

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  26. I couldn't agree more. I got some cousins who's father got them while he was almost 60. He died of a heart attack just recently, leaving them behind before they even reached puberty. The whole ordeal is just sad.

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  27. @Michael That is pretty sad :( Heart attacks can hit at any age though, but still, very sad. I hope they have someone that can look after them, but I'm sure they do.

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  28. I'd rather force a woman to carry my damned offspring. It's poetic.

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  29. @Generally Disgruntled I'm kinda with you there, but I don't advise writing poetry about it.

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  30. i dunno, i think financial and mental stability should be more important. 50? ok if youre healthy but......i dont know.

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  31. @Major.Mack I think if you were really healthy then fifty is considerable, but only very very healthy, and if you have back up plans just in case, like someone who can take care of the child.

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  32. Anything over 30 is really pushing it for kids. The chances of defects and problems really multiplies. Same thing applies for men.

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  33. Too old is when you hit your life expectant whilst your child is still dependent on you.

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  34. To be honest, once you hit menopause that should be it. I'm surprised the body even accepts IVF after menopause, TIL.

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  35. There's no such a thing like "too old".

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  36. @DWei I think if you're over 30 and can't get pregnant they recommend a fertility test because 30 is pretty close to mother natures endgame.

    @My 2 Pesos 40 is old, but it's a lot better than 50

    @Shaw That is a pretty good way to look at it. Except in Japan where the life expectancy is pretty high.

    @R.gers I do wonder a bit about that myself, I guess as long as you stick a fertilised egg in there it can grow, but I don't think the kid is totally hers, I'm not sure the body even produces eggs after the menopause, pretty sure it doesn't.

    @Interwebs Fails there is when it comes to having kids my man.

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